


Online Lifeline

by ToriWritesStories



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, California, Clarke's online friends are like everything to her because she's in the closet, Clexa starts off as online friends, Closeted Clarke, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Internet, Internet Friends, Internet Relationships, Lexa doesn't believe in online friendships let alone relationships, Light Angst, Mild Smut, NO DEATH, Online Friendship, Online Relationship, Online Romance, Secrets, Smut, Then things slowly grow, Twitter, somewhat slow burn, switching POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-09-22 06:55:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 96,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9589712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToriWritesStories/pseuds/ToriWritesStories
Summary: For Clarke, the universe of Twitter is a home, a place where she can be herself without the expectations of her friends and parents, and she keeps it secret for that reason. However, she isn't expecting to meet a couple of people whom she begins to become pretty good friends with, and she definitely doesn't expect to meet Lexa. And Lexa, who is on Twitter really only because her best friend Raven demands it be so, isn't even interested in online friendships at all. That is, until she starts talking to Raven's new friend "C" on Twitter, and finds herself captivated.





	1. The Struggle Is Real

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies!  
> Oh my god, it's been too long!! (It's been 2 weeks since I posted anything guys, that's INSANE! Literally it's the longest I've gone without posting in almost a year...)  
> For those of you who don't know me, hello! I'm Tori! I'm @BrittzandTana on Twitter, I'm going to college in the fall (somewhere?) for computer science, I'm a huge nerd/geek, I love to sing, I'm gay AF and I love to write! Now you know me!  
> This story is probably one of the most different stories I've written, because I've never really been into the whole long distance writing thing. However, as lots of you probably know, I'm all about tweaking the typical plots that lots of stories follow. So yeah, this is a "Clexa meets online" fic, but I'll be trying to make it different, ya feel? If you don't feel it after the first chapter, I would suggest at least waiting one or two more to see if you'll enjoy it. ALSO, Clexa is going to start off as friends in this fic, something else that I don't think I've ever really done since like, Molihua. (whoa) So it's different for me, but I hope you guys will like it anyway!  
> Sooooo without further ado, let's get this thing going!?
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

**@wellitsWells is now following you!**

Clarke’s eyes widened as she read the notification popping up on her phone, which was half tucked away in her backpack. Trying desperately not to fidget, she glared at the time, just a minute away from signaling the end of this ridiculous class. If only that teacher wasn’t basically a hunting dog that could sniff out any electronic device being used.

Why was Wells even on his phone in the middle of the school day? What class was he in right now? How had he gotten her Twitter account?

Biting down on her lip, she stared at her phone even harder, hoping that some sort of popup would appear with a “ **Lol, just kidding!** ” from Twitter, but no such luck. How much time was left in class? Would Wells have time to scroll too far back on her Twitter account? What would he see? What was the last thing she tweeted – what was the last thing that she _retweeted_?

“Miss Griffin,” the firm voice of Mr. Smith demanded, causing her to jump and look away from her phone, “is there something in particular that you’re staring at instead of listening to my lecture, or are you just zoning out again like you must have done during the last quiz?”

There was an amused snort from one end of the classroom, and Mr. Smith didn’t even try to scold whoever it had been to laugh at his comment. Clarke clenched her hand in her lap – she wasn’t quite sure why Mr. Smith hated her so much, but for some reason, she was one of his favorite people to call out.

“Sorry,” she managed to say through her clenched teeth.

“See me after class.”

Clarke’s mouth fell open to protest – she _needed_ to go and block Wells from her Twitter before it was too late – but Mr. Smith was already talking again. It was just twenty seconds later that the bell rang, and Clarke grabbed her phone so fast.

“Miss Griffin – a word, please?”

“Actually, Mr. Smith, I really need to get to English, I have a timed writing today and –“

She was cut off by his glare, which told her that he wasn’t having any of the excuses today. Clenching her teeth, she shoved her phone into her pocket and slung her backpack straps over her shoulders before going to his desk. The rest of the class was filing out, some of them flashing her amused looks, but she ignored them all.

“Yes, sir?” The bitter sarcasm was extremely evident in her voice.

“Look, Clarke, I know it’s the second semester now, and you’re eager for summer vacation, just like everyone else. But you did really well in my class last semester, and now you keep checking out. I expect more from you, Miss Griffin.”

Clarke tapped her foot nervously. “I know, Mr. Smith, but there’s… I just have a lot going on right now.”

“I’m sure.” He exhaled deeply. “Fine, go on to your next class. I expect better on Monday.”

“Of course,” she muttered in response, before swiftly turning on her heel and rushing out of class. Her phone was out of her pocket in seconds, and she scrambled to her Twitter app and blocked her friend from seeing her page. He hadn’t interacted with any of her tweets or retweets, so she hoped that that meant he hadn’t seen anything either.

Exhaling slowly, she pocketed her phone again and headed to English.

“Hey, Clarke, what’s up? You look like you just saw a ghost.” The question came from Octavia, who was looking at her with concern from the desk next to the blonde’s in the back of their English class.

“Mr. Smith was just being an asshole again,” she answered briefly, shaking her hand in dismissal of the issue. “I’m fine, though. Ready for the timed writing?”

“Ha, no.”

* * *

Clarke sat with her knees pulled up to her chest, leaning against one of the huge  trees on the back of campus. She was glad that her dumb school uniform had leggings under the skirt, because or else it would be impossible to sit on the ground at all. Her backpack was sitting at her feet, her phone cradled in her hand. She was facing mostly away from the school and the soccer field, where Octavia was practicing with the team, so that no one could catch a glimpse of the dumb smile that was usually plastered on her face as she scrolled through her Twitter timeline. It wasn’t her fault that she followed a lot of funny people.

She got a text from Wells as she was scrolling, and her heart froze for half a second as she opened it, dreading whatever message it contained.

**Wells – Hey, I followed you on Twitter earlier, but I just went to your page again and it says you blocked me?**

**Clarke – I don’t have a Twitter…?**

It was worth a shot, right?

**Wells – It was the saved Twitter login on your laptop – I saw yesterday when we were doing that online math assignment. Remember? Twitter pulled up on your computer and you switched tabs – but I saw the default login @ and assumed it was yours...**

**Clarke – It’s not, someone else logged in on their Twitter yesterday morning on my laptop to check some poll. If they blocked you, it’s probably a personal account or something.**

**Wells – Really? Who was it?**

**Clarke – Just someone from my first period, you don’t know them.**

**Wells – Okay. You should get a Twitter, though, it’s fun.**

**Clarke – Maybe one day lol. See you later Wells.**

Clarke exhaled slowly, because although she wasn’t sure that Wells was entirely convinced, she was sure that he hadn’t seen anything on her timeline that made him suspicious of anything. Switching back to the Twitter app, she checked her default display information on her page. Thankfully, nothing was indicative of the account belonging to _her_. Her icon was a picture of Octavia’s new kitten – but the adorable little thing was as common looking as any other kitten on the internet. Her header was a cheesy quote – it was probably the reason that her follower count was still under two hundred – and her bio was basic enough that any angst-ridden teenage girl could have thought it up. Her location was listed as California, so true but not too specific. Her name was “C” followed by the cat emoji, so someone could argue that the C stood for Clarke – which it did, but she wouldn’t admit that to anyone at this school, let alone Wells. Her username was also not a giveaway, which was entirely intentional. **@princess_blondie** could easily be applied to her, yes, but it wasn’t an alias she had ever used anywhere else.

She sighed in relief again, and then returned to her incessant scrolling.

Half an hour later, she heard her Octavia laugh brightly as she approached. “You might as well be sucked into some other universe when you’re on your phone.” Clarke pulled her gaze away from the bright screen and locked her phone, swallowing thickly.

“Yeah well, not all of us have the ability to kick around a ball for hours – we have to find our entertainment some other way,” Clarke teased, grabbing her backpack as she stood up. “How was practice?”

“It was fine – Monroe was kind of being an asshole, though. What’s new, though, right? You wanna get pizza?”

“How about we go back to my place, you shower, and then we order pizza? I’m not sitting down in public with you smelling like you do right now.”

Octavia smirked. “Alright, fine. I’m using your shampoo, though.”

“Obviously, I didn’t expect you to pull shampoo out of your ass.”

“I can’t believe that people think you’re all quiet and innocent, you’re such a prick,” Octavia exclaimed, all in good fun of course, with a wide smile across her face. “You buying the pizza?”

“I think my dad’s home, so he’ll probably pay for it.”

“Awesome!”

Clarke drove them back to her place, listening to Octavia chatter about Monroe for the whole ride, and upon arrival, she practically shoved her stinky friend into her shower. Only then did she greet Jake Griffin and ask if he would order pizza for her and Octavia. As per usual, he smiled and nodded. Her dad already knew their regular order, so Clarke let him be and went upstairs to her room, waiting for Octavia to be done showering.

As she flopped onto her bed, her default first thing to do was open Twitter on her phone, and that’s exactly what she did.

**@raeraebae is now following you!**

Clarke clicked on the username curiously, finding the page of another girl tagged to be living in California. She didn’t recognize the face in the icon, nor did she know anyone with the listed name – Raven.

When Clarke got the occasional new follower, the first thing she did was try to figure out what had drawn them to her account, so she began stalking this Raven girl’s account to figure out what would have brought her there. They had a couple of mutual following accounts, but it seemed like Raven’s Twitter was used to talk a lot more about her personal life and… _there_ it was. She was dating a girl.

Clarke swallowed somewhat nervously when she found herself looking at pictures of Raven and her apparent girlfriend – a pretty blonde. They looked giggly and fun in all their pictures, and Clarke couldn’t help but smile at them. Raven didn’t have many more followers than Clarke did, but the girl seemed to be a lot more active on the site.

Taking in a breath, she hit the follow button on the girl’s account. Why not? This was her _coping method_ , or whatever, anyway. Why not try to actually get some use out of this Twitter account?

Clarke had realized that she might be somewhat gay – or at least _not straight_ – over the holiday break. Octavia had gone on vacation with her family, and Wells went on his annual family ski trip, so Clarke had been left to hang out with just herself over break. She spent an ungodly amount of time on the internet, and had somehow ended up on some fan site where people wrote stories about fictional couples. It had been entertaining to read some of the stories written for characters she’d seen on a couple of shows, but then she had somehow ended up on what she referred to as the _gay side_ of the site. Despite her default judgment, she couldn’t help but read some of what came up.

And well, it brought up a few questions.

It also led her to the _gay side_ of YouTube, which got her invested in a couple of YouTube channels. She found herself wanting to follow them on other social media platforms, and Twitter seemed like the easiest one to get and make without having people she knew in real life find it. And now here she was, with 178 – 179 now – followers on Twitter. It felt like the only place that she could even acknowledge homosexual things without being judged.

It was nice, having this space, but sometimes it still stressed her out when she realized that if anyone got on her phone and clicked on this app, the entire hidden part of her life would be revealed. The earlier incident with Wells was already a close enough call – Clarke wasn’t going to let _anyone_ ever see her phone, nor would she allow anyone to go on her computer. She’d make up some other reason to be so protective later, but for now, all she knew was that she couldn’t risk it. What if people at school found out – or what if her parents found out? She had no idea how they would react. They did live in California, but even people in a liberal state could be not so liberal, especially in the neighborhood Clarke unfortunately lived in. She went to the most conservative private school in the whole surrounding area – and honestly, she was just thankful that it wasn’t a Catholic school or something.

Her parents were definitely a concern, but the school itself was also a major issue. Being a private school, they could basically kick her out for any “worthy” reason, and this school had a history of inventing reasons when they ran into a bad student. If word got out that she was gay to some extent, and she became a major gossiped about student, it was very possible that that would happen to her. Then her parents’ money would have been wasted, and she could already see her mom getting so worked up over that. Not to mention that Clarke already wasn’t the most popular at school – and even that’s an understatement. Wells was her childhood friend, mostly just because their parents were friends, and Octavia had been friends with her since middle school. They were an unlikely pair, too, since Octavia was into sports and had lots of friends. Clarke was mostly known for getting called out by Mr. Smith and being a bit of a recluse.

Sighing, she refocused her gaze on her phone, the screen of which had dimmed in the brief moment. Tapping it lightly, she realize that she had a new mention.

**@raeraebae: @princess_blondie yo is that cat in ur icon urs? If so – gimme ur address so I can come steal it!!**

Clarke crinkled her nose in amusement as she replied.

**@princess_blondie: @raeraebae no, it’s my friend’s. also, I know better than to give out my address on here – you could be a crazy murderer.**

**@raeraebae: @princess_blondie that’s ok, just give me ur friend’s address :-)**

**@princess_blondie: @raeraebae haha you wish!**

“Clarke, can you grab me a towel?” Clarke jumped at the call from her friend, locking her phone and dropping it on her bed.

“Yup!”

* * *

“Ugh, I can’t believe this guy,” Octavia muttered, drawing a confused look from the blonde. It was nearing three in the morning, and Clarke and Octavia were sprawled across Clarke’s bed, on their phones. Clarke was on Twitter, perfectly angled so that Octavia couldn’t see her phone screen, and Octavia was… well, Clarke wasn’t exactly sure.

“What guy?”

“This guy on the boys’ soccer team started texting me last week – remember I mentioned that? He’s been nice to talk to and like, kinda sweet and flirty, and we made plans for tomorrow night. Apparently, however, he has something better to do all the sudden, but he won’t _tell me_ what it is,” Octavia huffed out. “Fuck this, we haven’t even hung out in person since we started texting, I deserve better. If he doesn’t want to go out, we won’t get out. I don’t fucking care.”

Clarke tried not to snicker at the comment, looking back down at her phone. “Yeah, fuck him.”

“Where the fuck are all the _good_ guys at this dumb prep school?” Octavia growled. “Is it like a rule that all the guys at private schools have to be assholes?”

Clarke laughed at her friend now, and though Octavia flashed her a halfhearted glare, she knew that her friend wouldn’t be mad. “You’re crazy, Octavia, and you’re _awesome_. Any guy would be lucky to date you, and that’s why you’re picky – because you know that a guy like that does _not_ deserve you.”

Octavia smiled sweetly, the anger disappearing from her face. “Aww, what a sweet bestie you are. What are you doing over there?”

Clarke quickly double tapped the home button on her phone, switching apps over to her backup plan. “Reading these dumb news articles that are total bullshit.”

“Like what?”

“’Man Claims That Aliens Are Abducting Him Biweekly For Regular Biological Tests,’” Clarke read aloud, rolling her eyes.

“People are weird, but so are you. Why do you read that shit? You could be doing _literally_ anything else.” Clarke just shrugged, switching back to Twitter as Octavia looked back at her phone. “Well, I’m gonna call it a night. Be right back, I’m gonna pee.”

Clarke nodded and Octavia scrambled up off the bed. Blue eyes stayed trained on her Twitter feed. It was getting pretty slow, probably because it was so late, but a few of the people she followed were still tweeting and retweeting things.

**@raeraebae: In desperate need for a cat to replace my bitch of an ex-girlfriend, pls and thx**

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, clicking on Raven’s profile again and scrolling down her page. All the pictures of two couple were still up, but the last one _was_ from a few days ago, so she supposed it went bad sometime in between now and then. Probably before Raven even followed Clarke.

She felt like she should reply to the tweet – she wasn’t sure why, but she felt like she should.

**@princess_blondie: @raeraebae go visit some dark alleyways – there are always cats to rescue hiding in dark alleyways**

**@raeraebae: @princess_blondie uh I’m not looking to get shanked, but thx, I’m still bitter u won’t gimme ur friend’s cat**

**@princess_blondie: @raeraebae sorry, she’d kill me if I gave her away, even if it is to as good a cause as yours**

**@raeraebae: @princess_blondie at least you can recognize the validity of my need, lol, the struggle is real**

“You going to be on your phone all night? And if so, can I turn the light out anyway?” Octavia mumbled as she abruptly exited the bathroom, causing Clarke to jump slightly.

“No, I’m gonna sleep,” Clarke assured her friend, locking her phone and plugging it in on her nightstand.

Octavia hit the light switch and then climbed back into Clarke’s bed, where the blonde was already making herself comfortable. “You okay today, C? You seem a little quieter than normal – like you are around people who _aren’t_ your best friend.”

The smile that appeared on Clarke’s face was definitely forced, but if Octavia noticed, she didn’t comment. “I’m fine, just tired I guess. Goodnight, O.”

“Yeah, goodnight.”

* * *

“You know, we _could_ go get drunk instead of stuffing ourselves with this shit. At least that results in pretty much just one night and day of feeling like shit instead of fifteen extra pounds,” Lexa huffed, looking down at the tub of ice cream that she was embarrassingly far into. Her best friend Raven, however, was even further into hers.

“But anywhere we go to get drunk, _she’ll_ be there,” Raven groaned.

Lexa released a long sigh – she was about ready to hunt down Rachel and give the girl a piece of her mind. Not just for the ice cream issue, but for breaking Raven’s heart. Raven would never let her do that, though, not even if she was hurting so badly. “Can we at least watch something less depressing than this? You _know_ that this movie isn’t making you feel better.”

“It’s not about feeling better, it’s about wallowing for a couple of days before I attempt to make myself feel better,” Raven explained in annoyance. “Come on, Lexa, you haven’t been dumped before, so you can’t understand.”

“Whatever.”

Lexa tried to focus her gaze on whatever movie was playing over Raven’s TV, but then her friend’s phone made the obnoxious tweet noise. Her green eyes refocused on Raven’s face as she checked the notification. “It’s not Rachel, is it?”

“Oh fuck no, I already unfollowed her,” Raven muttered. “You should at least be proud of me for that, by the way.”

Smiling despite herself, Lexa watched her friend curiously as she typed out a response to whatever tweet she’d gotten. “So who’s that?”

“Just some girl I followed today,” Raven replied. “Her account’s really surface level – I don’t even know her name – but her icon is a picture of an adorable cat and I threatened to steal it.”

Lexa snorted. “You have an interesting way of making online friends, Rae.”

“How do you make friends on Twitter, _Lexa_?”

“I don’t – I gain followers. There is a difference.”

“Well yes, but you can’t not be friends with all of your followers. Not all of them _have_ to be your friend, but why wouldn’t you at least try to make some? It’s not like you have a lot in real life.”

“Bitch, I have friends,” Lexa snapped.

Raven grinned at her. “Dude, chill out, I’m messing with you. Can’t help but notice, though, that it’s a bit of a sensitive topic…”

“Raven, we literally have all of the same friends!”

“Yes, except I also have internet friends. And since we’re both short on one friend now, I decided to go make a new one,” Raven said firmly. “Plus, she retweets a lot of funny stuff.”

“I still think you’re weird, Raven.”

Raven shrugged. “Think what you want.” She finally set her phone down and looked at her best friend. “Alright, fine, we can turn off the movie – but you owe me a drunk night tomorrow to replace the second night of ice cream eating that we were _going_ to have.”

“Deal!”


	2. Yeah, So What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's getting bothered by Raven to get back into the whole Twitter thing, but Lexa's pretty sure that meeting and talking to people online is pointless. Clarke's parents are worried about how she's doing in school, and meanwhile, Octavia is busy making her and Clarke Valentine's Day plans. Clarke's life feels all over the place right now, but at least Twitter is a nice, solid spot to land. And she has a new follower!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves! This would have been up earlier today, but well... ugh, I'm probably going to rant about it a little at the end of the bottom note, I don't wanna clog this one. Basically, I'm exhausted and also when rereading this I found a major error that required me to rewrite like three scenes haaaa gotta love that. XD It's because I wrote this chapter in two separate chunks like a week apart from each other lol.  
> Anyway, my laptop died last week - the motherboard's out, so it's literally unusable. Thanks to whatever good powers there are in this universe, my hard drive was fine, and my dad helped me get all of my fanfic data off of it and onto our home server. I'm borrowing one of my mom's old laptops, but I can't take this one with me to school and stuff, which sucks. I write most of my FF at home anyway, but it's still annoying. But yeah, it's all still in one piece, thank goodness!
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“Raven! I paid for your drink so that you could drink it, not so that it could sit here while you get absorbed into your fucking phone,” Lexa huffed, snapping her fingers in front of the Latina’s face.

“Sorry, sorry!” Raven shoved her phone into her pocket and put both of her hands around the base of the glass, looking at Lexa with puppy dog eyes. “Thanks for the drink, you’re the _best_.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, unable to stay frustrated at her friend. “Yeah, I know, now _drink_. You said I owed you a drunk night, and that’s what I’m prepared for.”

“Good thing it’s Saturday and not Sunday, then, because I’m not about to show up at school hungover again.” Lexa and Raven both took a long drink from their respective glasses at that, and as she did, Lexa reveled in the way that her body was already starting to relax. She tried not to drink very often, but the fact was that it was sometimes the only way to keep her from being a ball of stress and anxiety. And although Raven was only half a drink in, Lexa was already on her second. “So what’s the plan for next week?”

“What’s next week?”

“Fucking _Valentine’s Day_ ,” Raven spat in disgust. “But it’s on a _Tuesday_ , so we can’t get wasted. I was thinking you could take me out like the great best friend you are.”

“Why can’t we just stay at home and watch comedy movies like we did last year?”

“That was two years ago, bitch, last year _you_ had a date.”

Lexa hummed thoughtfully, recalling the truth in that statement. “Okay, well whatever. Dinner is expensive, and neither of us have anyone to pay for it for us. Let’s just have a night in. Please?”

“Alright, fine,” Raven caved. “But only because you asked so nicely for once.” Lexa flashed her best friend an innocent smile, causing the other brunette to roll her eyes and look back down at her phone.

“Ugh, what is so interesting on your phone?”

“Nothing, really. I mean, just Twitter. You’d know if you bothered to check yours more than once a week,” Raven replied accusatorily. It was true – Lexa used to go onto Twitter a lot more, and after her last relationship, she started to avoid the site in order to avoid her ex. She only ever forced the app open when Raven was giving her crap about it, which is why she begrudgingly took out her phone to open it up now.

“There’s literally never anything new for me to look at except for you tweets, Raven,” Lexa said with an eyeroll.

“Well you should be reading those tweets, they’re awesome.”

“Cocky, much? Can’t we just drink and hangout? Why do we have to be on our phones? I’ve never gotten that, honestly. What’s wrong with actual human communication?”

“Nothing’s _wrong_ with it, there are just so many great things about virtual communication. For example, nobody can see you when you make dumb faces over the things they say, and you can take as long as you need to answer or reply, which makes it easier to not sound like an idiot all the time.”

Lexa smirked. “Yeah, I guess that is a problem you’d need to fix, I get it.”

“Shut up, bitch,” Raven huffed. “Plus, there are lots of nice people online.”

“The opposite could also be argued, I think.”

“You’re seriously such a buzzkill, Lexa,” Raven groaned.

“Actually, your phone is being the buzzkill right now, since you’re not drinking that drink I just paid for so that you could get a buzz.”

Raven took a sip of her drink now, looking pointedly at her best friend, who smiled happily and then succumbed to looking at her Twitter timeline. She saw one of Raven’s newer tweets and clicked on her friend’s photo. The first thing that popped up on Raven’s profile was a tweet conversation with some other account – apparently the person she’d been prioritizing over Lexa for the past half hour.

“Who’s the person you’re ignoring me for again?” Lexa asked, clicking on the username. “Princess blondie? That’s… interesting.”

“She’s nice,” Raven said, “I pretty much just met her, but she’s funny and she’ll joke around with me. I’ll probably have to move it to DMs soon so it doesn’t clog up my page, though.”

“Ooh.” Lexa wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, causing the other brunette to scoff.

“Not like that, Lexa, you’re so weird. She’s nice, but I don’t know anything about her, and plus, I’m really not looking for anyone after this past week. Also, I’m not built for online relationships. This kitty needs _physical_ attention regularly.”

“Alright, Rae, TMI.”

“You’d probably like this girl, though, she’s really quirky and cute. I mean, the way she talks anyway.”

“What’s her name?”

“Don’t know. It says just ‘C,’ so I’m assuming she’s not interested in really spilling all of her personal information, which is understandable.”

Lexa hummed thoughtfully. “I always figured people did that more to keep their identity hidden from people who would know them, though.”

“That’s dumb, what’s the point of that?”

“Uh, so people you know don’t find your account?”

Raven looked confused for another moment, and then just shook her head. “You should follow her and talk to her.”

“Yeah, because I want to talk to a nameless, faceless stranger on the internet during all of the times that my amazing best friend takes me out for a drink.”

“Okay, fine, I’m putting my phone away for real, happy?”

Lexa grinned. “Very.”

* * *

**Direct Message With @raeraebae**

**Raven – Now that I’ve got you alone (muwahahaha!) let’s get to the juicy stuff! Are you dating anyone?**

**C – Ha, no.**

**Raven – Lame. I was excited for the juice.**

**C – The most exciting part of my life is Twitter, actually, so you’re witnessing it.**

**Raven – Whaaat, you don’t have a party side or some hot hookups or anything? Dude, that cat at least has to be pretty exciting.**

**C – Haha, she is, but she’s not mine, and me and my friend usually hang out at my place, so I don’t see her very often. :(**

**Raven – I’m telling you, steal that cat!!!**

“Clarke?” The voice combined with a gentle knock on her bedroom door was all Clarke needed to hear to lock her phone in surprise and sit up straight on her bed.

“Yes, dad?”

“Could you come down and talk to me and your mother, please?”

Clarke immediately began searching her thoughts frantically, trying to figure out what they would need to talk to her about. Intentional conversations downstairs with her mom and dad – especially if they were the one to initiate it as opposed to her – were always about something important. “Shit,” she muttered under her breath, unable to ascertain any reason that they would want to talk to her. “Yeah, I’m coming down.”

“Thank you.”

Pulling a hoodie over her pajamas – which she’d been lazing in for the whole day since Octavia left – she slipped her phone into the front pocket and exited her room. Her parents were both sitting in the living room, which was a sign that the topic wasn’t _too_ important, otherwise they would have been waiting stiffly at the dining room table.

“Morning, sweetie,” Abby Griffin greeted as Clarke came down the stairs.

Clarke smiled, trying to seem calm as she joined her parents in the living room. “What’s up?”

“I got an email last night from one of your teachers – Mr. Smith?”

 _Fuck_ , was Clarke’s initial thought. Mr. Smith had never emailed her parents, and neither had any teacher she’d ever had. What had he said? Something about her phone, or the fact that she wasn’t doing as well in his class anymore? “Oh, really?”

“He just said something that made us what to check up with you,” Jake offered calmly. “He said that you’ve been a bit distracted lately, and that yesterday you claimed to have a lot going on right now. Your mother and I were wondering what this ‘a lot’ is referring to…”

Clarke didn’t react – she didn’t blink in surprise or swallow nervously. Her parents knew her too well to be fooled if she reacted like that, so she just stood still and replied evenly, “Just with school. The third quarter is always the hardest, you know? Plus, I have to take the SAT soon, which isn’t easy.”

“But school hasn’t ever stressed you out enough that you’ve gotten spacey in class, Clarke, and this teacher seems to be really concerned about you,” Abby insisted. “Is there something you aren’t telling us?”

“No, of course not. I was tired yesterday – it was Friday after a really long week, okay? Mr. Smith doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and he likes to pick on me for some reason in that class.”

“Why would he do that?”

“I don’t know, because I’m quiet I guess. Look, I promise there’s nothing else going on. I just needed to get him off of my back – and I swear it’s just school.”

Jake and Abby looked at each other, and then they both exhaled as Abby nodded. “Alright, we trust you, Clarke. We just wanted to make sure that everything’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, I understand. I have some homework, so I’m gonna go back upstairs.”

“Alright, sweetie.”

Clarke escaped back up to her room, and once her door was firmly closed, she let out a shaky breath with all of the nerves she’d been controlling downstairs. It was probably a miracle that she hadn’t given herself away for lying downstairs, but maybe she was just getting better at it.

She messaged Raven back after gathering her thoughts, and the girl gave her a quick apology, saying that she was hanging out with a friend and had to go. Clarke, feeling suddenly very glum, wrapped herself up in her blankets and decided to take a nap.

* * *

Sunday got a slow start for Clarke, because she woke up excessively early after accidentally not waking up from her nap the previous afternoon. After begrudgingly going downstairs to satiate her annoyed stomach, she then opted to make an attempt at her homework to keep from having to do it later that night. Her phone, a notorious distraction, stayed plugged in on her nightstand through it all, and when she was finally done, into the afternoon, she gravitated toward it like it was the center of her universe.

And, unsurprisingly, her thumb hit the Twitter app without having to be told twice. She had no new messages or tweets, but she did have one new follower.

**@lexawarriorwoods is now following you!**

Sitting down on her bed, she clicked on the new name, curious as to who her new follower was. After gaining a lot of follows from people whom she started following after getting her account, it became pretty rare for her to get random followers out of the blue, and already it had happened twice in the past two days.

It became apparent very quickly, though, that this Lexa person was friends with Raven. There were multiple selfies of the two girls, Raven looking just as sassy as the photos on her own page. The other girl – Lexa – had longer, wavier brown hair and green eyes. She was laughing in some of the pictures, but in others, she wore a serious smolder that actually made Clarke do a double take.

She got to a picture of the two friends at either a party or a club, looking highly intoxicated, and couldn’t help the smile that spread over her face. Sliding to the next picture, her phone screen was suddenly invaded by a picture of Octavia making a stupid face, and the familiar ringtone rang out through her room.

“What’s up?” were the first words out of her mouth when she hit answer, and Clarke knew that she sounded pretty checked out, but her best friend didn’t mention it.

“I made plans for us for Valentine’s Day!” Octavia exclaimed.

“Oh really?”

“Hell yeah! Someone asked me, and since I’m an amazing best friend, I asked his friend – this guy that I know from one of my classes, you’ll like him – if he had a date, and he said he was thinking about asking _you_ , and I was like _perfect_. So it’s a double date. You can thank me later.”

“Wait, some random guy that I don’t know what thinking about asking _me_ out for Valentine’s Day?” Clarke didn’t believe it for a second.

There was a slight pause on the other end of the line. “Okay, maybe he didn’t exactly say that. But he said that you seem nice and he wasn’t at all opposed to being your date. And frankly, we both need to get out and go on some dates. And we’ll have each other, so if it goes awfully, we can bail together. Come on, Clarke! I can already sense your negativity, but I _promise_ that it’ll be _fun_.”

Clarke looked down at her lap, her mind swimming. Maybe it would be fun? It wasn’t like she was exclusively into girls now – she’d already started establishing in her mind that she was bisexual. So why not try out a date with a guy? It might be fun, and at least she’d be with her best friend. What did she have to lose? If anything, it made it easier for people to keep believing without a doubt that she was straight. “Alright, let’s do it.”

“Yes! So Tuesday night, _my_ date is going to pick me up at six-thirty, then we’re going to go get your date and then you. I promise you’ll have fun! Oh my gosh, I’m so excited! Okay, I have to go, but I wanted to check that you were good with it before it was like, the day of. See you tomorrow, C!”

“Bye, O.”

Clarke pulled her phone away from her ear and clicked the button to hang up, but just as she did, the phone call ended from Octavia’s side, and her thumb landed right on the little heart button on the bottom of the picture Clarke had pulled up on Lexa’s Twitter account. Her eyes immediately bugged out, frantically looking to see when the picture had been posted.

Half a year ago – great.

She undid her mistake, even though she knew that she would be caught either way, and sighed. Flopping backwards into her pillows, she sank into her bed and stared up at the ceiling. Her thoughts felt all over the place, something she was used to feeling by now, and she wished that she could just corral them all into one train of thought that she could somehow work through. But no, her mind was not that kind to her.

Her phone suddenly buzzed, and out of habit, she immediately sat up to check it.

**@lexawarriorwoods: @princess_blondie wow, stalking my profile before I even get a follow back? :(**

* * *

Lexa was stretched out across Raven’s bed, her friend passed out next to her. Sure, it was well into the afternoon now, but they hadn’t gotten home until late the previous night, and it was a Sunday anyway. Lexa had spent most of the morning sleeping, briefly got up to get some breakfast from Raven’s fridge, and then came back up to the bedroom to find the other brunette still completely knocked out. Bored, Lexa had taken out her phone, and after about half an hour of nothing interesting happening, she found herself on Twitter, clicking on a specific nameless, faceless Twitter account. She did significant stalking of the girl’s account before hitting follow finally, only after she checked that the girl’s tweets were at least enjoyable, and that her retweets were acceptable to show up on Lexa’s timeline.

She knew Raven would call her out for taking her advice later, but it wasn’t like Lexa was doing this for any reason other than the fact that she could _possibly_ see what all the rage was with this _online friend_ thing.

A few minutes later, though, a notification came up on her screen that princess blondie had liked one of her old tweets, and her eyebrow peeked with interest. She tweeted the girl out of curiosity mostly, but just as she did, Raven finally stirred from her deathlike slumber.

“Wow, look who’s finally awake,” Lexa said, locking her phone and looking down at the Latina, who was already groaning.

“I don’t wanna be awake, “she complained, causing the other girl to laugh lightly. “Thank fuck it’s Sunday. What have you been doing?” Raven forced herself into a sitting position, looking to Lexa’s now locked phone with curiosity.

“Nothing.”

Just as she said it, her screen lit up with a new Twitter notification. Her gaze fell to look at it just as Raven’s did, and the latter gasped. “Oh my gosh, look who’s talking to _princess blondie_ now!”

“Shut up, I tweeted her once and this is her first response.”

“So you followed her?”

“Yeah, so what? She has funny tweets.”

“You stalked her profile!”

Lexa narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, and? You’re taking this way too expectantly. All I did was follow a basically anonymous account on Twitter because you said she was nice and friendly and she seems funny. That’s all. There’s literally nothing else, and I refuse to get attached to this app or anyone on it.”

“Aw, what about _me_?”

“I’m already attached to you in real life, why would I want to be stuck to you online, too?”

“Bitch. What did the princess say?”

Lexa rolled her eyes, unlocking her phone to read the response in full.

**@princess_blondie: @lexawarriorwoods maybe I have to analyze your tweets first to check that you are worthy of a follow :o)**

**@lexawarriorwoods: @princess_blondie well have you? Am I worthy, princess?**

**@princess_blondie: @lexawarriorwoods I mean, all of your pictures of with @raeraebae so I guess you can’t be that bad if she hangs out with you so much…**

**@lexawarriorwoods: @princess_blondie @raeraebae I don’t have a choice, I’m basically stuck with this bitch for eternity at this point.**

**@raeraebae: @lexawarriorwoods @princess_blondie hey don’t be that way :( you love me.**

**@lexawarriorwoods: @raeraebae @princess_blondie if YOU loved ME you’d be talking to me in person considering that you are sitting right next to me, lazy.**

“Who are you calling lazy?” Raven muttered, causing Lexa to snicker.

“The girl who woke up like five minutes ago even though it’s like two hours into the afternoon already.”

“Come on, you haven’t been awake for _that_ long, right?”

Another beep on Lexa’s phone distracted her from answering.

**@princess_blondie is now following you!**

**@lexawarriorwoods: @princess_blondie about damn time, it’s been a whole like, ten minutes.**

“See, isn’t it fun to interact with people over the internet? It’s so easy, right?” Raven asked, nudging Lexa excitedly.

“I can’t say it beats talking to someone in person, though.”

“But there are so many more interesting people online, which counteracts that. You just have to talk to lots of them and it balances out.”

“Oh I’m sure.”

“Would it kill you to be more open-minded for once?” Raven grumbled. “I’m going to go get breakfast. Have you eaten?”

“Yup.”

“Cool, none of my famous pancakes for you then.” Raven hopped out of the bed rather suddenly and started out of the room, and Lexa opened her mouth in protest, but her friend was already out the door.

“Wait, Rae!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try and make chapter get a little longer... I'm hoping to pop out a chapter or two tomorrow, I'm staying home from school because I'm sooooo exhausted. On Friday, I was finishing this robot building project for this competition I had on Saturday with a partner. I spent most of Saturday at said competition, and we got FIRST PLACE and TOP GUN AWARD (we scored 225 points in one round - the person who was runnerup to that scored only 170 points in one round... if anyone's actually interested in what that means feel free to DM me on Twitter lol). After that, a bunch of my friends came over and we ate pizza and watched Almost Adults (which was fucking amazing!!!) and I fell asleep last night and had the worst night of sleep ever. I woke up once at 3:30AM after having a dream that I was late to work, then woke up at 6AM sure that I was about to vomit, and then I couldn't/wouldn't fall back asleep and had to leave for work at 8AM. I'm worked a full 9 hour shift, which is good since I haven't had a chance to work much lately, but it was so tiring and I didn't get home until 6:40... and all of that combined has left me physically and mentally exhausted, so tomorrow is a day full of studying, sleeping and hopefully some fanfic writing - in case any of you care lol.
> 
> Anyway, I love you all, have a lovely day/night, and I'll see you all next Sunday! (or earlier, if you follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana)


	3. What If That Never Happens?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Valentine's Day, and Clarke has a double date that she has no idea how to prepare for. In efforts to distract herself, she goes on Twitter and begins to form more of a connection with Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I'm pulling a Supergirl and posting a Valentine's Day related update a week after the actual day lol. I hope you guys had a nice day for Valentine's Day - mine was highly uneventful but I made myself some pasta and my mom gave me a bathbomb and some chocolate so I had pasta, chocolate, and took a super soothing bath. So that was nice :)  
> This chapter was meant to go up tonight after I work and see a movie (I'm watching Split, should I be prepared to like, die?), but I woke up at 5AM today and I don't work until 8:30, so I figured that since it's not even 7AM yet, might as well update!  
> Follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana !! :)
> 
> Enjoy!xx

Clarke was walking into school on Tuesday morning, in her nicely ironed uniform, a little zoned out as she headed to her first class, when she suddenly felt two arms grabbing her from behind. The bright, excited voice of her best friend exclaimed, “Happy Valentine’s Day, my love!” Laughter could practically be heard in her voice as Clarke jumped in surprise, and Octavia didn’t seem fazed when Clarke wiggled out of her grasp.

“You’re so weird, O.”

“What? It’s perfectly platonic,” Octavia said with a chuckle, moving from behind the blonde to next to her. “Are you excited for our double date later? I have Nathan’s number for you, by the way, so that you can get somewhat acquainted before we pick you up later.”

“Okay.” They continued walking in silence for a second, before Octavia lifted an eyebrow.

“Your phone?”

“Right, sorry,” Clarke muttered. She was slightly thrown off by the mention of her date that night – she hadn’t told her parents about it, but she could already hear their excitement. Their little girl, smart and responsible as she was, had never been interested in dating, and it confused them to no end. At the same time, they had always been grateful that she was so focused on schoolwork, and she was curious to see how they would react.

Once her phone was out of her pocket and unlocked, Octavia snatched it right up and opened her contact app. Clarke immediately held her breath, watching her screen carefully and willing no one to tweet her. Since Sunday, she had tweeted back and forth with Raven and Lexa a couple of times, and she found the two girls fun to talk to. The banter was friendly, and the dynamic between the best friends was more than amusing. She still had a DM going with Raven as well, and the brunette had begun to ask her some personal questions. Nothing too big, just things about her interests and school.

She’d tried to answer them all honestly, barring anything revealing about her location or her identity, because she imagined that it would be difficult getting to know someone when you didn’t know what they looked like or what to call them. Both Lexa and Raven had taken to calling her princess, which made sense, or just C. She didn’t mind either, and she honestly saw no need to reveal her name now.

She had a feeling, however, that Raven was building up to ask that question.

“Here,” Octavia said, finishing entering Nathan’s contact information and handing the phone back to Clarke. “Text him and let him know it’s you, I told him you would.”

“Fine,” Clarke agreed, opening a text conversation with the boy.

**Clarke – Hi, Nathan, this is Clarke!**

“Great, so everything’s set for tonight, then! See you at lunch, C!”

Octavia disappeared off in another direction, and Clarke was left continuing toward her first period. She tucked her phone away into her bag when she reached it, somewhat anxious about receiving a response from her date for the night.

In fact, she put it off so much that she ended up keeping her phone off and put away until lunch time. When she made it to their normal lunch spot, she finally took out the device and powered it back on. It was instantly flooded with messages – one from her best friend, one from Nathan, and a number of tweets and Twitter DMs.

Her habit in times like these was to check the least exciting or most stressful message first.

**Nathan – Hey, Clarke! I’m glad Octavia gave you my number, I figured it would be weird if we hadn’t even talked before tonight. I’m excited to meet you though. :)**

So he was nice and polite, that was good. It seemed a bit strange for a teenage boy, but then again, Clarke attended a prep school where half of the guys were assholes hiding behind a nice guy exterior, or were genuinely okay people that she just found boring. Hopefully she wouldn’t find Nathan boring, or else that night would end up being a bit awkward.

**Clarke – Yeah, same. :)**

It may not be entirely true, but it wasn’t entirely a lie either.

**Octavia – Did Nate reply to you?? Actually, knowing you, you probably won’t check until lunch, so just update me then.**

There wasn’t a need to reply to that one, for obvious reasons, so she switched over to her Twitter app, hoping to have time to reply to her messages before Octavia joined her at their table.

It turned out that it was just Raven who had messaged her a ton, ranting about Valentine’s Day and how stupid it was. There was one tweet from Lexa – an apology for Raven’s “recently-dumped-rage.” Clarke couldn’t say that she blamed the girl, though. Clarke had always been slightly bitter about Valentine’s Day, anyway.

“Hey, girl, hey!” Octavia greeted, plopping down across from Clarke at their table. “Did Nathan reply to you?”

“Yep,” Clarke answered, “he seems sweet.”

“He really is, and he’s hot, you’ll like him. Trust me.”

“If you say so.”

* * *

After school, Clarke got home and went straight up to her bedroom. She had a handful of hours before she was going to be picked up for her double date, which meant a handful of hours to spend on her phone and trying to distract herself from the fact that she was nervous for later. She felt pathetic for being so nervous, though. It wasn’t like she really cared what came of the date – she wasn’t looking to date Nathan or anyone, really. Still, it felt like she had something to prove.

She turned to YouTube as a way to take her mind off of it, but two videos in, her phone tweeted at her and her attention was immediately torn away from her laptop screen.

It was direct message from someone she hadn’t yet messaged privately at all – Lexa.

**Direct Message With @lexawarriorwoods**

**Lexa – Hey, just thought I should warn you to mute your DMs with Raven tonight. We’re supposed to be having a night in with movies and ice cream for V day, but she’s insisting on bringing vodka, and Raven + vodka is not the best combo. I told her that the whole point of staying in was to not get drunk, but she won’t listen to me. She’s had a rough day to say the least. Her ex already has a date for tonight.**

**C – Wow, seriously? That’s rough. I’ll probably have to turn off Twitter notifications tonight anyway. I’m going on a date, I guess…**

**Lexa – Well, you must not expect it to be very good if Twitter would be able to distract you from it so easily.**

**C – It’s more about not wanting my date (or my friend and her date… it’s a double date) to see my Twitter. Especially if Raven is going to be spamming me, lol.**

**Lexa – Oh I see, I guess I get that. I don’t know, I don’t really use Twitter that much. Raven has been like, forcing it down my throat lately. I just don’t really get it all the time.**

**C – I got hooked on it a few months ago lol.**

**Lexa – But wait, let’s back up to the juicy info you just gave me – you have a daaaate? ;D**

**C – Lol, don’t give me that winking face. I don’t even know the person.**

**Lexa – Well, is she hot?**

**C – She is a he, and according to my friend, yes. But I haven’t met him before.**

**Lexa – Sounds like a recipe for disaster, but that’s coming from a lesbian, so. All of my experiences with men have flopped. :-)**

**C – Well I have little to no experience with any gender, so I’m sure if it flops, it’ll be because of me and not them.**

**Lexa – Whoa, you have a date for V day, you’re not allowed to be all depressive, that’s for the singles.**

**C – I am single. -.-**

**Lexa – I’m just messing with you, but seriously, you seem like a perfectly good person, so I’m sure if it doesn’t go well, it’s not going to be your fault. At least you’re giving it a shot, really.**

**C – Well thanks, lol. I guess if it goes badly and I need to dramatically flee, I’ll message you and let you know whether it actually was my fault or not.**

**Lexa – Whatever you say. So when is your fancy V day date?**

**C – I think like, seven? My friend’s date is picking all of us up and I’m last on the list, so I guess around that time. I’m unprepared. What should I wear?**

**Lexa – Well, where are you going?**

**C – I have no idea, am I supposed to know that?**

**Lexa – LOL, I mean you could ask your friend or your date or something. Kinda important when it comes to the clothing department. If you don’t want to, I mean you can’t really go wrong with nice pants and a blouse. Just like, not a business casual type blouse, lol. I don’t really know what you look like, but if you’ve got anything to show off, maybe a low cut blouse. ;)**

**C – Uh, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that lol.**

**Lexa – Then don’t do it, it was just a suggestion haha. I guess I’m just used to the kind of clothing that Raven and I wear all the time.**

**C – What kind is that?**

**Lexa – The kind that is mostly skin and then some fabric lol. We aren’t very conservative here with clothing. Plus, we live pretty close to the beach, and it’s always warm.**

**C – It’s still kind of cool here lol.**

**Lexa – Then you can always go for a cute, warm look instead of my suggestion.**

**Lexa – What kind of clothes do YOU wear on a daily basis, lol?**

**C – I don’t have to put much thought into it, I go to a private school. We have uniforms.**

**Lexa – Oh that sucks.**

**Lexa – Although I’ve always thought that school uniforms can be kind of hot… I mean, in the right context, of course.**

**C – Oh god lol. They’re not hot, they’re itchy and ugly.**

**Lexa – Well, I wouldn’t know, so I’ll take your word for it :P But what’s that like? Going to a private school?**

**C – It’s… alright. Kind of sucks, though, everyone knows everyone, which is pretty annoying sometimes.**

Clarke was completely absorbed into the conversation with Lexa, and the fact that there was no pauses in between their messages back and forth felt nice. She hated that most about talking to people online or via text – that they could just disappear from a conversation at any given moment. Of course, people had other things going on, which she understood, but at least in a conversation with someone in person, they didn’t typically have somewhere else to be on a whim.

She was watching the little typing bubble, waiting for Lexa’s response, when she suddenly got a text from Wells.

**Wells – Hey, Clarke, you have plans for tonight? My parents are going out, and I was supposed to have a date, but she canceled on me for “family reasons.” Kinda felt like kicking back and watching some classics, if you want to join. I heard Octavia had a date, so I didn’t know if you had plans.**

**Clarke – Yeah, actually I’m going on a double date with O and her date in a couple of hours. Thanks for the offer, though. Sucks that your date canceled on you :( who was it supposed to be? Harper?**

**Wells – Yeah, I finally plucked up the courage to ask her and now she has to cancel.**

**Clarke – That sucks :(**

**Wells – Yeah. I hope you have fun on your date, though :)**

**Clarke – Thanks :)**

Sighing, Clarke switched back over to Twitter, no longer effectively distracted.

**Lexa – Oh yeah, I can see where that wouldn’t be fun. I don’t have the small community type problem, but lots of people know me here. Not necessarily the best thing ever, but not really bad either. Other than Raven, I’m not particularly close to very many people.**

**Lexa – That’s why Raven wanted me to get on Twitter more. She’s pretty convinced that online friends are better than real life friends, which I take immense offense to.**

**C – Hahaha well, I wouldn’t say that they’re better really, it’s just easier to find people with similar interests as you online, I guess. Me and my best friend really don’t have much in common, actually. She’s sporty and kind of popular and has lots of friends and is always obsessing over boys, and then there’s me, and I spend half of my time watching YouTube videos and going through my Twitter timeline, and reading fucking fanfiction sometimes. I honestly don’t know how I reached this point lol.**

**Lexa – Everyone’s different, and tbh I think having a best friend who is opposite you can be a really good thing sometimes.**

**C – Are you and Raven really opposite?**

**Lexa – No, not particularly. We’re actually pretty similar, but our personalities do clash sometimes, we’ve just learned how to work through and deal with those clashes rather than let them make us mad at each other. Some people think that we hate each other when they meet us. We insult each other a lot.**

**C – Haha I’ve noticed.**

**Lexa – Honestly, I guess I don’t have a problem with being friendly with people online. It just feels less real, you know? Like, I’m talking to you now, but I don’t REALLY know anything about you. You could be a fifty year old man.**

**C – LOL. Yeah, and a smart one at that, catfishing a self-confident lesbian, I obviously know what I’m doing.**

**Lexa – How do you know I’m self-confident? XD**

**C – It’s a vibe ;)**

**Lexa – Oh, I’m sure you can catch that vibe via text messages lol.**

**C – It helps that I’ve seen your pictures, too, lol.**

**Lexa – Wow, I’m really at a disadvantage. You know my name and what I look like, and I know just a letter that might not even be your initial (although Raven and I are assuming it is).**

**C – It is :P**

**Lexa – If I guess your name, will you tell me if I’m right?**

**C – Sure :) You’ll never guess.**

**Lexa – Carrie? Catherine? Caitlyn? Callie? Caroline?**

**C – Nope, nope…**

**Lexa – Ah, I’ll think of more later. Well, I guess I know your first initial then, and the fact that you’re blonde. I’m assuming you don’t wear princess outfits everywhere, though.**

**C – You’re right about that lol, I don’t even like dresses. I only even wear skirts because of my dumb uniform.**

**Lexa – Well, Raven’s here, so I’ve gotta get off my phone or else she’ll get onto me for doing what I get onto her for all the time lol. I’ll talk to you later, princess. Good luck on your date with Mr. Mystery later!**

**C – Thanks :) Good luck dealing with a drunk Raven.**

**Lexa – Thanks, I’m gonna need it.**

Clarke blinked at the screen. When had her conversation with Lexa gotten that long, and why was she so sad to have it end?

Shaking her head, she set her phone down and looked back to YouTube open on her laptop. Back to her original distraction.

* * *

“You look nice,” were the first words out of Abby’s mouth when Clarke came downstairs, dressed in nice black pants and a somewhat flowy, cute top. She’d finally just texted Octavia on advice for what to wear, because she knew that it mattered, considering that no one at school really ever saw her wearing clothes other than the typical uniform. That was probably why Abby sounded surprised as she spoke. “Going out for Valentine’s Day, huh?”

“Yeah, Octavia got us a double date,” Clarke answered, “and they’re going to be here to pick me up in a few minutes.”

“Can I take a picture? You don’t dress up very often.” Abby was all smiles now that a date was confirmed. “Plus, you never go on dates! This is exciting! Oh, maybe we can take a picture of you and your date together when he gets here?”

“Um, no. I haven’t even officially met him, mom. You can take a picture of me, but nothing more than that,” Clarke conceded partially. Abby happily took a picture of the blonde with her phone and just as she was done, Clarke got a text letting her know that her friend and date had arrived. “Alright, I’m headed out. I shouldn’t be gone for more than a couple of hours.”

“Alright, just let me know when you’re on your way home, alright?”

“Sure mom, love you.” She was out of the door before she could hear her mother’s response, and saw the car parked in front of her house. A guy who she was pretty sure she recognized from the one of the sports teams was sitting in the driver’s seat, Octavia sitting next to him with a big smile on her face. Behind them, in the back seat, was Nathan, who she finally recognized. She had seen him before – he was on the football team, probably with Octavia’s date.

Taking in a breath, Clarke fiddled with the edge of her shirt and walked up to the car. Nathan got out of the car to let her in. “Hey, Clarke!”

“Hey,” she replied, hoping that her voice wasn’t shaking. “Nice to officially meet you, Nathan.”

“You can call me Nate,” he said brightly, and Clarke gave him a smile as she climbed into the back of the car.

“Hey, C!” Octavia greeted, looking as smiley as ever. “Sorry we’re a few minutes late. I suck at giving directions, apparently.”

“Oh it’s no big deal,” Clarke dismissed the issue.

“Oh, and this is Patrick. He and Nate are on the football team, if you didn’t already know,” Octavia clarified, and Clarke could read off her face that she was scolding herself for not having mentioned that to Clarke earlier.

“I know,” Clarke said, hoping to ease her friend’s panic, and Octavia grinned.

“Right, duh.”

“Nice to meet you, Clarke,” Patrick said, glancing over his shoulder with a smile.

“You too.”

The car began to move once Nathan was seated and buckled back into the car, and Octavia and Patrick picked up whatever conversation they’d been having beforehand. Feeling obligated to talk to her own date, Clarke looked tentatively toward him.

“So, you play football, that’s cool.”

Yeah, Clarke was obviously _great_ at conversation.

Nathan didn’t seem to judge her awkward attempt to start a dialogue, though, since he just smiled and nodded. “Yeah, it’s fun. Do you play soccer with Octavia?”

“No, I’m not really into lots of sporty stuff.”

“What kind of stuff are you into?”

Clarke opened her mouth to reply, but found herself unable to think of anything. “I… I mean, I don’t really do any extracurricular things or anything like that. I’m not very interesting, to be honest.”

Nathan laughed lightly. “I’m sure you’re just fine, Clarke.”

“You’re giving me a lot of credit considering that you’ve known me for all of five minutes,” Clarke said lightly, looking down at her lap. However, Nathan began to say something else, the start to another conversation, that pulled Clarke back up to pay attention. After a few seconds, though, she felt herself zoning out, and just smiling and nodding along. It was something she did intentionally, but she just couldn’t pay attention. Every now and then, she would recognize that he was asking her a question, and she would tune back in for long enough to formulate an answer.

She wasn’t sure why it was so hard for her to listen, but at least Nathan didn’t seem to notice.

They got to the restaurant where they were getting dinner, and ended up at a booth with Octavia and Patrick on one side, Clarke and Nathan on the other. The night progressed fairly smoothly, and both of the guys seemed respectful enough. Patrick was slightly less outwardly polite, probably because he was genuinely interested in Octavia already, and Clarke could practically read his underlying motive behind every expression: he wanted sex. Of course, Octavia probably already knew that, and that was probably how she had gotten the double date organized. If there was one thing Clarke had learned from her best friend, it was that some boys would do a lot of things if they thought it would get them sex.

It got her thinking about Nathan, and wondering if he expected something like that from her, but decided that he didn’t. In fact, he didn’t seem all that interested in her, but he was trying really hard. It kind of hurt her ego, but she also hadn’t really expected anything different.

It kind of started to get awkward once they were finishing up eating, and Octavia and Patrick had gotten into their own conversation across the table, talking a bit quieter to each other. Clarke had nothing really to say to Nathan, and he had apparently run out of things to talk about, and so she coughed quietly and glanced toward the restroom. “I have to use the bathroom,” she said to Nathan quickly, “I’ll be back in a few.”

Although she had vowed to stay off of Twitter during her date, she had been driven to this point where she _needed_ to check it for her sanity. It was calming to do so, and she was stressing herself out over this date, wishing it was over. So when she got to the bathroom, she locked herself in a stall and leaned against the wall, taking out her phone and checking the app.

She had a few messages from Raven.

**Raven – Ooh Lexa tells me you have a date tonight!**

**Raven – Good luck!**

**Raven – Oh, she also told me it’s with a dude, lame. Girls are so much better.**

**C – Lexa had a similar opinion lol. Well, I’m bi, so I’m sorry I can’t say the same with such confidence.**

**Raven – Is your date over?**

**C – No, I’m in the bathroom…**

Suddenly, she got a separate message from Lexa.

**Lexa – Why? Are you hiding? XD**

**C – Kind of? My friend’s date is going just great across the table, and me and my date are out of things to talk about. He’s also like, obviously not very interested in me, which to be fair, I’m not into him either. It’s just kind of a hit to the ego, you know? Not that I expected anything else.**

**Lexa – Aw, well if I knew you IRL, I’d invite you to wallow with me and Raven. We actually haven’t gotten plastered yet either, I’m pretty proud of Rae for that much. (though I am expecting it to hit her in about an hour)**

**C – Haha, well I guess I appreciate the consideration.**

**Lexa – How long are you going to hide for?**

**C – I don’t know, I want to leave, but they drove me.**

**Lexa – I’d pull a parent card or something, tell them that your mom called you and demanded that you come home because it’s late or something.**

**C – It’s not even nine yet.**

**Lexa – So? Do you wanna leave the date or not?**

**C – Ugh, but then I look even more lame.**

**Lexa – You care too much about what they think of you, and you’re not lame for not enjoying a date. You didn’t even know the guy.**

**C – I bet if you knew me IRL you’d think I was lame.**

**Lexa – Shut up, I wouldn’t. And you’re not allowed to make any assertions like that until I’ve actually known you in real life, got it?**

**C – What if that never happens?**

**Lexa – Then you’re never allowed to say stuff like that, duh.**

**C – Ugh, fine.**

**Lexa – Now go face your date head on and make up an excuse to leave. If nothing else, you could always resort to telling your bestie that Aunt Flow just arrived and I bet she’ll help you get a speedy exit in lol.**

**C – Doubt it, she knows my cycle -.-**

**Lexa – Lol well, that’s something I can’t help you with. Good luck.**

**C – Guess I’m going back out there then…**

There was no response to keep her from doing so, and Clarke just heaved a sigh before giving in and leaving the bathroom stall. She checked her appearance in the mirror, really just stalling as long as possible, before finally walking out.

“Hey Clarke,” Octavia said, as soon as the blonde was sitting back down, “we were thinking of maybe going out somewhere else, you in?”

She could see the pleading in her friend’s eyes, but Clarke couldn’t bring herself to give the brunette the response she wanted. “I actually don’t think my food really agreed with me. I was just almost sick in the bathroom, and I think I should go home.”

Yeah, it was a lie, but it was the easiest one she could think of sans the ones that Lexa offered up. “Oh, well we can definitely take you home first then,” Patrick said, sounding a bit too eager to get Octavia closer to alone. “You going to come out with us, Nathan?”

“No, I think I’m going to go home too. You guys go out and have fun,” Nathan said to the pair nicely, and Clarke felt somewhat bad for not liking him very much. He was clearly nicer than a lot of guys, but he was also so clearly disinterested that if Clarke _had_ been interested, she wouldn’t be anymore.

“Okay well, we’ll drop you both off before we go out then,” Patrick said happily. “Let’s just get the check real quick…”

The process of paying and driving home took way too long for Clarke’s liking, and by the time she opened her front door, she was absolutely done with Valentine’s Day. Unfortunately, before she could effectively escape to her room, her mother was bombarding her. “Hey sweetie! How was your date?”

“It was okay,” Clarke answered in a rush, “but I really have to use the bathroom, so I’m going to go upstairs.”

“Wait, Clarke –“

Clarke disappeared upstairs before she heard the rest of her mom’s complaint.

She meant to go onto Twitter to complain about the night in full to either Raven or Lexa, but instead decided to take a shower and wash away the stress. Afterward, she went straight to her bed and passed out, forgetting all about her online distraction, and succumbing to the emotional exhaustion taking over her body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked the chapter! A lot of you were saying on the last chapter that Clarke was/is totally you, and I'm glad that people are able to relate to her. It doesn't really surprise me, though, because I was literally her four years ago. In 8th grade I was buried in the closet (and I say buried because for me, personally, it was suffocating) and I relied on all of my online friends, as well as FanFiction and lesbian YouTubers (at the time I was watching Kaelyn and Lucy). So writing Clarke is super close to my heart in this story, and I'm glad that other people are able to relate to her. I'm so excited for you all to watch her grow into a proper part-gay hahah.  
> I love you all, have a lovely day/night!! :D xx


	4. It Is A Pretty Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-Valentine's Day is a bit rocky for Clexa, but things are looking up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my beautiful readers! I'm getting more and more excited for this story as I write it - I'm not sure how many chapters in I am, but I have about double the number of words that are posted rn written. So that's great!  
> There WILL be another update next Sunday, although I will be in Vegas still for Clexacon, and it's possible that it'll be up very late at night.  
> Speaking of Clexacon - I will be Tweeting and possibly Periscoping all throughout it, and you can see both of those things by following me on Twitter @BrittzandTana ! I will ALSO be vlogging daily!
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“Lexa! Alexandra Woodsman!”

The shouting tore Lexa out of her sleep rather abruptly, and she groaned, pressing the palms of her hands to her eyes, as if that would stop the pain pounding in her head. “What?”

“It’s eleven! Did you just decide that today would be a good day for you to skip school, or what?”

“Shit,” Lexa hissed flinging into a sitting position. Her hands fell to the mattress next to her, but one of them landed hard on Raven’s midsection, causing the other girl to grunt and wake up.

“Yeah, shit is right. What the fuck were you doing last night?”

“Fuck,” Lexa groaned again, her head falling into her hands. “I’ll go late, alright, just give me a minute!”

“Oh please, take your time!”

Lexa’s mom was not the most agreeable person who had ever existed, nor was the she most caring or understanding. Lexa mostly tried to stay out of her mom’s way, which was pretty easy considering that she woke up after Lexa typically left for school and didn’t get home from her job until roughly three in the morning. “Get up, Raven, we have to go to school.”

“Can’t we just skip the rest of the day?” Raven groaned.

“No, my mom is going to kill me, get the fuck up. I told you that we shouldn’t drink, and it was your bright idea to bring over a bottle of vodka last night. You probably left it in the fucking kitchen too, so my mom’s going to end up killing me a second time. If you want me to live, we have to _leave_.”

By some will of the universe, Lexa and Raven managed to get out of the house fifteen minutes later, dressed and somewhat cleaned up, and didn’t end up having a run in with Lexa’s mother. “Can you drive?” Lexa demanded.

“I _can_ , but I’m not sure it’s the smartest move I’ll ever make. Can you?”

“Probably better than you can.” Lexa started toward the driver’s side of Raven’s car, and her best friend didn’t question it, handing over her keys. Once they were on the way to school, Raven let out a long breath. Lexa already knew to expect the apology.

“Okay, while I am like, _so_ sorry… I do have to say that you didn’t _have_ to drink with me.”

“Don’t even, Rae.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. Seriously. I didn’t meant to get you into shit with your mom, obviously. Especially since things have been going like, well between you two recently.”

Lexa sighed, staring straight ahead at the road. After a few moments of silence, she spoke. “I know you didn’t mean to. And it’s fine, I probably won’t even see her around for a while. Hopefully she’ll forget about it by then.”

“Also, we can totally get wasted at my house next time,” Raven offered lightheartedly, although caution was still evident in her voice. “My dad totally wouldn’t care.”

“How about we stick to not getting wasted for a little while?”

“That works too, yep.”

* * *

**Direct Message With @princess_blondie**

**C – Raven isn’t answering her DMs… checking to make sure that you two are alive after last night lol.**

That message was from eight in the morning, and by the time Lexa had bothered to open Twitter, school had already let out. Raven was nowhere to be seen, although she probably had a test to make up from that morning, so Lexa was laying on the bleacher’s behind the school. The cross country team was running on the track, and occasionally there were shouts and whistles, but Lexa didn’t mind them.

**Lexa – Shit sorry, yeah we lived. Barely, though. My mom might kill me because we woke up late and missed half of school.**

**Lexa – How about you? I guess you made it home from your date alive.**

**C – I did do that, yes. Wasn’t the most pleasant thing ever, though. IDK, my friend’s date was happy to have me go home. She also didn’t show up to school today, but she texted to let me know that she’s okay, so I guess she had a fun night.**

**Lexa – Damn. Well, at least someone had a good V-day night then.**

**C – Haha yeah.**

**C – She actually just got back to school for her soccer practice, so I’m waiting for her right now. She owes me a major apology :-)**

**Lexa – Haha well I hope that goes well. I’m in the same boat, though, waiting for Raven. I think she missed a test this morning and is making it up. If she’s not, I’m going to have to kill her for not answering her texts. She’s my ride home, and after this morning, the last thing I need is to be stuck here.**

**C – Do you not drive?**

**Lexa – I do, but we just carpooled this morning because Rae’s car was behind mine, and we were trying to get out fast, and her hangover was like 10x worse than mine lol.**

**Lexa – So, I’ve been thinking.**

**C – Yes?**

**Lexa – Courtney? Claire? Cassandra? Charlotte? Cynthia?**

**C – Are you trying to guess my name? You’re failing, lol.**

**Lexa – Damn it. Chloe? Christina? Chelsea? Camille? Crystal?**

**C – Wrong, wrong, and wrong.**

Lexa smiled a little, enjoying this game but also immensely frustrated that she couldn’t think of the right name. She wondered if _C_ would actually admit her name if it was guessed correctly, or if she would just say that Lexa was wrong either way.

**Lexa – Man, this isn’t fair. I don’t know enough about you for your first name to give me any extra insight on you, you know? There are thousands of people with most names. Unless you have some really unusual name, it’d make like, no difference.**

**C – Haha, but it’s so fun to have you try and guess it.**

**Lexa – Maybe I’m taking the wrong approach. You seem to be pretty sure that I won’t guess so…**

**Lexa – Maybe your name is not traditionally a girl’s name.**

**Lexa – Cameron? Caleb? Cody? XD**

**C – All wrong, LOL.**

**Lexa – Can’t you give me a hint? How many letters?**

**C – Six or less.**

Lexa’s eyebrow lifted with interest. She hadn’t expected the other girl to give her anything, and though it didn’t really narrow it down, she felt somewhat flattered that she was being trusted with any information at all.

**Lexa – First one off the top of my head was Carlos lol.**

**C – You got it.**

**C – Just kidding. XD**

**Lexa – Screw you :(**

**Lexa – Cora? Camila? Carly? Ciara?**

**C – You’re never going to guess, Lexa.**

**Lexa – Oh no, no, you’re not allowed to use my name until I know yours.**

**C – Oh really? How do you plan on keeping me from using it, LEXA?**

Biting down on her lower lip, Lexa kept herself from responding. She wondered how long without a reply the other girl would go before giving in, and since Lexa had no real attachment to the Twitter app, she knew that she would have enough self-control to keep from messaging.

At least, she thought she did.

After two, slow minutes had passed, she felt the urge to type something back. Why was that? It wasn’t like it _mattered_ , right? This girl was nameless, faceless. There was absolutely no reason for her to be interested in keeping up this friendship, or whatever it was. It made no sense – their conversations had been so surface level that they barely even counted as friends.

But even that was bullshit, Lexa knew.

Somehow, the princess started messaging back before Lexa succumbed to her own urge, but it wasn’t to give in.

**C – Lexa, Lexa, Lexa.**

**C – You can’t ignore me forever just because I use your name.**

**C – Lexaaaaaa.**

**C – It’s actually a really pretty name, btw.**

**C – Mine isn’t lol.**

**C – Come on, Lexa, you know you can’t ignore me. (:**

**Lexa – Fine, ugh. Why isn’t your name pretty? Is it something like Connie?**

**C – That was offensive to Connie’s everywhere.**

**Lexa – Oh, I bet it’s like, Candy or Cherry or something totally slutty. (that was a joke, I’m not slut shaming or name shaming anyone)**

**C – It’s not LOL.**

“Hey, Lex!” Raven’s voice called. “Sorry, I had to make up a quiz, Hanson was _pissed_ about me missing it. He almost never gives makeups either. So I guess that was my karma.”

Lexa sat up as Raven climbed up a few steps of the bleachers to where Lexa was. “But you _did_ get to make it up.”

“Yeah, well, it took a lot of convincing, so my karma was the effort. What are you doing?”

“Trying to guess _princess blondie’s_ name.”

“It’s not like she’d tell you if you guessed right.”

“Yeah, she said she would,” Lexa said snootily, causing Raven’s jaw to drop in disbelief. She was already reaching for her phone in her pocket.

“What! I want in on this game!”

Lexa scoffed. “It’s not a _game_.”

“I bet I can guess it first.”

“Uh, no, because she gave _me_ a hint already.”

Raven smiled slyly. “Loser has to drive the full way to Venice beach for spring break?”

“What? _No_!”

“Okay, then we can take separate cars.”

“Raven, that’s ridiculous,” Lexa growled.

“So are you up for the challenge then?”

Lexa clenched her teeth tightly, and then let out a breath of exasperation. “Fuck, _fine_.”

**Lexa – Apparently Raven’s making this a competition now.**

**C – I see that, she just messaged me lol.**

**Lexa – You better not give that bitch any hints.**

**C – But then it’s not fair XD**

**Lexa – You seem rather not upset with the fact that she made figuring out your name into a game lol.**

**C – Maybe I just really don’t think you’ll guess it.**

**Lexa – Cacey? Caela? Cait? Cali? Camile?**

**Lexa – You’ll count it if it’s not spelled right, right?**

**C – Maybe, but you haven’t guessed it at all yet, so.**

**Lexa – Chandra? Carin?**

**C – You’re never going to guess, Lexa, and neither is Raven lol.**

**Lexa – I have an idea! Give her a fake hint ;)**

**C – XD You’re awful!**

**C – Six letters, it’s a misspelled version of a normal name, won’t say if it’s a guy or girl name.**

**Lexa – Ooh, does someone want ME to win??**

**Lexa – (Seriously if I win because of that I might have to swear fealty to you or something because you would save me like two hours of driving Raven for spring break and I hate driving for that long)**

**Lexa – Caelyn?**

**Lexa – Actually, this made it no easier, because I can’t think of any names that fall into that category and isn’t one of the names I’ve already guessed lol.**

**C – Raven’s doing no better than you, lol, but she’s made it through most of the names you’ve already guessed.**

**Lexa – Fuck, she’s fast at guessing.**

“Oh my god, this girl must have a foreign name. I literally can’t think of anymore,” Raven muttered suddenly. “I’m going onto one of those name search sites.”

“Raven, that’s totally cheating.”

“It’s my game, and I say that’s not cheating.”

“You can’t just make rules all the sudden!” Lexa groaned when Raven didn’t reply.

**Lexa – Well, Raven’s cheating now and turning to the internet, so I might as well accept defeat.**

**C – Lol your efforts were truly impressive, though, I’ll give you that.**

**Lexa – Thanks :( Who knows, maybe she won’t guess it even with the wide expanse of the internet. She probably still thinks I’m guessing. LOL. Anyway. How are you? XD**

**C – I’m doing alright lol. Glad that last night is over.**

**Lexa – You and me both.**

**Lexa – Raven’s furious typing is keeping me from being able to concentrate on actually thinking of conversational topics.**

**C – It’s Clarke.**

Lexa’s fingers froze above her phone screen, staring down at the message. Yeah, she probably never would have guessed that. Her mind was racing for half a second, trying to think of how to reply quickly so that the girl – _Clarke_ – didn’t wonder why she wasn’t answering.

**Lexa – No wonder you were confident we wouldn’t be able to guess.**

**Lexa – Also, I think you’re wrong – it is a pretty name.**

**C – No, it’s not. XD**

**Lexa – Think what you want, I know that I know the truth ;)**

**C – I should probably tell Raven so that she stops messaging me names.**

**Lexa – Oh no, let me.**

“Guessed it!” Lexa lied excitedly, causing Raven to look up in disbelief.

“No you didn’t? _How_? What is it? Ugh! I do not want to drive two hours to Venice!” Raven whined. “What the fuck is her name?”

“Clarke.” When she said it aloud, something about it made her skin tingle. She felt a smile come to her lips – Clarke had told her even though Lexa had literally given up. Why?

* * *

Clarke’s heart was pounding as she stared at her direct message conversation with Lexa. She didn’t know why she did it. She’d known Lexa – online – for all of four days. There was really no reason to tell Lexa – it wasn’t like she needed to know in order for them to talk online. Wasn’t that the whole point of Clarke using Twitter anyway? Anonymity? And she was so willing to throw away part of that for Lexa, _why_?

Locking her phone, and let the device drop into her lap and leaned her head back against the tree she was leaning on, her eyelids falling closed. Her mind was raking through its deepest thoughts, trying to figure out what was so special about Lexa.

Maybe it was because Lexa seemed to care about her wellbeing.

Maybe it was because Lexa seemed so _real_ , even if Clarke had only seen stills of her face and typed out versions of her words.

Maybe it was because during every conversation they’d had, Clarke ended up captivated in it so much so that when it was over, it felt the way it must feel for little kids to have their dessert taken from them and replaced with peas.

Maybe it was because after last night, Clarke had pulled out her phone six times during school to see if she had a new message from the brunette.

Maybe it was because she felt more like herself talking to Lexa than anyone else.

“Clarke, hey!”

The voice surprised the blonde, because Wells was never around the fields after school. “Hey, Wells, what are you doing back here?”

“I was actually looking for you,” Wells admitted. “I figured you might be back here waiting for Octavia, and I accidentally took your textbook in class today.” He dropped his backpack on the ground and produced said textbook.

“Oh, thanks.” Her voice was rather flat as she took it back.

“You doing alright? How was your date last night?”

Clarke shrugged. “It was good.”

“Who was it with?”

“Nathan, uh, from the football team?”

Wells raised an eyebrow. “Really? He must like you then, he doesn’t go out with people often.”

“How do you know?”

“Harper knows him,” Wells offered up vaguely.

“Well, I’m pretty sure that’s not why he went out with me. I think that Octavia’s date was using him to get me to go out so that Octavia would even go out at all,” Clarke admitted with a sad laugh. “It’s fine, though. Can’t say I was really interested in Nathan anyway, and he was very clearly not interested in me.”

 “So it wasn’t good then?”

Clarke just shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it anymore. “How are you?”

“Not bad,” Wells replied. “I’ve been kind of wrapped up in school, though –“ Later, Clarke would probably feel bad about zoning out, but she felt her phone buzz at her in her lap, and was immediately distracted. It took all of her willpower to keep from checking the message, and she mentally chastised herself for being apparently so addicted to the app and talking to her online friends.

Thankfully, there wasn’t a chance for Wells to realize that Clarke was absolutely not listening, because all of the sudden, Octavia was running over from the field. “Hey C! And hey, Wells. Long time no see. How’ve you been?”

“Pretty good,” Wells answered, glancing between the two best friends. “I was just about to head out, though, so I’ll see you around. Bye, Clarke.” Wells started off toward the parking lot as Clarke stood up, slinging her backpack over her shoulder and pocketing her phone – acutely aware of the fact that she had multiple messages waiting for her.

“He still hates me,” Octavia stated.

“Come on, we’re going to your place so you can take a shower, and then you’re taking me out for ice cream.”

Octavia raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Because you _owe_ me after last night.”

“What do you mean? I got you a date!”

“You got me a date with someone who was so clearly not interested in me, and who was only there so that you would go with Patrick, so that you two could hook up,” Clarke insisted, but she wasn’t really mad, and her words came out bluntly rather than in annoyance. “So you owe me ice cream.”

“Fine, deal, let’s go to my place.”

* * *

The shower was running in Octavia’s bathroom, and Clarke was sprawled across Octavia’s bed, lying on her front and propping herself up on her elbows. Finally alone, the blonde was able to take out her phone and check her Twitter messages. She opened the ones from Raven first.

**Raven – DUDE HOW DID LEXA GUESS?**

**Raven – Also your name is Clarke, that’s totally sick, I love it.**

**Raven – You can’t just disappear like this, princess, where’d you go :(**

Clarke smirked, choosing not to reply until she’d replied to Lexa.

**Lexa – (I lied and told her I guessed it, please don’t tell her the truth. I really don’t wanna drive all the way to Venice)**

Blinking, the blonde wondered for the first time where Lexa was in California. Clearly it was a decent drive to Venice, but that didn’t say much, considering how big the state was. Plus, she could be north or south of LA. Clarke lived in a small town near Santa Barbara, so she wasn’t too far from Venice – just an hour or so. Where was Lexa?

**C – I won’t tell her. You’re lucky I like you, or else I would think that’s totally cheating despite your excessive complaining over Raven’s cheating lol.**

**Lexa – Is it really cheating if she doesn’t know ;)**

**C – Yes, it is. :P**

**Lexa – Where’d you disappear to btw?**

**C – Was talking to a friend and then my best friend got out of practice and now we’re at her place. She’s taking me out for ice cream after she’s showered off to repay me for last night, so that’s exciting.**

**Lexa – Can’t go wrong with ice cream!**

**Lexa – Unless it’s like, rocky road - I’m not a fan.**

**C – WHAT. You’re a monster, rocky road is my favorite.**

The sound of the shower running disappeared, but Clarke knew that she had a least another minute or two before Octavia’s bathroom door would fling open.

**Lexa – Oh btw, you’re lucky that Raven is driving right now, because she would be bitter AF that you’re messaging me and not her. Although, I think she’s happy that I’m actually spending time online now.**

**C – Haha I don’t know whether to apologize or say you’re welcome?**

**Lexa – Neither are necessary lol.**

As soon as the bathroom door opened behind her, Clarke locked her phone, glancing over her shoulder to look at her best friend. However, by the time she was able to register anything behind her, Octavia was already by the bed, flopping down on top of Clarke. “Hey bestie!”

“You’re in a good mood, I see,” Clarke said, after letting out a grunt at the surprise tackle. “I guess your Valentine’s Day night was good?”

“It was, I’m so glad that I didn’t try to hook up with that guy I was texting last week, because it would’ve been so awkward trying to converse in person after all of that. And Patrick was so nice, and he was actually good in bed, too. And I _actually_ orgasmed last night too, which rarely happens for me if it's not _me_ doing the work,” Octavia explained with awe. “I’m sorry Nathan and you didn’t get along well…”

“It’s not your fault, he just didn’t seem interested, and I can’t really say that I was interested in him. He seemed _nice_ … but maybe more as a friend, you know?”

Octavia hummed in response. “I guess. I just really wanted us to have a good Valentine’s Day. I’m sorry if I fucked it up.”

“Don’t apologize, O, I’m not _mad_ … it just wasn’t what it could’ve been, I guess. Now, can we go get ice cream?”

Rolling off of the blonde, Octavia grinned. “Of course!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Lexa's mom is kind of a bitch, but she could be worse, yeah? Kinda different for me to write, because in the past I've made Lexa's mom more chill, or she's just like, not really in the story lol.  
> Love you all, and I hope you have a lovely week!! x


	5. Hey, I Have A Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke finds herself with a lack of things to do and ends up finding out something interesting, and Lexa is forced to face something in her past that throws her in a bit of a funk - not to mention that something else is starting to get under her skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, guys, the past three days have been soooo long and fucking incredible. I've been at ClexaCon all weekend, as well as getting to explore Vegas and I saw this show called Paranormal. I met fucking Gabrielle Christian, Mandy Musgrave, Natasha Negovanlis, Elise Bauman, and also Bria and Chrissy... plus I met a few of my Twitter/Fanfic followers and a ton of other awesome people, and I'm just?? I think I'm in a ClexaCon coma??  
> I'm flying out of Las Vegas tomorrow, and I'm gonna lose two hours when I get back to Texas. Sigh. Can't believe its over. It was my first Convention experience (aside from a Houston Comic Con I went to for like 2 hours once lol) and it was fucking incredible. If any of you also went, I'd love to hear about your experience!  
> Anyway, I pretty much forgot where I left off posting, so I reread the chapter and edited it to make sure you guys didn't get anything weird XD Also if I'm not making proper sentences, I'm sorry - I'm so exhausted and still jet lagged LOL.
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

Lexa walked into the familiar dance studio feeling a twinge of nostalgia. She had worked here over the summer, helping teach one of the young adult classes, but when school started last fall, her time had been abruptly stolen out from under her. The studio hired someone else to take the position, someone who was at school at UC San Diego and not a high school, but Lexa had received an email the previous week asking if she was available to help teach just the Thursday classes. Apparently, that was the only class the new teacher wasn’t able to be at this semester. Since it was only one day of the week, Lexa had been able to work it into her schedule, and it felt so nice to be back.

“Lexie! You’re back! Fucking finally, this class has been such a bore without you to help teach it!” Lexa hadn’t even noticed the full time class instructor – Olivia – standing over by the speaker.

“Liv, I told you not to call me Lexie,” she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest. “Seriously, I beat up a kid when I was seven for calling me that, and you finally got used to saying _Lexa_ last summer.”

Olivia grinned. “Shit, sorry, I guess excitement just came over me. The new teacher is great, but I really miss having you around. You been dancing much?”

“Not a _lot_ … I haven’t really had time. I mean, I dance at school on the team, but other than that, not really. I can still teach though, I promise.”

“Of course you can, I’d never doubt it. We actually have lots of new high school students in this class, by the way, but most of them are… well, let’s just say they have a lot to learn. You always work better with high school students then I do, so I’m going to trust in you,” Olivia said with a teasing grin.

At that, a few of the students began to trickle into the room, and Lexa moved over next to the older woman and leaned against the mirror on the wall, watching as some familiar and some new faces began filling the space. She recognized some people from her school as well, which she hoped wouldn’t mean anything awkward. Sure, Lexa had quite a few friends and acquaintances, but she wasn’t really popular either.

Then, her stomach immediately clenched when her ex – who she had dated for six months by the time she’d decided to end it – walked into the room. “Oh shit,” she muttered.

“What?” Olivia asked, looking up from the iPod she’d been picking music on.

“That’s my ex,” Lexa explained, nodding toward the blonde across the room, who had yet to notice her.

“Sierra?” Lexa nodded. “Isn’t she in college?”

“We dated last year, when she was a senior in high school,” Lexa explained with a sigh.

“Did she dump you? For some reason, I can’t picture you getting dumped like, at all.”

“No, I broke things off. I wasn’t even a junior in high school yet, and she was about to be in college. I felt kind of shitty about it, but like… I wasn’t ready to commit that much, I guess. I just haven’t seen her since then, so…”

“Well I’m sorry to say that she’s one of the students who needs the most help… so I guess you’re going from zero to sixty in a minute. Maybe she’ll be able to learn a thing or two from you.”

Lexa groaned, and just then, Sierra’s dark eyes landed on her and immediately narrowed in annoyance. “This is going to be hell.”

* * *

**Direct Message With @lexawarriorwoods**

**Lexa – Hey, are you around?**

**C – When am I not around?**

**Lexa – I just had like, the worst experience ever. I used to teach this dance class at the studio I used to take lessons at, and I started teaching it again today, but when I got there, it turns out that my ex-girlfriend is taking the class. It was so fucking awkward and my co-teacher made me actually communicate with her and like TEACH her, and she was so pissed and I’m just… ughhh I have half a mind to quit already and this was my first day back.**

**C – Well shit, that sounds… awful…**

**Lexa – It was. I haven’t seen her since like, last May, but she’s still so pissed at me.**

**C – What did you do?**

**Lexa – I broke up with her, because she was about to start college and I was barely even halfway through high school. I couldn’t commit to her that strongly, you know? Ugh, and it’s not like I regret it or am still into her, I just wish that SHE was over it. Like… I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t go back.**

**C – I don’t think you should let her keep you from living your life normally, even if it is awkward.**

**Lexa – Ugh, you’re right but… UGH. I hope she decides not to come next week.**

**Lexa – Sorry, Raven wouldn’t pick up her phone and for some reason you were the second person I thought of when I was trying to figure out who to talk to.**

Clarke smiled without thinking when she read that, and proceeded to send Lexa a message to insist that it was alright. She didn’t mind it if Lexa wanted to talk her about things like that – it felt kind of nice, actually. Clarke wasn’t used to many people confiding in her, in fact, aside from Octavia, there really wasn’t anyone else who would. Wells, maybe in the past, but not anymore.

Glancing at the time, the blonde realized that it was starting to get late, and that if she was going to finish her homework before the seconds before classes started the next day, she needed to get started. She placed her phone firmly on her nightstand and moved over to her desk, opening up her backpack and pulling out her notebooks. It was going to be a long evening.

Halfway through her assignments, she heard her phone buzz for the first time in a while across the room, and it took all of her willpower to keep from giving in and going to grab the device. She knew that she’d gotten fairly addicted to scrolling through her timeline in the past couple of months, but this, she had not expected. Raven had been the first person online who Clarke would classify as an actual friend, and Lexa was the second. And somehow, in the span of a week, she didn’t want to tear herself away from her phone keyboard. Raven and Lexa were… they were like _magic_ or something – something that took Clarke out of her depressing life and into a world of wonder. She really couldn’t explain it, but the idea that Lexa was messaging her and she was too busy with school to answer absolutely frustrated the blonde. Her fingers itched to drop her pen and grab for her phone.

When she finally finished, she prolonged her return to her phone even more if only to prove that it was possible, by going to the bathroom and readying herself for bed. She washed her face off, brushed her tangled hair and let it fall in bland sheets around her face, and changed into comfy pajamas. Then, and only then, she turned off her light and slid under the blankets of her bed, grabbing her phone to check her notifications.

**Direct Message With @raeraebae**

**Raven – Yo princess! What’s up? How’s life?**

**C – I finally finished my homework for tomorrow – life is a solid 5/10 I guess? Lol, how about you?**

**Direct Message With @lexawarriorwoods**

**Lexa – Yeah, anyway, how are things with you lol?**

**Lexa – Oh shit, did my babbling about the drama of my life scare you away? XD**

**Lexa – You’re probably just busy haha, I’ll let you do your thing. Talk to you later!**

**C – Hey, I’m back, sorry. I had homework and if I didn’t start it earlier I would’ve ended up turning in half assed assignments tomorrow. My teachers are already paying double the attention to me the past few weeks, so I didn’t need to give them another reason to think that something’s up with me.**

**Lexa – Is something up with you lol?**

**C – Yes lol.**

**Lexa – You wanna talk about it? I kind of owe you anyway, you listened to my shit.**

**C – Well, it’s not like a huge deal or anything. I’m just buried very deep in the closet, which is why I really even started using Twitter a lot anyway, and lately have been more and more checked out of real life. I’m pretty sure Octavia’s been noticing it too, but she’s too nice to say anything about it. I’ve always been pretty quiet, but lately it’s just so much effort to put effort into anything.**

**Lexa – Ah yikes. That doesn’t sound fun. You’re pretty set on not coming out then?**

**C – Oh trust me, I’d love to, but… I go to a private school where they could make anything into reason enough to kick someone out. And like, I have like a year and three months left here. I can survive that length of time.**

**Lexa – I’m sure you can, but I can’t even imagine doing that. I kinda sorta fell out of the closet when I came out, but it was the best thing I ever did, honestly. Of course, my best friend and most people around me were very supportive, and I go to a public school, and my mom was super indifferent, so. Everyone’s different.**

**C – I guess I’m just scared about what people would say or think about me, you know? Because I’m so like… not popular or interesting, but people still know who I am. If I was suddenly the GAY girl, or bisexual or whatever, people would be so averse to me, I already know it. There is literally not a single gay person out at my school.**

**Lexa – I’m sorry. That seriously sucks.**

**Lexa – If it helps, you have me and Raven here online :)**

**C – It would help more if my only supportive friends I could trust were NOT just online friends, but I appreciate it nonetheless haha.**

* * *

“Clarke! Guess what!” Octavia exclaimed happily, bumping her hip against the blonde’s as she settled into a walk next to her.

“Do you actually want me to guess? Because you know I suck at guessing.”

Octavia laughed. “No, it’s okay, don’t guess. Patrick asked me out again. We’re going out tonight.”

“You really like him then?” Clarke smiled softly at her friend. She was glad that Octavia seemed interested in someone, because she usually spent forever fawning over boys who ended up being douchebags, or going on first dates with people only to end up entirely disappointed.

“Well, enough for a second date. We’ll see about anything else after tonight.” The brunette grinned. “Do you wanna do something tomorrow? Oh! We can go to the mall? You and I totally need a shopping day – we haven’t bought any new clothes in ages, and if I’m potentially going to be monogamous soon, I’m going to need new clothes.”

Despite how ridiculous her best friend sounded, Clarke couldn’t help but nod even as she laughed. “Sure, just text me tomorrow, since I figure you’ll be _busy_ in the morning.”

“Ooh, there’s my Clarke! You’ve been wrapped up in a little shell recently. I’m glad to see that you’re back, I missed you,” she teased semi-seriously. “Don’t worry about waiting for me after practice, by the way. I’m just going to go straight home and get ready for my date.”

“Okay,” Clarke agreed.

The day began passing slowly, which was what usually happened to Clarke on Fridays. It was like the universe had to taunt her before giving her the weekend, and it sucked. Thankfully, she made it through Mr. Smith’s class without much hassle, and the same went for her other classes.

It wasn’t until the end of the day that Clarke realized she had nothing to do. Normally, she waited for Octavia after school on Fridays, and they went to Clarke’s house and got food and spent the night gossiping or something. Tonight would obviously be different, but Clarke felt slightly uncomfortable shifting out of her routine. Going home now meant opening herself up to an extra hour or so of boredom just sitting at home.

She thought through the homework she had for the weekend, and decided that she could go to the library to get some of it done – that way, she would at least be able to be productive and still get home when she normally would. Then, against her luck, the library closed half an hour earlier than most days, since it was a Friday. Put off again, Clarke started to roam the near empty school building. She could text Wells maybe, and hang out with him today. She hadn’t hung out with him much recently, and she kind of felt bad about it. Now was as good a time as ever to fix that.

Pulling out her phone to text her old friend, her thoughts were suddenly torn away from the task when she heard something collide loudly in a nearby classroom. Immediately concerned, she pocketed her phone again and started toward the room she thought the sound came from. The door was ajar, but the lights inside were off. Possibly against her better judgment, she pushed the door open a bit further and stepped on the threshold, peeking in.

Her eyes blew open wide at what she saw – two guys, one of them pressed up against a desk – which something seemed to have fallen off of to create the crashing sound – and the other pinning him there. Their lips were attached in a heated make out session, and for a few seconds, Clarke was unable to do anything other than stare in disbelief. When it became apparent that the boys had no idea that she was there, she made to quickly duck out, but being the awkward fool that she was, she knocked her backpack into the doorframe, catching both of the guys’ attention.

They flung themselves apart in what seemed like terror, and Clarke was forced to gape even more as she realized that she recognized one of the guys – it was Nathan. The other one she didn’t recognize, but she hardly had anytime to register what he looked like before he was rushing out of the room, practically shoving Clarke aside to escape.

“Oh my god,” Clarke exclaimed as she caught herself on the door, which was now swinging open all the way.

“ _Shit_ … Clarke… you can’t… _ugh, fuck_!” Nathan growled, his head falling into his hands. “Fuck, Clarke. You can’t tell anyone about what you just saw!”

“Who do you think I am?” Clarke asked, her voice quieter than she meant it to be. “I’m not going to tell anyone.”

“Good.” Nathan straightened himself out, running his hands over his clothes and grabbing his backpack off of the floor. He slung it over his shoulders, fixed the messed up desks, and started toward the exit of the room. Just before passing Clarke, he stopped and looked her straight in the face. “Seriously, you can’t tell _anyone_. Not Octavia, nobody. Got it?”

Clarke clenched her jaw, annoyed at how angry he sounded. To be fair, though, she’d probably be the same way if someone had caught _her_ making out with some girl. “Yeah, I got it.”

Nodding one more time, possibly more to himself than to Clarke, Nathan sidestepped her and exited the room.

* * *

“Truth or dare Lexa? You have to pick.”

Lexa sighed, leaning against the wall behind her and trying to focus on the entertainment that this game and party was meant to provide. She’d been a little out of it since the previous day, due to a combination of things, she thought. For one, seeing Sierra had totally blindsided her, but there was something else too, and she couldn’t quite pinpoint it. “Truth.”

Anya groaned. “That’s so boring.”

Luna, whose turn it was to ask, didn’t make a similar comment, and instead proceeded to ask Lexa her truth question. “When’s the last time you had sex?”

Lexa fiddled with the cup of alcohol in her hand – she could drink it and avoid admitting that it had been a while, but she knew that everyone probably already knew how long it would have been. Lexa had actually already dated most of the lesbians and bisexuals at their school, aside from Raven, who she would never even dream of sleeping with. Well, she’d dreamt it _once_ , but that had been a very awkward anomaly that had never repeated itself. “About three months ago.”

“If you ever wanna give your pussy some real attention…” One of the guys in the circle wiggled his eyebrows at Lexa, and she practically gagged.

“I think my pussy is doing okay with my vibrator for now, but thanks for the offer,” she tossed back, her tone giving away how disgusted by the idea she was. “Raven, truth or dare?”

Raven gave her a look of annoyance for picking her, but Lexa was just proud of herself for participating despite her weird mood. “Dare, I guess.”

“Ooh, _Rae_ is the exciting one today.”

“What do you mean the exciting one?” Raven asked, sipping her drink as she proceeded to raise her eyebrows at Anya.

“Lexa’s usually the one jumping for dares.”

The comment rubbed Lexa the wrong way, even though she knew that she was being overly sensitive, and she exhaled in a huff. “I think I’m actually done with this game for now, take my turn, Raven.”

“What, I don’t even get to do anything?”

“I dare you to take your turn,” Lexa muttered with a shake of her head, standing up. “I’m going to get another drink.”

“You’re not even done with yours,” Luna said skeptically, but Lexa was already headed out of the room. She was stumbling a little bit, courtesy of the Jell-O shot she’d taken earlier, which had definitely settled into her bloodstream by now. There were quite a few other people scattered throughout the house – she couldn’t remember whose house it was actually, but she knew where the alcohol was, and that was what mattered.

Yeah, she’d easily gotten drunk too many times in the past week, but the last two times had been for Raven’s sake. This time, she was feeling off, and she wanted to feel lighter. There wasn’t any shame in that, was there?

There probably should’ve been.

Pouring herself a shot and quickly taking it back, she let the alcohol slowly take over some of her senses and calm her down. Then, she hoisted herself up onto the kitchen counter and pulled out her phone. A few other people were in the kitchen – there was one couple making out in the corner of the room and another guy leaning against a wall with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, but none of them really acknowledged the others.

Her first instinct was to check Twitter – a new development over the past week. And not just Twitter, but specifically her messages with Clarke. That was mildly concerning, but she couldn’t help that talking to the girl calmed her down fairly easily.

She had a couple of missed messages from her internet friend.

**Direct Message With @princess_blondie**

**C – So this is really weird and coincidental, but…**

**C – I just walked in on two guys making out in a classroom at my school.**

**C – And one of them is the guy I was on a date with literally three days ago.**

**C – I think I know why he wasn’t into said date. ._.**

**Lexa – Ooh a closet case. Looks like you’re not the only one at your school after allllll**

Lexa wasn’t really expecting an immediate reply, since Clarke hadn’t messaged for a few hours, but she got one just a minute later anyway.

**C – Haha yeah. I thought about texting him about it, because he was so pissed when I walked in. Like, he told me three times that I couldn’t tell anyone, but he was trying to sound really intimidating or something. I guess I kind of just want him to know that he isn’t alone? Or maybe I just want to feel like I’m less alone lol.**

**Lexa – I dont see the harm in that. Just mayb wait a couple of days so he’s like, less mad. Probably alsoo it’ll reassure him that you didn’t tell anyone in that span of time.**

**C – Are you okay lol? Your typing is weird.**

**Lexa – I’m a lil drunk :)**

**C – Why lol?**

**Lexa – I’m at a partyyy. I kinda feel like shit tho, which is rly why. Idk, I got drunk bc of Raven the past two times, I promise I’m not like, always drinking.**

**C – Had me fooled XD**

**C – I’m just kidding, I believe you. Why do you feel like shit? Because of running into your ex yesterday?**

**Lexa – Idkkk**

**Lexa – Hey I have a question**

**Lexa – What do you look like**

**C – Haha, I’m not going to send you a picture if that’s what you’re expecting.**

**Lexa – it’s really hard to picture what ppl look like when u only know their name and what color hair they have**

**C – Well then just don’t picture anything?**

**Lexa – I bet you’re really prettyyyy**

**C – Haha what makes you so sure? XD**

**Lexa – You’re so nice and idk, I bet you’re like super cute and adorable.**

**C – Hahaha well I wouldn’t describe myself that way, but I guess that’s not really an objective point of view, so.**

**Lexa – send me a pic and I bet I’ll be right ;D**

**C – You should drink some water Lexa XD How drunk are you?**

**Lexa – I dunno, I took a jello shot earlier and then I drank like a beer and a half? I just took another shot. I probably shouldn’t be trusted w my phone. Sorry I’m probably annoying u a ton. Ugh rae should really take my phone away when we go to parties. That’s what I normally do to her lol**

**C – It’s okay, really.**

Lexa set her phone aside anyway, knowing that she was too drunk to keep messaging Clarke. As she felt her mind begin to swim, she knew that it would end up being a bad idea.

Instead, she pushed off of the counter, nearly falling when she landed her feet on the floor, and looked for some sort of surface to lay down on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I Periscoped parts of the 3 panels I went to, as well as some other stuff in between. I also tweeted out all my photos and the things that I bought from vendors. Something I didn't post is a Clarke/Lexa poster that I got, but when I put it on my wall, I will post it. Shoutout to the amazing vendors who were there, by the way, if I could, I would've bought like, all the things lol. So many incredibly talented artists!  
> On Friday, my cousin who lives in Vegas (and who is also gay) went with us to the con, and she watched up to S3 of t100 and thus ships Clexa and definitely feels the heartbreak of Lexa's death, but she doesn't really watch many other shows. But she took the photo with Mandy and Gaby with us and afterward she was all starstruck anyway, it was hilarious XD Anyway, I'm trying not to go on and on too much about this, but it was just so incredible and I wish I could share the experience with all of you who were unable to make it out. I'm hoping to be able to go next year, or maybe even every year, but I obviously won't be able to ensure that, definitely not yet. We'll see though :)  
> I hope you liked the update! Comments are definitely appreciated, as always!  
> Final note: If I get a bit more ahead in this story before I go on my spring break vacation (which is my school's choir trip), I'll post updates twice a week :)  
> Love you all, have a lovely week!! xx Don't forget to follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana !


	6. Just Admit It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's doing her best to get back into the swing of things with her best friend, as well as possibly make some new friends, and Lexa is stuck on something Raven said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies! When I'm writing this, it's Friday, but you're reading it on Sunday! How weird! XD  
> On Sunday I'll be in Los Angeles for my choir trip, and I decided not to bring my laptop. It really complicates my travel and since it's literally one of my most valuable possessions (monetarily and also like, mentally/emotionally lol), I don't want to be stressing about it the whole time I'm on vacation. So I'm drafting this chapter and when you read it, I'll have just posted it from my phone. ^.^ Wow technology!  
> Follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana !!
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

Clarke stayed up late on Friday night, hoping that Lexa would message her back. She told herself at first that it was just because she was bored, but it quickly became apparent that she was worried about the brunette.

Lexa never replied that night, though, so Clarke finally passed out around midnight.

She woke up to her phone blaring the ringtone set for Octavia’s contact, and she grabbed her phone and answered the call before even opening her eyes. “What?”

“Did you just wake up? Clarke, it’s like _eleven_. I got laid last night and even I woke up like two hours ago. What time do you wanna meet at the mall? I was going to say that I’d be ready at noon, but I’m pretty sure that you’ll still be half asleep by then.”

“Talking too… fast,” Clarke muttered, her right hand coming up to her face and wiping the sleep from her eyes. “One?”

“One works, meet me at the food court, I’ll buy you caffeine of some sort.”

“You’re the best,” Clarke murmured gratefully, before pulling the phone away from her ear and stabbing the end call button with her thumb. Forcing her eyes open now, she pulled herself up into a sitting position and clutched her phone in her left hand as she stretched both her arms over her head. Had she really slept eleven hours?

Yep – looking at her phone confirmed that it was just about eleven in the morning. Sighing, she opened up Twitter as she eased herself into being full awake. She had a missed message from Lexa.

**Lexa – Hey, just wanted to apologize for messaging you last night. I shouldn’t have gone all drunk text on you. I was having an off night and some of my friends were annoying me, so I turned to the comfort of my phone lol. I guess I kind of forgot that just because I don’t know you in real life, that doesn’t mean that you should have to listen to my drunken rants. In fact, it’s probably a clear indication that you shouldn’t be obligated to do that lol.**

**C – It’s fine, really, don’t apologize. Plus, I was honestly more worried when you disappeared.**

**Lexa – Oh shit, sorry. I ended up leaving my phone in the kitchen. Wasn’t my smartest move, some guy tried to get into it looking for nudes, according to Raven. Not that he would’ve found anything of the sort on it, but yeah. I crashed on a super uncomfortable couch and once Rae found my phone and then me, she woke me up and dragged me down the street to her house. So I’m alive and well, with a shitty hangover though.**

**Lexa – Also I swear I really don’t usually get that drunk, or drunk at all.**

**C – Well I’m glad everything went okay. Are you feeling less shitty?**

**Lexa – I really don’t know lol. I don’t even know why I’ve been in such a weird mood. Maybe it’s PMS lol.**

**Lexa – Sorry, that’s TMI. Sometimes I forget that I’ve only known you for like a week and it’s probably really weird for me to say some things.**

**C – Haha don’t worry, I forget too, and it’s not that TMI.**

**Lexa – Well, that’s good to know.**

Clarke suddenly got a snapchat from Octavia – and she switched apps quickly. She didn’t usually use her snapchat for much, since she followed few people other than Octavia. The brunette sent her a dumb selfie with the caption: **You better not have gone back to sleep!**

Sighing, Clarke dropped her phone onto the mattress and dragged herself out of her blankets. Time to start getting ready for the day.

* * *

“So, what’d you do last night?” Octavia asked, nudging the blonde as they walked through the mall. Clarke had a cream tea with tapioca in hand, which the brunette had just bought for her. She was grateful for the caffeine after her prolonged sleep. “Did you go to bed late?”

“I didn’t do much, honestly. I just relaxed at home after doing some homework at school. How was your date with Patrick? Is he the one?”

Octavia shrugged. “Don’t know. I might go out with him again, but he really just wanted to get on to the sex, I think. Which I don’t really blame him for, because the sex was good, but there’s more to it than that, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it,” Clarke agreed. “Still need to buy new clothes just in case, though?” She smirked at her friend in amusement, because she knew that had just been an excuse for Octavia to go shopping, and the brunette just shrugged.

“It’s always a good time to buy new clothes. Plus, we should get something cute for you. You never wear anything new.”

“What’s the point? We have to wear uniforms every day at school anyway.”

“Well, when we’re not at school, obviously.”

Clarke chuckled. “Okay, but the only place I really go that’s not school is your house, or like, here. And I’m pretty sure I don’t need to look super stylish to go to the mall.”

“How about a party? There’s one next Friday, and Patrick invited me. And a ton of people are going to be there, so there will be tons of people to chill with,” Octavia said casually, although Clarke totally read through it. She knew that Octavia had just been waiting and waiting for a place to slip the party into the conversation. “Plus, you never go to parties. It’ll be so fun. It’s at Patrick’s friend’s place, and his parents are going to be out, and there’s going to be a ton of booze.”

Clarke’s immediate reaction was to refuse, insist that she had something better to do, but her best friend was giving her a hopeful, expectant look. It wasn’t like Clarke going to a party like that meant that she had to drink and be stupid. If anything, she could be Octavia’s sober driver if Patrick ended up being a no-go that night. What was wrong with a little fun?

Although, she knew that argument was kind of stupid. She probably wouldn’t even have fun – she wasn’t friends with any of those people who would be there. Just Octavia, who would undoubtedly be hanging out with other people the whole time. The brunette must’ve realized what Clarke was thinking, because she quickly added, “And I promise I won’t leave you to hang out with Patrick or anyone, okay? I’ll be there with you the whole time, it’ll be fun. Please, please, please?”

“You said that about the Valentine’s Date,” Clarke said doubtfully, but she knew by now that she would end up saying yes. Octavia gave her a pout, and she let out a long sigh. “Okay, fine. But I’m not drinking, because there’s no way I’m going to be left without a sober driver and no way home.”

“Whatever you want, as long as you’re going!” Octavia exclaimed excitedly. “Yay, awesome, it’s going to be so fun! Oh! And with that in mind, it’s time to buy you something sexy to wear for it!”

* * *

**Direct Message With @princess_blondie**

**C – Help me!**

**C – My best friend has me at the mall looking for something “sexy” to wear for a party I’m apparently being dragged to next week.**

**C – Okay, I AGREED to go to the party, but just because like, I don’t know, I’ve never been to one so I should try it right? But I’m NOT going to drink and I’m definitely NOT going to hook up with anyone, so I don’t get why I need to dress all special? Can’t I just wear something that I have already? UGH.**

**Lexa – Hahaha but it’s fun to try new clothes at new events. Maybe you’ll catch some people’s attention, and that’s not always bad ;)**

**C – But I don’t want to! I’m perfectly content with NOT having people’s attention.**

**C – Ugh, she’s trying to get me to buy something low cut because I have “nice tits.”**

**Lexa – Well maybe you do have nice tits and they deserve to be shown off? XD**

**C – Ugh you’re really not helping.**

**Lexa – Hey, I’m just saying. I don’t know what you look like anyway lol. I just think that trying new clothing styles isn’t a bad thing, especially not if you’re stuck in a stuffy school uniform all the time. Plus, parties can be fun, whether or not you drink, and I can practically sense how not excited for it you are lol.**

**C – It’s because my friend’s current person she’s dating is going to be there and she promised that she won’t abandon me there, but I know she’s going to. -.-**

**Lexa – Meet some new people :)**

**C – You’re seriously not helping, you’re supposed to rage with meeeee.**

**Lexa – Oh my bad! Grr your friend is making you buy cute clothes that show off the assets you may or may not have so that when she abandons you at the party you get a bunch of people wanting to hang out with you!! Grr!!**

**C – You’re an asshole.**

**Lexa – I’m sorry, I’m just teasing. Forgive me?**

**C – Yeah, yeah, whatever.**

**C – Ugh, she’s out of the bathroom, I have to go back to shopping now. Wish me luck.**

**Lexa – Good luck!!**

“Messaging Clarke?” Raven asked as Lexa set her phone down. They were sitting on one of the playground structures at a park near their neighborhood, just on their phones and filling up their Saturday. After dragging themselves out of bed that morning, they’d decided that fresh air might help with their hangovers. It had, somewhat, and now they were just not feeling the walk back to either of their houses.

“Not anymore. She’s shopping with her friend,” Lexa replied, looking over to her best friend. The Latina wore a smug look on her face. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“No reason.”

“Raven…”

“I just think it’s interesting how much you’ve been talking to Clarke since _I_ got you to join Twitter. For someone so adamantly against online friends, you sure made one pretty fast. Plus, _I_ think that you have a crush on her.”

Lexa’s jaw dropped. “What the fuck? No I don’t. How could I? I don’t even know what she looks like. Plus, I’ve literally known her for a week! Less actually!”

“So what? You can form a crush on someone in literally minutes! And you’ve definitely talked to her enough to start to like her, no matter what she looks like. She clearly has a personality that fits well with yours, or else you wouldn’t even consider talking to her that much.”

“I talk to _you_ a lot and I don’t have a crush on you.”

“That’s because you and I both know that we would be so incompatible as girlfriends, Lexa,” Raven insisted. “Come on, tell me that every time you put down your phone, you don’t wish that you could just keep on texting her.”

“I don’t,” Lexa insisted, looking Raven straight in the face.

“You told her about Sierra, didn’t you? You don’t talk to _anyone_ about personal things besides me, so that has to mean something.”

Lexa sat up straighter. “Maybe it’s just because she feels less real, like it doesn’t feel as much like I’m divulging information to an actual person.”

“Don’t tell Clarke that,” Raven said with a raised eyebrow. “Come on, Lexa, just admit that you’re not entirely opposed to having a crush on her.”

“What does that even mean, Raven? You’re not making any sense, and I don’t have a crush on her. I don’t know anything about her.”

“Oh, here’s a good question. What was up with you last night? Were you suddenly all bitter about being single because of seeing Sierra on Thursday?”

“No!”

“So what? What got you into an ultra-depressive mood?”

Lexa narrowed her green eyes into what she hoped was a beam of some sort of energy that would shut Raven up. “What are you trying to get at?”

“Maybe your subconscious is realizing your crush on Clarke and it’s sad that she’s a faceless person on the internet.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

Raven hummed thoughtfully. “Whatever you say, Lexa.”

* * *

Clarke stared at her phone on Sunday night, feeling rather at a loss. She’d spent the day by herself, with Octavia off doing something else with some other people. Twitter had not provided her its normal distraction, because Lexa had seemingly dropped off the face of the planet for the past twenty-four hours. She had messaged Raven a little, but the girl disappeared at some point to do homework. After binging a couple of YouTube videos, Clarke remembered that she was thinking about texting Nathan about Friday.

What would she even say, though? “Hey Nathan, so are you gay? Because I think I’m bi and that’s cool we should be closeted together yay.” He would think that she was stupid or something.

Still, she felt like it was the nice thing to do. That way, he wouldn’t be scared of her telling anyone, and maybe she could make a connection with someone else whom she knew in real life.

That said, the thought of telling anyone about her sexuality was pretty terrifying. What if he decided one day to out her? Her immediate thought was that he wouldn’t, because she’d seen him with a guy, but people were way more likely to believe what he could say about her than visa-versa. No one _knew_ Clarke very well, but the whole school knew who Nathan was.

But maybe the connection would be worth the risk?

Feeling a strange surge of confidence, mixed with something like desperation from having little human contact that day, she finally started to draft a text to him. It took her multiple tries to settle on what to say, but as soon as she felt it was okay, she sent it without too much hesitation.

**Clarke – Hey, Nate. I know this is totally weird and you probably don’t want to talk to me at all after Friday, but I wanted you to know that I really would never tell anyone about you… because I get it 100%, I’m in the same boat. I just thought you might want to know, in case it’s any reassurance.**

She wasn’t really expecting any response, or at least not a quick one, but the typing bubble popped up only a few seconds after she sent the message.

**Nathan – What do you mean the same boat?**

**Clarke – I’m bi, in the closet.**

**Nathan – That’s not the same thing. At least as someone who’s bi, you can like, blend in with the crowd easier.**

**Clarke – Well maybe I’m bi leaning towards liking girls, and also, that’s a stupid argument, because I’m still different, and coming out could affect me in the same ways. Plus, you have a whole social status that keeps you blending in, NOTHING makes me blend in other than the fact that I try so hard not to stand out. There’s no need to be hostile. I’m just trying to be nice.**

**Nathan – I get it, but I don’t know what you want from me.**

**Clarke – I don’t want anything from you. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. And maybe I wanted confirmation that I’m also not alone.**

The next response took a few long moments before it came through.

**Nathan – Wait… so not even Octavia knows that you’re bi?**

**Clarke – Nope. Nobody knows, except for some people online. And you now. And I trust that you won’t tell anyone either.**

**Nathan – No, of course not.**

**Nathan – I guess it is kind of nice to know that, though. I guess it kind of explains why our date went so terribly. I’m super gay and you’re not as interested in guys, at least not right now.**

**Clarke – Yeah it makes me feel a little better about the date in general haha. Anyway, I know we’re not really friends or anything, but if you ever wanna talk or something… yeah eh sorry if this is just really weird.**

**Nathan – It’s not, you seem really nice. It’s kind of weird that I’ve seen you around so much and never really even wondered much about you. You’re just quiet, and yeah, you don’t draw much attention to yourself.**

**Clarke – It doesn’t really bother me, except for when Octavia’s being her super popular self and I’m kind of left in the sidelines lol. Apparently I’m going to whatever party is on Friday, and I’m totally unprepared.**

**Nathan – Well, I’ll be there, if you get abandoned by Octavia you’re welcome to hang with me.**

**Nathan – Maybe everyone will start to think we’re dating and then no one will ever question our sexualities.**

**Clarke – I think the term for that is being each other’s beards XD**

**Nathan – LOL except that implies that we actively try to seem like we’re dating, and no offense, but I’m not really into that.**

**Clarke – Neither am I. And I mean, since I’m bi, I’m not sure that really even works? I don’t know. I’m still kind of new to all of this.**

**Nathan – I think you have to think outside of labels to figure yourself out, so maybe it’s better to do all the figuring out and then labeling after.**

**Clarke – But that’s so haaard. Lol**

**Nathan – Haha, you do you. Mine’s easy, I like guys and only guys.**

**Nathan – Also, I’m sorry about snapping at you on Friday, and everything. I guess I was just really not expecting anyone to catch us in that room, and my immediate instinct was to somehow scare you away from telling anyone? It was kind of an asshole way to react I guess.**

**Clarke – It’s okay, I probably would’ve done the same thing.**

**Nathan – Anyway, I’m glad you reached out. I was still kind of stressing about it, and Brian won’t even talk to me now. So I was kind of out of it all weekend. It’s at least nice to know that you won’t say anything. Thanks, Clarke. We should talk again sometime, but right now, I think I need to head to sleep. I have practice really early tomorrow. See you around.**

**Clarke – Yeah, see you around.**

Clarke tilted her head, rereading the conversation. It had definitely gone a lot better than she thought it would. It felt good to be honest with someone who she knew in person as well – weird and somewhat dangerous, but good.

Her next thought was to tell Lexa about the conversation, but then she caught herself. Why was that her default move? Maybe because Lexa was the only one who knew about the situation? It didn’t feel like that, though, because she also wanted to complain to Lexa about how boring her day had been, and she wanted to rant about the party thing again, and she just wanted to talk to Lexa.

And it sucked, because Lexa hadn’t been online all day. This was the first day since the previous Sunday that they hadn’t talked at all.

Chancing it, she decided to message the brunette anyway.

**Direct Message With @lexawarriorwoods**

**C – So I messaged the guy, and he and I had a closeted bonding moment haha. It was nice.**

A few minutes passed, and there was no response. She wanted to fight the urge to message her again, because she knew that she was being unreasonable. Lexa had no obligation to talk to her everyday by any means, but Clarke _missed_ her.

After a single day of not talking, Clarke missed Lexa.

What the fuck was up with that?

She succumbed to her urge anyway.

**C – I’m about to head to bed. Hope you had a good day. Goodnight!**

When she still received no response, she elected to actually do what she said she was doing. After plugging in her phone, she made her way to her bathroom to get ready for bed. She had a whole week of school ahead of her before the next weekend, which she felt like she was living for at this point, so she might as well get a good night’s sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: 5 days (the length of this trip) is the longest I've gone without a computer in yearssssss...  
> Fun fact 2: This is the last trip I'm taking for the next couple of months, but then I'm traveling again in June and AGAIN in July. I will be taking my laptop for those trips, however, and will probably be writing during them. :)  
> Fun fact 3: It's March, which means I'm going to be getting all of my college decisions back! I'm super hyped. By April 2nd, I'll probably know for sure where I'm going. What a crazy thought!!!  
> I hope you all have a lovely week! I will see you all next Sunday! (or you can follow me on Twitter to keep up with me there!!) xx


	7. What's It About Her?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's trying to figure out what to do about her feelings for Clarke, who is just trying to make it as a closeted girl in high school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO MY LOVELIES!  
> No I did not forget this update, I just had to finish some homework this morning, then I worked until about 7pm, came home and had dinner and then got into this huge discussion with my parents about college things. Then I took a shower and, finally, I'm able to update.  
> And now without further ado...  
> Enjoy!!xx

Lexa felt like shit.

It was Monday, and she’d been out of school for a good three hours, sitting at home alone and beating herself up mentally. It had been almost two full days since the last time she messaged Clarke, and she felt like a bitch. The previous day, Clarke had messaged her a few times, but she hadn’t gotten a single message from the girl all day.

She knew that it was absolutely unfair to be upset about the lack of messages from Clarke when she was the one not responding.

The sad thing was that it had _only_ been two days. It wasn’t like she’d gone weeks without talking to the blonde, but after talking to her every day for a week straight, it felt _wrong_ to not be talking to her. But it was necessary. At least, that’s what she’d told herself Sunday night after Raven had insisted to her that she was becoming reliant on talking to Clarke. What made it all the more depressing, however, was that now that she wasn’t talking to her, Lexa was realizing that maybe her best friend had been right. On one hand, that idea made her want to literally delete her Twitter account and keep this from ever happening again, and on the other hand, she wanted to give in and message Clarke. If she waited too long, it would be totally weird to message her, so she needed to make up her mind soon.

After another fifteen minutes or so of contemplation, she finally made a decision.

**Direct Message With @princess_blondie**

**Lexa – Hey, I’m really sorry for not messaging you back yesterday. I had a weird couple of days and wasn’t really feeling up to being online. :(**

She didn’t get an instant response, and she forced herself to accept that. In fact, she wouldn’t blame Clarke if she didn’t answer for a whole day or more. Lexa had started it, after all.

It was only a few minutes later, though, that she did actually get a reply.

**C – It’s okay, I get it :) Though I have to admit that it was weird not talking to you after talking to you for a week straight.**

**Lexa – Yeah, it was really weird. I feel really shitty about it, I’m sorry :(**

**C – You don’t owe me anything, Lexa.**

Then why did it feel like she did?

**Lexa – So did you ever find a cute outfit for the party you’re going to on Friday?**

**C – My friend did haha. I guess I’ll succumb and wear it. The bright side is that Nathan said if I get abandoned by her on Friday he’ll hang out with me.**

**C – Shit, Nathan is the guy I was talking about.**

**Lexa – I figured haha. Don’t worry, I won’t somehow use his name combined with yours to figure out where you are and start stalking you or something ;)**

**C – I wasn’t worried until you said that. XD**

**Lexa – Please, who do you think I am? If I wanted to stalk you, I would already be doing it ;)**

**C – Yeah, like you could have already.**

**Lexa – You don’t know, maybe I’m some sort of crazy IP address tracker or something.**

**C – Well I guess in that case I better throw away my phone and get a new one and never download Twitter again :o**

**Lexa – Haha no, no, don’t do that XD**

**C – Alright fine, but if you show up at my door in crazy stalker style…**

**Lexa – I won’t, but I’m curious to know what comes after that “…” lol**

There was no immediate response, so Lexa assumed that Clarke had other obligations of some sort, and she decided to get some homework done, or at least do something productive.

* * *

“Have you been doing better in class since that day your history teacher emailed?” Jake wondered, and Clarke just nodded and shrugged simultaneously as she took a bite of her dinner. Her parents didn’t usually cook and ask Clarke to sit with them for an actual meal, mostly because her parents tended to work weird shifts at their respective jobs. Usually, it was just one of them home at a time until really late at night. However, today they had both had the evening off, and Jake had decided to whip up some pasta and salad.

Clarke couldn’t complain about the food at all, but as soon as the topic of school came up, she became immediately closed off. Abby cleared her throat before speaking. “Clarke, don’t just shrug. That’s disrespectful, and you know that.”

“Yes, I’ve been doing fine. I just don’t like talking about school at home.”

Abby hummed, and Clarke braced herself for whatever annoyed response was to come. “Well, school is what you do all day, so I’m not sure what else we’d really have to talk to you about.”

“We could always talk about like, the news or whatever crazy shit happens at your guys’ jobs or something.”

“Clarke, _language_ ,” Abby huffed out.

“Calm down, Abby, she’s a teenager,” Jake said much more calmly. “And she’s right, we don’t sit down and talk to Clarke very much. We don’t always have to talk about school. I just wanted to make sure that you’re doing okay, kiddo.”

“I’m doing okay,” Clarke promised as best as she could, before taking another bite of her food and hoping that her mom would drop it and her dad wouldn’t see through her words.

“Oh, actually, I do have some _interesting_ gossip from work,” Abby said. “I’m not usually one to gossip, of course, but since Clarke is so adamant we talk about something else… the hospital’s secretary – Jean? – her _son_ turned out to be _gay_.”

Clarke’s throat practically closed up when she heard her mom say those words, and gagged for half a second and then broke out into a coughing fit. “Clarke, are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry, I just,” she sputtered in between coughs. Finally managing to swallow her food and then taking down a long gulp of water, she shook her head and met her parents’ gazes. “Sorry, salad got caught in my throat. Back to what you were saying.”

“That’s really it, I just don’t get it. It started going around in the nurse’s department and one of the doctors heard about it, which is how I heard. I don’t _know_ Jean real well or anything, but it makes me wonder what kind of mother she is that he turned out queer like that,” Abby said, sounding entirely too skeptical.

“It’s all natural, Abby, haven’t you read all those new studies and stuff?” Jake said calmly. “It’s not about being raised gay, it’s something in the biology. I guess, you being a doctor, you’d know more about that than me.”

“Well, I don’t know about _that_ , but I do know that ‘natural’ or not, it’s not _normal_ ,” Abby said firmly. “I feel bad for Jean, though, being the talk of the hospital all of the sudden. Especially if it _isn’t_ her fault. I can’t imagine that, though. Clarke, is there anyone like that at your school?”

Clarke shrugged, and when her mom gave her a pointed look, she swallowed thickly and tried to prepare a response. “I mean, if there is, no one _talks_ about it.”

“Hmm, well Jean’s son goes to a public school. I bet a place like that fosters homosexuality. That’s why I wanted you in a private school, Clarke, the people are much more pure.” Clarke nearly snorted out a laugh at that. Her school, full of partiers, assholes, sexually active teenagers, and at least two or three non-straights, was _not_ pure. Thankfully, she managed to cover the laugh up as a cough leftover from her coughing fit before. Her mother’s next words, however, absolutely ripped any amusement from her thoughts. “I’m just glad that I don’t have to worry about anything like that. I would _not_ want to be in Jean’s position. Can you imagine how embarrassing that would be?”

Jake coughed awkwardly. “I don’t know, honey, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.”

“Not that big of a deal? Come on, Jake, you can’t tell me that you think _gay_ people are _okay_? There’s obviously something wrong with them, biological or not,” Abby insisted.

“I think we have no premise to make assumptions like that, so maybe we should just leave the topic.”

Clarke was staring down at her food, her appetite entirely gone by now. In fact, she felt like maybe she was about to vomit up her meal. “I think I’m full,” she said quietly, “may I be excused?”

Abby huffed and said, “You barely ate anything, Clarke,” just as Jake said, “You may.”

Clarke took the second response and stood up from the table, trying not to seem too rushed as she headed upstairs. Her parents were immediately caught up in an argument downstairs, and she wondered if it was about the _gay_ stuff, or if that had already been forgotten and they were discussing her being excused from the table too early.

Either way, Clarke didn’t want to hear it. She closed her door somewhat loudly, locked it, and went to plug her phone into her speaker. She’d gotten it for Christmas, from Octavia, and it had been her savior in the rare moments that she was alone and wanted to drown out the rest of the world.

She hit play on her Spotify playlist and then flopped onto her bed.

A few songs later, her phone dinged at her with the notification of a Twitter message. It was from Raven, and she was also reminded that she’d had to leave her conversation with Lexa in order to have dinner with her parents.

**Direct Message With @lexawarriorwoods**

**C – Sorry, had to go have the worst possible dinner ever with my parents.**

**Direct Message With @raeraebae**

**Raven – Yo blondie, how are you? :)**

**C – Significantly worse than I was earlier. I just had the worst dinner with my parents. My mom started gossiping about some lady at her work whose son just came out as gay, and how omg wouldn’t that be so embarrassing and thank goodness I go to a private school where everyone is “pure” and good thing my mom never has to deal with a “gay” kid because there is something wrong with them.**

**Raven – Shit that fucking SUCKS.**

**C – My dad is way more chill on the topic, but he didn’t say much about it today. I mean, he tried, but my mother is a force of nature.**

**Raven – I’m sorry Clarke :(**

**C – It’s whatever. How are you?**

**Raven – Could be worse, but I’m bored. Lexa’s been at her place since school ended and I went out with another friend, but now I’m all alone back at my house ugh.**

**Raven – Lonelyyyy, I’m Mr. Lonelyyyyy, I have nobodyyyy for my owwwnnnn**

**C – Mr. Lonely, huh?**

**Raven – dude it’s the song it’s not my fault**

**Raven – Shit, I’m getting a phone call, talk to you later fam**

Clarke sighed, letting her phone drop onto her stomach. It was still connected to her speaker, so music was still filling the air around her, which kept her effectively distracted from the awful reality she was living in.

What if she came out? Would her mother actually hate her? Her dad would be okay, she knew that. He was a good person, but Abby… even if she didn’t _hate_ Clarke in the event that the blonde decided to for some reason come out, she would be so disappointed. _Embarrassed_.

Biting down on her lower lip, her eyes clenched shut to hold in the tears that were now attempting to flood out of her. “Shit.”

Her phone dinged again, and she grabbed it so quickly, risking the tears escaping in order to check the notification.

**Direct Message With @lexawarriorwoods**

**Lexa – What happened? :(**

**C – My mom started talking about a woman at her job whose son just came out, and how embarrassed she would be if that happened to her, and how it’s a good thing I go to a private school where everyone is “pure.”**

**Lexa – Shit. That’s so awful, I’m so sorry.**

**C – Yeah, it sucks.**

**Lexa – I guess you need some cheering up, huh?**

**C – Probably lol.**

Clarke suddenly got a string of YouTube video links from her friend, and she smiled slightly, clicking on the first one. They were all pretty short videos that were just funny and light, and they took her mind off of everything.

She fell asleep watching one of the videos about fifteen minutes later.

* * *

Tuesday was easily one of the weirdest days of Clarke’s entire high school experience.

It started off as a normal day – she met up with Octavia before first period and then they split up to go to their classes. Clarke was as quiet and disconnected from her peers as always. Then, after second period, there was some fight or something in one of the hallways that made Clarke decide to take a detour to her class. Her new route made her cross paths with Nathan, and when their gazes met, they both smiled at each other.

It didn’t stop there, though, because Nathan was suddenly stopping in front of her. “Hey, Clarke, I was thinking that maybe… you can I can hang out this weekend?” he said, somewhat quietly. “Texting you was… helpful for me, and I think talking would be nice too. Are you busy?”

“Well…” Clarke’s instinct was to say that she was always busy with Octavia on weekends, but the truth was that the only reason for that was because she never had any other plans. “I’m going to that party on Friday, which you knew… but Saturday I can probably hang out. Octavia usually has practice through most of the morning and middle of the day so I’ll definitely be free then.”

“Okay yeah, we should hang out then. Would your place be a good place to…? Because if not, we’ll need to go out. My parents are way too eager to have me _hanging_ _out_ with a girl to let me just hang with a girl as a friend. They’d probably interrupt us every two seconds. Not to mention, I don’t want to risk anything…”

Clarke knew what he meant, but unfortunately, the reason she could understand was because she was in the same boat. “My parents are the same way,” she admitted, “but… I _think_ they’ll be working. Maybe I can just let you know on Friday if I run into you at the party? And if not, I’ll just text you.”

“Yeah, that works,” Nathan said with a smile and a nod. “I guess I’ll see you then.”

“Yeah, see you,” Clarke agreed, and then they parted ways. That was when Clarke realized that people around them were looking at her with extremely curious eyes.

_What’s their problem?_

After completing her walk to third period and sitting down, she realized why those gazes had all been drawn to her. Nathan was a football player – a single one who never seemed to have any interest in any girls. Now, suddenly, he was interacting with arguably the most recluse girl in the whole school.

Now, she could practically hear the question running through all of their heads.

_What’s it about her that has him interested?_

Little did they know that what made the two of them interested in talking to each other was the utter lack of interest in each other in any way more than friendship.

* * *

“So, I was talking to Clarke yesterday,” Raven said, stretching across the bleachers behind the school, “and she was all upset because of her parents. Turns out her mom is awful.”

“I know, I was talking to her, too,” Lexa stated bluntly, drawing her legs toward her body and crossing them somewhat defensively.

Raven raised an eyebrow. “Really? How come yesterday morning she told me that you hadn’t messaged her since Saturday?”

“Because I hadn’t.”

“Why not? You really started ghosting her?”

Lexa crossed her arms over her chest. “Because you decided to be a bitch and start assuming things about the way I feel.”

“What, because I said you have a crush on Clarke?”

“Yes, and because I don’t.”

Raven looked at her evenly, and her eyebrows slowly knit together. “Okay, so… you _don’t_ have a crush on Clarke, but you _ghosted_ her because I suggested that you _might_?”

“Yes…” Lexa’s voice trailed off as she realized how ridiculous she sounded. “Fuck, Raven, I _can’t_ have a crush on her. She’s like… _not_ real. I mean, of course she is, but I don’t _know_ her.”

“First of all, just because you have a crush on her doesn’t mean it has to go anywhere, especially if you don’t want it to. _However_ , since she _is_ real, _if_ you wanted it to go somewhere, it’s not like it can’t. She lives in California somewhere, right? I mean, even if you didn’t, in this day and age you can basically get her snapchat and have a full-fledged relationship.”

“That’s ridiculous, Raven,” Lexa chided, “you can’t have _sex_ on snapchat.”

“No, but people try.”

“That’s gross.”

Raven snorted as she let out a highly amused laugh. “Look, Lexa, I’m just saying that you don’t need to completely distress over the fact that you have a _crush_.”

“I don’t get crushes on people every day, Raven,” Lexa whined, “and I don’t even know what Clarke looks like!”

“Ask for her snapchat,” Raven insisted. Lexa opened her mouth to argue, but Raven immediately began talking again. “Lexa, it doesn’t have to be some huge deal. You’re making this out to be some life crisis. Honestly, _don’t_ ghost Clarke. Keep getting to know her, if she’s comfortable letting you know what she looks like, and you both end up liking each other, then just let it happen.”

“Raven – “

“Seriously, Lexa, stop arguing with me and accept the fact that you know I’m right,” Raven snapped. “I’ve heard all your shit about online friends, but if you really believed that, you wouldn’t have talked to Clarke enough to start liking her. That’s just a fact. So just roll with it, okay? You’re putting this way out of proportion.”

Lexa took in a deep breath, leaning backwards slightly against her palm, which was pressed against the bleacher she was seated on. “Shit, I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m definitely making this too much of a big deal.”

“Yes. So I think that to avoid any more ghosting, let’s talk about what you’re going to do in order to not stop just rolling with it.”

“I mean… I don’t think Clarke would give me her snapchat if I asked, and like… wouldn’t it be kind of invasive to ask? I basically already forced her name out of her.”

“Wait, but didn’t you guess it?”

Lexa nearly missed a beat, but after a brief mental stumble, she replied with a smooth fib, “Yeah, but she admitted it or whatever. I just mean, she doesn’t want people to know what she looks like, or she would post pictures. So I don’t want to ask her to do that.”

“Okay, then don’t. Just keep talking to her like you normally do. I guess on one hand, the more you talk to her, the more likely you are to find things that you don’t like about her, right? Who knows, your crush might disappear before you even get an opportunity to know another small fact about her appearance,” Raven said with a shrug.

“Yeah…”

“Good talk, Lex. Now you and I need to go get some food before I pass out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last week I was in LA and San Diego, and it was so amazing and awesome ahhh. I went to Disney Land and Universal Studios and the San Diego Zoo and I watched a Comedysportz show and I toured Warner Bros and go to walk on the Ellen set and took a picture in front of Rosewood High from PLL... Shit it was just so cool. But I got a cold at the end of the trip, and flew back congested. It SUCKED. I couldn't hear out of my right ear properly for about 20 hours. I still have a bit of a cold, but I'm thankfully feeling better.  
> Tomorrow I go back to school for my final semester of high school ever.  
> By April 2nd, I'll know for sure where I'm going for college.  
> The good news is that while grades do still matter (I keep trying to remind myself this so I don't completely slack off) I should be having significantly less to do than before, and so I will try to finish this fanfic in the coming month or so.  
> Love you all, have a lovely day/night!! xx


	8. It's Better Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's headed out to a party with Octavia, rumors are still spreading, and Lexa is kind of becoming Clarke's rock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Hi! Hey! It's Thursday, and it's time for a middle-of-the-week update!!  
> This week has actually been extremely exhausting - I had a freaking long choir rehearsal and concert on Tuesday and didn't get home until 10:30, and on Saturday I have a choir clinic from 10am to 6:30pm. So that should be fun. On the bright side, I took both Friday and Saturday off because of that so I will have time to relax and get things done, and I'll work on Sunday. AND I will of course update on Sunday as well :)  
> So this chapter is considerably shorter than normal chapters, but since it's not it's own Sunday update, that doesn't really bother me too much.  
> Sooooo
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

**Direct Message With @lexawarriorwoods**

**Lexa – You feeling better today? Sorry I didn’t message earlier – school and all that shit.**

**C – That’s okay, and yeah. I mean, I’m still bummed about my parents, but it’s not like it matters. I’m not coming out anytime soon whether or not they would support me. But how was your day?**

**Lexa – Kind of crappy, but also not the worst day I’ve ever had. HBU?**

**C – My day was a solid 6/10. I ran into Nathan in the hallway and he actually interacted with me and I’m pretty sure that everyone who saw us was completely confused. Apparently, he’s known for never really going out with girls, and everyone’s assumption was that he and I are dating… which I guess isn’t the worst thing that could happen. It’s not like we lied and said we are, but if everyone THINKS that we are, then they don’t think that we might not be straight. But yeah, I think people are starting to gossip about me now, who would’ve thought.**

**Lexa – Whoa, what a plot twist! ;)**

**C – seriously though, it’s weird. More people were staring at me after that than like… ever before lol.**

**Lexa – They were probably thinking like “omg who is that hot girl that finally got that boy’s attention !?!?!?!?!”**

**C – No one was thinking that XD Also, you don’t know what I look like, and I’ll tell you this much, the only one who has ever referred to me as HOT is my best friend.**

**Lexa – Then you hang out with the wrong people**

**C – How do you know? Again, you don’t know what I look like.**

**Lexa – Because if you hang out with people who think that you don’t look hot then you’re not hanging out with the right kind of people. It’s just like a rule of friendship.**

**C – Lol, then I guess you and my best friend are the only people worthy of being my friends XD**

**Lexa – Raven too, she’ll agree that you’re hot before seeing you too lol.**

**Lexa – To be fair, though, she and I are both firm believers in all sorts of body positivity and the fact that everyone is beautiful, just not everyone is attracted to everyone, you know? Opinions are valid, but every person is also just, gorgeous.**

**Lexa – Especially girls ;)**

**C – You’re so gay lol**

**Lexa – You are not wrong :o)**

**C – Weirdo lol. I’m going to bed, I’ll talk to you tomorrow I hope :P**

**Lexa – Ofc! Sleep well! X**

* * *

Friday came billowing up to Clarke pretty quickly, but it didn’t hit her until half an hour before Octavia would be picking her up that she was about to go to an actual high school party with her peers, most of whom she kind of hated.

Maybe _hate_ was a bit too strong of a word, but she definitely had no love for her peers. She was already anxious about the looks she would undoubtedly receive. Just because this was her first party didn’t meant that it was everyone’s else’s, and they would definitely notice a newbie in their midst. It wasn’t like people didn’t know who she was – no, it was quite the opposite. Everyone at her school knew everyone, and once their opinions were formed about each person, they stuck. People didn’t often get room to change in the suffocating society that was school, and Clarke had definitely waited past any wiggle room time she’d had.

Still, she tried to think positively as she dressed herself in the outfit that Octavia had insisted she buy for the occasion. Then she went into her bathroom and did her makeup a bit more nice looking than normal. Her thoughts drifted to what Lexa had said earlier in the week – that everyone was “hot” no matter what, and that people were just attracted to different things. She let that thought float around in her head as she layered mascara on her eyelashes and painted gloss over her lips.

When she heard the honk of Octavia’s car horn in front of her house, she gave herself one more look in the mirror and then resolved herself to gathering up whatever courage she had and to just go for it. Grabbing her phone and her clutch purse, she left her room and slipped out of the house.

“Hey girl hey!” Octavia exclaimed through her open window as she grinned at Clarke. “Damn! You look so good in that outfit! And your makeup looks really nice. Why don’t you do it that way more often?”

“It takes forever,” Clarke claimed, walking around the car and opening the passenger door. “Plus, I’d probably forget to take it off every night and my face would be absolutely fucked.”

Octavia chuckled. “Whatever you say.” She pulled the car way from the curb and started toward wherever the party destination was. “Oh hey, I heard something from a friend at school today… she said that _she_ heard that you and Nate are _dating_.”

“We’re not,” Clarke said quickly, looking at her friend with alarm. She hadn’t thought about the fact that other people gossiping about Clarke would get back to Octavia, and she could tell by her best friend’s tone that she was hurt about not having heard about this apparent “news” from Clarke herself.

“Then why does everyone think you are? I mean, people don’t just talk about you all the time for no reason, and no one really knew that you went on a date with him. Unless he told a bunch of people, I guess,” Octavia said with a shrug to herself. “Anyway, I guess I’m just confused, because you said that you two didn’t like each other, but now the whole school is pretty sure that you guys are hooking up.”

“We aren’t, it’s not like that,” Clarke promised. “Nathan and I are just friends, and he stopped me in the hallway earlier this week to say hi. A bunch of people probably saw and blew it out of proportion. I _don’t_ like him that way, Octavia. You know I’d tell you stuff like that if I did.”

Octavia looked relieved. “Yeah, I know you would. Sorry. I guess I have a bad habit of just believing the shit that I hear through the grapevine. Like, did you know there was a rumor a while back that Nathan is gay?” Clarke’s teeth immediately came down on her tongue to subdue whatever look or sound of panic her body might’ve tried to make. “All his friends laughed it off like it was bullshit. Although, I’m still curious about it. Monroe made a good point when it was going around and said that like, he’s never really dating anyone. I mean, not like it really _matters_ if someone’s gay or not, it would just be interesting. Since, you know, there’s no one at this school who’s out.”

“Maybe there are just no gay people at our school,” Clarke suggested, curious to see her best friend’s reaction.

“Ha, yeah no, statistics say that _that’s_ bullshit. If there isn’t a single gay person at our whole school, we are seriously an anomaly.” Clarke said nothing, and the car was quiet for a few slow beats. “You okay? Did I say something wrong?”

“What? No, I’m fine. Sorry, just got lost in my thoughts for a minute. My mom was ranting earlier this week about how some lady at the hospital has a son who just came out, but he goes to a different school,” Clarke stated flatly.

“Knowing your mom, I bet she was talking about how shameful it is,” Octavia said lightly, and Clarke let out a laugh that she hoped didn’t sound too bitter.

“Yeah.”

Octavia shrugged. “I don’t see what the big deal is. To be honest, sometimes I think that I’m a bit higher on the Kinsey scale than most straight girls.” She grinned at Clarke. “That said, I don’t know that I’d ever be brave enough to actually _try_ anything.”

Clarke was treading as carefully as possible, unsure of what to say that wouldn’t basically out her right then and there. She was finally about to reply when the brunette pulled her car to a stop behind a few other cars in front of someone’s house.

“Here we are!”

Clarke followed Octavia into the house, and wasn’t at all surprised by the atmosphere she was suddenly surrounded by. She recognized almost everyone in the vicinity, and there wasn’t a single one of them that wasn’t clutching a plastic red cup in their hands. The thumping of music emanated from what Clarke supposed was the living room, but whatever sound system said room was equipped with wasn’t nice enough to actually spread the _music_ outside of the room.

“Hey, Octavia!” a voice called, and Clarke didn’t recognize the guy who was shouting at her friend. “Down for shots?”

“It’s a little too early for that, Murphy,” Octavia called back with a light laugh. “Come on, Clarke, you need something to relax you.”

* * *

An hour after arriving at the party, Clarke was only halfway through her first drink. She wasn’t sure what exactly was in her cup, but it tasted like maybe a mix of beer, some other alcohol and fruit juice. She spent the better part of the hour with Octavia, talking to the brunette’s friends. Well, _Octavia_ talked to her friends, and Clarke mostly just stood there, trying to act like she belonged. She definitely got more than her fair share of strange looks, but Octavia did her best to include her in the conversations that were being had.

Patrick appeared in the later end of the hour, and that’s when Octavia began to narrow her attention away from her friends. Clarke tried to stay a part of the conversation that continued despite Octavia’s distraction, but once her friend had physically disappeared, the rest of the people in the group seemed mildly uncomfortable with her being there.

Trying not to seem like she’d noticed their discomfort, she politely excused herself and made herself as scarce as possible.

She somehow ended up in the kitchen, where people only seemed to be entering to refill their drinks only to leave a few moments later. Relieved to have found a place less occupied than the rest of the house, Clarke leaned against one of the kitchen counters and pulled out her phone.

Earlier, Clarke had let Lexa and Raven both know that she’d be out that night, and so she had no new messages from either of them.

**Direct Message With @lexawarriorwoods**

**C – So, I’ve been at this party for an hour. My best friend already abandoned me…**

**Lexa – You didn’t find your GBF yet?**

**C – GBF?**

**Lexa – Lol, it means gay best friend. It was a joke XD**

**Lexa – I meant Nathan.**

**C – Oh, no I haven’t seen him yet.**

**C – I hope you’re having a better time tonight than I am**

**Lexa – No such luck, today’s been shit**

**Lexa – But it’s better now ;)**

**C – Hahaha sure it is.**

**C – Are you not hanging out with Rae?**

**Lexa – No, not tonight. Her dad wanted to have dinner with her tonight. She actually has a good relationship with her single parent, unlike me, who got stuck with the most uncaring mother lol**

**Lexa – But it could be worse, she doesn’t care what I do as long as I’m going to school and not solely draining her bank account and emptying her fridge.**

**C – Ah I see lol.**

**Lexa – That’s too heavy of a topic for a party though, why aren’t you making new friends or something? XD**

**C – Are you kidding? I got left alone with my friend’s friends for all of two seconds before they started getting awkward AF. I can’t make new friends. Everyone here knows each other, and they all know that I’m lame as fuck.**

**Lexa – No, they all THINK that you’re lame, because they don’t know you. You are definitely not lame.**

**C – You don’t know that.**

“Hey, Clarke!” a voice said suddenly, causing the blonde to look up in surprise. It was just Nathan, though, and she smiled at the sight of a friendly face.

“Hey, did you just get here?”

“Yeah, have you been here long?”

“An hour or so.”

“Already been abandoned?”

“You guessed it.”

“What are you drinking?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Come on, let’s get you something _good_ and then we’ll try to have some kind of fun.”

* * *

The party ended up being not too bad once Clarke had another person to stay attached to. Granted, she got way more stares while she was with Nathan, because people were used to the fact that Clarke and Octavia were best friends. Nathan, though… that was a new thing for Clarke and for everyone.

Once Clarke had something definitely harder in her cup, Nathan got her to leave the kitchen and go with him to talk to his friends. That was only slightly less awkward than it had been with Octavia, but she was pretty sure that was because Nathan’s friends were guys. And more than one of them kept glancing down at her chest, which was significantly more exposed than it was with the normal school uniforms. That part was a bit uncomfortable, but she was at least able to converse with them.

After a while of enduring that, someone started a game of Never Have I Ever, and Clarke found herself able to participate without much opposition. She didn’t have to drink much, seeing as how she was still a virgin, hadn’t ever been stoned or plastered. At some point, someone who thought he was funny said, “Never have I ever been attracted to someone of my own gender.” He was laughing at his own statement even though no one lifted their cup to their lips.

Strangely, though, sitting next to Nathan and knowing that both of them were openly lying made her feel better about it.

* * *

The next day, Clarke and Nathan ended up meeting up at a park to hang out, because Clarke’s parents had both gotten most of the day off. It was a big park, where a bunch of little kids were playing on the jungle gyms, but there was an area of benches a ways away from the playground, and the two of them sat there. They talked for a while, Nathan asking her questions about her experience realizing that she was bi. In return, he told her how he’d realized he was gay. He even talked about the guy he’d been with when Clarke found him – Brian. She didn’t know who he was, so Nathan felt comfortable talking about him on a first name basis. Either way, it was an incredible feeling, talking in person to someone who _got it_.

Somehow, though, when Nathan and Clarke stared back toward their separate homes, Clarke found a happy feeling spreading through her at the thought that she could now get back on Twitter and talk to her friends there. Talking to Nathan in person was nice, but it was nothing compared to talking to Lexa. Why that was, she couldn’t say, but she knew it to be true either way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things:  
> -The next few chapters are some of my favorites so I'm so so excited for you guys to read them! Ahhhh!  
> -I've been seriously planning out my financial situation for college and everything next year because I REALLY want to go to Clexacon again next year, and since thanks to my friend Kim I went VIP this year, I kind of need the VIP ticket because I hate downgrading after experiencing the best (I hope that doesn't make me a snob LOL). Anyway, I'm like on the edge of my seat waiting for this summer or whenever they end up releasing next year's CC info. Anyone else hoping to be able to go next year?  
> -70 days until I graduate :)  
> Love you all, I hope you've been having a lovely week, and I will see you on Sunday!!


	9. If I Was, I Wouldn't Admit It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We speed through a couple of weeks, and Clexa gets closer (and Lexa gets closer to maybe seeing what Clarke looks like!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday my beautifuls!  
> I got cut early from work today, thank goodness, and so I've already finished some of my homework but decided to update now instead of super late. This was one of my favorite chapters to write, and the upcoming ones are also some of my faveees! I kind of thought that this story would end up ending at around chapter 20, like most of mine, but it's possible that it will go on a bit past that, because these chapters are a bit shorter than what I've become accustomed to while writing Ameliorate and LMCM. It only just reached 50,000 words in my doc, so we'll see what happens. Plus, I haven't fully planned out the ending, so right now I'm writing to checkpoints, and I have a couple more chapters before I reach the next one lol.  
> Anyway!
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

Throughout Clarke’s life, she’d never been much of a friend hoarder. She was careful with whom she trusted, and she didn’t take to liking people very easily. As a kid, being friends with Wells had been easy. Her parents were friends with his, and they had been mingling with each other since they were in still in pull ups. Clarke’s friendship with Octavia had been easy as well, but only once the brunette had spurred it on. Once that’d happened, Clarke never really thought to even try to make any new friends. She wasn’t one to want for things she didn’t desperately need.

But the past two weeks had been something that, in retrospect, she definitely needed, but she hadn’t known it.

It wasn’t the fact that she and Nathan were actively texting every couple of days, and that he was becoming someone that she could call a friend, although that was new and nice for her as well. There were more people now who thought that they were dating, but Nathan had told his friends multiple times that they weren’t, and Clarke had insisted to Octavia time and time again the same thing. Still, it was kind of nice to have people think that, because both of them knew that no one suspected anything else from them. But it wasn’t her new friendship with the one other not-straight person she knew in person that was her unknown necessity, but rather the now flowering friendship she had with Lexa.

Flowering was the term she used in her head, because it felt like it was too far past budding to use that.

But it was something more than that, and Clarke had been noticing it more and more recently. The first time she’d realized it was the week after she’d gone to that party with Octavia and had hung out with Nathan the following day. She thought it was Monday, but it might’ve been Tuesday. Either way, the conversation she’d had with Lexa had been the first indicator.

**Direct Message With @lexawarriorwoods**

**Lexa – So, I have a question for you.**

**C – Shoot lol.**

**Lexa – It’s very, VERY important, so get prepared.**

**C – Alright, I’m prepared…**

**Lexa – What color are your eyes?**

**C – That’s your very important question?**

**Lexa – Raven and I have a bet.**

**C – Of course you guys do XD What are the sides?**

**Lexa – Raven thinks that you have blue eyes, and I feel like you’re one of those people who has brown eyes even though you have blonde hair.**

**C – Raven’s right, I have blue eyes.**

**Lexa – Well fuck. Now I owe her pizza.**

**C – Go buy her pizza then ;)**

**Lexa – Wowwww, no sympathy. I see how it is. And I thought you liked me :(**

**C – I can’t help that you lost. And if I sided with you every time, Raven would probably hate me LOL. Go buy her pizza.**

**Lexa – What do you order on pizza?**

**C – I like veggie pizza, but I usually order pepperoni because Octavia hates vegetables on pizza. I don’t mind the pepperoni, so that’s usually what we get.**

**C – Octavia, that’s my best friend. I don’t know if I said that already.**

**Lexa – I hate pepperoni, but I like veggie. Raven gets Hawaiian, which is like, okay… but I’m not a fan of the ham. Meat on pizza is just, eh, not for me.**

**Lexa – So because it was your eyes that we bet over, I’ll order veggie pizza. That way I can at least be content with the food I’m going to be forced to consume.**

**C – That’s reasonable, I guess lol.**

**Lexa – Of course it is, I’m always reasonable ;)**

**C – Oh hey, you never told me how your dance class went last week. Was your ex there again?**

**Lexa – Nope, she wasn’t. But I’ve decided that I don’t care if she is or not. I’m done with her.**

**Lexa – I hate being single, though. I feel kind of bad about it, but I’m a little glad that Raven is single now too. I had way less to do when she was always hanging out with Rachel. Does that make me a terrible person?**

**C – No, I prefer it when Octavia is single, too. Except, we don’t spend every day together anyway. She has soccer practice on most Saturdays and she does hang out with other friends. But still, when she has a boyfriend, I lose like half of the friend time that I usually had.**

**C – I hate being single too, for that reason. I kind of hope that the first time I start dating someone, Octavia is single. I know that’s mean… ugh, we’re both terrible people.**

**Lexa – No, you’re not a terrible person, Clarke. Trust me, I know terrible people, and I don’t choose to spend hours messaging them on Twitter.**

It was that message that had shaken Clarke, and made her realize that Lexa was right – not about her being a good person, but about the fact that they did spend hours messaging each other. It was what Clarke looked forward to at the end of every school day. She cherished the hour or so she had after school, leaning against that tree and waiting for Octavia to get out of practice, during which she could message Lexa without anyone wondering what she was doing. Then, at night, she rushed her bedtime routine to curl up under the blankets and talk to Lexa for another couple of hours. She’d been going to bed later than normal, just to squeeze more talking time into the day.

It was then that the truth became clear to her – she liked Lexa, as more than a friend.

But, alone in this knowledge and without any experience with relationships of any sort, she wasn’t able to interpret whether or not Lexa might like her back. She thought it might be fruitless to even try to figure it out, because she had no idea where the brunette even was in California, let alone if she’d be open to dating someone online. Was Clarke even open to that?

Because she was braver online than she’d ever been in person, she’d decided later in that week to try and be more open, and possibly hint at her feelings. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like if Lexa caught on and then rejected her, but she could always try to attribute her shift to something else if the brunette did get suspicious and negative.

It was risky, but she tried.

**Direct Message With @lexawarriorwoods**

**C – Octavia has a date tonight, so I’m stuck at home alone. My parents are both gone at work, too. Should I order pizza or go pick up real food?**

**Lexa – Pizza is real food, you crazy person. Order pizza – and get veggie to spite Octavia!!!!**

**C – Hahaha okay XD**

**C – What are your Friday night plans?**

**Lexa – Not much. I have to do an English project over The Great Gatsby…? Have you read it?**

**C – Yeah, I read it earlier this year. What’s the project over?**

**Lexa – The American Dream, of course. *insert eye roll here* I think the American Dream is kind of bullshit. Like, I guess we all sort of know that now, but like… I guess my American Dream has like, way more equality in it. Oh, and also more gay people. You can never go wrong with more gay people.**

**C – Hahaha I guess that’s true. Are there a lot of gay people where you live?**

**Lexa – Sure, plenty, but if I’m being perfectly honest, I’ve dated quite a few of the lesbians here. Others of them I would never even consider dating, because they’re awful people, or because they are my ex’s exes. Eh. It would just be nice if the dating pool was pretty equal for everyone, you know?**

**C – Yeah, I get that.**

**C – I used to think dating online was stupid, but now that I’ve realized that the number of people in my town that I would open to dating is a resounding 0, I think that it could actually be nice?**

**Lexa – hahaha I guess there’s always Tinder or something ;)**

**C – LOL, but isn’t Tinder full of creeps? I don’t wanna just have sex with someone lol.**

**Lexa – Yeah no, I get it.**

**Lexa – IDK, Raven always talks about using Twitter as a place to meet possible lovers ;)**

**C – Haha, I mean, I guess that isn’t ridiculous.**

**Lexa – No, it’s not lol.**

There’d been a pause between messages after that, something that rarely happened during a conversation between the two, and Clarke had wondered if Lexa was thinking the same thing that she was thinking.

Before she could decide on what to say next, though, Lexa was typing again.

**Lexa – Did you order your pizza? I can’t imagine that you have, considering that you’ve been messaging me nonstop ;)**

After that, Clarke had found that it was impossible for her to draw out any confidence even online. She was enough of a social person to know that bringing up relationships in every conversation would just end up annoying, and not necessarily hint anything to Lexa. So she gave up trying to make her feelings known, and instead, she just acted as naturally as possible. She threw in more winking faces every now and then, because that was a thing that Lexa did a lot. Maybe if she returned them…

Conversations with Lexa slowly became more thoughtful on Clarke’s end, and though that could’ve turned badly, it only helped their friendship grow. They talked about anything from how their days had gone to their favorite things to childhood stories. The two of them never had a lack of things to talk about.

Still, Clarke felt strangely unfulfilled after a while, needing something more. She knew that it was ridiculous to feel that way, but she couldn’t help it.

It was a Friday, two weeks after that party, that things took a major change.

**Direct Message With @lexawarriorwoods**

**Lexa – Man I wish you could see this. Rae is trying the chubby bunny shit with marshmallows and she’s only two in and she’s already struggling.**

**Lexa – I want to tell her that it’s because she’s gay, but I don’t want her to laugh and choke to death on the marshmallows.**

**C – Oh my god, that’s something I actually wish I could see.**

**Lexa – You can, if you want to.**

**C – I mean, I guess you could video it.**

**Lexa – No, that’s not what I meant. Videos are so unsatisfying when it comes to funny things. It’s way more fun to watch in person.**

**Lexa – Add me on Snapchat, it’s the same user as Twitter.**

**Lexa – You don’t even have to show your face or talk or anything, I’ll just live video snap you and don’t have to turn yours on. Seriously, it’s hilarious.**

Clarke, who was sitting on her bed in her dark room, considered the suggestion. It was true, you could do live snaps with people that were one sided. She knew that much. And she wasn’t an avid snapchat user, but she had one to appease Octavia. Plus, she liked the Buzzfeed stories on it.

Plus, because she’d always been careful about online identities, her snapchat only had her first name in it, which Lexa knew.

What was the harm, really?

She closed out of Twitter and hit the yellow ghost icon. It took a moment to load, and then a dark camera appeared in front of her. She quickly went about searching Lexa’s username, and sure enough, Lexa came up. Her profile picture video _thing_ was actually kind of cute – three stills of Lexa making dumb faces at the camera.

Taking in a deep breath, she clicked the add button. Only about ten seconds passed before Lexa added her back, and then she pulled over to the chat screen with Lexa. After a matter of seconds a live video stream suddenly appeared, and Clarke could see through Lexa’s phone camera.

It was the first time, she realized, that she’d ever heard either Raven’s or Lexa’s voices.

Raven was sitting across from Lexa at a wooden dining table, with now three marshmallows stuffed in her mouth. “Chubby bunny,” Raven mumbled through them, causing a fit of laughter from Lexa.

Lexa’s laugh just about killed Clarke – her heart skipped at least three times in a row when she heard it. It was bright, adorable, and unbelievably just… she didn’t even have the words for it. It was like music. “Oh my god, Raven, you’re going to fucking choke.” And those were the first words that Clarke ever heard Lexa say aloud. That fact alone made Clarke chuckle.

“Shut up!” Raven somehow managed through the marshmallows, grabbing another from off camera and bringing it up to her lips.

“You look disgusting. Wow, what a great first impression you’re making to Clarke.”

Again, Clarke’s heart started doing backflips when she heard Lexa say her name. The k at the end clicked so nicely in Lexa’s voice, which was easily as smooth as butter or chocolate or some other food that was smooth. Clarke wasn’t sure that she could properly think of any comparisons.

“Wai’, Clar’?” Raven asked, the fourth marshmallow in her mouth now. “You go’ ‘er ‘napcha’?”

“Stop talking, your words barely even sound like real words.”

Raven said something else that was clearly meant to be “chubby bunny” and then grabbed a fifth marshmallow. As she attempted to stuff it into her mouth, Lexa broke out into more laughter. At that, Raven grabbed a napkin from off camera and spit out the marshmallows. With a second napkin, she wiped her face off and glared at Lexa. “I can’t believe you’re going to send that to Clarke.”

“This is a live video, she already saw it,” Lexa stated boldly.

“What? Is _she_ there?”

“No,” Lexa replied quickly. “I just wanted her to see you struggle.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault that I have a small mouth.”

“No, but I guess it’s perfect, considering that you’re gay as fuck. You couldn’t even try dick if you wanted to.”

Raven gagged. “You’re gross, Lexa.” She suddenly reached out and snatched the phone from Lexa’s hand and turned it around, and Clarke was gifted with an image of Lexa, arms crossed in annoyance now. Her hair was tied up on top of her head, in a bun, and her makeup was a little smudged. She was wearing a black tank top, and that was all Clarke could see. It was evident that she hadn’t intended to be videoed at all tonight. “How about _you_ try it then?”

“No, I’m not in the mood to suffocate and die, but thanks,” Lexa said firmly.

“So you made _me_ look like an idiot in front of our dear friend Clarke, but _you_ get to look perfect?”

“I can’t help it if I’m perfect.”

“Bitch.”

Clarke felt herself grinning, and she was almost tempted to join the conversation. All it would take would to click one button. They wouldn’t even have to see her, because the camera would be facing away, and it was dark in the room anyway. They would just hear her voice, that would be it.

But she couldn’t muster up the courage, and soon, the live video ended.

Clarke decided to message Lexa there, on snapchat, rather than switch back over to Twitter.

**Clarke – That was funny XD**

**Lexa – Told you :)**

**Lexa – Sorry you had to see me looking like a slob afterward LOL.**

**Clarke – You didn’t look like a slob XD I think you looked cute :)**

Clarke didn’t let herself hesitate when she hit the message, because or else Lexa would think that she felt uncomfortable sending it. It was the most forward thing that Clarke had ever said to Lexa, and still it could be interpreted in a friendly way. She wondered how Lexa would take it.

She didn’t get a message response from the brunette, but instead a picture. Tapping on the little red square, she was greeted with a selfie from Lexa and the caption: **Cute? Girl, I look hot as fucking hell!** She was making a dumb face in the picture, and Clarke laughed without even meaning to.

**Clarke – Oh obviously ;)**

**Lexa – Hey hey cool it with the sarcasm! You know you’re SOOOO turned on by that face ;)**

Clarke blushed.

**Clarke – If I was, I wouldn’t admit it XD**

**Lexa – Noted ;)**

* * *

Adding Lexa on snapchat was possibly one of Clarke’s best decisions _ever_.

Because although Clarke was not sending the brunette pictures of herself, that didn’t stop Lexa from sending her things. Sometimes they were just silly selfies, or pictures of Raven doing something weird. Other time, they were videos of her friends or something. Lexa was an avid snapchat user, that much became clear, and Clarke formed a habit of snapping back with pictures of a wall or something, with her message written over it.

The first time she did that, Lexa playfully insisted that Clarke was being a tease – that she’d made Lexa think a picture of her would be behind that little red square. Clarke only felt mildly bad about it, but she knew that Lexa wasn’t really mad or anything. In fact, that was the only time that Lexa said anything about the fact that she’d never seen Clarke’s face. She never tried to get her to send selfies or anything, and Clarke _loved_ that.

Raven, however, who had added her after stealing Lexa’s phone to find her username, was constantly bugging her about it. It was mostly playful, Clarke knew, but it was the majority of her conversations with Raven on the app. The rest of it was Raven zooming in way too close to Lexa’s face, or to her own face, and Clarke at least thought that was pretty funny.

Starting that week after adding Lexa, though, Octavia’s thing with Patrick ended. At first, Octavia insisted that she’d ended it – that she’d concluded it had run its course. But Clarke read right through the lie, and when her best friend finally admitted that she’d been dumped, even though their relationship hadn’t even really been official, Octavia cried. It was the first time in a while that Clarke witnessed this, but she just held the brunette and dragged her fingers loosely through dark hair.

Octavia being suddenly single actually inhibited Clarke’s time to snapchat and talk to Lexa or Raven. She still talked to them daily, of course, but she spent a lot more time with Octavia. It got slightly harder to maintain what felt like two separate lives, and she wondered if there was a compromise to be made. She didn’t want to tell Octavia about Lexa, though, because then her friend would start asking her questions. Where did she know her from? Why were half of their messages equipped with winking faces?

That was another thing that kept getting more and more apparent – Clarke and Lexa were flirting. Often. Most of their conversations were packed with flirtatious comments or jokes, although nothing was ever overly serious. But it was nice, and at least unaddressed, it couldn’t turn into something bad or awkward.

That didn’t stop Clarke from wishing that she was brave enough to address it.

Clarke had never been much of a self-conscious person either, but more and more she found herself lacking the courage it would take to try and take a step forward in her friendship – or whatever it was – with Lexa. She swore that at some point, she would be brave enough to contribute sometime, but she’d never been much into making the first move in anything.

But maybe this was something that counted enough for her to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How long do you guys think before Clarke gives in and sends her picture? :)  
> I hope you all have a lovely week, remember to follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana <3 Love you all! xx


	10. Can I See?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's feeling bad about keeping such a big secret from her best friend, but she decides that the only way she'll start to feel comfortable being brave is to start being brave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoooooo guys!!! Happy Sunday - and it really is, because I COMMITTED TO UT DALLAS YESTERDAY!! It's official, I'm going to college!  
> 59 days until I graduate high school, only 39 days of high school left until I'm done with it for good :o)
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“You talking to _Nate_?” Octavia asked. The two of them were supposed to be doing homework, but they were instead sprawled across Clarke’s bed, both on their phones, and facing opposite directions. Clarke was propped up on her pillow, Octavia’s feet next to her. It was Thursday, and Clarke was actually messaging Raven. Lexa was at her dance class, and Nathan was probably still at football practice. So she pulled the only other name she could out and replied with an easy lie.

“No, Wells. We haven’t talked much lately. Just catching up,” Clarke stated.

“Yeah, you don’t seem to talk to him much anymore,” Octavia agreed. “I would’ve thought you might’ve started hanging out with him more when I was dating Ass-rick though.”

Clarke tried not to laugh at the nickname that Octavia had dubbed upon Patrick ever since being dumped by him. “Yeah, I don’t know. I guess because I started talking to Nathan I didn’t really need to like, fill any gaps as much. Wells and I just don’t have much in common anymore.”

“You and Nathan do?”

“I mean, I guess. He’s nice to talk to, as a friend of course.”

“Of course.” Octavia sounded doubtful.

Clarke tried not to sound exasperated when she said, “You _know_ I’m not dating him, Octavia. I would tell you if I was.”

“No, I know.” The brunette sat up, turning to face Clarke for real now. Locking her phone, the blonde matched her movements. “I guess… I just… I don’t know, it’s weird that you have a friend that everyone thinks is dating you, and you talk to him a lot, but you’re _not_ dating him, and even though I _know_ that, I still have to listen to people talk about it.”

“People still talk about it?”

Octavia shrugged. “Sometimes. It bothers me, though. I don’t like it when people gossip about you. It feels unfair to you, like, I know _I’ve_ been gossiped about, but for some reason, I get defensive about it when it’s you they’re talking about. People try to make up weird reasons for why Nathan would date you, as if there isn’t a possibility that you’re just like, a good person.”

“Like what?”

“You don’t want to know,” Octavia stated flatly.

“Octavia…”

Huffing, the brunette looked away and began to talk. “I heard one girl say that you must be really good in bed for him to date _you_. But trust me, I did not let her get away with that. In fact, I got detention for literally slamming her into a locker.”

Clarke’s jaw dropped. “What? Why didn’t you tell me about that?”

“I told you I had a date with Patrick,” Octavia admitted. “I didn’t want you to know what people were saying. Because they are shitty things said by shitty people. Which is why I almost wish that you _were_ dating Nathan, so that two of you could _talk_ about it and tell people to fuck off yourselves. But you and Nate are both way too not confrontational to do that while you _aren’t_ dating.”

“I don’t care what they say,” Clarke insisted, although it did sting a little. “Nate is my friend, and eventually, the ridiculous populace that fills our dumb school will realize that it isn’t a big deal. And… well, thanks for defending me, though. You didn’t have to.”

“Are you kidding? You’re my _best_ friend Clarke. I’d do anything for you, you know that,” Octavia insisted. “You’re the only person who has _ever_ seen me cry, except for my parents, of course. I’ll be damned if I don’t even defend you when someone is being an asshole.”

And that was the first time that Clarke felt bad about not having told Octavia that she was bisexual.

* * *

**Clarke – Who was the first person you told when you came out?**

**Lexa – Raven, I think?**

**Lexa – I don’t really remember. Why?**

**Clarke – Thinking about telling Octavia. On one hand, I don’t want to. I’m scared that she’ll see my differently. Like, I’m not worried about her being MAD or anything. I just worry that she won’t want to change in the same room as me or something stupid like that, you know? But I hate lying to her. And we had a conversation today that just made me realize how unfair it is that she tells everything to me, and I’ve been omitting some major things from her.**

**Lexa – I say tell her then.**

**Clarke – Really?**

**Lexa – I mean, that’s what I would do. Unless you think she’ll tell other people, how bad could it really be? Lots of straight girls are weird about it at first, but from my experience, they get over it pretty quickly. Once they realize that you aren’t about to go all lesbian over THEM.**

**Lexa – Not saying that Octavia would think that about you of course, that’s just my experience.**

**Clarke – I don’t know. I’ll think about it. I just feel so conflicted ugh.**

**Clarke – Anyway, how was dance?**

**Lexa – Sierra was there again, probably hoping that I wouldn’t be this time. But I was actually not at all thrown off by it, and she was way more uncomfortable about it than I was. It was a little bit of a power trip, not going to lie XD I felt like the bigger person.**

**Lexa – Although, now that I just said that, I realize it makes me an asshole, because I broke up with her.**

**Lexa – Clarke why am I such a bad person XD**

**Clarke – You aren’t, weirdo. You just talk before you think sometimes. :P**

There was a pause in the snapchat conversation, and Clarke knew what that meant. Sure enough, a little red square suddenly appeared, and she clicked on it eagerly. The picture of Lexa that came through was actually breathtaking. Lexa was sitting at her kitchen table, her hair curly and crazy, looking like she had just taken it down from the bun it would’ve been in for her dance class. She was wearing a tight white tank top, and was sporting possibly the cutest grin possible. After taking in the girl’s picture, Clarke barely had time to read the message over it: **You’re not wrong!!**

Falling to her habit, she swiped out of the message threat and double tapped Lexa’s name. The camera popped up, and it looked up at the lit up light on the ceiling. Her ceiling fan was also spinning around the light. Normally, this is where she would freeze an image of it and type her text back, but something made her stop, her thumb hovering over the little circle at the bottom.

Slowly, her thumb moved upwards, and double tapped her ceiling. The camera flipped, and in front of her appeared her face, at an extremely awkward angle due to her laying down. Taking in a deep breath, she sat up, tossing her hair back. She hadn’t changed into pajamas yet or gotten ready for bed, since Octavia had only left about half an hour ago and Clarke had yet to have dinner, so she actually looked pretty nice.

She tossed her hair a couple more times, watching her eyes in the screen. When she finally decided that she looked presentable, she held the camera little ways away from her face, did her best to make a smirk-like smile that was still cute, and snapped the picture.

It actually ended up nice, but she dragged the first filter over it and then opened up the text box, adding: **That’s because I’m always right. ;)**

* * *

Lexa was shoveling food into her mouth in between messaging Clarke on snapchat, which was normal for her after teaching a dance class. Having not eaten since lunchtime, that was understandable.

There was an unusually long pause in their conversation once she sent Clarke a picture of herself, so she assumed that the blonde had also gone to get dinner or something. Or maybe her parents had called her. Whatever it was, Lexa knew there was a good reason, so she set her phone down and focused on eating.

Then, she got a normal snapchat from Clarke. Unfazed, she unlocked her phone again and clicked on the new snap. What she was not prepared for was a face – _Clarke’s_ face. It had to be, anyway. Her eyes were so blue, and her hair was light and kind of messy, tossed back carelessly and somehow beautifully. Lexa could see the collar of what was likely her school uniform, but the top two buttons had been undone. Clarke wasn’t wearing much makeup, but she didn’t need it. Her face was absolutely beautiful – and although she could tell that there was a filter over it, she knew it would be either way.

“Holy fuck,” she breathed out, just as the image disappeared. She’d missed what the caption over it had said.

Slightly embarrassed, she double tapped Clarke’s name and held her selfie camera in front of her. Aware that she was blushing, she snapped the picture and typed: **I’m not going to lie, I was too distracted by your face to read the message. Sorry. I guess I get distracted by beauty too easily ;)**

She followed it up by sliding over to her messages with Clarke and typing more.

**Lexa – Okay, I can’t believe that you don’t think you look hot. You better tell me if those rich bitches at your school ever say that you aren’t, because I’ll personally somehow figure out how to figure out where you are and beat the shit out of them, because you’re beautiful.**

**Clarke – oh my god I’m blushing Lexa**

**Lexa – Hahahaha sorry, but I’m serious. You didn’t have to send me that, though.**

**Clarke – Funnily enough, I trust that you aren’t going to start maniacally stalking me or something by first tracking me based on a photo. :) Plus, I’m trying to be brave – or else I’ll never tell anyone that I’m bi.**

**Lexa – Well, I’m glad you trust me. It’s really nice to be able to put a face to you though, if I’m being perfectly honest. I’ve been making up faces in my head a lot. None of them looked as good as you actually do though ;)**

**Clarke – Oh my god stop my cheeks are going to burn off of me or something ahhhhhh**

**Lexa – Well we can’t have that, can we? XD**

**Lexa – Now I just wish I knew what you sound like…………….**

Lexa’s heart was pounding, and she was mentally cursing herself for not screenshotting Clarke’s picture. Then again, maybe that would’ve been the wrong first thing to do right after Clarke decided to trust Lexa. After a few seconds, Lexa got another snap from Clarke, but this little square was purple.

Her food completely forgotten now, Lexa shoved away her plate and leaned back against her chair as she made sure that the volume on her phone was turned up. Hitting the button, she held her breath.

“This is what I sound like,” Clarke said, her cheeks considerably flushed, “and I don’t see what the big deal is about my face. I’m extraordinarily ordinary.”

The video ended, and Lexa released her breath. She double tapped Clarke’s name and held down on the circle at the bottom of the screen. “Shut up, you’re gorgeous. Seriously. If _you’re_ ordinary, the rest of us are _shit_.” She stopped the video and sent it without watching it over. She imagined Clarke watching back her own snap before sending it, and the thought made her grin.

Practicing some wicked form of self-control, Lexa pocketed her phone and cleaned up her dishes. Then, she went to her bedroom, closed and locked the door, even though her mom wasn’t due to be home for hours. Once she was seated at her desk, she took her phone out again and she had a snap from Clarke. This was just a picture, though, and she couldn’t help but be a little disappointed.

It was a cute picture, and the caption read: **Flattery will get you nowhere, Lexa ;)**

Taking in a deep breath to give her some form of confidence, she clicked off the photo, dragged over into her messages with Clarke, and clicked on the live snap button. Her screen froze for a moment, and then her reverse camera appeared, showing her face back at her. “Come on, Clarke, I’ve seen you and heard your voice now, you’ve already left your hiding place behind your keyboard.”

After another long few seconds, Lexa’s face became a small bubble, and Clarke’s face appeared in front of her. “Hey,” Clarke said quietly, shyly. Lexa found it utterly adorable.

“Hey. Wow. It’s really weird like… talking to you in person… sort of,” Lexa said with a shy chuckle of her own. “But it’s nice. I like it.”

“I guess I’m at an advantage. I’ve already _seen_ and _heard_ you talk ‘in person,’” Clarke recalled. “I think I was just… kind of scared of what showing my face and stuff might mean online. That probably sounds stupid.”

“It doesn’t,” Lexa insisted with a firm shake of her head. “Trust me, Clarke, and I never would’ve asked you to show me what you look like or anything like that.”

“No, I know you wouldn’t,” Clarke shrugged off. “But again, I trust you and… I wanted you to know.”

“So I guess I can go brag to Raven that, once again, you’re on my side.”

Clarke smirked. “Lexa, I think I’m pretty much always on your side. Raven won’t be surprised.”

“Aw, you admitted it! You like me more than her.” Clarke opened her mouth to reply, and then she shut it quickly, and Lexa couldn’t help but wonder what the blonde had been thinking. She didn’t press, however. “I still haven’t told her that I didn’t ever actually guess your name. I’ll tell her after she drives me all the way to Venice for spring break.”

Now, Clarke laughed, any embarrassment gone from her expression. “You’re such a cheater.”

“Only when it comes to games with Raven. To be fair, though, she always makes up the dumbest rules when she’s losing,” Lexa insisted, and Clarke laughed brightly. Lexa absolutely adored the sound. A calm silence suddenly settled between the two of them, and although it probably should’ve been awkward, it just felt _there_. Not necessarily bad or good. But after a beat of the quiet, the brunette decided to fill it, “How was your day?”

“Well, it could’ve been worse I guess,” Clarke answered, “but I’m kind of like… I guess just bummed out after talking to Octavia’s earlier. I feel like an awful friend.”

“I’ll tell you what, though… if you come out to her in a week, or a month, or a year, or _whenever_ , and she can’t understand that you needed to do it on your own terms with your own time, then she’s the awful friend.” Clarke’s gaze immediately bounced away from the camera, and Lexa bit down on the inside of her lip. “Trust me, Clarke, if she’s really your _best_ friend, she’ll get it. It might take some time for her to, but she will. That’s the great thing about best friends, you know?”

Clarke looked back at the camera, and Lexa let a smile spread across her lips. It only took half a second before Clarke was smiling as well, even though it looked like she might’ve been resisting doing so. “It’s so weird to be like… _talking_ to you.”

“Tell me about it,” Lexa agreed. “A few weeks ago, you were without a name or a face, and now I can even hear your _voice_.” She grinned a dorky smile as she finished the comment, and felt a bubble of pride in her chest when she saw Clarke’s cheeks tinge pink and a laugh escaped her.

“Oh my god, you’re so weird,” Clarke murmured, her right hand coming up to her face and covering one of her cheeks.

“Aw, your blushing is super cute.”

Clarke’s mouth opened in surprise for a second, and then she furrowed her eyebrows and insisted, “I’m not blushing!”

“Yes, you are,” Lexa argued. “And it’s honestly _so_ adorable.”

“I hate you,” Clarke muttered without any real vigor, eliciting another laugh from the brunette.

“You really don’t take compliments well, do you?”

Clarke huffed. “Your compliments aren’t true.”

“Compliments are based off of opinions, and since opinions are subjective, they can be true to me and not to you,” Lexa stated firmly. “Although, I’m a big promoter of self-love, so I think that you should try and realize how adorable your blushing is.”

Clarke’s face was beet red now. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Mmhmm, sure.”

Clarke bit down on her lower lip, switching which hand she was using to hold her phone, but Lexa couldn’t get past how entrancing the blonde was. She almost missed what Clarke was starting to say. “ _Anyway_. Octavia and I were doing homework when we got back here after school, and I never changed out of my stupid uniform.” She was standing up from her bed, it seemed, and probably heading toward her dresser or closet or something.

“Can I see?” Lexa asked. “Your uniform, I mean.”

Clarke gave her a confused look. “Why?”

Lexa felt redness come to her cheeks, because her first thought was that she thought school uniforms were sexy on the right person, and it didn’t help that her second thought was that she wanted to see Clarke at full body length rather than just her face. Feeling like a creep, she quickly came up with something else to say, “I don’t know, I’m curious about what it looks like. I’ve never actually met anyone who goes to a private school.”

Clarke laughed incredulously, but pulled her phone away from her body and angled it down anyway.

Lexa’s breath caught in her throat. It wasn’t really because of the uniform either – it was pretty much what Lexa expected. A light blue button down for a top, and then a dark blue, plaited skirt that fell almost down to Clarke’s knees. Below that were tights that looked way too thick for summer in California. Either way, it wasn’t the outfit that made Lexa unable to breathe for a moment, but Clarke herself.

She still felt like a creep when the blonde brought the camera back up to look at her face. “Is it everything you hoped and dreamed for?” she asked sarcastically, and it took Lexa a second to realize the joke – and the fact that Clarke wasn’t talking about her body, her curves and her boobs.

“Oh definitely,” Lexa said anyway, winking at Clarke through the camera, and inducing a blush on the other girl’s face. She immediately laughed at Clarke’s embarrassment. “Do you blush this much when I send you text message winking faces?”

Clarke scoffed. “No, I’m not that weird.”

“Mm.” Lexa knew that she’d blushed multiple times when Clarke had sent winking faces, but she probably wouldn’t admit that either.

“One sec, I have to change. I’m just going to put the phone down.”

“Okay,” Lexa said lightly, trying to avoid leveling up a creepy level by picturing Clarke changing. She tried to think of something different, and then she had a thought. “Wait, are you left handed?”

“Yes,” Clarke replied with a chuckle from off camera. “I can’t believe you paid enough attention to notice that.”

“I’m an observant person.”

“Clearly.”

Lexa smiled softly, kind of glad that Clarke couldn’t see her flushing bright red now. She could get used to this, that was for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to see Beauty and The Beast tonight, finally!! :D  
> Love you all, have a great week!! xx


	11. I Hear You Miss Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa are already addicted to talking to each other face to face, Octavia and Clarke start making spring break plans, and Clarke realizes that she is getting into a bit of a sticky situation with her best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautifuls :) Happy Sunday!  
> I meant to wake up fairly early this morning so that I could do something before going to work (I work in a little over an hour) but I ended up waking up at 10. When I opened up my OL doc to update, I accidentally started writing where I left off, so I almost forgot to do this entirely XD  
> I'm eight chapters ahead of where you guys are reading, and I have about four chapters planned till the end now. Maybe five, depending on things. So we're looking at around 22 - 24 chapters total in this story :) I'm so glad that you guys are been enjoying it, and I hope you enjoy the progression of Clexa's relationship.
> 
> I had a thought: do you guys think that the summary of this story is accurate/good enough for the story itself? I'm thinking about changing it.
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“I’m highly offended by the fact that you’ve shown Lexa your face but not me!” Raven’s insistent words cut off as the snapchat video ended, and Clarke smiled softly. It had been not even twenty-four hours since she’d decided to snapchat Lexa her face, and as soon as they’d been live videoing, it had been impossible to stop. In fact, Clarke went to sleep later that night than she had on any school night she could remember. Even though they both knew that it wasn’t their only time to talk, it felt like it could be, and that maybe if they didn’t take full advantage of it, they would lose the opportunity.

Knowing that it was pointless to hide her appearance from Raven after finally revealing it to Lexa, Clarke snapped a quick photo of her face and sent it to Raven without any comment. She looked a bit tired in it, but also amused. Sitting up against the tree, waiting for Octavia’s Friday practice to end, Clarke was definitely ready for the weekend.

Although she was definitely waiting for her best friend, the impatience she found growing stemmed from the want for Lexa to snapchat her. She’d gotten a selfie from the brunette that morning, but since then, nothing. She understood that school was a thing, but she couldn’t help but hope that, since Raven was apparently able to snapchat now, Lexa would also be able to soon.

But after a few more minutes of waiting, Clarke gave in her to her want and took a picture of her face, her head leaning tiredly against the tree trunk. On top of it, she added the words: **I’m so bored, helpppp!**

She got a reply after just a few seconds, suddenly glad that she’d taken initiative. The response was a selfie of Lexa in what was probably her school parking lot, and the words: **You waiting for your bestie?**

Skipping the effort of taking a picture, Clarke slid over to her messages with Lexa to reply.

**Clarke – Yeah, and I snapped Raven but then she disappeared. So I figured I’d try you.**

**Lexa – Well, I’m about to drive home, and when I get there, I’m all yours :)**

**Clarke – Octavia might be done with practice by then. I’ve been waiting for her for about twenty minutes already. Your school gets out too late. :(**

**Lexa – Haha I’m sorry, I wish I could make it get out earlier, or like, just be done with school already lol. I’ll message you when I get home in case you’re still in need of entertainment ;)**

**Clarke – Lol thanks.**

The blonde actually almost fell asleep while waiting for Octavia to get out of practice, but she did snap out of her slight dozing when she got a snapchat about fifteen minutes later. It was from Raven, and it was a picture of her gasping and the comment: **HOLY SHIT! You’re hot, girl! No homo tho ;) I’m bound by a force of nature to not flirt with you ;)**

**Clarke – What does that mean?**

**Raven – Something in the universe is keeping me from flirting with you. I can’t tell you, though. :)**

Clarke didn’t understand her friend, so she just sent a bunch of confused emojis in the chat. When she hit send, she got a new snap from Lexa. It was a video, and as soon as Clarke clicked it and saw Lexa’s face, she smiled. “I’m home! And at your beck and call – I have nothing to do today. At least, I don’t think I do. Raven will probably turn up to kidnap me soon.”

She slid into the chat to reply that way, since she was still outside and in the open, but as soon as she was there, Lexa’s face popped up in front of her. “Clarke! Guess what!”

Rolling her eyes, the blonde gave in and started live snapping as well. “It better be something important if you’re making me actually _talk_ when there are still _people_ around.”

“No, it wasn’t really anything important. I just wanted to talk to you.” Lexa smiled cheekily, and Clarke tried to scoff, although she definitely didn’t come off as actually angry.

“You’re not as half as smooth as you think you are,” Clarke teased, keeping her voice quiet.

Lexa hummed thoughtfully. “I beg to differ. But it’s fine, your opinion is valid even if it’s not true.” Then the brunette winked, and Clarke felt her face blush darkly.

“You can’t do that when _I’m_ in public, _Lexa_ ,” Clarke hissed, bringing her free hand up to her cheek and covering her warm skin there.

“What? Wink at you?”

“Or make me blush in general,” Clarke replied. “Those are my terms for talking in public, or else we’ll have to go back to messaging.”

“Like you don’t blush at text messages.”

“You don’t know if I do or not,” Clarke insisted. “Anyway, I’m serious.”

“Okay, okay, whatever,” Lexa gave in. “How was your day?”

“Long. I’m really tired, and I’m probably going to crash early tonight. At least, if Octavia doesn’t make me go out late to do something,” Clarke said with a shrug.

“Ah yeah, so you and I are in the same boat. At the mercy of our friends.”

“Mmhmm.”

Lexa nodded slowly. “Okay. So, I had a thought…”

“About what?”

“Hey, who are you talking to?” Octavia was coming up toward the tree, and Clarke knew that the color suddenly drained from her face. Without saying anything to Lexa, she locked her phone and dropped it into her life.

“No one,” Clarke said, “I was just recording a video... for this weird thing my mom is doing for her work.”

Octavia lifted an eyebrow. “She needed you to make a video for work?”

“Yeah, it’s like a thank you video to some of the employees,” Clarke lied, hoping that her on the spot ideas were believable. “So, what’s the plan for today?”

“I’m not sure. There’s a party, but I don’t want to go, because Ass-rick will probably be there. We could go to the mall or something. Or just stay in. That sounds nice, too. What do you think?”

“Staying in sounds nice,” Clarke agreed. “My place or yours?”

“How about mine? I bother your parents too often,” Octavia insisted with a chuckle. “Come on, let’s go.”

* * *

“I’ve decided to declare Operation Get Clarke And Lexa Together officially a-go,” Raven said as her greeting when Lexa opened the door to let her into her house.

“Um, what? No. Whatever you think you want to do, no. I’m forbidding it. You’re going to ruin things.”

“No, I’m not. It’s mostly just like, subtle hints.”

“Seriously, Raven, please don’t. What’s going on with me and Clarke is not your thing to influence or add to. I’m fine with the way things are pacing themselves.”

“Really? I mean, sure she showed you her face, but that doesn’t mean a whole lot. Friends look at each other’s faces all the time.”

Lexa sighed. “Rae, I don’t even know what I want or… what she wants, especially. She’s not out to anyone yet, and she literally hung up with me on snapchat earlier when her best friend walked up. I don’t even know that she could _handle_ a relationship. Obviously, I’m carefully trying to test the waters, but I don’t want you to intervene. You might scare her or freak her out or something.”

“Fine, I won’t do anything then.” Raven looked somewhat defeated.

“Thank you,” Lexa breathed out in relief.

“Gotta hand it to you, though, if you do end up dating her, I am going to be fairly impressed. She’s really shot.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “And what, it’s some anomaly that I could date hot girls?”

“You said it, not me.”

* * *

“Okay, so I have an idea,” Octavia said that night, sitting up and looking at Clarke, “for spring break. Ready to hear it?”

Clarke lifted an eyebrow. “Okay.”

“San Diego!”

“That’s like five hours away, you know?” Clarke said with a lift of an eyebrow.

“I know. Originally, I thought we should go to Lake Tahoe, but that’s like _eight_ hours away, so I figured San Diego would be a much better option. It would be so fun, though! We could go to the zoo and see the bay and all that jazz,” Octavia said excitedly.

“You know what’s closer and probably more fun?” Octavia waited expectantly. “Los Angeles?”

“But we’ve _been_ there before.”

“So what? There are so many more fun things to do in Los Angeles. We could go to Disneyland or Universal or Santa Monica or literally _so_ many cooler places that the San Diego Zoo,” Clarke said insistently.

Octavia hummed thoughtfully. “I _do_ miss Venice Beach…”

Clarke’s mouth went dry suddenly as she remembered where Lexa and Raven were going for _their_ spring break – Venice. She didn’t know when their spring break was, though.

“Okay fine, Los Angeles. You and I need to get budgets from our parental units, though, because if we can’t afford at least a day at Disneyland, we’re driving to San Diego,” Octavia insisted. “Deal?”

“Deal.” The brunette relaxed back against her pillow after that, and Clarke fiddled with her phone. “Hey, O, what week is that again?”

“Um, I don’t know, let me check.” The room was silent for a moment. “Oh shit! It’s the first week of April! That's in two weeks! Can you text your parents about money right now? I’ll go ask my mom.”

“Yeah,” Clarke agreed, watching her best friend practically throw herself out of her bedroom calling for her mom. She opened up a text message to both of her parents.

**Clarke – Hey, Octavia and I just realized that spring break is in two weeks – we want to go to LA. Is that okay?**

**Mom – Oh I don’t know sweetie, we’ll have to think about it.**

**Clarke – Mom! We need to plan ahead for monetary reasons. :(**

**Dad – Oh, I’m sure that will be fine, Abby. Octavia’s 17 and Clarke is almost 17, they’ll be okay as long as they plan ahead and don’t do anything stupid – I trust them.**

**Mom – Alright, I guess it’s okay, then.**

**Clarke – Cool! Follow up question: trip budget?**

**Dad – Just keep it reasonable, kiddo.**

“Did they answer?” Octavia’s voice suddenly began demanding as she rushed back into the room. “My parents said they’d put money in my account for it, I should have enough for Disney.”

“I got the ‘keep it reasonable’ answer,” Clarke replied with a shrug, “so I think we’re good to go.”

“Yes! Shit, Clarke, you better have a cute bikini buried in your closet somewhere!”

“Oh my god, please don’t go crazy, Octavia. It’s just a week.”

“It’s going to be the best week you’ve ever had, Clarke. I’m already making plans – and looking hot in bikinis is essential to them.”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows. “I’m not following.”

“No need. I’ve got it covered.”

Octavia practically passed out later that night, after freaking out about spring break like crazy. The year before, their spring break plans had been boring to say the least, and since then, Octavia had made a point of bringing up the week to both of their parents any time she had the chance. They preemptively got permission to do something “more fun” than the previous year, but, evidently, the drama Octavia had been going through with Patrick had taken her mind off of it until just now.

Clarke was still awake, though, and the bright screen of her phone was staring up at her. She was debating whether or not to message Lexa, because it was well past midnight, but ultimately, she decided that there wasn’t any harm in it.

As she debated whether or not to use Twitter or Snapchat, her phone suddenly beeped with a new Twitter notification.

**@raeraebae: heyyy @princess_blondie I think @lexawarriorwoods is having some sort of withdrawal from not talking to you in like 8 hours, she’s clingy af sorry ;)**

**@princess_blondie: @raeraebae @lexawarriorwoods why didn’t she just message me then? Are you her messenger now? XD**

**@raeraebae: @princess_blondie @lexawarriorwoods she doesn’t want you to know that’s she’s clingy ;)**

Clarke felt her cheeks warming, and she bit her lower lip as she finally opted to use snapchat to message the brunette.

**Clarke – Hey, I hear you miss me ;)**

**Lexa – Don’t listen to Raven, she’s a bitchhhhhh**

**Clarke – So you don’t wanna talk to me? :(**

**Lexa – Shut up, of course I do lol**

**Lexa – Can I live snap you?**

Clarke glanced at her best friend, sleeping soundly next to her. Taking in a deep breath, the blonde slide out from under the blanket and got off of the bed. She went instead into the bathroom, locked the door, and sat down on the floor. Leaning against the wall, she thought it might be weird to live chat with Lexa here, but she had a valid excuse.

She hit the little live button without answering the last message.

“Hey!” Lexa said immediately, before looking with confusion at the camera. “Where are you?”

“Octavia’s bathroom,” Clarke replied quietly, chuckling. “Are you with Raven?”

“Ugh, yes.” Lexa turned her camera so that Clarke could see where Raven was sitting across Lexa’s bed on her phone. Clarke gathered that Lexa must be at her desk. “This bitch is such a liar, by the way, I’m not clingy.” The camera was refocused on Lexa’s face.

“Don’t listen to her! She’s clingy as fuck!”

Clarke just laughed. “If it makes you feel better, I was about to message you when Raven tweeted me anyway.”

“How was your day?”

“Not bad. Octavia and I finally made spring break plans – which is pretty last minute, because our break is two weeks from now. She’s been freaking out about it for the past like, year, so I’m surprised we only just got around to making a plan.”

Lexa smiled, and Clarke melted – that smile always made her heart race. Suddenly, though, her eyebrows shot up. “Oh hey, that’s the same week we have spring break, isn’t it Rae?”

“Yup!” Raven called. “We’re going to LA baby! Woo!”

“What are you doing for break?” Lexa wondered.

Clarke’s heart was beating double time, because she was almost scared to admit that she would be in LA that whole week as well. There was no way she would be able to be in the same city as Lexa and _not_ meet her, but that idea terrified her anyway. “Um, well Octavia had a ton of ideas. She wanted to go to Lake Tahoe, but it’s like, an eight hour drive. And then she wanted to go to San Diego, but that’s a five hour drive.” At the mention of San Diego, Lexa glanced noticeably over at Raven, and Clarke wondered silently if that’s where the two of them lived. “We decided to limit the drive and go to Los Angeles.”

“Oh my god!” Raven exclaimed, suddenly jumping into the screen. “You’re going to be in LA the same week as us? Holy fuck! We have to meet you!”

“Raven, chill the fuck out,” Lexa said, pushing away the Latina who was now practically sitting on her lap. Despite her calmness, however, Lexa’s eyes were brighter than they had been a moment before. “Clarke didn’t even say that she wants to meet us, don’t jump so far ahead.”

Clarke bit her lower lip to withhold a giggle. “Um, yeah I’d like to meet you guys. But… I don’t know when I’ll have the chance. I’m going to be staying with Octavia the whole time. She… doesn’t even know that I have a Twitter or anything.”

“Well, we’ll work it out. We have two weeks,” Lexa insisted.

“Yeah, true.”

* * *

**Clarke – Hey, can I talk to you about something?**

**Nathan – Sure, of course. What’s up?**

**Clarke – So I have this sort of dilemma.**

**Clarke – Octavia and I decided that we are going to LA for spring break in two weeks. And you know how I mentioned that I knew some people online who know that I’m gay?**

**Nathan – Yeah?**

**Clarke – They’re going to be in LA for that same week, and I want to meet them, but… Octavia doesn’t even know that I have Twitter or anything!**

**Nathan – Are you sure it’s a good idea that you meet up with some random people on Twitter? What if they’re fakes?**

**Clarke – I have them both on snapchat… I’ve sort of like, talked to them before on there, face to face.**

**Nathan – Oh wow, you’re braver than I would be.**

**Nathan – I mean, you could always just tell Octavia that you met them on snapchat. Like maybe some random person sent you a follow request and snapped you and you guys started talking.**

**Clarke – Maybe. Ugh. I just wish I knew what to do.**

**Nathan – You could also like, fix it so that you guys “accidentally” meet at some place. Do you have a day by day plan for break yet?**

**Clarke – No, but that’s a good idea. I could just wait until Octavia gives me our full itinerary lol. She’s all about the planning.**

**Clarke – Sorry to randomly text you about all this. I’m just kind of freaking out. I’m excited to meet them, but it still feels scary, you know?**

**Nathan – Well, I guess I can imagine that feeling. But I don’t really know.**

**Clarke – Hey well, I’ll let you get back to what you were doing. Thanks for the help :)**

**Nathan – Of course, don’t mention it. I’ll see you at school Monday.**

* * *

_**[Friday, February 10 th, 5:03pm]** _

_**Wells – Hey, Octavia. Sorry to text you randomly. I was wondering if you knew if Clarke has a Twitter or not? I thought I followed her earlier this morning, but then the account blocked me and I asked her about it and she said that it wasn’t her. I’m not sure I buy it.** _

_**Octavia – I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have a Twitter. If she did, I’d know about it, trust me. We tell each other everything.** _

_**Wells – Right, thanks. Was just wondering.** _

_**Octavia – Plus, if it was Clarke, she wouldn’t have blocked you, obviously.** _

_**Wells – Yeah. Anyway. Have a nice day.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all have a lovely week!! Thank you for all the super amazing comments on the last chapter, and I'll do my best to reply to the ones on this chapter!! Love you all! x


	12. You're Gonna Be Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to fall apart for Clarke, but there is always at least one person who is there for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half-week update!! Woo!!  
> There probably won't be many other half week updates coming up, but these next couple of chapters are nicer to read closer together and I'm so far ahead that I figured it was worth it ;D
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

**Raven – So, you and Lexa have been talking a lot recently. ;)**

**Clarke – And?**

**Raven – And I wanna hear all the details!!**

**Clarke – There aren’t any details to tell, Raven, we talk a lot. So what? We’re friends.**

**Raven – Mmhmm, and that’s the first thought I have when Lexa starts giggling at her phone like she’s in fucking second grade. >_>**

**Clarke – What do you want from me, Rae?**

**Raven – Just admit that you like her!!**

Clarke’s eyes widened incredibly – sure, that’s about what she expected Raven was thinking, but she didn’t expect her to just _say_ it. And it really wasn’t a good time either, the blonde was sitting at her usual lunch table, waiting for Octavia to show up. She couldn’t be having this conversation right now.

**Clarke – What makes you think that I like her??**

**Raven – Uh, the fact that you DO! Come on, I won’t tell her, cross my heart and hope to fucking die! Just admit it! I can’t take it anymore D:**

**Clarke – You’re being ridiculous Raven. I haven’t even known her for that long.**

**Raven – You mean that it takes you more than a month before you start being able to tell that you like someone?**

**Raven – Look, blondie, I know that this is new for you, but if you like Lexa, you should tell her.**

**Clarke – Yeah, and then what? It’s not like we’re next door neighbors, Raven.**

**Raven – No, but you guys get to meet in less than two week! Hello! Major opportunity! If you guys don’t get together before then, you’re missing a huge sex-opp.**

**Clarke – RAVEN**

**Clarke – I AM AT SCHOOL**

**Clarke – YOU CAN’T SEND ME SHIT LIKE THAT**

“Why is your face all red? Who are you texting?”

Clarke looked up quickly to see Octavia’s hazel eyes looking at her with confusion. “Nothing, no one. Um. Yeah, nothing.”

“Okay, sure, except I don’t buy that for a second.” Octavia sat down across from the blonde. “What on earth is up with you, Clarke? You’ve been getting weirder and weirder the past few weeks, and I can’t tell if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. At first you were getting more and more closed off, and then you started to be open again and even up to trying new things despite the shit I put you through with like, the Valentine’s date any everything. But now I’ve caught you ‘recording videos for your mom’ and ‘texting nothing.’” She used air quotes for emphasis, and Clarke exhaled slowly. “And you were busy all weekend – what was up with that? We need to be planning for spring break.”

“Yeah, I just wasn’t feeling up to hanging out, I’m sorry. I was really stressing about something.”

“About what?” Octavia asked, and for the first time, Clarke realized how helpless her best friend sounded. She was completely unable to read into Clarke’s thoughts, left utterly in the dark. “Clarke, you can tell me anything, you know? Seriously.”

“I know, Octavia, but it’s not a big deal.” Clarke bit down on her tongue for a second. “Let’s talk about spring break, yeah?”

“Um, _no_. We need to talk about this, Clarke. You keep evading whatever it is, and I’m sick of it. If something is wrong, you have to tell me. I’m not going to let you internalize something and let it turn into some deep, dark complex that you can’t even talk to your best friend about.”

Clarke’s foot began tapping the ground restlessly. “Octavia, I really don’t want to talk about this.”

“Why not? What could possibly be so bad that you don’t want to talk to me about it?”

“I need to use the bathroom,” Clarke muttered, because it was starting to become apparent that Octavia’s raised voice was drawing attention. She wasn’t about to come out to Octavia in front of the whole school, so she quickly escaped the table, hearing Octavia’s rushed footsteps behind her.

“Clarke!”

The blonde darted down the hall and into the nearest bathroom. She knew that Octavia would be right behind her, so she quickly flung herself into a stall and locked it.

“Clarke Griffin! What the fuck is going on?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Octavia!” Clarke exclaimed, leaning against the wall of the bathroom stall and bringing her hands to her face, covering her eyes. “Please leave me alone.”

“Does this have to do with Nathan? Or is it me being a shit friend while I was dating Patrick? What’s going on? Do you not want to do spring break?”

“No, I do want to do spring break, and no it doesn’t have to do with Nathan or you or anything,” Clarke exclaimed. “It has to do with _me_ , and _I_ don’t want to talk about it, okay? It’s really not a big deal, and I don’t want to talk about it with you, Octavia.”

The brunette was silent for a few beats – so silent that Clarke actually wondered if she’d somehow been whisked into another dimension. “There it is,” her flat voice finally said, “you don’t want to talk about it _with me_.”

“Octavia…”

“No, I get it, whatever Clarke. You don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. Keep it to yourself. Let it tear you up inside. I’m just trying to do my duty as your best friend, but if you don’t want me to, that’s your choice, I guess. I’ll let you be.”

“No, O, that isn’t what I meant.” Clarke heard footsteps, so she quickly unlatched the bathroom stall and pushed the door open. Octavia was gone. “ _Fuck_.”

Just as the word slipped out, one of the assistant principals stepped into the bathroom, and look of pure annoyance on her face. “Miss Griffin. If you’ll follow me to the front office, please.”

* * *

“You know, you’re lucky it was just a one day suspension, Clarke,” Abby growled vehemently. “What were you thinking, causing some big scene, running into a bathroom, slamming doors? And _cursing_ in front of an administrator? Do you expect us to allow you to go to Los Angeles after this?”

Clarke held her head in her hands, squeezing her eyes shut. “Mom, it wasn’t like that. Octavia and I were fighting, it just got a little out of hand. I didn’t _mean_ to curse in front of anyone.”

“But you _did_ Clarke, and I am royally disappointed. When your father gets home, we will discuss the full extent of your punishment.”

“ _Mom_.”

“No, don’t you _mom_ me. I can already hear the other doctors at work asking me what’s wrong with you. They talk you know, about the kids at school? Because the kids talk, and everyone saw you run out of that cafeteria.”

“And you don’t think that’s punishment enough?”

Abby sighed. “Look, Clarke, I just think that something is wrong with you. You’ve been acting out, getting distracted. Your grades even dropped, I looked yesterday.”

“Mom, there is a perfectly good explanation for that…”

“Great, I’ll hear it later. Right now, go to your room.”

“Mom!”

“Your room!”

Giving in, Clarke stood up from the dining room table and began to storm upstairs. Of course this would happen. Of course she would be fighting with her best friend, and now her mother, over problems that were just stupid extensions of this one big fat secret she had hidden. Why couldn’t she just tell everyone?

Because she’d become even more of a freak show than she already was.

Because her mother might finally choose to just give up on her entirely.

Because with every new person she ever met, there would be a chance they would hate her on the basis of no more than just her sexuality, and that thought _hurt_.

In her room, she tossed her book bag onto the floor and was about to throw herself onto her bed when she heard a vibration. Her phone. Biting her lip, she crouched down and dug through the bag until she had the device, and then she locked her door, slipped off her shoes, and climbed into her bed.

She had a few more messages from Raven – those are what the vibrations had come from – but Clarke didn’t answer those. Instead, she went over to her snapchat messages with Lexa.

**Clarke – I know you’re at school and this is probably like the worst timing, like you probably won’t even see this message for hours but I just got sent home from school for doing something stupid and now I’m pretty sure I’ve lost my best friend forever and my mother hates me and I locked myself in my bedroom and I’m never ever leaving because the world fucking sucks.**

She hit sent before she even realized how much she’d typed, and when she reread the words she realized that it sounded like it was maybe more extreme than it actually was.

**Clarke – I’m sorry I’m just freaking out, it’s really probably not that bad but right now it feels awful and the best friend part is true and the mother part is true – actually now that I think about it the only part that was exaggerated is that I won’t leave my room because I probably will, though my mom might have to break out the fucking jaws of life or something before I do.**

Clarke really wasn’t expecting a response, but when she saw that Lexa had just entered the message screen, relief spread through her entire body.

**Lexa – What happened??**

**Clarke – Can I call you?**

**Clarke – Oh shit, you’re at school, of course I can’t call you.**

**Lexa – You can call me, I have lunch for half an hour. I’m outside, don’t worry, call me.**

Clarke hesitated.

**Lexa – Clarke, call me right now.**

She gave in, and she hit the live snap button. She considered just doing a voice call, but she wanted to see Lexa – that would probably calm her down the most, honestly. Lexa’s face appeared in front of her in moments. “Clarke, what happened?”

“I fucking screwed everything up,” Clarke growled, her hand coming up to her hair and dragging through what had become a tangled mess of blonde strands. “I should’ve made some shit up or something.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I was messaging Raven earlier and she made some offhand comment about you and me –“

“Wait, what?”

“Never mind, it doesn’t matter. I just… I blushed, and Octavia came up and asked why I was blushing and I had no answer so I said _nothing_ and she started going off about how I’ve been weird lately and she wanted me to talk to her about it but I freaked out and ran out of the fucking cafeteria and into a bathroom and we were basically screaming at each other there and then I said something stupid about how I didn’t want to talk about it _with Octavia_ and she got all mad and literally left me there, and of course the one time I let the f-bomb drop at school is when the assistant principal comes into the bathroom to see what the big deal was, and I got a one day suspension from school which is like, super scandalous at my fucking private school and now everyone at school thinks I’m a freak show, including my best friend, and my mother is plotting my punishment which will probably include cancelation of any and all plans I could’ve ever made for the next year and taking away my right to do absolutely anything at all.”

“Okay, babe, you need to take a breath,” Lexa said, once Clarke finally had to stop talking due to lack of oxygen. “Seriously, Clarke, _breathe_.”

“I fucked up, Lexa.”

“You literally did something that any normal person would do when they don’t know what to do, okay? You’re not a freak show, and you didn’t fuck everything up. It might feel that way, but that doesn’t mean you actually did. Give it a few days. Octavia will come around if she really is your best friend. And you _always_ have me, okay? You can call me whenever. I will _always_ answer.”

For the first time since all the drama started earlier, though it was probably overdue, tears began leaking from Clarke’s eyes. “Fuck, how is it that you are the _only_ person capable of understanding me?”

“I like to think that over the past month, I’ve become a Clarke expert,” Lexa said lightly, and Clarke smiled despite herself. “Hey, look… I don’t want to make you feel any worse right now than you already do, but if you want my genuine advice… do you?”

Clarke nodded.

“Okay, then yeah… I’d say that you might need to come out to Octavia. Nobody else, but she is your best friend, and she knows you well enough to know that you’re hiding something from her. She’s going to keep on loving you, Clarke, because you’re _amazing_ , and she would be absolutely ridiculous to abandon you over something like that.”

Clarke wiped at her face with her right hand, clutching her phone with the other. “What if she won’t talk to me?”

“You make her talk to you,” Lexa said softly. “Personally, just the sound of your voice would make me want to talk to you.”

Redness rushed to the blonde’s pale cheeks. “Yeah well, not everyone is as affected by my particular _charm_ as you are, Lexa.”

Lexa bit down on her lower lip, and Clarke felt a sudden heat rush down between her legs, something she was definitely not expecting. “I have trouble believing that, you do have a _lot_ of charm.”

“Says _only_ you.”

“Well then everyone else is wrong and I am correct.”

“What makes you so sure of that?”

“Like I said, I’m a Clarke expert now.”

Clarke smiled genuinely at the brunette in her phone screen.

“Hey, can I ask you something? Unrelated to either of the topics we were just talking about.”

“Sure, of course. Anything to get my mind off of this shit day.”

Lexa nodded slowly, and then she inhaled. “So you said that you were talking to Raven, and she made a comment about… you and me?”

“Oh. Yeah. Um. I didn’t really mean to mention that.”

“What sort of comment did she make?”

“Just that we… talk a lot. You and I. That we’re always talking and that you giggle at my messages.”

Lexa’s jaw dropped. “I don’t giggle.” There was a slight crack in the brunette’s voice that brought a grin to Clarke’s face. “Oh my god, I’m going to kill Raven.”

“You might want to kill her more once you hear the rest of what she said.”

“Doubt it.”

Although it was against Clarke’s better and worse judgment, and if she had been thinking more clearly she might’ve realized that it had the possibility of tearing apart the one good thing she had going for her right now, she decided to just say it. “She told me that if I like you, I should tell you, because if I don’t, and we meet during spring break, we’d miss a great opportunity to have _sex_.”

Lexa’s jaw dropped, but she didn’t look mad – just stunned.

“Conveniently, that’s when Octavia walked up and saw _my_ face.”

Lexa was silent for another moment, and then she asked, “Do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Like me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, Clarke, we aren’t in kindergarten, you know what I mean.”

Clarke bit down on her lower lip. “Yeah, I do. I didn’t want to say something and make things weird though, if you don’t like me too. I’ve never really liked any girls before, especially not girls I met on the internet and haven’t even seen in person, so I don’t really know what I’m supposed to be doing.”

“You know, the saddest part about this conversation it’s not in person, because if it were, I would’ve been able to kiss you before you even finished that sentence,” Lexa breathed out.

“Wait, so you…”

“Like you? Yes, Clarke, and I’ve been so fucking obvious about it that I’m surprised you didn’t either tell me to stop or just give in and tell me that you like me,” Lexa said, but again, she didn’t sound mad. Right now, she actually sounded mostly relieved. “And I’m in the same boat as you, you know? I’ve never liked anyone I met online – and well, I kind of thought doing so would be like the worst idea on the face of the planet… but I’m really glad that I met you, and I wouldn’t undo it.”

“You know, for someone who’s always so smooth and cool, you’re such a sap,” Clarke said with a small chuckle, but then she let a natural smile take over her lips. “Thank you.”

There was a sudden knock on Clarke’s door that made her jump, but it was actually fairly gentle. “Clarke?” It was her dad – her mother had likely called him and asked him to come home early. “Please unlock the door, I’d like to talk to you.”

“I have to go,” Clarke said quietly to Lexa, but the last thing she wanted to do was stop talking to the brunette. “I’ll message you later.”

“You’re gonna be okay, Clarke.”

“Thanks.”

“Clarke?” It was Jake again, and Clarke finally ended the snapchat call and dropped her phone, climbing off of her bed and unlocking the door.

“What?” Her voice was steeled over.

Jake looked at Clarke with a sort of heartbroken look, and for a second, Clarke thought he was going to start talking like her mom. Then, true to Jake-fashion, he stepped into the room, closed the door and said, “I’m not mad at you, kiddo.”

“You’re not?” Clarke took a few steps back and sat on the edge of her bed, and her dad came to sit next to her.

“No. You’ve been sending so many clues that something’s been up, and we pushed you so hard about _school_ that you didn’t feel comfortable telling us what’s really going on. But clearly there’s something if you’ve been fighting with your best friend and getting in trouble at school, because I know that’s not my Clarke. Something has to be up,” Jake said. “And I know you might not want to talk about it, but I really hope you’ll tell me what’s going on. I can’t help you if I don’t know what I’m dealing with here, kiddo.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, dad…”

Jake sighed. “Let’s start off easy. Why were you and Octavia fighting?”

“Because there’s something I don’t feel ready to tell her, and she wants to know, but I can’t… I can’t tell her. And I can’t tell you, it’s… I just, I can’t…”

“You can tell me, sweetie. I’m your number one fan, you know that there’s nothing you could tell me that would change that.”

Clarke looked at her dad carefully. Something about his gaze told her that maybe he already knew. But how could he? She hadn’t really dropped any hints, had she? Other than defending gay people to some limited extent in that one dinner conversation, had she even said anything remoted related to anything LGBT issues around her parents? Still, there was something there. Without much thought to her next words, she heard herself say, “If I tell you, you _can’t_ tell mom. You have to wait until I’m ready to tell her.”

“Cross my heart, I won’t say a word.”

“How?” Clarke wondered. “How could you promise that? She’s your wife. Isn’t it like, your every duty to be honest with her?”

“I love your mother, Clarke, but she’s not the most understanding person. And you’re my daughter. Sometimes you deserve to be prioritized over her.”

Clarke felt warmth spread through her chest, and even though it was possibly not the right thing to do, her instinct was pushing her to tell him. He would be the first one she’d tell outside of the online community – sans Nathan. Even before her best friend – was that bad?

Well, she’d already messed that up anyway.

“I’m bi.” As soon as she said it, a major relief spread through her whole body – she felt a tingle in her toes and tension in her shoulders immediately began to unravel itself. She’d said it, out loud and proud, to her father.

His first reaction was a smile, and Clarke knew that she was going to cry tears of joy before they even started to flood her eyes. “Come here, kiddo.” He opened his arms, and Clarke just about threw herself into them, burying her face into his shoulder. “Something like that could never change what I think of you, Clarke. You’re my daughter, and I’ll always love you. And frankly, how could I blame you for liking women? They’re pretty awesome.”

“Oh my god, dad, don’t make this weird,” Clarke said with a happy sob, pulling away from the hug. “I’m just… scared to tell people. Mom would hate me.”

“I don’t think it would be that extreme, but of course, I’ll let you decide when you want to tell her. It’s your decision when she knows. I won’t say a word.”

“Thanks, dad.”

“Is that the same thing you won’t tell Octavia?”

Clarke bit down on her lower lip. “What if she looks at me differently? Like, I know she won’t hate me, but what if she thinks it’s weird to change in the same room as me? Or sleep in the same bed as me? What if she thinks that I like _her_? What if it gets weird? She’s the best friend I’ve ever had, and I’m so scared of things changing.”

“You know what, kiddo, she might be the best friend you’ve ever had, but if your friendship changes based on your sexuality, then she isn’t the best friend you’ll ever have,” Jake said with a soft smile. “Plus, the best friend you’ll ever have is probably the girl, or guy, you end up with one day anyway.”

Nodding, the blonde blushed a little when her thoughts drifted to Lexa. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, Clarke.”

“Am I still in trouble? For what happened at school? Mom said she was going to take away my LA trip…”

“I’ll talk to your mother. You might not believe it, but your mom has gone through rough patches too, and I think I can reason with her. I don’t want to take away your spring break trip. But are you going to be on good terms with Octavia by then?”

Clarke let out a long exhale. “I sure hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was actually kind of one of my favorites to write, as were the next two!! I really love when some angst can creep into my stories, since they are usually fluffy for the most part. Anyway, I hope you guys liked this one, and be sure to follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana ! :D  
> Have a great weekend my loves!! xx


	13. We Can't Be One Of THOSE Couples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are up and down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Happy Easter! I was supposed to be at work until 5:30pm, but I got off at 10:30am, watched Boss Baby (which was actually so cute) and then came home ahaha. And I saw the movie with this guy who also got off early, and when I told some other guy that, he goes "ooooooh ;)" and I'm like why can't I just have a sign on me all the time that says "I AM GAY IF I'M HANGING OUT WITH A BOY IT'S ALL PLATONIC CHILL" !?!  
> Yeah it's a struggle, but the movie was good hahaha.  
> Anyway, this is a high key important chapter for multiple reasons! Enjoy!

**@raeraebae: @princess_blondie yo blondie! Lexa’s been all heart eyes over you since Monday. You better seal the deal quick ;)**

**@princess_blondie: @raeraebae Raven!!!**

**@raeraebae: @princess_blondie sorry I feel justified in being this person now that it isn’t just empty air between the two of you :)**

**@princess_blondie: @raeraebae I don’t even know what that means**

**@raeraebae: @princess_blondie just message Lexa you dummy**

Clarke smiled softly. She’d messaged Lexa only a little bit on Tuesday, because that was her day of suspension and she’d spent most of it sleeping – trying to restore the energy she felt like she’d slowly been losing over the past couple of weeks. Now she was walking up to school from her parking spot, hoping no eyes would start to land on her once she entered the building.

She opened snapchat.

**Clarke – I hear you miss me :)**

**Lexa – Is that just going to be our code for “raven keeps telling me that you’re being all clingy” now?**

**Clarke – Maybe ^.^ Aren’t you at school yet?**

**Lexa – Aren’t you?**

**Clarke – Walking in right now. It’s going to be hell today. I have a bad feeling that Octavia is going to be ignoring me.**

**Lexa – So talk to her.**

**Clarke – What am I supposed to say to her?**

**Lexa – You could always serenade her some P!nk music: pleeeease, pleeease don’t leave me!**

**Clarke – Hahaha no thank you.**

**Clarke – Gotta go, I’ll message you later.**

Just like Clarke thought would happen, Octavia didn’t meet up with her in the hallway before first period. And, just like Clarke also suspected, people keep flashing her weird looks. She ended up taking the long way to most of her classes, trying to avoid as many people as possible. That’s how she ran into Nathan again, and he was actually the only person that day who smiled at her and made brief conversation.

They hadn’t talked about what happened on Monday, but Clarke had a feeling that he didn’t care. He knew what she was going through – he wouldn’t be judgmental about it.

Lunch was the worst of it, though. Clarke sat at her normal lunch table, waiting to see what Octavia would do, but she didn’t even show up. In fact, Clarke wondered if Octavia had even come to school that day – she was hoping that she hadn’t, if only to let her think that she wasn’t being avoided.

But then came English class, and Octavia’s seat was right next to Clarke’s, and it wasn’t empty. Her best friend said nothing to her throughout the class, though, and didn’t even make eye contact with her.

After that class, she decided to be late to her next period and found herself escaping into a bathroom stall. Once the bell for class rang and the bathroom emptied, she crumpled to the floor and let tears fall. She hugged her knees to her chest and let them pour out, along with some ugly sobs. In the past, she’d thought that she cared what others thought about her, but right now she realized that it didn’t matter what anyone thought – she just wanted to be okay with her best friend. And she wasn’t. She’d fucked it up.

She managed to recover to some extent, but then when the end of the day arrived, she realized that she couldn’t go out to the field and wait for her friend. They wouldn’t have plans for the day.

Instead, she went home, and by the time she had changed into sweats and a t-shirt, Lexa was out of school. Finally, she had a real distraction from her horrible day.

Snapchat was their new norm now, so she messaged the brunette there and a few minutes later, they were live chatting. It was starting to become Clarke’s favorite activity.

“Hey, cutie,” Lexa greeted, “how was your day?”

“Awful. I spent half of my bio class in the bathroom crying,” the blonde admitted. “Octavia literally ignored me all day. I didn’t see her once throughout the day until English, which is the only class we have together, and she wouldn’t even look at me. It just hurts. I should probably text her or something, but I’m so scared that she just hates me forever now.”

“Maybe give it a few days, and then text her. Be as honest as you can with her. You’re dealing with something personal and you don’t know if you can talk about it yet, but it’s not  _ her _ . You’ll tell her when you’re ready. She has to respect that,” Lexa reasoned.

Clarke shrugged. “Maybe. I still think she might just hate me forever now.”

“Stop being so pessimistic,” Lexa tutted. “How could anyone hate  _ you _ forever?”

“Again, I think you’re a bit biased in that statement,” Clarke muttered, although a blush came to her cheeks anyway.

Lexa grinned. “I love it when you blush. It’s so cute.”

“Shut up!” Clarke squeaked, raising her left hand to cover her cheek. “It’s not cute! It’s embarrassing!”

“No, it’s cute. Sorry, my word is final.” Clarke was about to object, but Lexa was talking again. “Hey, so I had a thought.”

“Mmhmm?”

“I was just thinking about Valentine’s Day, and how we both had shitty as fuck ones this year, right?”

“Right.”

“So, if we end up meeting in LA in two weeks, I wanna take you out on a super late Valentine’s Day date for our first real date,” Lexa said, her voice coming out a bit quicker than normal. Clarke furrowed her eyebrows for half a second, realizing that Lexa was  _ nervous _ to ask her out.

It made her smile. “That sounds nice.”

“Really?”

“Mmhmm. This year was the first that I tried to have a date for it, and it kind of sucked. It would be cool to have a do-over. Especially with you.”

Now, Lexa’s face reddened.

“Oh my gosh! Your blush is so adorable!”

“Ugh, I like it better when you’re shyer than me.”

“Do you really, though? I think you like it when I make you blush.”

“Don’t get cocky, babe.”

“It’s too late, your cute red cheeks already boosted my ego.” Clarke winked into the camera with the strange confidence that had taken her over after realizing that Lexa had been nervous to ask her out. A thought was tugging at her restlessly, and she did her best to suppress it. It was telling her to ask something bold, but she was scared to. “But I won’t torture you over it. I’ll just accept that you’re cute and mushy and move on.”

“Thank god,” Lexa muttered teasingly, before grinning as well.

Clarke didn’t really want to change the topic, but now that she’d basically ended the last one, she knew that she had to. “How was  _ your _ day?”

“Not bad. School was okay, Raven was pestering me a lot. She’s been doing that so much lately. It’s kind of what she does after relationships – she gets super into mine, and my feelings and stuff. It keeps her from considering her own, because she’s really slow to get over people. And she and Rachel dated for a while,” Lexa explained. “But I don’t really mind it. She’s my best friend, you know? I put up with her crazy and she puts up with mine.”

“You guys are honestly best friend goals,” Clarke admitted with a chuckle, but that one question was still nagging at her. It was just five words, and she had no reason to expect a negative response to them, but she was still scared to ask. “How did you two meet?” A different five worded question. She fought away the one she wanted to ask.

“Honestly, I can barely even remember. We were young. We’ve just been friends for so long. I can’t even fathom what if would be like to not have her. It’s funny, though. When we both ended up coming out of the closet, a lot of people thought that we were dating or would end up dating, and we used to laugh so hard at that. The two of us could never end up together. We clash way too much.”

Clarke laughed with a slight tilt of her head. “I can’t really picture what it would be like if you two dated. I mean, I imagine it would be pretty much the same as your friendship, but with like… more physical contact… like kissing and shit.”

“That’s so gross.” Lexa made a disgusted face. “Like trust me, Raven’s pretty and everything, but the thought of kissing her actually is so disturbing. We’re like sisters.”

“Oh no, I get it.” Clarke smiled, and with the momentary lull in conversation, the question that was basically begging to be released caused her mouth to open for a second, and then her better judgment snapped her jaw closed.

Lexa pretended like she didn’t notice. “So, have you ever been to LA? Raven and I have only been for a handful of days in the past, and we were trying to figure out what else to do while we’re there. We can’t just stay on Venice beach the whole time, you know? Any suggestions?”

Clarke opened her mouth to suggest something – that really  _ was _ her intention – but those five words jumped ahead of anything else could’ve thought to say. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Lexa looked entirely caught off guard, and for second, Clarke was pretty sure that the brunette was going to think it was too soon, too awkward, and turn her down. In fact, she began beating herself up inside, and was tempted to end the live snapchat to save herself the humiliation of rejection. It felt like an eternity of suspense that she spent watching that surprised expression on Lexa’s face, but all of the negative feelings were washed away by Lexa’s smile – and her deep blush. “I’m really surprised that you’re the one who asked that.”

“I told you that you like it when  _ you’re _ the shyer one. You can’t even deny it. Your cheeks are so fucking red.”

Lexa brought her hand up to her cheek and her gaze shifted down to probably the little circle that showed her face, looking surprised that she was blushing. “Shit.”

“Oh come on, Lexa, you can’t leave me hanging.”

Green eyes jumped up and met blue ones through the screen. “Of course I will, Clarke, but under one condition.”

“Okay…”

“You have to give me your phone number. I love snapchat, it’s great, but texting is  _ so _ much easier sometimes.” Lexa looked hopefully at the blonde.

“Deal.”

* * *

 

Octavia Blake was not one to forgive very easily.

In fact, she held grudges for a long time. She couldn’t be friends with her exes, she didn’t hesitate to end friendships with people who gave her crap, and she was very selective with people whom she shared things with.

Becoming friends with Clarke Griffin probably, at the time, seemed like the most out of character thing she could’ve ever done. Clarke was quiet, closed off from the rest of the world. She'd really only had one friend – Wells – and Octavia had never particularly liked him. Though, that was mostly because he seemed to have a strong distaste toward her with absolutely nothing to back it up.

But the first time that Octavia talked to Clarke, she felt this weird connection. She could tell that behind Clarke’s exterior, she was a teenage girl that Octavia could connect with. She’d been the one to push through Clarke’s walls, and they became fast and best friends, confirming Octavia’s instincts. It was one of Octavia’s happiest memories – realizing that she’d found her best friend in someone most people stupidly overlooked. She could see the  _ real _ Clarke – the one that the blonde didn’t let others see. And they were dumb to not want to look hard enough.

They didn’t fight often either, which was another plus. Octavia hated fighting with friends, because she was definitely a fighter.

And that probably explained why she’d blown up at the blonde on Monday. During Clarke’s one day suspension, Octavia hadn’t even felt bad about it. In fact, it wasn’t until Wednesday, after English class when she’d seen Clarke push her way through the halls, not in the direction of her biology class, and disappear into a bathroom that she realized that maybe this time, she shouldn’t hold a grudge. She’d waited around in the hallway until the bell had rung, and listened next to the bathroom door for a few minutes. Confirming her suspicions, she began to hear sobs.

It broke her heart.

Maybe there was a good reason that Clarke wouldn’t talk about what was going on with her, and maybe Octavia had approached her the wrong way about it. She’d also done it in the middle of school, while they were surrounded by people that Octavia  _ knew _ Clarke would probably never open up to.

After her soccer practice on Wednesday, Octavia decided to try and do something that she wasn’t accustomed to doing – making the first move to make up with someone. After all, Clarke wasn’t like her other friends or her exes. Clarke was her  _ best friend _ , and she wasn’t going to let that die so easily.

Plus, she knew Clarke, and she was probably beating herself up so much about it that she would be terrified to try and approach Octavia herself.

So she decided to go to Clarke’s house and surprise her with… she wasn’t quite sure, but she knew she’d figure it out. She stopped at her house first to shower and change, and once she was finally on her way to the blonde’s place, she decided that ice cream was the way to go. She’d apologize, offer to take her best friend out to ice cream, and then they could go to her own house and properly talk. She wouldn’t force Clarke to say anything – she’d take a different approach. She would do whatever was necessary to keep Clarke as her best friend.

When she got to the Griffin house, Jake answered the door. “Octavia. Wow, I wasn’t really expecting you after Monday.”

“Yeah, I came to apologize to Clarke,” the brunette admitted. “I think I came at her a bit too fiercely on Monday. I feel like shit – sorry – crap about it.”

Jake smiled kindly. “She’s up in her room. I think talking to you would make her feel a lot better. She looked a little deflated when she got home today, but she seemed pretty adamant about going straight to her room.”

“I’ll talk to her. Thanks, Mr. Griffin.”

“It’s Jake, Octavia.”

“Right, thank you Jake.” Octavia smiled at her best friend’s father and then entered the house, heading upstairs. It had basically become her second home ever since she became friends with Clarke.

As she got closer to Clarke’s room, she began to hear her best friend’s voice. Clarke was talking to someone, but who? Nathan? Wells? She continued to approach the door, and stopped outside of it. Maybe it was bad of her to stop and listen through the door, but she was curious – could she really be blamed?

“No, ignore her, I had a bad day! Raven isn’t allowed to steal you away from me,” Clarke’s voice said.

A female voice laughed brightly – and it sounded like it was coming from a phone. “Don’t worry, I’ll ignore her – but  _ only _ for you. Which means it’s absolutely your fault if she’s actually going through some crisis. I will point directly at you when she comes at me later for ignoring her.”

“That’s fine, I can deal with her.”

“You can always just remind her that it’s  _ her _ fault that we even know each other.”

“I think if I tried to use that against her, I’d end up just thanking her.” Clarke laughed, and Octavia furrowed her eyebrows. She didn’t know whether to be threatened by whatever happy conversation was going on in that room, or just utterly confused. This didn’t  _ sound _ like Clarke talking to a good friend. And who the hell was Raven? More importantly – who was this girl Clarke was even talking to?

“Aw, who’s the sap now?”

“Shut up, you’re so much more of a sap than I am.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Okay, gross, we can’t be one of those couples that goes back and forth like that, Clarke. It’s disgusting. I refuse. Raven and Rachel used to do that  _ all the time _ .”

Clarke laughed and was saying something else, but Octavia wasn’t listening anymore. Her jaw was basically on the floor, and her mind was trying desperately to wrap around what she’d just heard.  _ Couple. _ Clarke and this girl were a  _ couple _ . There was only one way to interpret that.

Octavia thought about bursting into that room to begin the investigation, but her rational side stopped her. That would be the opposite of the best way to approach this situation.

It all made sense now – at least she was thinking that it did. Clarke  _ had _ been hiding something, right? Was it this? This girl?

Turning on her heels and silently heading downstairs, Octavia was relieved to see that Jake was nowhere in sight now. She quickly left the house and ran down to her car, hopping into the front seat and taking off as fast as possible. Once she was at her house, she began the more rational process of figuring all this shit out.

The first thing she did was pull up text conversation that was over a month old, with someone she really hated talking to.

**[Friday, February 10** **th** **, 5:03pm]**

**Wells – Hey, Octavia. Sorry to text you randomly. I was wondering if you knew if Clarke has a Twitter or not? I thought I followed her earlier this morning, but then the account blocked me and I asked her about it and she said that it wasn’t her. I’m not sure I buy it.**

Octavia read the rest of the conversation, and then took in a deep breath and texted Wells.

**Octavia – Hey, what was the Twitter account you thought was Clarke? (it obviously wasn’t Clarke, I’m just curious because I’m gonna make her a twitter account and I wanna know what username you thought was her lol)**

Wells wouldn’t question her for something like that.

She got a response surprisingly quickly.

**Wells – @princess_blondie**

Octavia quickly went over to her Twitter app. She wasn’t the biggest fan of Twitter, but she did have an account. She mostly followed funny meme accounts and shit, but she barely even checked her timeline. Skipping her new notifications and hundreds of tweets on her timeline, she hit the search bar and typed @princess_blondie into the bar.

It came up with an account with the name “C” followed by the cat emoji. The bio was pretty basic, as was the header, but the icon…. Octavia squinted and hit the little picture. It pulled up an enlarged version, and sure enough, it was  _ her _ kitten in the picture. There wasn’t any doubt about it – this had to be Clarke.

After confirming this, she started scrolling through the tweets and retweets. None of them gave much away right off the bat, so she swiped left into her best friend’s tweets and replies. The first one on the list was to someone called @raeraebae. Curious, she clicked on the tweet to read the whole conversation.

**@raeraebae: @princess_blondie yo blondie! Lexa’s been all heart eyes over you since Monday. You better seal the deal quick ;)**

**@princess_blondie: @raeraebae Raven!!!**

**@raeraebae: @princess_blondie sorry I feel justified in being this person now that it isn’t just empty air between the two of you :)**

**@princess_blondie: @raeraebae I don’t even know what that means**

**@raeraebae: @princess_blondie just message Lexa you dummy**

Yes, it was Raven, the girl Clarke had been talking  _ about _ . But the girl she’d been talking to… was it this Lexa person?

Octavia clicked back and scrolled further down Clarke’s replies. She found another interesting thread.

**@raeraebae: heyyy @princess_blondie I think @lexawarriorwoods is having some sort of withdrawal from not talking to you in like 8 hours, she’s clingy af sorry ;)**

**@princess_blondie: @raeraebae @lexawarriorwoods why didn’t she just message me then? Are you her messenger now? XD**

**@raeraebae: @princess_blondie @lexawarriorwoods she doesn’t want you to know that’s she’s clingy ;)**

Octavia bit down on her lip, clicking on Lexa’s username. It brought up the girl’s account, which was much more revealing of who she was than Clarke’s. Her name was “Lexa” and her bio clearly said that she was a lesbian. Octavia looked at her pictures – they seemed mostly fun and nice. And the girl herself was fairly pretty.

Clicking into Lexa’s tweets and replies, she quickly realized that the brunette had way fewer conversations publicly on Twitter than Clarke or the Raven girl. In fact, there were very few replies to scroll through before she found some to Clarke – from what seemed like the first time they started following each other. It was only about a month ago, the same time Clarke started acting particularly different.

She went back to Clarke’s page and began scrolling back through her tweets. As she went further and further, she saw more and more indications that her best friend was bi – not gay, though, Octavia assumed, since she seemed to retweet a certain bi-awareness account a lot.

This was what Clarke had been keeping from her.

And although her first instinct was to be mad, or offended, that Clarke had kept it a secret, she really couldn’t blame the blonde, could she? It wasn’t like Octavia knew what it was like to experience something like this, and they didn’t live in the happiest, bluest part of California, comparatively. There were people like Clarke’s mom – closed off and far more unaccepting – everywhere. Plus, Clarke was hyperaware of what people said about her, and they went to a private school where everyone knew about everyone else.

So why had she started talking to Nathan so much? She was clearly not into him if she was dating some girl, and he was one of their  _ peers.  _ They hadn’t gotten along on the date, but the blonde had continued to talk to him. Was it some sort of cover up? But no, if it had been a cover up, she would’ve tried to get more romantically involved with him. That would be hard, anyway, what with Nathan being so averse to dating anyone…

Octavia’s eyes shot open when she remembered an old rumor about Nathan – or a thought that a few people had brought up once or twice. She’d brushed it off before, but maybe… maybe  _ he _ was gay. Maybe Clarke knew, and maybe he knew about Clarke being bi. Maybe there was a connection there.

Dropping her phone, Octavia laid back into the pillows on her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She had everything she needed now, and she just needed to process it. Then, she would decide on the best way to approach her best friend about it.

Whatever she did, though, she needed to be careful. Octavia  _ refused _ to lose Clarke over this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There won't be a half week update this week unfortunately :(  
> Thank you all for your comments on the last chapter, I loved them all! :D  
> I hope you all have a great week xx!!!


	14. This Definitely Counts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's friends find out about Clarke, Octavia approaches Clarke about her discoveries, and things are looking up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday my loves! I'm sorry this is kind of late in the day, but I was trying to be productive before I let myself update (my own self motivation, unfortunately it affects all of you lol). I cleaned out about half of my closet and cleaned my room, and did most of my homework lol. Hopefully I force myself to finish the rest of that tonight XD  
> So this chapter is pretty important, I hope you all enjoy and have a lovely week! Comments are appreciated!
> 
> Enjoy!xx

“You know, Lex, I’m proud of you,” Raven said thoughtfully. It was Thursday, and school had just let out. Lexa was due to be at her dance class in about an hour, but she almost didn’t want to go. Since the previous day, she found that the only thing she really wanted to do was text Clarke. Texting was a bit easier to manage during class than snapchat, and so she’d been texting the blonde pretty much all day.

“What for?”

“Getting the girl,” Raven exclaimed. “Seriously, I thought you wouldn’t work yourself up to it.”

Lexa glanced at her friend. They were seated out on the bleachers behind the school, though they had no reason to. “Actually, she asked me.”

“Wait, really? Our closeted little blonde princess asked _you_ to be her girlfriend?”

“Yes, but I think that makes her _my_ closeted little blonde princess, not _ours_.”

“Damn, already so possessive,” Raven said with a light chuckle. “Fine, whatever. Anyway, I totally ship it.”

“Thanks… I think,” Lexa said with a confused look.

“So I guess that means you two can finally make plans to fuck over spring break.”

Lexa’s jaw dropped. “Raven!”

“Who is Lexa going to be fucking over spring break?” The two best friends looked toward the owner of the voice, and saw both Luna and Anya approaching. It was Anya who was speaking, “I was under the impression that Lexa was presently not getting laid.”

“She’s not,” Raven clarified, “but by spring break, she will be.”

“Raven, seriously shut up. I might not even see her over the break. She and Octavia are fighting.”

Raven suddenly looked distressed. “What! But if they’re fighting then they aren’t going to LA? And we can’t meet her? Dude, I was so excited!”

“Who the fuck are you talking about?” Luna asked, leaning against the bleachers.

“Lexa’s new _girlfriend_.”

Anya quirked up an eyebrow. “Since when do you have a girlfriend?”

“Since yesterday,” Raven said, continuing the trend of answering all of the questions posed to Lexa.

“Could you stop?” Lexa asked, rolling her eyes. “But yes, as of yesterday.”

“And why can’t you fuck her until spring break?”

“Ugh, stop saying it like that,” Lexa muttered with a shake of her head. “She doesn’t live here.”

Luna raised both eyebrows. “Lexa Woods, dating someone long distance? I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Yes, okay, it’s weird, we’ve established that.”

“You get to meet her during spring break? You guys are going to LA, right?” Anya wondered, to which Raven was already nodding excitedly. Lexa, however, spoke before the other girl could.

“We are, but I don’t know that we’ll get to meet her. She’s supposed to be there with her best friend that week, but said best friend doesn’t know that she’s even bi. And now they’re fighting, so for all I know, those plans won’t end up going through.”

“But we have to think positively,” Raven interjected.

“It almost sounds like Raven is more excited to meet your girlfriend than you are, Lex.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “Please. No one is more excited to meet her than I am.”

* * *

Clarke got home on Thursday after school feeling completely lost. She hadn’t talked to Octavia in three days – the longest the two of them had gone without talking since becoming friends. Her instinct was to call her best friend and try to talk to her, but then how would she be able to explain anything without coming out? Would she _have to_ come out?

That’s how she ended up lying in her bed, staring up at the ceiling, and getting so lost in her thoughts that she forgot to text her girlfriend.

And then, by the time she realized that she’d been there for over an hour, the time told her that Lexa would be at her dance class by now.

That was slowly becoming a reason for Clarke to dislike Thursdays.

Neither of her parents were home, so the blonde hooked her phone up to her speaker, turned on her Spotify playlist and then set out to at least try to get some homework done.

She was about halfway done with her homework when, in between two songs transitioning, Clarke heard the front door opening. Furrowing her eyebrows, she waited to hear the familiar sound of her parents dropping their keys into the bowl by the door. Her music started up again before she could identify any more sounds, though, so she hopped up to turn off her playlist. Just as she unplugged her phone and turned to leave the room and check who it was, Octavia was pushing her bedroom door open.

Both girls froze, and there was a palpable silence sitting between them for a few moments. Finally, though, Octavia breathed out, “Hi.”

“How did you get in?” Clarke wondered quietly.

Octavia reached into her pocket and produced a key. “I have a spare key, remember?”

“I figured you’d lost it. I always just let you in.”

“I saved it for an emergency. And this definitely counts.”

“What does?”

Octavia took in a deep breath, closed the door behind her, and moved to sit on Clarke’s bed. Once she was seated and had adjusted her position to get more comfortable, she patted the space next to her. Somewhat scared and also hopeful, Clarke joined the brunette on the bed. As she crossed her legs in front of her, blue eyes stayed trained on Octavia, who was now looking for something or another on her phone.

“Octavia, what are you –“

“Hold on,” Octavia interrupted gently. When she finally seemed to find what she was looking for, she turned her phone over and let it rest on her lap, and then she looked directly at Clarke’s face. “I don’t want you to freak out, so I am going to front this with the fact that I am _so sorry_ about Monday. I was letting my emotions get in the way of my rational thought. Basically, I want to be here for you, Clarke, and I want you to trust me with anything, but I get that some things are harder to deal with than others, and I don’t want to _push_ you to tell me anything.”

Octavia stopped to take in a breath, and Clarke was starting to sense that she was about to be blindsided by something. Octavia never seemed this nervous to talk to her about anything.

“With that in mind, I would obviously _never_ try to spy on you or try to figure out what you’re keeping from me,” Octavia continued, her voice even shakier now. “And I want you to know that nothing I’m about to tell you was done while I was completely in my right mind, because I was kind of freaking out – but not in a bad way – the whole time I was doing it.”

“Doing what, Octavia?”

“I came over yesterday – your dad let me in. I wanted to apologize for Monday and for being a bitch and not understanding that you’re allowed to tell me things at your own pace. But when I went upstairs, you were talking to someone, a-and I kind of just stopped outside your door because I thought you had someone over or something. And I didn’t _mean_ to hear what I did, but I did and then I –“

Clarke’s heart rate was picking up considerably. The only person she would’ve been talking out loud to was Lexa. “Wait, Octavia, _what_ did you hear?”

“Hold on, just let me finish, please,” Octavia begged, “before you decide to get mad at me.” Clarke bit down on her tongue to keep from screaming or crying or something else ridiculous like that. “Look, so I was pretty sure that I got the gist from what I heard but I remembered that around Valentine’s Day last month Wells had texted me asking if you had a Twitter account because he thought you blocked him but you said it wasn’t you. And this is when I was freaking out and just wanting to understand and being too wimpy to just go talk to you so I texted Wells and he sent me your Twitter username and… okay, _yes_ I stalked your Twitter and I feel so shitty about it but –“ She turned her phone over on her lap, and Clarke saw her Twitter page staring up at them.

“Octavia, what the fuck?” Clarke demanded, physically shaking. “Why… you should’ve just talked to me!”

“I know, Clarke, but tell me this – if I had just walked into your bedroom right then and there, you would’ve been beyond pissed at me, right?” Octavia exclaimed defensively, but immediately after saying it, she steadied her voice. “I get it if you’re mad at me, but I just want you to know that I am _so_ sorry for being a shitty friend and for not knowing how to approach you about this. But it made so much sense once I found out, because you’ve been so closed off from me and you’re always on your phone but I can never figure out what you’re doing, and you were talking to someone that one time you told me that you had to make a video for your mom, and Nathan’s probably your fucking beard or something.”

Clarke’s jaw dropped open. “What? Nathan isn’t my _beard_. We’re just friends.”

“Because he’s gay?”

“I… didn’t say that.” Clarke clenched her teeth together at that, because she wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about Nathan. “And I’m _not_ gay.”

“No, you’re bi, which I know from stalking your Twitter like the awful person I am,” Octavia stated flatly. “Clarke, I _do_ get why you didn’t tell me that. We live in a fucked up little town where everyone cares who you are, and your mom is awful about accepting people and there isn’t a single out person in our whole school. And I don’t even care if you thought I’d be mad or not, even though it kind of hurts to think that you might’ve thought that. I just want you to know that you are my _best_ friend, and I love you no matter who _you_ love. And I’m going to work to be a better friend. I’m not going to demand too much from you and I’m not going to stalk your social media and I’m not going to abandon you at parties when I promised not to and I’m not going to let people talk shit about you _ever_.”

Tears were brimming in Clarke’s eyes now. “Fuck, Octavia, you’re gonna make me cry.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Octavia asked softly.

“I don’t fucking know,” Clarke muttered, pressing her cold hand against her forehead, which was hot from the red face she was likely sporting. “I mean, I just don’t know whether to be mad at you or relieved or both…”

“Please don’t be mad at me,” Octavia said in possibly the quietest voice Clarke had ever heard from the girl. “At least, not for too long. The past few days have taught me that I basically _need_ you in my life.”

“Oh my god, are you kidding? I’m not mad enough that I won’t talk to you for three days, do you know how hard it’s been for me?” Clarke breathed out, happy that her tears were disappearing. Before she could say anything else, though, Octavia was grabbing her in a hug. It lasted a good, long few seconds, and then they simultaneously pulled away from another.

“So we’re back to being best friends?”

“How could we not be?” Clarke asked with a smile. “I’m… I’m actually kind of glad that you found out, though. I mean, kind of frustrated that you did it by somewhat spying on me, but it’s nice to not have to worry about telling you. I was just so scared that you might… I don’t know, look at me differently.”

“You’re bisexual, not a Martian.” Clarke chuckled at the joke, and then Octavia’s face lit up as she thought of something. “So… at the risk of you getting mad at me, let me just review I learned yesterday being a stalker. You’re… _dating_ a girl named Lexa, right? The one with the curly hair?” Clarke nodded. “And her best friend is Raven, the Latina one with straight hair?”

“That’s right,” Clarke answered, surprising herself with how _not_ uncomfortable she sounded or felt. “I met Raven the weekend before Valentine’s Day. She had just been dumped by her girlfriend Rachel, and I’m pretty sure she only followed me so that she could tweet me demanding that I give her the cat in my icon.”

“ _My_ adorable kitten,” Octavia clarified with a chuckle. “She misses you by the way.”

Clarke grinned. “Yes, and I’ll have to visit her soon then. Anyway. I guess Raven convinced Lexa to start being more active online and she followed me and we just started talking, like… a lot. And I didn’t want to tell anyone online my name or anything, but I ended up telling her and then I got her snapchat, but at first she was just sending me pictures and videos of herself. And then I started snapping her back and I finally showed her what I looked like, and at that point it was kind of inevitable that we would end up getting together or whatever.”

“Well that’s fucking awesome,” Octavia said excitedly. “Oh my god, I’m so happy for you, Clarke. Can I ask you a question, though?” Clarke nodded. “Who all knows?”

“About Lexa or about me being bi?”

“Both? Either?”

Clarke hummed thoughtfully. “Um, as far as me being bi… obviously people online, you, Nathan, and my dad.”

“You told your dad?”

“Yeah, on Monday. I was kind of a mess and it just came out,” Clarke admitted. “But as far as me and Lexa, you’re the only one on my end who knows that we’re an actual thing. Nathan’s heard vague things about her. I’d assume that more people that Lexa knows probably know, because she’s out and everything.”

“Well, I’m glad that even if you didn’t feel ready to tell me, you at least at someone or some few to talk to… and that you didn’t have to go through it all completely alone.”

“I really would’ve told you, O, I just kept worrying myself over it.”

“You don’t need to explain, Clarke.” Hazel eyes softened. “Seriously, don’t defend not telling me. I get it.”

Clarke nodded with a smile. “Oh, and one more thing… um, so I didn’t know this when we first started talking about it, but spring break… well, Raven and Lexa have been planning on going to Venice beach for their spring break for ages, and it turns out it’s the same week as ours…”

The grin that spread across Octavia’s face made any remnants of Clarke’s annoyance disappear into thin air. “We get to meet them?”

Laughing brightly, Clarke almost teared up at the amazing situation she had somehow ended up in in this moment. “Yes.”

“Fuck yeah! I’m so excited for you – and for me, too, though. Holy shit, Clarke, we have like a week and a half to plan for spring break! We need to start now!”

“Right now?”

“Yes right now! Grab your laptop, we need to start looking up hotel prices.”

* * *

Clarke peeled her eyes open early in the morning, awoken by the sound of her best friend’s voice speaking to someone else. After just a few moments, Clarke realized that it was her mom.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear any alarms going off, so I assumed that Clarke forgot to set them. I didn’t know you were here, Octavia.”

“Yeah, we did forget, that’s my bad. Actually, Clarke wasn’t feeling very great last night, so I came over to make sure that she was okay.”

“So you two are okay again? No more fighting after Monday? I still can’t believe Clarke got suspended.”

“Yeah, it was all my fault, Mrs. Griffin, so don’t blame Clarke. I should’ve taken the hit, but she got unlucky. We are okay, though.”

“Okay. And what’s this about her not feeling well?”

“Yeah, I don’t know, she just didn’t feel good at all.”

Abby hummed, and Clarke pictured her peeking into the room to look at where Clarke was laying. “Well, I suppose she should stay home then. Will she be missing anything important?”

“No, it’s mostly a review day for all our classes since we have a bunch of tests to end the quarter next week,” Octavia replied smoothly. “If it’s okay, I’m going to stay here too.”

“Are your parents okay with that?”

“Yes, ma’am, I already asked them.”

“Alright, then that will be fine. I’m about to head off to work, and Jake left about twenty minutes ago, so just don’t tear the house up, alright?”

“Of course not,” Octavia promised. “Have a good day, Mrs. Griffin.” Clarke heard the door shut, and then the mattress dipped slightly next to her. As Octavia climbed back under the covers, Clarke pushed them off of her slightly to reach up and rub her eyes. “Oh shit, did I wake you up?”

“Yeah, but it’s fine,” Clarke insisted. “When did we fall asleep?”

“You did before I did. We ordered and ate all that pizza, and then like half an hour back into our planning you were out. It was kind of early for sleeping, but I figured that you’ve had a rough couple of days.”

“And that’s why you lied to my mom to get us a sick day?” A smile poked at Clarke’s lips and Octavia laughed quietly.

“No, that was my final apology act for being a crazy stalker.”

“Okay, fair enough. Since we don’t have anywhere to be now, though, I say we go back to sleep.”

“Good idea, bestie.”

* * *

**Lexa – Hey, Clarke, just checking up… you haven’t texted since yesterday morning and I messaged you after I got home from dance last night… wanted to make sure that you’re okay. Call me when you get the chance :) x**

**Direct Message with @raeraebae**

**Raven – Yo, Lexa is doing that clingy thing again**

**Raven – Seriously, though, she won’t stop whining about how you haven’t answered her and she really doesn’t wanna seem clingy but like**

**Raven – If you don’t text her soon she’ll either file a fucking police report or I’ll end up having to murder you to pay back for the hearing I’m losing from listening to her blab about it**

Clarke laughed at the last message from Raven as she read it, and then clicked back over to her text messages. It was about lunch time now, and she was finally fully awake. Octavia had slipped into the bathroom a few minutes earlier.

**Clarke – I’m sorry, I’m okay :) Are you at lunch?**

**Lexa – Yes, I am! If you wanna call me now I can be yours for the next half hour :)**

**Lexa – Raven will survive, she’s getting tired of me today anyway, which I’m like 99% sure she’s already ranted to you about.**

**Clarke – You’re not wrong lol**

A few quick finger strokes later, Clarke had her phone against her ear and Lexa was saying brightly, “Hey! Shouldn’t you be in class?”

“I skipped school,” Clarke admitted with a light laugh. “Octavia came over to apologize to me and to announce that thanks to accidentally overhearing me talk to you on snapchat on Wednesday plus doing some serious online stalking, she knows everything. Which is kind of a relief, because I don’t have to tell her now. Anyway, she stayed over last night and we were planning spring break. Then I crashed and slept like, a very extensive amount of time. I just woke up, and Octavia’s still here – she skipped with me.”

“Man, I wish I could’ve skipped today. I’m so ready for spring break. But really, I’m so glad that Octavia took it well. I think it’s a good thing that she knows – and I think that’s what you really wanted even though it was scary to think about.”

Clarke hummed happily. “Yeah, I’m really happy she knows. And actually, she’s really hoping to get to meet you for spring break. She left open a full two days in our _very_ exciting spring break plan to hang out with you and Raven.”

“Mm, I kind of hope that Raven and Octavia can entertain themselves somehow so that you and _I_ can hang out for two days straight,” Lexa said with a chuckle. “Raven is the same way, though. She’s almost more excited than I am.”

“I hope she’s not actually.”

“No, of course not,” Lexa promised. Suddenly, the bathroom door swung open, and Clarke blushed without even thinking when Octavia looked at her curiously.

“Who are you talking to – oh!” A grin spread across the brunette’s face. “Lexa?”

“Clarke?” Lexa asked, and Clarke realized that she hadn’t spoken.

“Sorry, Octavia just walked back into the room,” Clarke said shyly.

“Oh my god, I wanna talk to her!” Octavia squealed, hopping back onto the bed.

“No way, O!” Octavia lunged forward, grabbing Clarke’s phone right out of her hand, causing Clarke to shriek as well. “Octavia!”

“Hello, _Lexa_!”

* * *

Lexa raised her eyebrows at hearing a bunch of loud noise on the other end of the line, and then an unfamiliar voice was speaking. “Hello, _Lexa_!”

“Um, hey,” Lexa replied, unable told hold back a laugh. “Octavia, I’m guessing?”

“Oh, you’ve heard about me, yay! Although I only heard about you in the last twelve hours, I _did_ Twitter stalk you over twenty-four hours ago, so I think we’re off to a good start.”

“Well I can’t say I know _too_ much about you. I mean, I know that you play, what, soccer, right?”

“Yeah!” Octavia sounded like a fairly enthusiastic person, far more so than Clarke actually. Lexa wondered if she was always like that – if so, it almost seemed like it could get exhausting talking to her. That said, Lexa could somehow picture Clarke being best friends with someone like that. “So, we’re meeting you for spring break, huh? That should be fun.”

Lexa smiled. “Probably, yes. Hey, you didn’t kill Clarke to get on her phone did you?”

“Nah, she’s still here,” Octavia promised. “She gave up trying to take the phone away from me, though. So what’s up with you? Shouldn’t you be at school?”

“I’ve got, like, twenty minutes left of lunch,” Lexa replied. “Which is _kind of_ why I called my girlfriend…”

“ _Oh_ shit,” Octavia said, “my bad, I get it. Sorry, I guess I got over excited a little bit. Here.”

There was a moment of shuffling on the other end of the line, and then Clarke’s voice said, “Hello again.”

Lexa couldn’t fight her smile. “Hey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the kind of abrupt ending, sometimes I just gotta end the chapter or else it drags on awkwardly, and I think that's what happened here :D  
> Have a lovely night guys! x


	15. Is There A Rumor?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa has an off night, Clarke is soothing a panicked Nathan, and everyone is finalizing spring break plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies!  
> So this week was obviously a single update week, because I was working through one of the hardest chapters I've had to write for this story, but I think I'm mostly done with it now, so you can (probably) expect a midweek update on Thursday!
> 
> Enjoy!xx

“Never have I ever skinny dipped with a girl,” one of the guys across the circle said, looking around the group with a smirk on his face. One of the guys lifted his glass to his mouth, and the only other person to do so was Lexa. Raven had dragged her out to a party that night, and Lexa, feeling significantly more happy and like herself than the last time she went to a party, she decided not to object.

She was having a relatively fun time, but she was hyper aware of the fact that the time spent drinking and playing dumb party games could be spent facetiming with Clarke. She didn’t actually know what her girlfriend was doing at the moment. Earlier, Clarke had spent the day with Octavia and skipped school, but the latter had gone back to school for her soccer practice later in the day. So it was anyone’s guess as to what Clarke was up to that night.

“Never have I ever fucked a girl in a hot tub,” another guy said.

Anya scoffed from one end of the circle. “You guys are absolute fuck boys, did you know that?”

“We never claimed that we weren’t,” the same guy insisted. Lexa supposed that she partied with these people enough that she should know all of their names, but she honestly couldn’t care less. She just took a sip of her beer – the only one at the table to do so – and leaned back slightly. To them, it probably seemed like she was incredibly promiscuous. The truth was, though, that she’d only had sex with a couple of people besides Sierra. She and Sierra had just been rather experimental in their sexual endeavors.

It was Raven’s turn. “Never have I ever masturbated outside of my bedroom.” Lexa smirked a little as some of the guys turned red and shamefully took a drink from their cups.

“That’s dumb, girls don’t even masturbate,” one of the guys huffed out.

“We don’t?” Luna asked with a quirked eyebrow. “Really? And you’d know this how?”

Now the guys were even redder than before, but it was Lexa’s turn, so she pressed on. “Never have I ever been a fuck boy.” None of the guys raised their cups. “Looks like you’re claiming that you’re not then. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You should take a drink, really,” one of the guys said, “you’ve done all the same ‘perv’ things we’ve done.”

Lexa raised her cup to the guys. “Sorry, boys, but I’m a girl.” With that, she stood up from the circle and made her exit from the room. She could feel Raven’s eyes on her for a moment, but then the game continued. Lexa knew that she wouldn’t be missed.

She made her way into the kitchen of the house she was at, and found that it was empty, which wasn’t surprising. There was a pool in the backyard, and that’s where the majority of people had been so far all night. Those people, such as herself, who hadn’t come prepared with swimwear, decided to play Never Have I Ever, and thus, the kitchen was empty.

She was reminded of the time that Clarke had stolen away during a party in her own town to message her, so she smiled fondly as she pulled out her phone.

**Lexa – Hey, what are you up to?**

There was no immediate response, and Lexa repressed a sigh. Raven liked to joke that she was clingy, but the brunette thought that was too extreme for a word. It wasn’t that she was  _ clingy _ , she just liked interacting with her girlfriend. Was that such a big deal? Lexa was pretty sure that the fact that her relationship was long distance was reason enough for her to be a little bit “clingy,” as Raven put it.

**Lexa – Ah no response! Lame :(**

**Lexa – I promise I’m not trying to be annoying, I’m just bored at this party, and I’m trying not to get drunk, otherwise I would just drink away the boredom LOL. It turned into a pool party and I didn’t bring a bikini, and I’m not about to strip down to my bra and underwear. They aren’t matching :( I gave up on playing Never Have I Ever because there were a bunch of fuck boys playing and I’m bored of dealing with them.**

**Lexa – Sorry I’ll stop spamming you lol.**

Releasing a heavy breath, Lexa brought her plastic cup of alcohol up to her lips and took a small sip. She was still on her first drink, impressively.

When she got no response from her girlfriend in the next fifteen minutes – which she spent seated on a kitchen counter and playing Best Fiends on her phone – she decided to throw semi-sobriety to the wind. She went to where the alcohol was huddled up across the room and took a few shots. What was the harm, really?

After that, Lexa went back into the living room to maybe join the game now that she was starting to catch up with her peers, but found that the game had adjourned. Her best friend, as well as everyone else from the circle, had succumbed to peer pressure and gone outside. The guys were jumping into the pool fully dressed, while the girls stood in a circle and talked or laughed about something or another.

Lexa went back into the kitchen.

About another fifteen minutes of doing nothing later, another person was entering the kitchen, and Lexa did a double take at who it was. “Hey, Lexa,” Sierra’s careful voice said.

“Sierra. What are you doing here?” Lexa’s thoughts were clouded by now, and she cursed herself for taking shots out of the sake of curing boredom. She wanted to be able to think clearly right now – since this was apparently going to be the first non-negative interaction to be had with her ex-girlfriend.

“One of my friends invited me. She’s a senior,” Sierra answered. “I didn’t know you were here, but I just saw you through the window and was wondering what you’re doing all by yourself.”

“Just waiting for Raven to want to leave, I guess. I’m not in the mood to swim,” Lexa stated flatly.

“Not everyone outside is swimming.” Sierra laughed lightly. “How much have you had to drink?”

“A few shots,” Lexa replied vaguely. “Last time I checked, you’re not the drunk police, though.”

Sierra was still smiling, and Lexa didn’t get it. The last time they’d seen each other, Sierra had been beyond pissed. Lexa had started to think that she would just always be mad. “I’m not complaining. I always thought you were really fun when you were drunk.”

“You ever feel bad about enabling a sixteen year old to drink?” Lexa asked with a soft laugh, despite herself.

Sierra laughed as well, but she didn’t answer the question. Instead, she went to straight to point that she had apparently been meaning to make. “You know, I was thinking that we should hang out sometime.”

“Oh yeah?” Lexa asked, her voice coming out in a weird tone that was somewhere between incredibly dry and very surprised.

“Yeah, we could see a movie, or go into the city,” Sierra said slowly, which told Lexa that she was leading up to something else. “Or like, we could skip that part and go find a room right now.”

Lexa raised an eyebrow. “Wow, that was straight forward. Uh, thanks, but I’m good.”

Now, for the first time during the conversation, Sierra looked annoyed. “Seriously?”

“It’s been a year, Sierra. You really need to get over me,” Lexa said, heaving a sigh.

“I  _ am _ , and I’m not asking to date you again,” Sierra huffed out. “I’m just drunk and horny and single, and you’re drunk and here and single, and we both know that the two of us have great sex together. So what’s the harm of you getting off your fucking high horse and giving into what you  _ know _ would feel  _ great _ ?”

Lexa took a sip of her drink. “I’m not single.”

“Oh yeah? And where’s your girlfriend right now, then? She obviously doesn’t care enough to keep you company on a Friday night.”

“She doesn’t live here, it’s not like she can fucking teleport.”

“What’s the point in that? You and I both know that you’re too much of a sexual being to date someone and  _ not _ also be fucking them. You have to know that it’ll fall apart, Lexa. You  _ need _ sex,” Sierra said, taking a few large steps forward. Now, she was too close for Lexa’s liking, but Lexa was leaning against the counter, and found that she couldn’t really move.

“The point is that I like her, and no, I don’t need to have sex all the fucking time. However, I don’t see the  _ point _ in us talking right now, so if you don’t mind, I’m just going to go find Raven.” Lexa sidestepped her ex, but Sierra followed her movements.

“Come on, Lexa. I don’t get it. You broke up with me because of an  _ age _ difference, but you’re seventeen now, and I’m barely nineteen. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“The big deal is that I don’t like you anymore, Sierra, now get out of my way.”

Sierra didn’t keep Lexa from stepping around her this time, thankfully, but she didn’t stop talking there. “Fine, do you want to hear that I’m not over you? Because I’m not. Because you broke up with me for a shitty reason and I refuse to accept it.”

“Well you need to start accepting it, because I’m dating somebody else regardless,” Lexa said flatly, finally leaving the room. As soon as she was out of the vicinity, she let out a relieved breath and made to find Raven. She hurried into the backyard and tried to locate her best friend in the mass of people, and finally, she saw Raven with Luna and Anya. She made a beeline for them. “Can we leave?”

Raven looked surprised at her sudden arrival. “Why, what’s up?”

“Just… can we? Please?” Raven’s eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. “ _ Raven _ .”

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” her best friend finally gave in. “We’ll see you guys on Monday.”

Anya and Luna exchanged curious glances but then just nodded. “See you.” Lexa grabbed Raven’s hand and began tugging her around the house, going through the gate at the side of the fenced in yard rather than leaving back through the house.

“What the fuck, Lexa? Why can’t we just go through the house?”

“Fucking  _ Sierra _ is here, and she just tried to get me to sleep with her, and I’m stupid and drunk because I was  _ bored _ and I really just want to leave.”

Raven sighed. “Alright, alright. You’re not too drunk to walk back to my place, are you?”

“Of course not.”

“Good. C’mon then.”

* * *

 

**Clarke – Hey, really sorry that I wasn’t up when you texted last night. :( I was making up work that I had a friend send me since I missed school, and I fell asleep mid-math homework.**

Clarke had sent that message about an hour earlier, and it was about ten in the morning now. She hadn’t talked to Octavia since the brunette left her house the day before, but Clarke knew that her best friend had practice all day today as well, so she wasn’t expecting to hear from her until at least that night.

She was mildly concerned about her girlfriend, but she also trusted Lexa when it came to drinking. It was clearly something that Lexa was not new to, and she would be fine.

Determined to make her time without anyone to talk to productive, the blonde barreled through her homework all morning. It was finished before she knew it, and still, she had no response from her girlfriend. She did, however, have a message from Nathan.

**Nate – UGH why don’t people have the capability of minding their own damn business???**

**Nate – I’m honestly freaking out and I probably should chill out but the team was having a skirmish and I had a slip up in the play and one of the sophomores on the team called me gay?? And honestly I hate when that’s used as an insult, but mostly what I hate is that he’s not just saying it as an insult, I’m pretty sure that a ton of people already think that I’m gay.**

**Nate – Can you be honest with me**

**Nate – Is there a rumor that I’m gay???**

Clarke read the last message a few times before finally giving in and replying.

**Clarke – Apparently there was a while ago. I never heard it – I’m not in the gossip loops. But Octavia mentioned it to me once recently.**

**Nate – Ughhhh**

**Clarke – From my understanding, though, it went away? Especially when we started hanging out?**

**Nate – Ugh, apparently not.**

**Clarke – Hey, I actually need to tell you something.**

**Nate – Okay…**

**Clarke – So earlier this week, Octavia and I had a fight (as you know), and she actually came over to apologize to me on Wednesday but ended up overhearing a conversation between me and Lexa, the girl that I met online and who I am now officially dating. So she ended up doing a lot of cyberstalking and finding out that I’m bi and everything, so I admitted it to her and she was actually so okay with it and I’m so fucking relieved.**

**Nate – Oh my god, Clarke, I’m so happy for you. That’s seriously awesome.**

Clarke smiled at the text, but it fell away when she remembered what else she needed to tell him. She started to type a reply, and then another text came through.

**Nate – I hope that doesn’t mean that you don’t need me to talk to anymore XD**

**Clarke – No of course not!**

**Clarke – But hey there’s something else**

**Clarke – During Octavia’s intense figuring out my sexuality, I guess she started thinking about me and you, because she thought that the two of us were dating multiple times. And she guessed, to me although I did not confirm, that you’re gay**

**Clarke – Again, I didn’t tell her yes or no, but I’m pretty sure she knows**

**Clarke – But she would NEVER tell anyone, I swear.**

There was no answer for a minute, and the little typing bubble appeared and disappeared a few times as Clarke stared at her phone nervously. Finally, though, a response came through.

**Nate – Oh**

**Nate – Okay**

**Nate – Shit. Well, thanks for telling me. It’s weird thinking that someone knows. But if you trust her to know about you and not say anything, then I guess I trust her too. It’s just kind of a scary thought.**

**Clarke – Yeah, I get it. I’m really sorry. I swear I didn’t say anything, she just realized that there WAS a rumor about you once, and that you and I talk a lot recently even though we aren’t dating, and just… she kind of assumed.**

**Nate – You don’t have anything to apologize for, Clarke, you didn’t do anything.**

**Nate – Thanks for telling me, though :)**

**Clarke – Of course :)**

Before Clarke could think of messaging anything else to Nathan, a Facetime call popped up in front of her screen. Clarke had yet to select a picture to add to Lexa’s contact, but the blonde knew it was her without having to look at any picture or even the name – only one person would ever Facetime her anyway.

“Hey,” Clarke said cheerily upon answering the call. Lexa’s face took a few moments to un-pixelate, and then the brunette was looking at her sleepily. “I see you just woke up.”

“Yeah,” Lexa confirmed, “I’m at Raven’s house. She lives closest to the place we were at last night.”

“How’d that turn out?”

“Awful. I ended up taking shots and then, by some stroke of bad luck, my ex showed up at the party,” Lexa admitted. “She fucking ruined my night.”

“What did she do?” Clarke asked, concerned for her girlfriend.

“She played it off like she was over me, but then she said she wanted to use me basically as a booty call, and when I told her no, she got all into her not actually being over me and… she’s just really not over me, and it sucks. It’s been almost a year now,” Lexa said sadly. “I don’t even like her anymore, in the slightest, but I wish she could move on.”

“In her defense, losing you would be a pretty major loss,” Clarke said softly, smiling when the brunette cracked a small smile. “But I’m sorry that happened.”

“It’s whatever, I’ll get over it.” Lexa hummed thoughtfully. “Man, I wish you were here.”

Clarke smiled sadly. “Me too.”

“So what days did you and Octavia leave open for me and Raven over spring break?”

“ _ She _ picked Monday and Tuesday. But it really depends on what you guys are doing, because on Wednesday and Thursday we are going to Disneyland, and we are not opposed to having two extra people with us for those two days too,” Clarke said simply, aware that her cheeks were reddening as she thought about spending four days with Lexa.

Lexa said nothing for a second, and then, “I don’t know if I can afford to go to Disney. My mom set aside some cash for spring break for me, but I can’t really ask her for more.”

Clarke hoped that her disappointment didn’t show too much on her face. “Ah, I get it. Well, in that case I should be able to pencil in another day for you and me.”

The grin that spread across Lexa’s face removed their thoughts from the previous topic. “Well I can’t say that I’m opposed to  _ that _ .”

* * *

 

“So did you ask Lexa and Raven if they want to go to Disneyland with us?” Octavia asked.

It was Monday, and since Clarke hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to her best friend since Friday, they were only just now finalizing their spring break plan. They had less than a week before they’d be road tripping down to LA, but it hadn’t really sunk in for Clarke yet. “Oh, yeah I mentioned it to Lexa. She said she can’t – she doesn’t have the money.”

Octavia frowned. “Shit. Wow, I forget how much of spoiled brats we are.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “We’re not  _ brats _ . I mean, spoiled and probably not really aware of how privileged we are to have families that make a lot of money, yes, but I’d like think that  _ we _ at least are above brat level.”

“Hopefully.” Octavia leaned back a little. They were sitting at their normal lunch table, and Clarke wondered what exactly her best friend was thinking about. “It’s fine, we haven’t bought the tickets yet.”

“Okay…? What are you thinking?”

“Duh, we do  _ one _ day at Disney instead of two, and we buy two tickets for Raven and Lexa,” Octavia said as though it were obvious. “Come on, let’s be honest. We didn’t even plan on buying park hoppers or anything, so if we get there early enough, we should be able to do everything we could possibly want to. We’ll use all of our fast track opportunities and it’ll be like two days jammed into one – plus your girlfriend and  _ her _ bestie will be there with us.”

Clarke lit up, and she knew that Octavia could tell. “Okay.”

“Tell your girlfriend not to plan anything for her and Raven on Wednesday, and we’ll surprise them.”

**Clarke – Hey, Octavia and I ended up switching up our plans a little bit, so don’t plan anything from Monday to Wednesday!**

“What are we going to do at the end of the week then?”

“Whatever our hearts desire, C,” Octavia replied. “The sky's the limit.”

**Lexa – I hope “switching up our plans” means that you penciled in that day for just you and me :0)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the lack of Clexa interaction in this chapter :( If it makes you feel better, spring break is going to be quite Clexa heavy :D  
> I'm actually so fucking excited for you guys to read the spring chapters... I think there are 3 chapters for the whole week? I can't quite remember lol.  
> I'm on a push to finish this story this week, because it's AP testing week so in most of my classes when I'm not testing, I just have free time to study or do whatever... so like the good kid I am (lol) I'm probably going to spend some of that time writing :D  
> I hope you all have a lovely week!!  
> (I HAVE ONLY FOUR MORE WEEKS LEFT OF BEING A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT WTFFFF)


	16. Hey Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spring break begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY THURSDAY MY BEAUTIFULS!!  
> This is a chapter that you all have been waiting for, and lucky for you guys, it's Thursday, not Sunday!!  
> Honestly, though, this chapter is a big one, and there's so much more happening in Sunday's update... I'm so fucking excited for you guys to read!!  
> So... just read now! XD <3
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“Is that all you’re taking?” Octavia asked incredulously, looking at Clarke’s one suitcase and backpack combination. “Seriously? What if you buy souvenirs from Disney or something?”

“Then I’ll throw it in the back of your car, it’s not like we’re taking an airplane. Plus, I have another backpack inside my suitcase,” Clarke replied with an eyeroll. “Anyway, I have an outfit for everyday and all of my toiletries and shit, so what else would I need?”

“Oh my god, Clarke, an outfit for everyday? I have like two outfits for everyday – what if you have a fashion crisis or right before you meet Lexa you realize that you don’t look hot enough?” Octavia squealed hysterically.

“Would you shut up, my mother is behind like one wall, and if you yell loud enough,  _ she will hear you _ ,” Clarke hissed.

“Come on, we have to stuff some more clothes in your suitcase.” Octavia grabbed Clarke’s hand and dragged her back into the house. The blonde dropped her backpack on her sidewalk but kept hold of her suitcase.

“Back already?” Abby called playfully as they reentered the house.

“Clarke didn’t pack enough clothes!” Octavia offered as explanation, releasing her friend so that she could properly carry the suitcase back upstairs.

“So  _ she _ says.”

Jake laughed lightly at the two girls, and Clarke sent her dad a playful look of helplessness before she was entirely upstairs, following Octavia into her own bedroom. The brunette took no moment of hesitation before tearing into Clarke’s closet. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you didn’t already pack some of this. Did you just decide that looking nice was not your priority this week? Open up your suitcase, we’ve got some stuffing to do.”

Clarke obeyed, letting her best friend stuff at least five more outfits into her suitcase. It was only when Octavia began perusing her underwear that Clarke got defensive. “Hey, I packed what I need in that department, alright?”

“So you did pack the like, one matching set you have?”

“I can’t believe we’re close enough that you have to know about that. Yes, I packed the one that I have.”

Octavia grinned, resealing Clarke’s suitcase. “Alright, C, I think we’re ready to hit the road!” With that, they barreled back downstairs, said goodbye to Clarke’s parents one last time, and then shoved Clarke’s bags into the back of Octavia’s car.

“You’ve got all the hotel information, right?” Clarke asked, climbing into the passenger side of the car.

“Oh yeah, actually go ahead and screenshot it in my email and send it to yourself, so we both have it,” Octavia offered. Clarke did as she said, and Octavia pulled out of Clarke’s driveway. “Oh my god, I’m so fucking excited for this week!”

It was Saturday morning, coming on noon, and if Octavia had had her way, they would have left hours ago. The only reason they didn’t was because Clarke reminded the brunette that most hotels didn’t allow check in until at least after noon, and so the brunette agreed to leave a bit later. They had plans to drive into the area, find somewhere to get lunch, and then check in. With a fairly eventful week ahead of them, they thought that they might just walk by the beach that night and buy some greasy food at a taco truck or something.

The hotel they were staying at wasn’t the nicest place ever, but it wasn’t bad at all either. Octavia’s dad was a travel agent, and so had managed to get the two of them a decent deal at a place just a twenty minute walk away from Santa Monica Pier. As Clarke already knew, Santa Monica Pier was about half an hour of a walk away from Venice, which she also knew was closer to where Raven and Lexa were staying.

It wasn’t like they had to walk everywhere, of course. They had Octavia’s car, but it was possible that it could end up being a bigger pain to have to drive everywhere. Obviously, when it came to Disneyland or places further away, the car was a must have. But for the beach… they could handle a little bit of walking.

Once Clarke was done on Octavia’s phone, she set it down and stretched her arms over her head. They had about an hour and a half to kill in the car. “We should play a game,” Octavia suggested.

“Uh, you have to drive, so I don’t think that would be the best idea.”

“I can drive and play I Spy at the same time.”

“No, Octavia.”

The other girl chuckled. “Okay, whatever. Thankfully, I had a backup conversation starter ready in case you refused to play a game with me.”

“Alright, go for it.”

“Do you think you and Lexa are definitely going to have sex this week?”

Clarke’s eyebrows shot up. To be completely honest, that had been her assumption, and she kind of assumed that Lexa thought so as well. After all, Raven had made jokes about it a number of times and the number of winking faces that she and Lexa had sent to each other about hanging out in person kind of suggested it as well. However, no one had flat out said those words, and it kind of threw Clarke for a loop. “Um… I don’t know. I mean, I  _ think _ so? But I haven’t really thought about whether it will for  _ sure _ .”

“Really? Won’t it be your first time, though? Isn’t that kind of important?”

Mouth dry, Clarke realized that Octavia was saying nothing but the truth. “Yeah… I guess. Shit. I have no idea.”

“Does Lexa know that you’re a virgin?”

“I don’t think I’ve told her that, but she knows that I’ve never dated anyone else so I’m assuming that she thinks I am. But I  _ know _ that she isn’t a virgin,” Clarke said with a slightly stressed exhale. “Shit, what if we have sex and I fuck something up?”

“I think that’s the idea…”

Octavia was smirking, but a pointed glare from Clarke was enough to wipe the look off her face. “You know that’s not what I meant. Seriously, Octavia, it’s your fault we even started talking about this. What if I  _ suck _ at…  _ sex _ ?”

“Oh come on, Clarke, you’re going to be fine,” Octavia asserted. “You’ve masturbated before, haven’t you?”

The blonde felt heat rushing to her face in the span of a second. “Um, I  _ have _ , but not like, a lot.”

“Seriously? I would’ve thought that with your whole long distance online relationship thing it would be a norm by now,” Octavia said flatly, and it took Clarke a second to realize that her best friend was actually serious. “Okay, well the point is that you know what feels  _ good _ right?”

Clarke squirmed awkwardly in her seat. “I don’t think I actually feel comfortable talking about this with you.”

“Oh come on, Clarke, we talk to each other about everything. You want to be less scared to have sex with Lexa? You really  _ should _ talk to her about it, but right now you have me, and we’re talking about it.”

“Ugh, okay.”

“Honestly, that’s really the thing. You have to talk to  _ her _ before it happens. Make sure that she knows that you’re a virgin, even if you think that she does, and let her know how you feel about sex in that regard. And find out what she expecting from you, and all that jazz. Lexa seems really sweet – I’m sure that she’s not going to put you into any situation that would make you uncomfortable.” Octavia flashed the blonde a sidelong glance, a soft smile across her face. “So just when it seems like it’s going to happen, say something.”

“What was your first time like?” Clarke wondered, though she was sure that when it had actually happened, Octavia must have gone on about it forever.

“It was actually really good as far as sex goes. It was with that guy Xavier, remember? He was super respectful and understanding and everything. We talked it out first, because you know me, I won’t ever go into something unprepared.”

Clarke nodded slowly. “Okay… I mean, maybe you’re right.”

“Of course I am, I can’t believe you ever doubted me.”

About half an hour into the road trip, Clarke got a text message from her girlfriend.

**Lexa – You’re probably on your way to LA now, yeah?**

**Clarke – Yeah, we’ve got about an hour drive left. Sorry I should’ve texted you when we left :(**

**Lexa – Don’t worry about it, I was just checking! :) What are your plans for the night?**

**Clarke – I think O and I are just gonna go to Santa Monica tonight and eat food from a food truck or something lol. Trying to keep it chill for the first day. What about you guys?**

**Lexa – Well if we ever fucking leave Raven’s house, we’re probably going to be doing the same thing but in Venice. Depends on how late we get there, though, because we might end up just crashing and getting an early start tomorrow. Raven didn’t pack anything ahead of time and she’s repacked her suitcase at least three times by now.**

**Lexa – On the bright side, since she still thinks I guessed your name, she’s driving the whole way.**

**Clarke – Octavia and I split it fifty/fifty. She’s driving down to LA and I’m driving back up home lol.**

**Lexa – I just realized that I don’t know where you live at lol.**

**Clarke – I don’t know where YOU live at either lol.**

**Lexa – I live in San Diego ;D Wouldn’t it have been sad and ironic if you had decided to spend spring break in San Diego – the one week I’d be, like, not there?**

**Clarke – Lol, that would’ve been sad, yes.**

**Clarke – I live in a little town outside of Santa Barbara. It sucks lol.**

**Lexa – It can’t suck that bad if YOU live there ;)**

Clarke blushed, but before she could type out a response, Octavia broke her focus with a repeated, “Earth to Clarke!”

“Oh, shit, sorry,” Clarke apologized quickly, realizing that Octavia had been talking for the past few minutes that Clarke had spent texting. “Lexa texted me.”

“Yeah, I gathered,” Octavia mumbled, though she did sound a bit amused. “What were you and your girlfriend chatting about during my one sided conversation?”

“Not much. They’re leaving San Diego sometime later today,” Clarke explained.

“Are you excited to meet them?”

Clarke let a smile tug at her lips. “Of course. It’s kind of nerve-racking, though, if I’m being honest.”

“That’s reasonable. It’s gonna be weird going from just reading their words or seeing like the upper half of their body to actually being in front of them physically,” the brunette reasoned. “At least you know them really well, though, I bet you’ll get used to it really fast.”

“I hope so.”

* * *

 

“Just hold this while I unlock the door,” Raven said, shoving her backpack into Lexa’s arms.

“Holy fuck, Raven, I’m gonna drop all of our shit!” Lexa hissed.

Raven waved the little key card in front of hotel room door, and then pushed it open. Before taking her bag back, she stepped into the room and inhaled happily. “I like it.”

“Oh my god, Rae, if you don’t take this back right now I’m actually going to drop it,” Lexa growled. She was already carrying her own backpack, and the hand that hadn’t been holding onto her phone was occupied holding onto her suitcase, which meant that her phone bearing arm was now supporting Raven’s backpack in full.

“Chill out.” The Latina took her backpack from her best friend and then dragged her suitcase into the room. “Aren’t you excited to share a bed with me all week, Lexa?”

“Yeah, thrilled,” Lexa muttered dryly. “If you kick me in your sleep I will actually make you sleep on the floor, though.”

Raven dropped her bags on the arm chair in the corner of the room before pulling the curtains to let in the golden light emanating from the setting sun. It filled the sky and the room with a pretty gold tint, and cheered Lexa up a little. Their driving experience had not been the most pleasant, after leaving far later than intended and having to suffer through LA traffic to get to Venice.

“If I promise to not kick you in my sleep, can you please drive back next weekend? I don’t think I can handle that again,” Raven said, exhausted.

“Yeah of course,” Lexa agreed, animosity gone from her voice. “Plus, ah, I have to admit something.”

“What?”

“I never guessed Clarke’s name. She told it to me, but I told you that I guessed it so that you would drive us here.”

Raven’s jaw dropped. “Oh my god, you little bitch!” She lunged at Lexa, who dodged out of her way as quickly as possible. “Seriously? You were going to let me drive all the way here and all the way back?”

“Of course not!” Lexa exclaimed. “That’s why I agreed to drive back!”

“Fuck you,” Raven huffed.

Lexa just grinned playfully at her best friend. “Aw, c’mon Rae. We’re here now, and we are just a walk away from the beach. We don’t have to do any driving for a whole twenty four hours or more if we don’t want to.”

The other girl’s face slowly lit up. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Tacos?”

“Hell yeah!”

* * *

 

**Clarke – We just got back to the hotel. Ended up getting some really greasy tacos from a taco truck and just sat on the beach for like three hours. I forgot to put on sunscreen and I burned a little bit lol. Starting off the week strong.**

**Lexa – Sorry for the slightly late reply, we just go back too. We only spent about an hour on the beach, though, because we got tacos from this restaurant and they were soooooo good. But now we’re back and I just showered first so that Raven can take a long time without me complaining about it lol.**

**Clarke – Isn’t it weird that we’re like, half an hour away from each other right now?**

**Lexa – Yeah it’s like when magnets get closer to each other and they all the sudden they fly toward each other. I feel like I’m being tugged that way O.O**

**Clarke – Don’t make fun of me :(**

**Lexa – I’m sorry XD You’re just cute ❤**

**Clarke – Whatever you sayyyy**

**Lexa – Aren’t you tired? You should sleep**

**Clarke – Aren’t YOU tired?**

**Lexa – Nahhh**

**Clarke – Then I’m gonna stay up until you sleep :)**

**Lexa – What are your plans for tomorrow? I know you have me on reserve for Monday through Wednesday, but to be honest I don’t know how much longer I can take it D:**

**Clarke – We’re going hiking (??) in the Santa Monica Mountains I think. I’m pretty sure that’s like, on Octavia’s bucket list or something. It probably means that she’ll be dragging me around the whole day because I don’t exercise regularly and I’m going to die, but her being the sporty person she is, she’s hyped.**

**Clarke – But I agree, it’s really hard being this close to you and not having met you in person yet.**

**Lexa – Ah shit, I would try to convince Raven to come to the Santa Monica Mountains to meet you a day earlier, but to be honest she wouldn’t make it more than like, half an hour. She has kind of a bad knee.**

**Lexa – Plus, even my semi-regular dancing is probably not enough to give me the stamina to hike for a whole day.**

**Clarke – Lol how do you think I feel then? XD**

* * *

 

“I can’t believe I spent this whole day hiking,” Clarke said to her best friend on Sunday night. She was sprawled across her bed while Octavia was brushing her wet hair in front of the mirror in the room. Clarke wasn’t sure why she wasn’t just doing that in the bathroom, but she couldn’t bring herself to question it at all. “I’m not going to be able to do anything this week. My thighs are so sore.”

“You better figure out how to fix that before you end up possibly having sex with Lexa in a day or two.”

Clarke’s jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me? This is  _ your _ fault! You made me hike all day!”

“And it was so amazing! Come on, Clarke, you have to admit that the mountains are beautiful, and that hiking is refreshing.”

“I mean, it wasn’t  _ horrible _ when you’re talking about the view and everything. But how sore I am right now is what makes it horrible.” Octavia rolled her eyes, setting down her hairbrush and going to one of her bags. After digging around it for a few minutes, she turned to face Clarke and tossed her a bottle of something. Clarke barely caught it, and upon further examination, she realized that it was pain relief cream. “Aw, this is why I love you, O.”

“Really, though, you should just sleep it off,” Octavia said with a shake of her head. “You’re too weak, C.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I don’t need your criticism, I already know it’s true.”

* * *

 

“Rise and shine, bestie!” Before Clarke had even registered the words directed at her by her best friend, she felt half of the mattress dip down next to her, and Octavia was poking at her. “Today’s the day that you meet your girlfriend!”

Clarke peeled her eyes open at those words, “Why are you in my bed?”

Octavia didn’t answer, instead just making herself comfortable and snuggling under the blanket. “Are you excited?”

“Yes, but I’m also  _ tired _ . What time is it? It feels like it’s fucking six in the morning or something.”

“It’s  _ eight _ actually. I hit up your girlfriend’s bestie on Twitter and she said that they were going to go down to Venice today, and I offered for us to make the trek across the beach down there, but then she relented and said they’d come to Santa Monica. They’re going to be there at nine-thirty, so you’ve got an hour and a half to get up and make yourself pretty. And if you’re really nice to me, I’ll even help you.”

“Wow, what a great best friend I have,” Clarke murmured sarcastically, and only when Octavia lightly slapped her arm did she chuckle. “You know that I love you, O. It’s just so early and you made me exercise yesterday.”

“Yeah, and? Get up, before I pick your whole outfit for you.”

“Maybe you should just do that.”

“Okay, should we go with sexy as fuck or undeniably cute?’

Clarke slapped the palm of her left hand over her face. “Never mind, I’ll pick my own clothes.”

“That’s what I thought.”

After about five more minutes, Clarke finally dragged herself out of bed. She did get Octavia’s input on her outfit a little bit, but ended up in some short shirts and a tank top anyway, her bikini hiding beneath them clothing pieces. Then the two of them squished into the hotel bathroom to do their makeup, and Octavia even allowed the blonde to use some of her favorite pallets for the occasion. Not that Clarke chose to do much out of the ordinary – she didn’t want to go above and beyond for her first meeting with Lexa. She didn’t want it to be anything but natural.

Once the two of them were finally ready, it was nearing nine in the morning. Octavia and Clarke each had a small purse they were planning on carrying around with them at the beach so that their wallets and phones didn’t end up loose anywhere, and after grabbing them and checking that they had money ready to go, they left their hotel room. Their hotel had a continental breakfast on the main floor, so before leaving, they grabbed a small bite to eat, but Clarke found that it was almost impossible to eat more than literally a single bite.

She was nervous.

It hadn’t really hit her until this moment, but she was actually so nervous to meet her girlfriend in person. What if she didn’t live up to Lexa’s expectations somehow? What if having it be  _ real _ changed the dynamic somehow? What if they had nothing to talk about?

Octavia undoubtedly noticed Clarke’s rising nervous, but she didn’t say anything about them. Instead, she looped her arm through Clarke’s and started dragging her toward the beach. The twenty minute walk meant that they would get there probably just a few minutes before Lexa and Raven, but, as Octavia told Clarke during their walk, they hadn’t really picked a defined meeting place other than the pier in general.

Trying to keep her mind off of the possible negatives that could come out of this morning, Clarke put her eyes to the street around her. The closer to the beach, the brighter it got out, and when they finally stepped out onto Ocean Avenue, Clarke found herself in awe of the ocean. The streets were fairly busy already as well, and people were biking up and down the sidewalks on either side. Octavia, who was still leading the blonde, pulled her across the road and toward Santa Monica Pier.

They’d seen it from a bit of a distance on Saturday, when they’d been at the beach, but walking on it was a different experience entirely. Clarke imagined that when it was lit up at night it was even more beautiful, but right now, it was more impressive than anything. There was a Ferris wheel and basically an amusement park right on the pier, as well as a number of arcades, shops, and restaurants.

“Isn’t it awesome?” Octavia breathed out happily, nudging Clarke after releasing her arm.

“Yeah, it’s a good thing I suggested we go here instead of San Diego,” Clarke answered with a smirk.

Octavia laughed brightly. “You’re right, this beats San Diego. The zoo  _ would  _ have been nice to see, though.”

”I guess,” Clarke agreed, but honestly, she was having trouble thinking about the conversation at hand. Her heart was pounding, because she didn’t know when she was going to see Lexa or Raven, and she felt like as soon as she laid eyes on them, she might pass out right then and there – that’s how fast her heart was beating. “Fuck, Octavia, I can’t do this. I’m going to faint, I’m actually lightheaded.”

Octavia furrowed her eyebrows in concern. “What? Why?”

“I don’t know,” Clarke groaned. “Octavia, how many times have I been thrown into a social situation and actually been perfectly okay the whole time?  _ None _ . The answer is literally zero. I’m going to die or do something stupid – which I think kind of equates to the same thing.”

“You’re  _ not _ , Clarke, calm down. You’ve talked to Lexa dozens of times,” Octavia reminded her. “It’s really not any different.” Clarke crossed her arms tightly over her chest, trying to keep her heart from beating out of it. “Anyway, it doesn’t do any good to freak yourself out about it up until it happens. Think about something else.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, what other things do you think about?”

“Nothing? I’m pretty sure my entire life revolves around my online life and  _ you _ .”

“So think about me.”

“What about you? Right now all you’re doing is giving me advice that’s kind of bullshit.”

“That is so not the way to treat your best friend. I’m hurt. We can’t go on this way.”

“Oh shut up.”

“Yeah, like that’ll happen.”

“Right, I forget that you love the sound of your voice as much as normal people like the sound of their favorite song.”

“Damn, Griffin, your sass levels are off the charts today. I approve, though. I’ve trained you well my young padawan.”

“You say, as though you’ve seen Star Wars.”

“I saw episode one.”

“Yeah, that really doesn’t help your case.”

“I’m surprised you’ve seen them all, I feel like you don’t watch movies very often.”

“I used to watch them all with Wells. And they’re  _ good _ movies, sans episode one of course.”

“I don’t know, I liked that weird sea creature thing – Jar-Jar Kinks or something?”

“I  _ actually _ hate you right now.”

Octavia was opening her mouth to say something else was another voice rang out nearby, and nearly gave Clarke a heart attack.

“Clarke!”

It was Raven – there was no doubt about that, and by the time Clarke had fully turned around, she was basically being attacked by a hug from the Latina. “Oh my fucking god, Raven!” As the words slipped out of her mouth, though, she heard herself laugh as she hugged the girl back. Then, her gaze fell on a different brunette standing a couple feet away, and wide smile across her face.

Clarke was pretty sure that time froze for a good few seconds, because immediately she was wrapped up in Lexa’s utter beauty. Her soft facial features, which Clarke had already memorized thanks to Snapchat and Facetime, were so delicate and the smile across her lips was obvious even in her eyes. Her hair was curled as normal and fell down to the middle of her chest. She was wearing a white tank top and black shorts, a blue and black plaid flannel over it as though it were actually cool outside. Although Clarke had seen a few snaps of Lexa’s full figure, seeing it in person was something else, and her breath caught in her throat.

Instinct caused her to bite down on her lower lip, and once Raven released her, she found herself without words or actions.

“Hey,” Lexa said, and when she said it, her nose crinkled in a way that made Clarke think that she was absolutely reveling in the fact that Clarke was rendered speechless.

“Hey yourself,” Clarke tossed back, before taking hold of some mystical courage that flooded into her body and stepping toward her girlfriend. By the time she was halfway to joining her lips to Lexa’s, the brunette was leaning forward as well, and their first kiss came together with an intense abruptness.

If Clarke was being perfectly honest, it felt like her first kiss – ever. It wasn’t, because she’d had that with a boy in sixth grade, whose name she couldn’t remember. But it hardly counted, because it had been nothing more than a peck, and this was so much more than that.

And if Clarke hadn’t been so absorbed into said kiss, and the soft way that Lexa’s lips moved against hers, and how Lexa’s incredibly soft hand had risen to her cheek, and how their hair was slightly in the way but also Lexa’s hair smelled like coconuts, then she might’ve felt shy about the fact that she hadn’t kissed anyone on the lips in five years.

It was Raven who broke up their kiss, which Clarke wasn’t surprised by, because Octavia would’ve probably let it go on as long as it would’ve. Raven, though, rolled her eyes as soon as the two of them separated. Clarke’s cheeks were flushed with embarrassment, but Lexa’s face was colored normally, still sporting a grin. “Ugh, you guys better not be doing that all day.”

Octavia quirked up an eyebrow, and then spoke for the first time in the short span of time that the four of them had all been together. “Hi! Nice to meet you people! I’m Octavia! I know I’m irrelevant, because Clarke is clearly the cooler of the two of us, but I’m half of the reason that Clarke is even here, so.”

“Nice to meet you,” Lexa said to Octavia with slight amusement, “I believe we talked on the phone.”

“Yeah, and you tweeted me this morning, so I’m pretty sure introductions are not necessary,” Raven said to Clarke’s best friend, shrugging her off.

“Have you been waiting here long?” Lexa asked, looking back to Clarke, who was still standing rather close to her. Neither of them had really moved away from one another after the kiss, and Clarke felt suddenly so uncomfortable in her own skin. She didn’t know what to do with herself, and she hoped that Lexa hadn’t noticed.

“No, just a few minutes,” Clarke assured her.

Octavia snickered. “To Clarke it probably felt like a fucking lifetime. She was nervous, and I mean  _ nervous _ .”

“Octavia! Shut the fuck up!” Clarke squeaked, looking at her best friend incredulously. Octavia stuck her tongue out at the blonde, and Clarke scowled for all of two seconds, because after that, Lexa laughed brightly, and her hand fell down to grasp Clarke’s. The blonde practically froze for an instant, and then felt herself relax by a tenfold. Her scowl washed away and she looked to Lexa with a shy smile. “Please tell me that you were nervous too, so that I don’t feel lame.”

“You’re not lame,” Lexa promised. “And remember when I told you that as soon as I knew you in person, I was allowed to make my own judgment and now you can’t ever fight me on it.”

“You didn’t say that, you said that I couldn’t tell you that you’d think I was lame until you met in me in real life and realized that I  _ am _ lame.”

“Shut up, you are  _ not _ .”

Raven sighed. “And so it begins.”

Now it was Lexa’s turn to flash a glare at her own best friend. “Seriously, Rae, I don’t want to hear it. I suffered so much from all your Rachel drama, and you have to deal with me and Clarke for like, three days.”

“The girl has a point,” Octavia said somewhat snootily, which earned her a glare from Raven.

Lexa, though, grinned at Octavia. “I think I like you.”

Octavia smirked at Raven. “Look who’s the better best friend.”

“You did not just say that!” Raven lunged at Octavia, who shrieked and dived out of the way, which caused Raven to break out into a fit of laughter. Octavia spun around and scoffed at the Latina.

“I chase losers around every day in soccer, don’t think I can’t outrun you or come after you.”

Clarke gaped at her best friend, and then looked to her girlfriend, who met her gaze immediately. “What have we started?”

“I think the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” Lexa said with a quiet laugh, bumping her hip with Clarke’s and causing the blonde’s heart to skip a beat. “Trust me, this is how Raven is with all of the people she becomes friends with.”

Raven and Octavia were still bickering, and Clarke lit up as she thought of a way to get them to shut up. “Hey, Rae!” Raven’s mouth snapped shut and she looked to Clarke. “If you keep fighting with her, you’ll never get the chance to try and steal her cat.”

Octavia’s jaw dropped as Raven gasped. “Holy shit! You’re right!”

“Uh, you are  _ not _ stealing my cat.”

“Of course I’m not,” Raven said with a smirk.

The two of them didn’t stop there, and Clarke rolled her eyes, turning completely to face her girlfriend now. “I tried.”

“It was a valiant effort,” Lexa teased. “Have you guys eaten yet?”

“We stopped briefly at the free breakfast at our hotel – but while Octavia managed to eat  _ something _ , I stopped after one bite. I was a  _ little _ nervous to see you in person. I don’t know  _ why _ I was, but I couldn’t stomach anything,” Clarke admitted, blushing deeply again, especially when Lexa’s smiled widened and her nose crinkled a little again. “Why? Are you hungry?”

“I could eat,” Lexa answered. “And I kinda wanna eat at Bubba Gump, since it’s like, right here. Have you ever had breakfast there? It’s fucking great.”

“Well, I’m not opposed. One of us just has to get these two to stop bickering,” Clarke said with a chuckle, glancing over her shoulder at their friends. When she looked back to Lexa, she found herself frozen as the brunette’s hand came up to push some of Clarke’s loose hair out of her face. “What?”

“Sorry, I just got distracted,” Lexa murmured, before wrapping her hand back behind Clarke’s neck and pulling her closer for a kiss. This one was already different than the one they’d shared a few moments before, and Clarke stumbled forward slightly so that her body was pressed against Lexa’s. Clarke tried in vain to gain control of the kiss, and instead, Lexa took Clarke’s lower lip in between her teeth gently, tugging on it and then sucking it into her mouth gingerly. Clarke hummed contently into the kiss, her hands falling to Lexa’s waist. It could’ve lasted a thousand years or half a second, Clarke was so lost in the contact that she wouldn’t have known the difference.

But then someone was snapping next to their faces, and when they broke apart, it was Raven again. “We’re hungry.”

“Fuck off, Raven,” Lexa huffed, running her hand through Clarke’s hair softly and then dropping her hand to grab the blonde’s. She lightly tugged Clarke toward the Bubba Gump’s Shrimp Co. restaurant, causing the blonde to laugh as Octavia and Raven followed suit.

“Seriously, though, you guys aren’t going to just be kissing  _ all _ day, right?”

“Shut up, Raven,” Lexa and Clarke both said simultaneously, before both breaking out into laughter afterward. Already this trip was incredibly worth it, and Clarke was ready to savor every minute of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of those times where I tried really hard to get all of this good, but I'm kind of terrified that it didn't live up to what everyone wanted? Please comment letting me know whether or not it did! I think on one hand, it was important for it to be a big deal, but also... I don't know, in real life, the extensiveness feeling of a moment like this still kind of fades into normal... life?... afterward. That probably made no sense. I'm so tired today, you guys. I took my third AP test of the week, and got so delirious that I've been laughing nonstop at so much random stuff. Then I caffeinated and ate a burrito which was awesome and then I had to pack a shit ton of stuff from my room and then I ate edamame and then I tried a sephora face mask which was cool and now I'm just honestly so exhausted? I almost forgot to update and this is one of my fave chapters so that's saying something!!  
> Anyway, I hope it turned out well! Feel free to let me know, and I'll see you all on Sunday!! xx Have a lovely weekend!


	17. The Point Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke have their first real date, and Clarke has a first something else as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies, happy Sunday!!  
> It actually is a really happy Sunday - my gen manager gave me half the day off, so I'll be home early later and actually will be able to study for my two AP tests that are tomorrow and Tuesday! Woo!  
> PLUS, it's update day!  
> And this is an update you guys do not wanna miss ;)
> 
> Enjoy!xx

Octavia stripped off her tank top, exposing her bikini top under it. “So, we tanning or getting in the water?”

Raven scoffed. “I’m  _ not _ getting in the water.”

“Suit yourself,” Lexa said, before looking to Clarke. “You wanna get in the water with me, babe?”

Clarke tried to somehow suppress the blush rising to her cheeks, but she knew that she failed at doing so. “Yeah, sure.”

“We should’ve brought like, beach towels down here,” Octavia muttered to herself, but then she just plopped down into the sand. Raven followed suit, eyeing the other girl warily. 

“So… soccer, huh?”

Clarke turned her attention to her girlfriend, who was slipping her shorts off of her body. The blonde’s mouth went dry, and to avoid staring, she began to take off her own outer clothing. A few seconds later, Lexa was grabbing her hand and pulling her toward the water. “I told you that Raven and Octavia would make nice with each other.”

“I’ve never met anyone who couldn’t get along with Octavia in some way or another, so that doesn’t really surprise me,” Clarke admitted, her gaze falling briefly down to Lexa’s exposed midriff. “How have your first two days in LA been?”

“I thought they were going great, but as soon as I realized how much better it is when I’m with you, they seem relatively mediocre now.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Could you be any more cheesy?”

“I could  _ try _ .”

“Please don’t,” Clarke begged with a light laugh. They reached the water, and Lexa released Clarke’s hand as she stepped into the water. “Is it cold?”

“Only a little.” Lexa took another step backward into the water, lifting an eyebrow at the blonde. “You coming?”

Clarke took a small step forward, letting her toes become submerged in the cool water. “It’s cold.”

“Yeah, but it’s hot out here. C’mon, you didn’t come and stay this close to the beach to  _ not _ get in the water at all, did you?” Lexa batted her eyelashes at Clarke. Not saying again, Clarke forced herself to take a few more steps into the water, shivering slightly as her feed were exposed to the cold liquid. “See, it’s not that bad.”

“Mm, maybe not for you,” Clarke tossed back, taking a brave step toward Lexa. Surprisingly, the brunette took a step back away from her, either not expecting Clarke to have moved or trying to be a tease.

“So,” Lexa started conversationally, “what’s the plan for the next two days you have me reserved for?”

“I thought we could all go explore the city tomorrow,” Clarke suggested. “Like, I don’t know, see the stars and all that shit. We can squeeze into Octavia’s car too so we can all stay together.”

Lexa smiled. “Okay. And Wednesday?”

Clarke bit down on her lip – she hadn’t mentioned to her girlfriend that she and her best friend had split the price of buying Raven and Lexa each a ticket to Disneyland. She kind of had a feeling that Lexa would object. “Octavia and I bought tickets to Disney for the four of us.”

Lexa’s smile dropped from her face and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “That’s expensive…”

“Seriously, Lexa, don’t worry about it. It’s not any more money than we were going to spend. We were going to spend two days there, instead we’re going to spend one, with you guys.” Lexa looked doubtful. “Please, Lexa. I wanna go to Disney with you.”

“Alright, fine. But you have to let me pay you back,” Lexa insisted, crossing her arms over her chest.

Stepping closer to the brunette, Clarke tilted her head a little. “No, it’s my gift to you.”

“Whatever,” Lexa huffed. “Anyway, you forgot something.”

“What did I forget?”

“I’m taking you out on a date tonight – remember? I said I was going to take you out so we can both redo our Valentine’s Day from this year,” Lexa reminded the blonde.

Clarke couldn’t fight the smile growing on her face. “Ah yes, I don’t know how I managed to forget that.”

“And since you’re paying for my Disney ticket or whatever, you  _ better _ not to try to pay for any of it tonight.”

“Oh no, of course not.” Clarke smirked, taking another step closer to Lexa, who instead of moving just examined Clarke up and down with her eyes. “So what are we going to be doing for our extremely late Valentine’s Day date?”

“You’ll  _ see _ . First, though, we’re going to have to figure out a way to ditch  _ those _ two.” Clarke glanced over her shoulder at their friends, who seemed to actually be talking rather amicably. She looked back at Lexa to find those green eyes still focused on her with intense precision.

“You should take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Clarke heard herself say more than felt it.

“I’m actually pretty tired of pictures,” Lexa admitted. “It’s so much nicer to see you in person, right in front of me. And to be able to…” Her words trailed off, but her hand rose and touched Clarke’s arm, then dragged down her skin to her hand. Clarke thought she was going to intertwine their fingers, but instead, she gently shifted her hand from Clarke’s arm to her exposed stomach. Clarke inhale deeply at the sudden touch, a shiver shaking through her whole body.

“Are you trying to make sure I’m still real or something?” Clarke asked softly. She was honestly surprised as how comfortable she was with Lexa, after only meeting her in person a couple of hours prior. It just felt so natural and  _ normal _ , and it actually kind of blew her mind that she could feel so…  _ right _ .

Lexa laughed, her hand sliding around Clarke’s hip and landing on her lower back, then pulling her closer to her body. “Something like that, maybe.” Their bare midsections brushed against each other now, and Clarke knew that her entire face was flushed at being this close to Lexa. “What are your plans after Wednesday?”

“I… I don’t actually know. We’re open to anything, really. And you’re welcome to fit yourself into even more of my week if you want to. I just only have you on reserve until the end of Wednesday.”

“Yeah, as if I’d voluntarily stop hanging out with you after Wednesday even though we’re literally like half an hour away from each other.”

“I’m just trying to avoid being presumptuous,” Clarke insisted with a light chuckle. She was absolutely intoxicated by the closeness, and she found herself leaning ever closer to Lexa without even meaning to. She closed the distance between them with her lips, and Lexa happily kissed her back tenderly. Then, all of the sudden, the brunette tugged away. Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed as her eyes opened to see Lexa wading further into the water. “What are you doing?”

“If you want me, come and get me.”

“Lexa,” Clarke whined, looking down at the water with a frown as she slowly began to wade into it. She stopped once she was thigh deep, and Lexa was still a few feet in front of her, resting her hands on top of the salty water. “I’m not going any further.”

“No?”

“Nope.”

Lexa gave Clarke her best pout, and it just about made Clarke cave in a matter of seconds. Instead, she averted her gaze, looking up to the sky. “Hmm, we could play a game.”

“I don’t know if I like where this is going.”

“We could play like, two truths one lie, and if  _ I _ guess right or you guess wrong, you have to take a step out of the water, and if I guess wrong or you guess right, I have to take a step into the water,” Clarke said, smiling shyly.

“I’d like to think that we know each other well enough for that to not work, but I feel like you’re just trying to get me to whip out whatever weird stories about my life I have.”

“Do you wanna play, or do you wanna stand in the water while I leave to go sit up on the beach with our friends?”

“Ugh, fine. Okay, so two truths, one lie. Um. I’ve lived in California for my whole life. My dad died when I was six. And… the first concert I ever went to was for The All-American Rejects.”

Clarke looked at Lexa closely as she considered her answer, slowly realizing that this was going to be harder than she thought. “I don’t think the first concert you ever went to was The All-American Rejects.”

Lexa smirked. “Wrong, it was. My dad didn’t die when I was six, he’s still alive. I mean, he’s basically dead to me, but he’s alive somewhere.”

“Damn,” Clarke took a step deeper into the cold water.

“Yeah, he left us when I was still a little kid. I don’t remember very much of him, but I’ve seen his picture a few times. I don’t really care that he left – I mean, my mom hated him for a while because of it, but now she just hooks up with other guys all the time and pretends he never existed.”

“That sounds… rough.”

Lexa shrugged. “It’s okay. If I ever need a dad, I have Raven’s. He’s chill. Anyway. It’s your turn.”

“Right. Um, okay. I got to go on a vacation to New York when I was ten. I had my first kiss when I was in sixth grade. And I drive a Mercedes.”

Lexa didn’t even hesitate before saying, “I don’t think you had your first kiss in sixth grade.”

“Wrong, I did,” Clarke tutted with a shake of her head. “Man, and you were  _ so _ confident. I don’t drive a Mercedes.”

“Man, I was kind of hoping that you did. That way one day, you could’ve driven  _ me _ around in it.” Lexa shook her head with disappointment, taking a step forward. At this point, they were almost close enough that the game would have to come to an end, but there was at least enough space for one more round. “Alright, my turn. My full name is Alexandra Woodsman. I kissed a boy in seventh grade, before I’d realized I was gay. And I’ve never been outside of California.”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows as she thought. “Okay… so I feel like the first one is true, because or else I don’t think you would’ve been able to come up with that like, on the spot. And since I’m pretty sure you’re a perfect gold star, I’m going to say that you didn’t kiss a boy in seventh grade.”

Lexa grinned. “You’re right.” She took a step forward, gently knocking into the blonde as her hands found Clarke’s waist and their lips joined without a second thought. It was like heaven, having Lexa’s lips against hers, and Clarke couldn’t get enough of it. When Lexa started to pull away, Clarke’s hands rose to Lexa’s shoulders and gently tugged her back into the embrace. “Mm... Clarke,” Lexa murmured against her lips.

Giving in, Clarke released Lexa’s lips. “Alexandra Woodsman, huh?”

“You’re one of three people who know that, so feel lucky.”

“How do you hide something like that? Isn’t it on like, the attendance sheet at your school?”

“Nah, my school is super inventive and has students put their preferred name under their given name, and that’s what appears on our attendance sheet. My mom is the only one who ever says it, and Raven knows but she wouldn’t ever call me it. I fucking  _ hate _ that name.”

“Why?”

“Alexandra is also my mom’s name, and Woodsman is my dad’s last name. I do  _ not _ need their names in my life,” Lexa admitted. “I’m gonna get it legally changed when I turn eighteen.”

“Really?”

“The alternative is that I wait until I get married – since you get like, a free name change at that point. But that could be years and years from now, so I figure it’s better just to get it over with.”

“Did you always go by Lexa?” Clarke wondered. “Or did you ever try some other short form of Alexandra? Like Alex or Lexie or something?”

Lexa groaned. “Ugh, I  _ hate _ Lexie. I actually beat a kid up for calling me that once. And Alex, no. That’s what my mom goes by.”

“You beat a kid up for calling you that?”

“I was younger. And I  _ warned _ him, but he wouldn’t stop. So he had to be dealt with.”

“That’s awful.”

“I was like eleven, lay off.”

Clarke smiled. Her arms were still resting on Lexa’s shoulders, while Lexa’s were wrapped around her waist. The blonde was pretty sure that she never wanted to stop having some sort of physical contact with her girlfriend – it was addictive. “Fine. Anyway, I like Lexa best. It fits you.”

Suddenly, a sudden storm of water rained over the two of them, causing them both to squeal rather uncharacteristically. “Ha!” Raven exclaimed evilly, and then she and Octavia high fived over dramatically.

Clarke pulled away from her girlfriend, dipping her hands into the water and splashing Raven and Octavia back. “Bitches!”

“We decided that you two look  _ way _ too happy for us to let it go on uninterrupted,” Octavia teased.

“That’s okay,” Lexa said, “because I get Clarke to myself tonight – we have a date. Which means that sometime later, you two are going to need to skedaddle.”

Raven lifted an eyebrow. “To where?”

“I don’t care. Somewhere? Together, though, I need to borrow your car, Rae.”

“Are you kidding? No way, you can’t borrow my car! I’m still pissed that you lied to me about guessing Clarke’s name and making me fucking drive all the way here!” Raven exclaimed.

“Then we’ll take Raven’s car, you guys can borrow mine,” Octavia said, flashing the two of them an overly sweet smile that got a scowl from Raven. “What? I’m trying to be the good best friend.”

“Well, where are  _ we _ supposed to go?”

“I don’t know, we can always just spend our evening on the pier scoping out hot people. I’ll be your wing woman to all the girls and you can be mine for all the guys.”

“I guess that sounds fair enough.”

* * *

 

“Bye kids!” Raven called, waving her hand over exaggeratedly as Lexa and Clarke were walking up to Octavia’s car. Clarke heard her best friend laugh, and Lexa turned around to flip Raven the bird.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Octavia followed up, and Clarke made eye contact with her friend only to receive a wink that suggested that she do just the opposite.

“Bye losers!” Clarke called back to their friends, before climbing into the passenger seat of the car. Octavia had at first been hesitant to let Lexa drive her car, since the brunette never had before, but had given in after Raven insisted that Lexa was the safest driver in existence.

Once the two of them were enclosed in Octavia’s car, it was silent for a good few seconds. Lexa started the car, pulled out of the hotel parking lot, and then they were on the road to… wherever Lexa was planning on taking them. “And finally,” Lexa broke the silence, “we’re rid of  _ those _ two.”

Clarke chuckled. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going.

“Nope.”

“You better not be kidnapping me,” Clarke said lightly, relaxing into the familiar passenger seat of Octavia’s car. “Because as much as I really like you, I’m not sure that I’m ready to abandon my entire life for you.”

Lexa feigned hurt. “What? I’m so offended.”

“Sorry, babe, we’re gonna have to work up to that a little more.” Clarke rotated her body slightly so that she was more facing Lexa as the brunette drove. She didn’t miss the hint of red appearing on her cheeks at the sound of Clarke calling her “babe.”

The day has honestly gone by far too quickly, but the fact that it wasn’t their only day was keeping Clarke from thinking any negative thoughts. They’d spend the greater part of the day at the beach, and after going back up to the pier to buy beach towels and then spreading them over the sand to tan, the four of them had fallen asleep. Clarke had fallen asleep first, with her head in Lexa’s lap and slender fingers brushing through her messy blonde locks. When she’d woken up, Lexa had lain back and fallen asleep that way, Clarke’s head still resting on her thighs. Raven and Octavia had passed out a few feet away on their respective towels.

They were all a bit sunburned at that point, but the nice thing is that it wasn’t actually  _ too _ hot out. When they’d awoken, they decided to walk a little away from the beach to find a late lunch. The light breeze had helped to blow the sand off of them, and then they’d found a nice little Italian place to eat at.

After that, the group split into pairs again so that Clarke and Lexa could wash up a bit before their date, and also because Clarke had gotten a text message from her parents demanding that she call to check in with them. It was really at her mother’s insistence, of course.

Once that had finally finished, Clarke spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to decide what she was supposed to wear, before opting for a springtime dress that was a pale blue color – Octavia’s dress, actually. Octavia said something about it making her eyes pop, but Clarke wasn’t sure that it fit her right. She was absolutely positive that it somehow disproportioned her body, but Octavia  _ insisted _ that it made her boobs look great and her body just as nice as always.

Clarke wasn’t in the habit of wearing dresses, but she forced herself to deal with it, and she washed and blew dry her hair, redid her makeup, and then she was done. Octavia had then driven the two of them to Raven and Lexa’s hotel, after getting the address from the latter, and now here they were.

“You look really nice, by the way,” Lexa said with a soft smile, quickly directed at the blonde before green eyes turned back to the road. Clarke blushed softly. She’d felt a bit odd wearing a dress when she saw that Lexa was wearing pants and a blouse, but since no one else seemed fazed by it, she hadn’t said anything.

“Thank you.” Flushing a bit darker, she said, “The dress is Octavia’s. I’m… embarrassingly bad at getting ready for dates.”

Lexa raised her eyebrow a bit, her lips spreading into a wider smile. “I think I recall that from like, the first week that we started talking. Valentine’s Day.”

“Right,” Clarke remembered bashfully. “Yeah, not a lot has changed when it comes to social situations for me since then.”

“I think you’re doing just fine, so don’t give yourself too much of a hard time.” Lexa gave Clarke a quick wink, which made Clarke bite her lip. She was suddenly exceptionally shy around her girlfriend, and she was so self-conscious about that that it made her even more shy.

“Can’t you just tell me where we’re going?”

Lexa rolled her eyes, but her smile gave her away. “It’s not a big deal or anything – it’s just a restaurant that I found that looked good. But it’s not supposed to  _ matter _ , what  _ matters _ is that I’m taking you out to dinner and you get to spend the whole evening with your  _ amazing _ girlfriend.”

“Mm, you got me there,” Clarke agreed, “really can’t argue against that. Are we doing anything after?”

“I have some ideas.” Lexa flashed Clarke a quick glance, and the blonde tried to read it, but then Lexa was looking back at the road. “Oh, but there is an arcade at Santa Monica Pier that I saw today and I wanna play in – I’m a real big fan of old school arcades, I don’t know why. But if we don’t get around to it tonight, or if you don’t want to, I have the rest of the week anyway. Our plans after dinner are flexible – it really just depends.”

“What does it depend on?”

“What you want to do, silly,” Lexa replied, stopping at a red light and batting her eyelashes obviously at Clarke, who couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Oh.”

“Yes,  _ oh _ .” The light turned green, and as the car began to move again, Clarke let herself sit back and wait for them to get to the restaurant.

Dinner went smoothly, Lexa and Clarke talking about random things just like they did during their text conversations and their Facetime calls. It was natural and fun and easy, but near the end, when they were both finishing up their food, Lexa leaned back a bit in her chair, her expression turning serious, and hummed softly, “Hmm.”

“What?”

“I was just thinking… well, it kind of shocks me and also it makes me kind of sad to think that no one has ever taken you out on a real date,” Lexa admitted. “You really deserve tons.”

“Do I?”

“You do.”

“And why’s that?”

“Have you  _ seen _ you?”

Blushing again, Clarke fought off her shyness and took in a quick breath. “Are you trying to tell me that all that matters is how I look?”

“ _ Obviously _ .” When Clarke let out a light laugh at the sarcasm, Lexa continued, “Of course not, you weirdo. You deserve dates and all the romantic mushy stuff because you’re kind and soft and thoughtful and humble, and you have honestly no idea how great you are, and you should have someone to tell you that all the time.”

It took the blonde a moment to find words to respond to that, and during the moment of brief silence, Lexa’s confidence wavered and her gaze was cast downward. It was just then that Clarke managed to open her mouth. “Don’t I have someone to do that now? Or are you not claiming that job?”

Beautiful green eyes met blue ones. “Hmm, I suppose it is mine… You know, that’s actually a really good thing, because I take my jobs very seriously.”

“You are seriously way more of a romantic than I ever thought you were,” Clarke thought aloud, leaning forward and resting her elbows on the table.

“What can I say?” Lexa asked casually. “I’m a hopeless romantic.”

“A hopeless one, huh? Explains why you’re so clingy.”

“Oh my god, shut up. I’m  _ not _ clingy, and I  _ fucking _ hate Raven.”

Clarke smirked. “Whatever you say.”

“I see you’re getting less and less shy as the night progresses.” Clarke couldn’t help but flush at the comment, because it sent her thoughts to dirty places. She wondered if Lexa intended for that to happen, or if it was completely accidental. “I like it, though. It’s hot.”

“Oh yeah?”

Lexa nodded surely, but before she could say anything else, their waiter appeared at the table with their check, which Lexa snagged quickly, as though she were afraid that Clarke would try to pay. Clarke wouldn’t have paid, though, because as they’d previously spoken about, Clarke did pay for a whole ticket to Disney for the brunette.

Once the check was set back down, Lexa sat forward a little in her seat and met Clarke’s gaze directly. “So, what are you feeling up to for the rest of the night?”

“I… don’t know.”

“No ideas?”

The waiter came and picked up Lexa’s payment as Clarke shrugged. “Haven’t we already established that I’m not used to this  _ date _ thing?”

“Well, we can do the classic sappy shit – like walk on the beach together, or go back to the pier… We can also do the totally illegal stuff and sneak into a bar.”

“Yeah, I don’t really have the identification for that.”

Lexa hummed thoughtfully. “Well, that’s more than fine, because I wasn’t really feeling like drinking anyway. Let’s see. There’s the arcade, I guess there are probably movie theaters around here. Ugh, I probably should’ve scoped this area out more before I decided to just wing the second half of our date.”

The waiter came back with Lexa’s card, wished them a nice evening, and then disappeared again. Clarke stayed as Lexa wrote in the tip, pocketed her card, and then folded the check again.

“Ready to go?”

Clarke nodded, and they stood up. As they headed out of the restaurant, Clarke didn’t miss Lexa typing something out on her phone, but by the time they were headed back toward Octavia’s car, she was done. “So, what are we going to do?”

Lexa stopped walking, and Clarke almost stumbled in order to stop, too. Then Lexa grabbed her hand, tugging her slightly closer to the wall of the buildings along the sidewalk, so that they weren’t stopped in the middle of the walkway. “Again, it’s up to you.”

“ _ Lexa _ ,” Clarke whined, leaning into the wall. “I told you, I don’t know. And frankly, I don’t care either. You said it yourself – the point is that you’re taking me out, and I get to the spend the whole evening with my ‘ _ amazing _ girlfriend.’”

Silence settled between them after Clarke’s quote, and then a smile slowly grew over Lexa’s lips. Clarke found her gaze stuck to them, and then they were suddenly too close to look at anymore; then they were pressed against hers. She released a surprised gasp of air as Lexa leaned fully into the kiss, and it took a last minute surge of adrenaline for Clarke to keep herself from stumbling too far backward and falling. When Lexa realized the near slip up, she rotated them slightly and pressed Clarke gently against the wall.

Looking back on it, Clarke would probably be incredibly flustered at the thought that she and Lexa started making out in public, even if there weren’t more than a couple passersby, but in the moment, she barely even registered where they were. Lexa’s tongue broke through her lips, and Clarke practically breathed in the kiss.

When they needed actual air to breathe, and Lexa pulled her lips away, she mumbled, “I like it when you call me your girlfriend.”

“Well that’s what you are –  _ my girlfriend _ ,” Clarke whispered, hyperaware of their lips’ close proximity and the fact that her eyelids were flickering.

“Damn right.” Lexa closed the distance between them again, and Clarke felt herself going weak in the knees. The wall and Lexa’s hands resting on her hips became her only source of physical support, and she didn’t even realize it when a moan was crawling its way up her throat until the sound broke through her lips and vibrated into Lexa’s. It was at that sound that Lexa pulled away little, and suddenly moved her lips to hover by Clarke’s ear. “There is another place we could go…”

Her voice was low and seductive, and Clarke almost moaned just hearing it. “Wherever you wanna take me,” Clarke murmured, her voice breathy to the point that she wasn’t sure Lexa would actually understand her.

The car ride was too long, and the air between the two of them was filled and incredible amount of sexual tension. Clarke was not used to a fire burning between her legs, and she wondered if her body was reacting too much, if maybe it was weird that she was this aroused after a few French kisses.

Deciding not to focus her attention on what could be or go wrong, Clarke instead focused on breathing and staring out the window, waiting for something familiar to come into her view. Finally, they were driving up to Lexa’s hotel.

“Raven isn’t here?”

“Nope, our wonderful, bestest friends are rooming together tonight,” Lexa stated, and Clarke’s breath caught in her throat. Lexa went through the motions of parking the car, and when Clarke had still said nothing, the brunette turned to face her before turning off the vehicle. “If that’s okay?”

“It’s okay,” Clarke promised, trying not to seem  _ too _ eager.

She was pretty sure she failed, but Lexa didn’t say anything either way. She shut off the car, and the two of them clambered out of the car. Clarke had to follow Lexa through the building to get to the room, and upon entering, she looked around the room curiously. It was a bit smaller than hers and Octavia’s, with only one large bed in the center of the room.

“How’s sharing a bed with Raven?” she wondered curiously, and the groan that Lexa released made her laugh.

“It’s awful, but she hasn’t kicked me more than three times in the past two of nights, so that’s at least a plus,” Lexa said with forced positivity. “But don’t worry, housekeeping changed the sheets today – no Raven cooties to be found.”

“Good to know.” The amusement was obvious in Clarke’s voice, and Lexa flashed her a wide smile as she dropped her phone, wallet and Octavia’s keys onto the nightstand by the bed. Clarke was still standing somewhat stiffly near the door, and when Lexa looked up at her, she tried to visibly loosen her body.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, fine, why wouldn’t I be okay?” Clarke asked quickly, hoping that her voice didn’t sound shaky.

Lexa didn’t answer the question, instead just stepping up in front of Clarke with only two quick strides. They stared at each other’s eyes for a moment, and then Lexa’s hands were grabbing for Clarke’s. Clarke glanced down to watch her girlfriend intertwine their fingers, her attention only refocusing on Lexa’s face when the girl softly cleared her throat. “We don’t have to do anything more than what you’re ready for – just because we stay the night together in here doesn’t have to mean more than just that.”

“What – no, Lexa, I want to… I mean, I want it to be more than that. I’m just… I’m…”

“Nervous?” Lexa’s voice was so gentle that Clarke practically melted, and it felt like the only thing keeping her grounded was the firm grip of Lexa’s hands in hers. “Because it’s your first time.”

That part wasn’t a question, just like Clarke was sure it wouldn’t be. Unable to use words to admit it, Clarke simply nodded.

“So what are you comfortable with doing tonight? I want your first time to be great, and I want you to feel safe and good and not be worrying all night. So tell me what you’re okay with.”

Clarke let out a shaky breath, not even sure that she knew how to answer that simple question. “I… I don’t know, Lexa, I already feel safe with you. I’m just scared that I’m going to mess up or something.”

“So you’re more worried about touching me than the other way around?”

Nodding shyly, the blonde thanked all that was good that Lexa was better at talking about this than she was, or they would never get around to doing anything.

“Well, how about this… if we get to that point tonight, I’ll walk you through making me feel good. But I won’t lie, once you start, it’s not that hard to get the hang of it, and I have every confidence that you’ll be a natural.” Lexa winked at the blonde, squeezing her hands reassuringly.

“Okay… but, what did you mean  _ if _ we get to that point tonight?”

Lexa smiled slyly. “Well, since it’s your first time, I’m going to be very gentle, but I can’t promise that you won’t be tired out by the time I’m done with you.” Blood rushed to Clarke’s face, and Lexa chuckled. “Just make sure that you tell me if anything doesn’t feel good or you want me to stop something or slow down, okay? That way nothing goes where you don’t want it to – literally and conceptually.”

“Okay.”

Their lips slowly joined together, Lexa’s hands releasing Clarke’s and falling back on her waist instead. After only about twenty seconds, Clarke had already begun to forget her worries and stress, and was becoming fully absorbed in this contact with Lexa. It wasn’t until she was being pulled forward slightly did she remember the bed, but she did her best not to get caught up in the newness of all of this.

Lexa turned them around once they were by the bed, and Clarke felt the back of her knees press into the fluffy, white, hotel comforter. Lexa pressed her body against Clarke’s as their tongues molded together in Clarke’s mouth, and then Clarke felt Lexa’s hands sliding up the sides of her dress until they reached where it cut off. Then they dragged against the skin on her upper back until Lexa’s nimble fingers found the zipper. She pulled her lips away a fraction of an inch to inquire, “Can I take this off?”

“Only if you take yours off too,” Clarke replied quickly.

Lexa pulled away somewhat abruptly, looking like she was going to take her own clothes of at record speeds, but she slowed as she gripped the bottom of her blouse and slowly pulled it over her head. With every piece of skin that was exposed, Clarke felt herself getting more and more lost in the beauty of her girlfriend. Once her top was gone, Lexa undid the button of her pants, wiggled her ass to get out of them, and then let them pool around her feet.

Clarke practically gulped, but it was hardly noticeable as Lexa took a step forward, out of her pile of clothes, and rejoined their lips as she slowly unzipped the back of Clarke’s dress. As soon as it was undone, she carefully pushed the straps off of Clarke’s shoulders, and the pale blue material fell somewhere onto the ground. Clarke wouldn’t have known if it had fallen into an abyss, though, because as soon as it left her body, she was being gently pressed backwards onto the bed.

They were atop the blankets and sheets, but the pillows had been placed neatly over them as well, so Clarke’s head pressed into one of the said pillows at the head of the bed. The blankets felt nice against her skin, but Clarke was far more focused on Lexa, who was hovering over her. Their kiss had broken, and Lexa was straddling her center, the palms of her hands resting on Clarke’s flat midsection.

Clarke was staring into Lexa’s green eyes, which were focused boldly on Clarke’s bra-guarded chest for more than few moments. When their gazes finally met, Lexa blushed a little. “Sorry. They’re really nice.”

Summoning the courage to speak, Clarke asked, “My boobs?” Lexa nodded shyly.

“I had a hard time  _ not _ staring at them all the at the beach.”

“Your self-control is admirable,” Clarke teased lightly. Lexa looked back down at Clarke’s chest, and Clarke watched her pupils grow a little in size, which subsequently caused heat to pool in between her thighs. “But you… you can do more than stare at them now.”

Lexa looked back at Clarke’s eyes, and then ducked down to press her lips against the blonde’s pulse point. Clarke’s head titled back of its own accord, giving her girlfriend better access to the skin on her neck. Lexa gently nipped her neck, while her hands dragged up Clarke’s sides, and then wrapped around under the blonde to undo her bra clasp. As soon as it was undone, the bra’s tight hold released in almost an instant, and Clarke sighed at the feeling of her boobs being released.

The bra was gently tugged from the blonde’s body, and then Lexa undid her own bra, tossing it aside into the abyss. When she leaned back down, their breasts were pressed together suddenly, and Clarke gasped in surprise at the feeling. She wasn’t used to all of these feelings hitting her at once, and her body felt foreign to her. Lexa’s right hand gently touched Clarke’s right boob, squeezing softly and eliciting a moan from the blonde.

Lexa giggled, but not at the sound, Clarke realized when Lexa brought her lips to the blonde’s year and murmured, “I really like your boobs.”

“I hope not more than me,” Clarke breathed out, barely able to get words out, since Lexa was now massaging both of her boobs.

“Mm… no, not more than you. They’re a close second and third, though,” Lexa promised with another giggle. She suddenly lowered her body slightly so that her lips were even with Clarke’s breasts, and the blonde was immediately taken aback by the incredible feeling that was Lexa’s tongue against them. Her whole body was basically buzzing, and she was starting to become more and more aware of how it was reacting to Lexa. Her hips, for example, were trying desperately to rock or move or bulk, perhaps all at once, but Lexa’s body was somewhat holding them down. Clarke’s hands had no idea where to go, so one had grabbed the blankets next to her and the other was buried in Lexa’s hair.

And then, when Lexa sucked one of Clarke’s nipples into her mouth, Clarke’s entire body arched up, pushing more of her boob against Lexa face. “Holy shit,” she moaned out, and that seemed to be all Lexa needed for encouragement. Her tongue and teeth played with Clarke’s nipple, sucking it tenderly and occasionally a bit more forcefully.

As Lexa worked with her mouth there, the top of her thigh was inserting itself in between Clarke’s, giving the blonde some sort of relief for a few moments before it only became more teasing.

“Lexa, I love that you love my boobs, but I really need you to touch me,” Clarke heard herself begging.

Lexa’s lips disconnected from Clarke’s breasts, and her face turned upward so that her gaze was focused like a laser beam on Clarke’s face. “How much do you need me to touch you?”

“Fuck,” Clarke breathed out, “like, a  _ lot _ . Please.”

Slowly and teasingly, Lexa adjusted her position so that her lips were back by Clarke’s ear, and she murmured, “Mm, well I’m not one to deny my beautiful girlfriend of what she needs.” Clarke felt every single touch as Lexa’s hand dragged down in between her boobs, across her midsection, and then slid directly under Clarke’s underwear. As soon as Lexa’s fingers pressed against Clarke’s center, she let out a relieved groan. “Fuck, Clarke, you’re so wet.” Lexa’s words were spoken in a moan of her own, and that made Clarke probably even wetter.

The blonde was slowly becoming lost in Lexa’s touch, feeling Lexa’s fingers slowly and gently glide through her folds and inside her. She was incredibly careful, Clarke could tell, but she still upped the intensity as she went. Clarke’s hands were both gripping the blanket, which had bunched under her slightly. Her eyes were squeezed shut, and she wasn’t actually sure whether Lexa’s lips were on her body or not. Her head was pressed back into the pillow under her as Lexa worked her up and up, and her back arched considerably when she felt herself getting closer and closer, and then, all of the sudden, it was like every little feeling she’d had during the entire buildup was felt throughout her body in a single moment, and she cried out loudly as she orgasmed.

“Fuck,” she heard Lexa moan out, her fingers slowing their work inside Clarke. The blonde barely acknowledged the motion or the word as she tried desperately to control her still sporadic breathing. By the time it was calmed, Lexa’s fingers had stopped pumping inside her, and were instead gently pulling out of Clarke and her underwear. “How was that?”

“Do you even have to ask?” Clarke breathed out, becoming aware of the sweat covering her body. “It was amazing.”

“Good,” Lexa hummed happily. She sat up so that she was straddling Clarke again, and raised her fingers up to her mouth. They froze, though, and she frowned a little. “Is it okay? If I taste you?”

Clarke blushed a little and hesitated.

“It’s okay if you say no, Clarke.”

“No, I mean, it’s okay,” Clarke insisted, and Lexa gave her another few seconds to object before sliding her fingers through her lips and into her mouth. The brunette sighed contently through her nose, and then pulled her fingers back out. “Do I taste… okay?”

“You taste awesome,” Lexa promised with a grin. “Do you wanna taste?”

Clarke flushed and shook her head. “I don’t wanna know.” Lexa shrugged, sucking her fingers clean for another moment. In that moment, Clarke looked over Lexa’s naked upper body for the first time, and found herself in awe of her.

“What?”

Clarke wasn’t sure how long she’d been staring when Lexa asked that, but she hoped it wasn’t more than a few seconds. “You’re just really beautiful, and I think I’m like, intoxicated by you.”

“Oh, is that all?” Lexa leaned down to place a light kiss on her lips. “Are you tired?”

“No,” Clarke lied, because even though she was, she knew that a little arousal would wipe away that sleepiness. And despite what Lexa had said, she refused to let her girlfriend go to sleep without being pleasured. “I want you to help me make you feel good.”

Lexa smiled. “Okay, as long as you don’t make fun of me for how wet I am, because watching you come was  _ actually _ the sexiest thing I have ever seen.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m not, it’s true.”

Clarke pressed her hands against Lexa’s thighs, squeezing them slightly and then propelling herself upward. She joined her lips with Lexa’s, using the girl’s thighs to pull her up into a sitting position, Lexa across her lap. Lexa happily kissed her back, but Clarke did her best to keep control of it.

She then did her best to turn them around, and it probably wouldn’t have worked unless Lexa had briefly disconnected their lips in order to lay under Clarke. “This will probably be easier if we take  _ these _ off,” Lexa mumbled, grabbing the edge of Clarke’s underwear and letting it snap back against her skin very lightly. Unspeaking, Clarke wiggled out of her panties and tossed them away before dragging Lexa’s off of her as well. With them now both completely naked, Clarke felt somehow  _ more _ comfortable, and she leaned down to kiss her girlfriend again. A few long seconds later, she separated to just say, “Tell me what to do.”

And thus began their night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There won't be a midweek update this week - you guys are almost caught up to where I've written to, and this week is gonna be me cramming to finish this story so I can start the new one with enough time to write a good chunk of it while finishing this out on here.  
> Quick disclaimer: as many of you know, but probably not all of you, I don't prize myself on my smut scenes. Mine don't get much more graphic/detailed than what you read here, and despite how many I have written at this point for stories, I'm not the most comfortable with it, so if it wasn't up to your standards, I'm sorry :P
> 
> I love you all and I hope you have an amazing week! Follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana !!


	18. Being Close To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spring break continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Happy Sunday night - sorry this is kind of late in the evening actually... I had work until 6 and then I went to my friend's house and we made cookies! :D Sort of funny-ish story at the end notes if you're interested?  
> Enjoy!!xx

Clarke woke up first on Tuesday morning, light burning into her eyes through her eyelids. Upon peeling them open, she realized it was because the light was not only left on, but sun was peeking through the window at the end of the room. It took Clarke a moment to remember where she was and why, but as soon as she felt Lexa move in her sleep a little, it all hit her.

For Clarke’s first night of having sex, Monday night had been really impressive. She refused to admit that she was tired at any given point, and it was at least two hours after starting that she finally passed out. Now, the room smelled of sex and sweat, even still, and the sheets were damp under her.

Rotating herself a little, Clarke saw Lexa sprawled out on the side of the bed next to her, sleeping soundly. Her dark hair was splayed out across the pillow around her, and its adorable messiness got her to smile.

Then she became aware of something else – how badly she needed to pee. She left the bed as carefully as possible so as to not wake her girlfriend, and slipped into the bathroom. Afterward, she turned the light in the room off, letting only the natural light infiltrate the room. Curious, she looked around the room a bit more intently than before, and saw two suitcases resting against the wall. One of them was easily identifiable as Lexa’s, because she recognized some of the clothing hanging out of it. Feeling a bit brave, Clarke crouched by the suitcase and dug through the clothes. She found a blue and black plaid flannel that she also recognized from Facetiming Lexa, and slid it onto her body.

There was something so familiar and yet so new and empowering about putting Lexa’s clothes on.

She buttoned just one button of the flannel – the one right in between her breasts. Then she went back into the bathroom to find a brush to brush through her slightly tangled hair. She rinsed her mouth out a few times, too, since she was without a toothbrush. A few minutes later, she exited back into the room, but Lexa was awake now, sitting up and stretching her arms up over her head. When her gaze caught on Clarke, she let out happy sigh.

“Wow, I could really get used to you wearing my clothes,” she said, “especially if you’re gonna wear them like that. It’s  _ hot _ .”

“You’re hot,” Clarke muttered back shyly, stopping and leaning against the wall of the hotel room. Lexa’s flannel tugged to the side a bit, so Clarke was pretty sure that the brunette had a clear view of one of her boobs. Standing there, she also became aware of the fact that she was not wearing underwear. It made her blush, but Lexa was actually only staring at her eyes.

“Are you gonna come back to bed? Or are you gonna make me get up and get  _ dressed _ ?” Her face twisted up in an expression that made it seemed like wearing clothes was disgusting. Clarke chuckled, pushing off of the wall and walking toward her girlfriend, whose legs were under the sheets. At some point during the night, the comforter had fallen onto the floor, leaving just the sheets and some of the pillows. “I kind of wish I’d woken up before you, so I could know what it feels like to wake up next to you.”

The way Lexa said it made Clarke kind of sad as she realized how few opportunities there would be like this. And now that she knew what it was like to have Lexa with her… she had no idea how she would make it without her presence. However, instead of voicing these thoughts, she just promised Lexa, “It was great.”

Lexa rolled her eyes and Clarke sat her bare legs and ass back onto the bed, sitting up and crossing her legs so that she was facing her girlfriend. “I guess I’ll take your word for it.” Lexa reached out to place her hands on Clarke’s legs, gently tugging as though she could move the blonde with such little force. Laughing lightly, Clarke allowed Lexa to guide her into whatever position she was trying to gain, and it resulted in the blonde straddling Lexa’s lap. She draped her arms over Lexa’s shoulders, and Lexa’s hands settled contently over Clarke’s thighs. “So what was the plan for today?”

“I’m sure there was one, but I can’t really remember it, and I don’t know that I really care,” Clarke admitted. “I just want to be with you all day.”

“If that’s what you want,” Lexa agreed with a wink, but seriousness washed over her face for a moment after that. “I love being close to you.”

“I can tell,” Clarke murmured teasingly, before leaning forward to take Lexa’s lips in a kiss. Lexa’s hands rose to tangle into blonde locks. When the kiss broke a few moments later, Lexa dropped her hands again to rest on Clarke’s lower back.

“So I take it you had a good night?”

“Yeah, that’s a bit of an understatement.”

“I didn’t hurt you or anything?”

Clarke shook her head. “Nope. It was perfect.”

The bright smile on Lexa’s face absolutely warmed her heart, and she felt herself melting into a puddle. Lexa could do that to her so easily, but Clarke wasn’t sure what it meant. She knew that she had strong feelings for the brunette, but to what extent? And how soon was too soon to  _ know _ , even if she didn’t for sure? “What are you thinking about?”

“Just you,” Clarke answered softly.

“You don’t have to think all inside your head, I’m right in front of you now.”

“Oh trust me, I know that.”

Suddenly, an intense vibrating against the nightstand broke them out of their reverie, and Lexa sighed, glancing over at her phone. It was clearly a phone call ringing the device, but now that Clarke was comfortable, she wasn’t about to get off her girlfriend. Instead, she leaned over herself to grab it, and then she glanced at the name showing. “It’s Raven.”

“Oh fuck her, hang up,” Lexa insisted, but Clarke slid to answer anyway, bringing it up to her ear.

“Lexa’s phone.”

“You didn’t kill her, did you? I’ve been texting her for hours.”

“No, she’s alive and well,” Clarke promised. “She doesn’t wanna talk to you, though.”

“Well she better, because I was nice enough to let you two use our room – my sleeping space – and if you guys don’t evacuate said space soon, I’ll be letting myself in,” Raven said with a huff.

“You got to sleep in a bed without anyone else in it last night, you really shouldn’t be complaining,” Clarke said halfheartedly. “How long before you come busting in?”

“Well, I’m currently pigging out at your hotel’s lovely complimentary breakfast with Octavia, so I’d give it twenty minutes tops,” Raven stated flatly. “At least be dressed by then.”

Clarke flushed, but Raven hung up before she could say anything else. She then resumed eye contact with her girlfriend, who was raising an amused eyebrow. “She wants us to put clothes on in the next twenty minutes.”

“Oh. Well. That doesn’t seem like  _ too _ hard of a task.”

Rolling her eyes, Clarke leaned back a little. “We should probably shower too. If the room is gonna be smelling like sex, the least we could do is make sure that  _ we _ don’t smell like sex.”

“But you smell so good,” Lexa protested lamely, leaning forward to press her lips to Clarke’s pulse point. Her tongue darted out and dragged across her neck, causing Clarke to let out a pleasant sigh, though the feeling did tickle a little. “You taste good too.”

“Alright, but they’re going to be here in twenty minutes, and they don’t need to know what I smell like after having sex with you.”

Lexa recoiled reluctantly. “Okay, fine, we’ll shower.”

Clarke lifted her eyebrows a little. “Not together.”

“What? Why  _ not _ ?”

“Because we won’t be done in twenty minutes if we shower together.”

“Nothing has to  _ happen _ while we’re in the shower together.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, and she climbed off of Lexa’s thighs. Despite her insistence, she did instantly miss the close proximity. “I’ll shower first, it’ll be quick. Is there free shampoo in there?”

“Yeah, but don’t use it,” Lexa said, “use the one in the pink bottle – it’s mine.”

“Why?”

Lexa grinned innocently. “Because I’m possessive and I want you to smell like me.”

“Fine you weirdo.”

* * *

 

“We’re coming in!” Raven’s voice called through the door before the lock could be heard and it slowly opened. Clarke had gone through the effort of making the bed again, but the sheets and blanket were obviously the same ones from the night before. She’d opened the curtains fully and cleaned up the mess of clothes on the ground, before stealing some black leggings from Lexa’s suitcase and putting her own bra on under the flannel she’d already stolen from her girlfriend.

Raven and Octavia came into the room looking relieved to see Clarke fully clothed, sitting on the edge of the bed with her phone in her hands. The device was nearly dead, so she wasn’t quite sure what to pretend like she’d been doing on it to make it seem like she hadn’t been straightening up frantically. “Lexa’s in the shower.”

“Mm, I’m surprised she didn’t drag you in there with her,” Raven said, and Octavia smirked.

Blushing, Clarke replied, “I already showered, thank you very much.”

“Yeah, like five minutes ago. Your hair's still wet,” Octavia pointed out, just as the sound of the shower going in the bathroom stopped.

“You look kind of cute in Lexa’s clothes, not gonna lie.” Raven strolled into the room fully now, and Octavia closed the door behind the two of them. Stretching her arms above her head, the Latina wondered, “How badly did you violate my sleeping space?”

“If you want it back tonight, you’re gonna wanna get some new sheets,” Lexa replied, suddenly emerging from the bathroom wrapped in only a towel. Clarke’s pupils broadened slightly at seeing her girlfriend with wet hair and water glistening on her skin still. She went to her suitcase to obtain the clothes she had definitely forgotten to take into the bathroom with her.

“ _ If _ I want it back?” Raven asked with a slight groan, but Octavia just looked to Clarke with an excited and suggestive grin. The blonde knew that as soon as she was alone with her best friend, she would be forced to dish everything.

“Oh sorry, let me rephrase. If  _ Clarke _ wants to let you have it back.”

“Um,  _ I’m _ paying for this room.”

“Yeah, and their room is probably more expensive than this one, so what’s the big deal?” Lexa asked with an eyeroll, finally picking out her outfit. Raven seemed to let that sink in for a second, and she gave up arguing.

Instead, she just muttered, “You are so whipped, Woods.”

“I am not!”

Octavia snickered, leaning against the wall. She flashed Clarke a look that made the blonde blush. “Sure you aren’t,” Raven was saying.

“Shut up, Reyes.” Lexa disappeared back into the bathroom.

Octavia laughed lightly. “She’s a bit snappy this morning.”

“Yeah, well, Raven made her get dressed and I made her shower, so she’s not happy,” Clarke said lightly.

“How does it feel to have lost that V Card?” Raven asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

Blushing again, Clarke ran her fingers through her hair. “Shut up, I’m not talking about this to you.”

Octavia lifted an eyebrow. “Alright, but we’re talking about this later.”

Raven feigned offense. “You’ll talk to  _ her _ about it, but not  _ me _ ?”

“Shut up, I didn’t say I was talking to anyone about anything,” Clarke huffed out.

“Alright, whatever, but you have to at least let me in on the secret to getting Lexa this whipped. Seriously. It’s a never before seen phenomenon.”

“Leave her alone,” Clarke demanded playfully, standing up from the bed.

“As much as I hate how couple-y you guys are being now that you are in each other’s physical presence and what not, I’ve gotta say that you are honestly the best girl Lexa has ever dated. Sierra was alright, but she made like, an incredibly pathetic effort to seem like she cared at all to be friends with me, too. And like, I honestly wouldn’t have minded if she’d just said that she didn’t care to try and be friends, it was just that she pretended to care and it was painfully obvious. At least you and I can get along.”

Clarke laughed. “I talked to you before I talked to Lexa.”

“Yeah, for two days. And then you took her side on  _ everything _ . You know, you’ve actually been almost as gross and couple-y as you are now since you first started talking.”

Octavia let out a sigh suddenly. “Man, I wish I had experienced the development of this relationship.”

“Sorry, preppy, you just weren’t cool enough to be included.”

“Shut up.”

The bathroom door swung open again, and Lexa came out in shorts and a crop top. “So, what are the plans for today?”

“As per Clarke’s suggestion, we’re gonna explore the city. I have a list of famous people’s stars I need pictures next to,” Octavia explained. “Maybe we can meet Ellen or some shit.”

“Did you say Ellen because you’re surrounded by three people who are gay or part gay?” Raven asked.

Octavia’s face turned a slight shade of red. “No, she was just the first person I thought of.”

* * *

 

Octavia took responsibility of driving the group of them around, which Lexa was relieved about. She didn’t want Raven to drive for obvious reasons, and she wasn’t feeling like dealing with traffic either. Strangely, Octavia seemed to have no issue driving through the LA traffic. Raven took shotgun, and Clarke and Lexa were both in the back of the car.

Lexa found herself lightening up once they’d stopped by a Starbucks to get coffee and breakfast for her and Clarke. She knew that it wasn’t really fair for her to be upset about having her time with Clarke interrupted, because it was Octavia’s and Raven’s spring break as well, and neither of them had come to hang out with each other.

Their day was actually a rather enjoyable one as well, because once they’d found a place to pay for parking for a while, they ended up walking around Hollywood and getting lunch at the Hard Rock Café. Lexa got to know Octavia a little better, which she was glad about, because it was pretty obvious that Clarke, Lexa and Raven had their own sort of dynamic that Octavia was not used to fitting into.

However, Octavia didn’t seem very bothered by that, which was why she was able to slowly get more and more comfortable in the group as a whole. And once things felt fairly normal with the four of them interacting, when they’d stopped in a clothing store per Raven’s request, Clarke’s best friend somehow got Lexa separated from Raven and Clarke, and the green eyed brunette knew that she was about to get the best friend speech.

She wondered if Raven gave Clarke one of those speeches.

“So, hey,” Octavia started casually, “You and I both know that last night was Clarke’s first time with literally anyone, and I’ve only known you for two days, so I’m not about to think that I know you at all. Obviously, Clarke does, though, and she trusts you… and honestly, I just kind of want to thank you.”

“Thank me?”

“Yeah. Clarke’s never been this happy before. I… well, I guess I didn’t notice it over the past few weeks because mostly she was just being spacey and distant, but now that I  _ know _ what’s going on, I see it. And I know that’s because of you.”

Lexa felt a smile growing over her lips. “It’s not just me, Octavia. She’s really happy that you know. She’s been stressing about it  _ forever _ . Keeping her sexuality secret from you absolutely tore her up, but she was scared you’d think of her differently.”

Octavia sighed. “I know, I’m glad she told me, though. She’s my best friend, you know?” Lexa nodded. “Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for making her happy. And I know you live a few hours away from us but I really hope you guys can meet up again after this, because it meant everything to Clarke.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that,” Lexa insisted, smiling at her girlfriend’s best friend. “And trust me, after this week, something’s going to have to happen so that we can see each other more often, it’s too surreal. I want it to just be  _ real _ , you know?”

“You’re good for her, Lexa,” Octavia said in approval.

“Oh, there you guys are,” Clarke was saying suddenly. “Raven’s in the dressing room demanding that someone rate whatever she just put on and I really don’t think I’m qualified.”

Octavia chuckled, turning to head in that direction, and Lexa followed, grabbing Clarke’s hand. “I think you dress fine.”

“That’s because seventy-five percent of the time that I’m not wearing a school uniform, Octavia dresses me.”

“It’s true,” Octavia called back.

* * *

 

“We’ll take the checks, please,” Raven was saying to their waiter while Octavia was relaxing back into her chair, groaning with how full she was. Clarke was not nearly as full, because Lexa had been somehow giving her so many butterflies that eating too much food seemed like the wrong idea. Lexa hadn’t eaten as much either.

Their dinner had been nice, though, at a restaurant near the beach and also the hotels. They’d actually brought Octavia’s car back to the hotel and walked the distance to the restaurant so that they weren’t tempted to go anywhere far so late at night. It was past ten by the time they finally got the check, and their day had been such a busy one.

“So, what are we doing now?” Raven asked the group.

Octavia scoffed. “Um,  _ sleeping _ . We have Disney tomorrow, which means we are waking up early so we can get there when it opens.”

“Which is when?”

“Eight in the morning!”

Lexa groaned. “That’s so early.”

“Hey,” Clarke snapped playfully, “you’re getting tickets to Disney, no complaining.” Lexa’s green eyes rolled in fake annoyance, a smile peeking at her lips.

“Okay so the logical thing would then have the  _ couple _ not share a room tonight then?” Raven asked.

“Hey, hey,” Lexa argued quickly. “There’s absolutely no logic in that.”

“Of course there is. You two are never going to wake up that early if left to your own devices.”

“Neither will you!” Lexa huffed. “The  _ logical _ thing is that Octavia wakes you up early and you two come wake us up, and at that point, Clarke will probably be the responsible one who makes me get up.”

Clarke chuckled. “Lexa makes a valid point.”

“Plus, you have a room key, you could easily come inside and forcibly get us up.”

“While you two are lying all naked and exposed on the bed? Yeah, no thanks,” Raven huffed.

“Okay, so it’s settled,” Octavia said, “Raven and I will call you when we leave to come get you, and then you’ve got like half an hour tops.”

“Yes!” Lexa cheered.

The waiter delivered their checks, and Raven kept muttering about the sleeping arrangement as she paid hers.

Clarke was just excited to have another night with Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the funny-ish story...  
> I have this one friend who also is a lesbian and she and I have like slowly become a lot better friends than we used to be, and when we used to just talk like once a day people always thought were dating and we were like??? no??? but now we hang out a lot and we talk all the time bUT LIKE it's still all friendly and like??? everyone always thinks we're dating???? we baked cookies together today and I snapchatted some of it and so many people are like "are you guys dating" and I'm like aghhh noooo?!?!  
> Does anyone else have this kind of problem? XD  
> I love you all, I hope you all have a great week!! xx


	19. Keep It PG

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disney!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves! Happy Sunday!  
> Story time in the bottom note?  
> Enjoy!!xx

Clarke’s chest was rising and falling rapidly as Lexa let her whole weight relax onto her. “Lexa,” Clarke grunted uncomfortably, barely getting the word out through quick and uneven breaths left over from her orgasm. It was about midnight at this point, and Clarke knew that they _should_ sleep, but even now, she didn’t want to. When Lexa didn’t move, Clarke whined, “Get off.”

“No,” Lexa mumbled tiredly, burying her face into Clarke’s boobs, causing the blonde to giggle despite herself.

“But you’re heavy.”

“That is not something you should say to your girlfriend,” Lexa mumbled into Clarke’s cleavage, which tickled the blonde’s skin. “Take it back.”

The truth was, heavy or not, having Lexa lay on top of her was actually somehow pretty soothing. “You’re light as a feather.”

“Better.” Clarke’s boobs vibrated slightly at the sound, and she giggled.

“What are you doing?”

“I like them.” Lexa began pressing feathery kisses to the inside of Clarke’s boobs. “They’re soft and comfy.”

Clarke’s face was bright red as she laughed. “Oh my gosh, Lexa, they aren’t _that_ great.”

Lexa pulled her face up to look up at Clarke directly. “Babe, I’m sorry, but you have seen fewer boobs than I have. Yours are _actually_ great. Okay? You can’t argue. Plus, didn’t Octavia make you buy some shirt a while back because it was low cut and she said you have nice boobs? See? It’s not just me who thinks so.”

“I don’t know…”

“Clarke, stop arguing. I’m right. There’s no other option.”

Still blushing, Clarke sighed. “Okay, whatever. Come kiss me up here, though.” Lexa obliged, scooting upward and pressing her lips to Clarke’s. “Mm…” Just as the kiss was heating up, Clarke gently pulled her face downward, breaking the lip lock. “We really should go to sleep.”

Lexa’s expression immediately dropped. “ _No_ …”

“But I wanna be _awake_ for Disney tomorrow. And remember, you can’t complain about Disney because I’m buying your ticket and you get to go with _me_.”

“Fine, but I have a single request for honoring _your_ request that we go to sleep.”

“Okay, what’s that?”

“You have to spend at least one more night with me. At _least_. Just to sleep if you’re tired or… it doesn’t matter, I just… I’m going to miss sleeping next to you, and I want as much of it as you’ll let me,” Lexa trailed off, sounding more and more insecure the further into the request she got.

“Of course, Lexa,” Clarke promised. “Now let’s go to sleep, okay? Don’t get sad on me yet, we still have like four days.”

Lexa clambered off the bed suddenly and turned the light off, which Clarke hadn’t even realized was on in the first place – she’d been too distracted by their activities – and then climbed back under the blankets. After a moment of silence, the brunette murmured, “Can I… or can you… um…”

“What?” It was actually pretty surprising to hear Lexa sounding more nervous about something than Clarke was.

“Can I be your little spoon?” Lexa asked quietly.

Clarke felt her heart warm and beat quite a few paces faster at hearing the question. “Why are you asking that like you think I’d say no?”

“I don’t know. I’ve always been the big spoon in the past but sometimes I just wanna be a little spoon, you know?”

“Aww,” Clarke cooed playfully, turning onto her side and letting her arm wrap around Lexa’s waist suddenly, pulling the brunette up against her front. “Of course you can be my little spoon.”

“Thanks.” About ten minutes passed, and Clarke was nearly asleep that when she heard a tiny voice asked, “Clarke?” she thought she was dreaming. As a result, she said nothing in response, allowing herself to fall deeper into sleep, but her supposed dream voice said one last thing before she was completely out. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

* * *

“What the fuck is that noise?” Lexa’s voice growled as Clarke came to, realizing that a phone – her phone – was blaring from where she’d thankfully remembered to plug it in the night before.

“Phone,” Clarke muttered in response. “Rae and O. We gotta get up.”

“Fuck no,” Lexa huffed, and Clarke felt her girlfriend’s hand lock over her own, holding herself in her spot as the little spoon. They somehow hadn’t moved at all in their sleep. “As my girlfriend, you’re required to stay here and hold me.”

“As the responsible one in this relationship, I’m required to get your cute ass out of bed,” Clarke argued, pressing a gentle kiss to Lexa’s neck through her hair and then tugging away.

“You think I have a cute ass?” Lexa asked, turning onto her back as Clarke got out of bed.

“I think everything about you is cute. Especially how mushy and clingy you are.”

Lexa flushed. “I am _not_ clingy!” Clarke just smirked and grabbed her phone, answering the call.

“We’re up, we’re getting ready to go, chill out,” Clarke said, before anyone said anything.

“Clarke?” The response was from Clarke’s dad.

“Oh shit. Hey, dad.”

Lexa raised both of her eyebrows at the blonde at that. “Hey, kiddo. Who did you think I was? And who’s _we_? Aren’t you just with Octavia? Who would be calling you about you and Octavia being up?”

“No, we, um. Some of Octavia’s friends are staying nearby, we’re meeting up with them today at Disney. They were supposed to be calling us to make sure we were up,” Clarke lied quickly. “Sorry, I figured you were them. I just woke up. Was there a reason you’re calling so early?”

“You know, I didn’t even look at the time when I called. Your mom and I slept all afternoon after working almost twenty-four hours shifts, and when I woke up I just thought I should call you and check up on you. I assume everything’s going okay?” As Clarke’s dad spoke, Lexa dragged herself off of the bed and went over to her suitcase, grabbing out some clothes and then slipping into the bathroom.

“Yep, everything is going great. Like I said, we’re going to Disney today. It’s going to be awesome,” Clarke said quickly, and suddenly her phone beeped to indicate another phone call. “But hey, I have to start getting ready. O’s friends are calling now.”

“Right, of course. Well, I’ll call you again tomorrow. Have a good day, stay safe, don’t talk to strangers!” The last part was said as a joke, but Clarke wondered what her dad would think of the fact that she had met up with two girls she’d met online only beforehand. “Love you, kiddo.”

“Love you dad, bye.” Clarke quickly hit the button to switch over to a call with Octavia. “We’re up, we’re getting ready.”

“Wow, that was easy. Did you like, not sleep?”

“My dad called to check in,” Clarke replied. “How long till you’re here?”

“Twenty minutes,” Octavia replied. “I hope you’re ready quick!” The line ended there, and Clarke rolled her eyes. Setting the device back down on the nightstand, she surveyed the room only to remember that her clothes were all at the other hotel room still. She only had Octavia’s dress and her borrowed clothes here.

Sighing, she went to Lexa’s suitcase and dug around it.

She also briefly wondered where Raven was pulling her supply of clothes from.

When she finally found shorts and a neutral tank top to wear, the water from the shower finally began making noise, and Clarke knew that she wasn’t going to have time to get ready. Glancing back at the bathroom, she hummed thoughtfully and then, Lexa’s clothes bunched up in her hand, she went over to the door. She was somewhat surprised when the handle turned without resistance – Lexa hadn’t locked it.

The night before, when they’d gotten back to the hotel, they’d gotten an extra toothbrush and small thing of toothpaste from the staff there – apparently hotels just had extra supplies of those things – and so Clarke would have no issue getting cleaned up. Of course, she’d have to steal Lexa’s makeup again, but at least she wasn’t accustomed to doing much makeup in the first place.

First thing was first, though, she needed to take a shower. Setting her clothing down on the bathroom counter, the blonde breathed deeply through her nostrils and took a step toward the shower, which was separated from the rest of the room by a curtain. As she gently gripped said curtain, she asked softly, “There room for two in there?”

She hadn’t pulled it back yet, but was surprised when it seemed to pull itself, only to reveal Lexa looking at her with a bright smile. “Yes, there is.”

Clarke stepped into the small space, allowing the hot water to spray all over her. “I’m only in here because we’re short on time. No funny business.”

“Of course not,” Lexa promised, though she leaned forward to place a quick kiss on her girlfriend’s lips. “You better start washing up quick, though, before I get distracted by your boobs.”

“Shut up about my boobs, oh my god.”

“Never.”

* * *

“Why does Disney have literally the world’s biggest fucking parking lots in the world?” Lexa demanded. Her hand was intertwined with Clarke’s, but the blonde was a few paces in front of her, practically dragging her across said parking lot. Raven and Octavia were walking on either side of them. “I’m already exhausted.”

“Oh my god, Lexa, you’re a dancer,” Raven exclaimed with exasperation. “The only one who should be more fit than you here is Octavia, but both Clarke and I are actually more energized.”

“I’m just sleep deprived,” Lexa muttered.

“You slept last night,” Clarke argued, and Lexa hushed her quickly, causing Raven to laugh evilly.

“She’s on my side now!”

“I think she’s just on the Disney side. I don’t know how you aren’t more excited, Lexa.” Octavia looked at the other brunette with concern. “It actually worries me that you aren’t.”

“I know that neither of you have been blessed enough to experience sex with Clarke, but it _actually_ beats Disneyland.”

Clarke flushed. “Shut up! No sex beats Disneyland.”

“You’d give up sex forever in exchange for Disneyland like once a year max?”

“Does… that include other Disney locations?”

“If you have to ask that, it means the answer is no.”

“You two are actually ridiculous,” Octavia huffed. “And anyway, Lexa, not to be rude, but sex is subjective. I don’t think that I would exchange Disney for Clarke sex.”

“Oh my god, please never give me that image ever again,” Clarke groaned.

Octavia feigned hurt. “Sex with me grosses you out?”

“Are you kidding? It’d be like fucking my sister or something,” Clarke said with a gag.

“Oh god, now I’m picturing fucking Bellamy and that’s _actually_ disgusting.”

“Who’s Bellamy?”

“Octavia’s brother. He’s in college.”

“Yeah, that’s disgusting.”

* * *

That day of Disneyland was possibly Clarke’s favorite day of her entire life.

It started off a little stressful – getting to the park and waiting in line to enter, and dragging Lexa along as well. But once they were inside the park, Lexa was a little more willing, and they started off their day getting a breakfast off of the main street that ran up to the castle. After that, Octavia practically ran them to space mountain to get a fast pass for it that required them to be back between noon and one.

Then it was off to wait in lines.

At first, Clarke thought that the day was going to be exceptionally long because of that, but the lines ended up being not at all stressful. It helped that they were going on a Wednesday and that there seemed to be fewer people than who probably came on weekends and holidays. But also, standing in lines with friends – and Lexa – made it much more enjoyable.

In fact, the longest line they waited in was for Thunder Mountain, and they decided to play a free, rip-off version of Heads Up while waiting.

The game had been pretty priceless.

“Let’s do the Disney category for shits and giggles,” Raven suggested, hitting the button and holding the phone up to her forehead. It counted down from three.

“Oh, oh!” Lexa exclaimed as _Belle_ came up on the phone. “You had a crush on this princess _so_ hard.”

“Belle!”

“Really, your princess crush was Belle?” Octavia asked.

“Shh,” Clarke hushed her as the next name came up.

 _Mushu_.

“Oh! Little dragon from Mulan!” Clarke exclaimed.

“Mushu!”

Octavia and Lexa nodded vigorously as Clarke sighed, “I fucking love that movie.”

“Mulan was _Clarke’s_ Disney princess crush.”

_Donald Duck._

“Oh, he’s a duck, he talks all weird,” Octavia said.

“Daffy?”

“Raven!” Lexa exclaimed. “That’s a whole different – no! That’s Loony Toons!”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “He’s white, like, wears blue?”

“Shit, Donald!”

“Yes, yes!”

 _Elsa_.

Immediately, all three girls broke out into _Let It Go_ , and Raven stared at them blankly for a few seconds before she practically yelled, “Oh! Elsa!”

“Yes!”

_Time’s Up!_

“How did we only get through four?” Octavia demanded. “That was like, no time!”

Raven scoffed. “You guys kept fucking talking!”

“We probably should stop dropping the f bomb,” Lexa said with a concerned look, “there are like, kids around.”

Clarke opened her mouth in an O shape, realizing that Lexa was right. “Oh yeah, crap.”

“Wow, Lexa being responsible?” Raven said with a gasp. “Clarke! What have you done with my best friend?”

“Shut up,” Lexa muttered, as Clarke wrapped her arms around the brunette’s waist and pressed her lips to Lexa’s cheek.

“I think you’re cute.”

Lexa blushed, causing Raven to crack up as though it was the funniest thing she’d ever seen. “I’m not cute,” Lexa muttered.

“Mmhmm, you are.”

Octavia cooed fondly. “Aw, they’re so adorable.”

“It’s gross.”

“It’s not,” Octavia argued, and Clarke giggled, reaching her hand up to turn Lexa’s face toward hers. Lexa didn’t hesitate before joining their lips in a kiss. After a handful of seconds, Raven snapping next to their faces broke them apart.

“Hey honeys, this isn't a Big Red commercial!” Raven exclaimed.

Lexa looked to her best friend with a smirk. “That’s a Santana quote.”

Now it was Raven’s turn to flush somewhat with embarrassment. “No, it’s my sassy comment, and that’s all the world needs to think it is.”

“Santana, like from Glee?” Clarke asked with a tilt of her head.

“Oh,” Octavia said in recognition, “that’s the show where they sing a lot, right?”

Lexa sighed painfully. “I’m not going to explain Glee to either of you. It’s just – I can’t.”

“It’s sacred,” Raven stated factually. “People who haven’t seen it just _can’t_ be included. Like, either watch it or accept that you’re going to be excluded from Glee conversations.”

“Not that they occur often,” Lexa said with an eyeroll. “I mean, it was a great show, but it ended a while ago. I’m pretty sure when Raven’s sad she still rewatches it on Netflix, though.”

“You have no proof.”

At that point, they’d reached the front of the line, and their conversation broke off.

Rollercoasters, as it turned out, were not Lexa’s favorite thing in the world. Clarke was endlessly amused by this, because the brunette would constantly insist on holding Clarke’s hand, and she screamed louder than anyone else. Still, she wasn’t opposed to riding them. It was actually pretty funny.

When they went back to Space Mountain – which was easily Octavia’s and Clarke’s favorite ride – Lexa was a bit more okay with it. There, you could really see how far off the ground you were. They went through the fast pass line and were on the ride in minutes, and it was easily the best ride of the day.

After that, they got lunch at some burger place and then bought Mickey Mouse shaped ice creams, because there was really no way to go to Disneyland without doing that. The sun beating down on them by that point, so they made their way across the park to Splash Mountain. The line there was fairly long because of the heat, but it wasn’t more than twenty minutes before they were in the little boat. Clarke sat behind Lexa, and when the ride was going up the steep incline, she kept poking her girlfriend in the side, causing her to jump or squeak uncharacteristically.

They got soaked and then when they climbed off of the ride, Lexa started coming after Clarke, threatening some sort of revenge. Clarke squealed and bolted out of the ride area, and heard Lexa’s feet pounding on the ground after her. When she ended up back out on the walkway through the park, she came to an abrupt stop in order to keep from running into innocent passersby, and as a result, Lexa caught her. The brunettes arms wrapped around her midsection, and she playfully brought her lips to the side of Clarke’s neck, pretending to bite her there.

“What are you, a vampire?” Clarke muttered shyly, pushing the brunette off of her.

“You kept scaring me on the ride,” Lexa whined, grabbing Clarke’s hands once she was no longer grabbing her waist.

“It’s not my fault that you’re so easy to scare.” Lexa pouted, and Clarke’s heart absolutely melted. “Stop that.” Lexa kept it up. “Ugh, _Lexa_.” Clarke gave in, closing the distance between them with a sweet kiss. When she started to pull away, the brunette followed and bit down gently on Clarke’s bottom lip.

“Whoa, whoa, Lexa!” Raven’s voice called suddenly. “Keep it PG! Jesus. This is a family friendly place – the happiest place on earth – and you’re spoiling it for me.”

“Oh shut up, Raven.”

They did a few more rides after that, including It’s A Small World, the Haunted Mansion, and the teacups. Then they briefly shopped around the giftshops, and each ended up buying stud earrings that somewhat matched. They were all little gems shaped like Mickey Mouse ears, but each of them got a different color. Clarke got blue, Lexa got green, Octavia got purple and Raven got red.

Clarke thought it was a nice sentiment.

After that, they forwent exploring the rest of the park and instead walked from the park entrance to Downtown Disney and explored that area. That’s where they found something to eat for dinner, and as it got dark out, the street lit up pleasantly.

Mostly, they just strolled around it and talked – a lot of their conversation was the sharing of Disney stories from they were little. They also discussed their Disney princess crushes in more detail – even Octavia had a lot to offer up about her princess crush, even though, as she reminded everyone, she was _definitely_ straight. Clarke found out that Lexa’s favorite princess had been the cliché of Cinderella, although the brunette secretly had always wanted a crossover with Cinderella and Beauty and The Beast, and she’d shipped Cinderella and Belle really hard. Clarke found that rather amusing, but Raven insisted that she had claimed Belle already.

Octavia went on to extensively explain her own princess choice of crush – Jasmine. She had a _lot_ to say about it, and since Clarke had already heard the spiel, she mostly ignored her friend and focused on the feeling of Lexa’s hand in her. In fact, she probably distracted her girlfriend quite a bit by playing with her fingers and stroking her thumb over her hand.

It was getting pretty late when they started the trek back to the car, and by the time they got there and Lexa volunteered to drive them back to the hotel, Clarke was so tired that she collapsed on Octavia’s lap and fell straight to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Yes, I kind of forgot about Bellamy in this story and well, I guess he exists off in college somewhere.  
> 2\. Yes, I directly referenced a scene in Glee for no other reason than I can.  
> Story time? Story time.  
> So I had prom on Friday night!! It was... interesting haha. Really awesome, yes, but interesting... So we were supposed to go to Main Event after school (we got out really early), but it was closed for a private event so we went to Incredible Pizza. Me and my friend won a bunch of tickets and we traded them in for lots of candy lol. Then we went to my friend's house to get ready and I actually painted my nails for once woo lol. Then we went to take pics, but we at the last minute decided to change where we were doing that so we ended up at this little park by my house, but the pics ended up super nice! Then we went to dinner, and I was so hungry but once I started eating I didn't feel the greatest. And at the beginning of dinner one of my friends had gone to the bathroom and been sick and so I was like oh shit and I went to the bathroom and got sick and I was like REALLY?! ON PROM NIGHT? But we figure it was food poisoning from Incredible Pizza, because after that I felt fine. So we went to prom and we danced a little, took a pic together at their fancy backdrop thing, talked to friends, took lots of pic, and it was fun. Then we went to my friend's house again with the intention of watching movies all night, but I passed out like the second I was on the couch. But all Saturday morning once we were awake, I turned on Glee and we watched like 6 episodes and now my friend actually agreed to watch more and I'm hyped lol.  
> So yeah, it was pretty freaking crazy, but it was so fun anyway and I'm really happy I went haha :D I'll post some pics on Twitter if anyone is curious about my dress - it was blue and long and sparkly and I love it haha.  
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! We're down to the last... maybe 6? We'll see, I'm not exactly done with it yet!  
> Have a lovely week!


	20. Well, A Few...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of spring break - Raven and Octavia have a friendly competition and Clexa is along for the ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves!! Sorry this is up so late! I got my graduation present today (graduation is on Thursday), which was a PS4!! Ahh! I've been playing Horizon Zero Dawn for the past hour and a half and I can barely tear myself away from it, it's so good. But of course, it's Sunday, so it's update day :D
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“You know what, Raven,” Octavia said strongly, sitting up on the beach towel she’d been sprawled out on, “ _we_ should find some people to hook up with tonight.”

“We’re staying in the same room,” Raven stated flatly, staring straight up at the sky still.

Octavia hummed thoughtfully. “Well, I could go to some guy’s place. I’m a big girl.”

Clarke scoffed, looking over at her best friend. “As long as he’s not over eighteen and we have to have his phone number in case he tries to kill you. I’m not letting you sleep over at a random guy’s house in LA unless those conditions are met.”

“Fine, _mom_ ,” Octavia huffed.

Raven smirked. “We could just have a threesome.”

Now Lexa scoffed, sitting up as well and stretching her arms over her head. “Are you kidding, Raven? Octavia likes boys, and you gag at the sight of a dick.”

“Maybe Octavia wants to experiment.”

Octavia cringed. “No. I don’t want that.”

“Yet another image I really never wanted in my mind,” Clarke muttered. “Whatever, you guys do whatever. I know who _I’m_ spending the night with.”

Lexa grinned, leaning over to peck Clarke’s lips. They heard Raven gag, and that just inspired Clarke to lean forward and capture Lexa’s lips again in a deeper kiss. “I seriously hate this,” the Latina muttered to Octavia, who just laughed brightly. When Clarke and Lexa finally separated, Raven cleared her throat loudly. “ _Anyway_.”

“I’m serious, though,” Octavia started, “I wanna hook up with someone for spring break. Help me pick a guy.”

Raven scoffed. “Yeah, I can’t help you there.”

“ _Clarke_ ,” Octavia whined, looking to her best friend with wide eyes. “As the only other person here who can genuinely find guys attractive, please help me pick someone.”

Lexa cringed and Raven’s face lit up. “Ooh, this should be interesting.” Clarke flushed, rolling her eyes and glancing around the beach. There were plenty of people around, but most of them seemed very touristy. However, there were some guys and girls tossing a volleyball around further up the beach, and they seemed like people who must live in the area.

“One of them – they probably live here.”

Octavia followed her gaze. “Ooh, that one with the long hair is hot.” Clarke located the one she was talking about and frowned.

“Um, no.”

“What do you mean no?”

“I mean no, look at him.” The guy was wearing a smug look as he said something to one of the girls in the group. “He’s either an asshole, or he’s taken, so no.”

“Since when is Clarke an expert on boys?” Raven wondered aloud.

Clarke rolled her eyes. “I’ve been forced to listen to Octavia talk about boys for the past like four years.”

“You love me.” Her best friend grinned. “Oh shit, what about the bald one who’s shirtless. Holy _fuck_ look at that tattoo!”

“Go for it,” Clarke approved with a shrug.

“How are you not dying over how hot he is?”

Clarke grinned cheekily. “My girlfriend’s hotter.” Lexa smiled in return, batting her eyelashes and blushing a little.

“Oh my _god_ you two are gross,” Raven whined. “Alright, fine. But I need to hook up with someone too.”

Lexa instantly pointed to the same group of people. “That girl with the snapback on. She is definitely gay.”

“Because of the snapback?”

“No… I mean, _yes_ , but like, just look at her. And she’s not bad looking.”

Raven looked at the girl appreciatively, and then nodded. “Alright, so Octavia and I each have our targets. How about we make it a competition?” Octavia raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Whoever gets their target back to the hotel room first not only gets to use it for tonight, but also has to pay for the other’s meals tomorrow.”

Clarke knew that Octavia was never one to back down when challenged, which is why she wasn’t surprised when her best friend sat up taller. “You’ve got yourself a deal, Raven. Get ready to get _fucking_ crushed.” Her hand shot out, and Raven shook it without even a second of hesitation, and then the two girls were up and headed toward the group of teenagers.

Lexa and Clarke immediately met gazes and then broke out into a fit of laughter. “Oh my god,” Lexa started, “do you think either of them will actually get laid tonight?”

“I have faith in Octavia,” Clarke admitted. “She’s fairly experienced.”

“I could say the same about Raven, but to be completely honest, she doesn’t exceptionally well when it comes to hook ups. She’s an all or nothing type of girl,” Lexa admitted, starting to stand up. “Should we join them? Make sure they don’t do anything too stupid?”

“Let’s!”

Once they’d picked up the towels left behind by their friends, the two of them started over to the group of teenagers, who were still tossing around the volleyball even with Raven and Octavia’s arrival. As Clarke and Lexa approached the group, they began to hear the tactic that Octavia was apparently using.

“I actually really don’t know how to play beach volleyball,” she was saying, “I spend all my time playing soccer. I just thought if you guys were planning on playing a game, I’d totally like to join.”

“Me too,” Raven said quickly.

One of the guys – the one with long hair – shrugged. “Sure, why not? The net’s up that way a bit, though. We weren’t really planning on playing.”

“Are you guys from around here?” one of the girls asked, looking between Raven and Octavia and then at Clarke and Lexa behind them. The couple hand their hands intertwined, and had yet to say anything.

“No,” Octavia and Raven replied simultaneously, before flashing each other slight glares. The former continued, “I’m from Santa Barbara area – and so is my friend Clarke.” She gestured to the blonde. “And I’m Octavia, by the way.” She looked straight at the shirtless guy with the tattoo when she said it, flashing him one of her signature smiles and getting one in return.

“And _I’m_ from San Diego,” Raven stated, “and so is Lexa – her.”

“Well, welcome to Venice,” the bald guy said. “I’m Lincoln. That’s Finn, Niylah, Ariana, and Kate. As he pointed to each person, Clarke tried to remember who was who. Finn was the long haired guy, Niylah was the girl Raven was after.

“C’mon,” Kate said cheerily, “the court’s up this way.”

Once they got there, Octavia gladly threw off her flip flops and planted herself on one side of the net. Clarke knew that, despite what her best friend had said, Octavia had definitely played beach volleyball before. And she was _good_. In fact, Clarke was pretty sure that Octavia’s superpower was being good at literally any sport she ever tried.

Raven, on the other hand, looked a bit nervous as she followed Niylah to the side she went for. Clarke was already backing away from the net when Finn said, “Hey, Clarke right? You can be on this team.”

“Oh no, I’m not playing,” Clarke insisted with a shake of her head. “Trust me, you don’t wanna see me try and hit a ball in any setting. It’s pathetic.”

“Nah, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Finn shot back with a toothy grin.

“I’ll play!” Lexa said suddenly, releasing Clarke’s hand and going over to Octavia’s team, which was opposite Finn’s. The way she said it kind of surprised Clarke, and then she realized what was different – Lexa was jealous. Finn was definitely ogling a bit, and Clarke blushed at the thought that Lexa was being protective over her.

“You’re really not going to play, Clarke?” Finn asked, virtually ignoring Lexa.

“I’d rather sit out and watch her play,” Clarke said somewhat bashfully, and when she looked at Lexa, she received a wink in response.

Clarke was not prepared for what the game ahead had in store.

Octavia started off pretending she wasn’t used to the game, and since she was on Lincoln’s team, he went to help her a number of times. Octavia would become clumsy when he was nearer to her, accidentally brushing against him or insisting that her arms just didn’t have the capability to swing and hit the ball. The other team got a bit impatient with her, and even Raven, who was clearly inexperienced, was doing better than her.

But then, after the first few serves, Octavia stopped faking, and there wasn’t a single time that she missed a hit, set or serve. Lexa was having similar success, and together, with Lincoln and Ariana as well, they dominated against the other team. It became apparent that Niylah and Finn were very good players, but with Raven and Kate – who seemed about average – they just couldn’t beat the other four.

Scoring hadn’t been the focus at all of the game, so finally at some arbitrary point, Finn’s team conceded, and he suggested, “How about we switch teams up? Octavia is clearly no longer a weak player.”

“What can I say?” Octavia said, grinning at Lincoln. “I had a good teacher.” Lincoln smiled back at her, and Clarke almost smirked at how willingly he was falling into her trap.

Raven was not having similar success with Niylah. The latter girl actually seemed to have her attention focused elsewhere – or rather, on a specific person. Lexa. When Clarke realized that, her amused expression fell away. “Maybe you can show me how to do it right?” Raven asked Niylah as Finn and Lincoln debated switching up teams.

Niylah shrugged. “In my experience, you either get it quickly or you never get it.”

“That doesn’t seem like the best way to look at life.”

Clarke listened carefully to the conversation, which happened to occurring closer to her than the other conversation between the rest of the group. Niylah shrugged. “I’m just saying – you don’t seem very sporty.”

“Yeah, I guess I’m not,” Raven agreed. “But I’m _very_ active in other areas.”

Clarke actually snickered at the sudden innuendo, but Niylah was fairly unfazed. “Hey, so your friend Lexa,” she was saying instead, “you’re both from San Diego, yeah?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Does she play volleyball?”

“Nah, she dances. She’s just good at competitions because she’s good under pressure.”

“Mm. Hot too.”

Raven actually stuttered over her words for a moment when she heard that, and Clarke frowned from where she was sitting on the edge of the court. “Yeah, uh, Lexa’s taken.”

“How taken?”

“Like, so taken you really couldn’t do anything to tear her away from her girlfriend. Who, might I add, is sitting about five feet away from us right now.” Clarke averted her eyes as soon as she realized that Niylah was going to be turning to look at her. The blonde quickly grabbed her phone to make it seem like she wasn’t paying attention.

“Wow. Lucky girl I guess.”

“Hey, Clarke!” Finn shouted suddenly, drawing the blonde’s attention. “One of our friends is coming up to play too – so we have uneven teams. You’ve gotta play.”

“Alright,” Clarke gave in, dropping the towels and her phone on the edge of the court, “but only if I get to be on Lexa’s team.”

Finn looked somewhat disheartened, as did Niylah. Lexa flashed her girlfriend a wide smile. “I like that idea.” As soon as Clarke had reached the brunette, Lexa grabbed her waist and pulled her close for a kiss, and Clarke nearly burst into laughter at the action. But beyond how amusing Lexa’s possessiveness was, it was also definitely turning Clarke on.

“Earth to Clarke and Lexa!” Raven huffed. “You guys are so gross all the fucking time, did you know that?”

Lexa pulled away from Clarke and flashed her middle finger at the best friend.

Octavia cleared her throat. “So, volleyball?”

“Yeah, our friend Nick is headed up from the beach right now to join, then we can start again.”

* * *

“I’m not surprised that Octavia won,” Lexa said as she and Clarke approached the hotel room door, “but I am kind of surprised that Raven had absolutely no success.”

“You’re surprised by that? Niylah wouldn’t take her eyes off of you all afternoon, even after Raven told her that you were very much taken,” Clarke muttered.

“Really? I didn’t really pay attention to her.”

“I know, you were too busy targeting Finn with all of _your_ jealous energy.”

Lexa balked. “Uh, _no_. I wasn’t jealous, I just didn’t like him. Like you said, he was an asshole.”

“And he talked to me and looked at my boobs,” Clarke stated flatly.

“Yeah, which furthered my frustration at him. I wasn’t _jealous_.”

“Protective then? Better word?”

They were inside the hotel room by now, and Lexa was tossing her things onto the nightstand. “I guess. But I wasn’t jealous. It’s not like I had anything to be jealous over.”

“You’re right, but you definitely felt like you had something to prove.”

“Why, because I kissed you in front of them?” Clarke just smiled, and Lexa muttered something to herself. The blonde went into the bathroom, brushing her teeth and washing her face, and when she exited, Lexa was sitting on the edge of the bed, stretching her arms over her head. “So I was thinking about how… not really weird, but kind of strange it is that you’re so okay with being openly not straight even though you’ve been so buried in the closet.”

“I’m not at home,” Clarke said easily. “No one here knows me. Plus, you’re here, and you bring out my brave side.”

“I just think that you think that you’re more shy than you actually are.”

Clarke shrugged. “Maybe. But I’m more open to you than I have been to like, anyone ever. So I think your point of view might sway your thoughts on that.”

Smiling softly, Lexa nodded to agree that Clarke had a point. The blonde took a few steps closer to her girlfriend, and Lexa tilted her head a bit. “Were you and Octavia planning on leaving Saturday or Sunday?”

“Sunday,” Clarke replied, “but in the morning. She has a project she has to cram on Sunday night and I have some math homework. What about you guys?”

“We can’t cover the last night in the hotel, so we’re leaving Saturday in the afternoon.” Clarke felt her heart sink a little at the realization that Lexa would have to leave before her.

“We should do something tomorrow night,” Clarke said, trying not to think about their time together coming to an end. “Oh! We should go to that arcade at Santa Monica that you wanted to go to. I suck at arcade games, but maybe you can win me something.”

Lexa grinned instantly. “That definitely sounds like something I can do.”

“It’s a date then.” Clarke walked through the room, skirting around the end of the bed and lowering herself onto it.

“So… Raven’s alone in your hotel room tonight, Octavia’s hooking up with Lincoln at his place… what are we doing tonight?”

Before Clarke could even answer, a yawn tore through her words. “I think cuddling is the best option.”

“I do like cuddling.” Lexa got up and disappeared into the bathroom. As she began to get ready to sleep, leaving the door open, she called, “Do you want some pajamas to change into?”

“Nope, I’m okay!” Clarke called back, slipping under the blankets and then beginning to remove her clothes from under there. She let each piece of clothing fall uselessly to the floor on that side of the bed, and when Lexa reemerged, she flashed the brunette a soft smile. “I think naked cuddling is nicer than regular cuddling.”

Lexa blushed a little, which Clarke thought was absolutely adorable. “ _Oh_.”

“Are you going to join me, or what?”

As if realizing suddenly that she was being more cute than her typical badass self, Lexa quickly began to shed her clothing. Clarke watched her, appreciating her body with her eyes. Clarke wondered if most dancers had bodies as nicely toned as Lexa did, or if it was just her girlfriend.

When Lexa was entirely naked, she quickly shut off the light and climbed into the bed next to Clarke, who immediately began to curl up against her girlfriend’s naked body. “Don’t worry,” she murmured softly, “I thought your jealousy was super hot.”

“I wasn’t jealous.”

“You know what I mean. Plus… it was sweet.”

“You’re sweet,” Lexa muttered as though it were somehow a comeback.

“I’m going to miss you a lot when we have to go home.”

“No, shh, don’t think about it.”

Clarke felt her heart sink a little more, because despite Lexa’s insistence, she couldn’t just not think about it. “You have to promise that we’ll get to see each other again soon.”

“Of course, Clarke. We only live three hours apart from each other.”

“Three hours is a long way to drive.”

“But not too long if it means I get to see you,” Lexa promised. “Okay? Go to sleep, we still have two days.”

Exhaling deeply, Clarke nodded and buried her face into the crook of Lexa’s neck. Pleading with sleep to come and take her before she could think any more about the horrid topic, she squeezed her eyes shut and let the sensation of being close to Lexa distract her.

* * *

“Who are you texting?” Clarke asked, nudging her best friend. Lexa and Raven were down at the beach, and Octavia and Clarke were up on the pier, waiting in line to purchase matching Santa Monica shirts. The brunette had been unable to tear her eyes away from her phone for the past five minutes.

“What? Oh – Lincoln. He’s so interesting, I could talk to him for _hours_.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Wow, I totally know nothing about that.”

Octavia looked up from her phone suspiciously. “Are you mocking me or something?”

“No, I’m just saying that I was the same way when I started talking to Lexa,” Clarke said thoughtfully.

“ _Okay_ , but when you started really talking to Lexa, had you already come twice in her bed the night before? No.”

“That doesn’t help your case at all – what I’m saying is that you _really_ like him.”

“Well, sure. It doesn’t mean anything. He lives here, and he’s starting college at USC in August.”

“Yeah, and Lexa lives in San Diego. That doesn’t stop us from being together.”

Octavia shrugged. “I just don’t think I could do long distance. I’m too physically dependent on people. You wouldn’t get that – you’ve never _been_ physically dependent on someone. Lexa is your first relationship, and you started it without the physical part.”

At first, Clarke was going to agree with her best friend on that, but then she thought about it for a second and frowned. “Okay, but I’m _still_ going to be in a long distance relationship with her after this week, and this week I have _definitely_ become something like physically dependent on her.”

“Have you two had sex every single night since Monday?”

“No,” Clarke answered with a scoff, “not last night.”

“That’s still three nights in a row, _damn_. Speaking of – we haven’t talked about it, like, at all! How is sex with your _girlfriend_?”

Clarke flushed beet red as Octavia asked, because the lady at the register of the shop stand they were at was calling them up to check out at the same time. Ignoring the brunette, Clarke went up to pay for her shirt, and then Octavia did the same. As soon as they were done, the latter grabbed Clarke and pulled her over to a bench on the pier.

“Tell me!”

“It’s great – what do you want me to say?”

“I’m not going to lie, I kind of just wanna know how many times you’ve orgasmed. I’ve heard lots of things about girls making other girls come way easier than boys doing it,” Octavia admitted, “and I have to admit that even though I came twice last night, that like, _never_ normally happens.”

“You really want me to tell you how many times I’ve orgasmed since Monday night?”

“Yes, and then I won’t ask you anything else about your Lexa sex-a.”

“Please never say that again.”

“Only if you tell me how many times!”

Clarke knew that her face was definitely red. “Um. Well. A _few_ …”

“More than six? Because that would make it at least two every night.”

Glad that Octavia had now asked a yes or no version of the question, the blonde exhaled and nodded quickly so that she didn’t have to openly admit how many times Lexa had made her scream out in ecstasy.

“Seriously? In your first four days since losing your virginity, you’ve probably had the same number of orgasms I’ve had in the past six months.”

“I’m not talking about this with you anymore.”

“I used to talk to you about sex all the time, you know?”

“Yeah, well, it’s different with Lexa. It’s all really personal, I guess. Like, we’re not just having sex, I guess. It’s more than that,” Clarke said shyly.

“I mean I guess I get that. I don’t think I’ve ever been as serious in a relationship as you are with Lexa,” Octavia reasoned. “Which now that I think about it, _damn_. Somehow, you’ve already beaten me when it comes to relationships, and I’ve been dating people for years. Anyway. I guess she was all good about it being your first time and everything?”

“Yeah, she wanted to make sure I was okay with everything and it was sweet. And probably the best first time I could’ve ever asked for. Lexa is honestly just… I hesitate to say perfect, because I know that no one is perfect, but I guess it’s just like, I love every single one of her flaws so it doesn’t ever frustrate me that she isn’t perfect.”

Octavia’s lips turned up into a smirk. “You _love_ them, huh?”

“Shit, did I say that?” Clarke asked shakily.

“You did indeed. The better question is did you say that to _Lexa_?”

“Are you kidding me? No way. And I didn’t say that I love _her_.”

“Why not? You obviously do, or at least you will soon if you don’t think you do now. You can’t love every single one of someone’s flaws, be so obsessed with what makes them seem _perfect_ , and not be _in love_ with them. And you should tell her in person if you already know.”

Clarke shifted uncomfortably in her sitting position, fiddling with the plastic bag in her hand that held her purchased shirt. “I don’t know, Octavia. What if she doesn’t feel that way yet? Maybe I should just wait until the next time I see her.”

“You should do whatever feels right, C, but remember that you don’t _know_ when the next time you’ll see her is.”

“I know.”

“Good, as long as you know what your circumstance is, I trust that you can handle yourself. You’re smart, Clarke, and you and Lexa seem to have such a strong relationship already. You got this.”

“Thanks, O.”

“Of course. I’m always here for you, you know?”

“I know.”

* * *

“Why do I feel like you’re one of those people who would challenge a twelve year old to an old video game contest, giving them the sense that you were no good, and then you’d school them by beating the machine’s highest score ever and take home their lunch money?” Clarke asked, leaning against the wall as she watched Lexa play on the coin-op.

“That’s an oddly specific scenario,” Lexa said despite her focus on the game, “but I think the reason you feel like that is because if you were to tweak a few parts of it, it’s totally accurate.”

Clarke smirked, watching Lexa with curious eyes. It might seem boring – standing in an arcade and watching someone else play the games – but it was actually quite entertaining, at least right now. Clarke could watch Lexa for hours, that was for sure. She made the cutest face while focusing on the game, and the blonde could analyze it all night.

Finally, though, Lexa slipped up and let out a puff of annoyance. “Ugh. I was so far. And I didn’t even make it onto the leaderboard.”

“That’s because people who have nothing better to do spend entire days on these things getting their scores to the top,” Clarke reassured the brunette. “If it makes you feel better, I probably would’ve failed after about three levels.”

“You should play something,” Lexa suggested. “Maybe it’ll boost my self-confidence.” Clarke’s jaw dropped for a second, and Lexa laughed lightly. “Chill out, I’m joking. You should _play_ because I feel like you’re not having any fun.”

“I don’t need to play to have fun. I like watching you play.”

“That’s creepy. We’ve been here over an hour, and you’re not bored?”

“No, but if you want to leave, we can. Or if you want to stay, we can. I don’t care. I just like being here with you.”

Lexa looked Clarke directly in the eyes, their stares holding for a number of long, dragging seconds before the brunette let out a breath. “Let’s get out of here. It was fun, but whether you’re entertained or not, I could be spending time _with_ you instead of playing dumb video games while you watch.”

“That is spending time with me,” Clarke insisted, but Lexa had already intertwined their fingers and begun to drag her girlfriend out of the arcade. Chuckling, the blonde added, “but again, whatever _you_ want.”

“Let’s get dinner,” Lexa suggested, glancing around the area, very clearly stressed out about the situation. “What do you want to eat?”

“Lexa, I don’t care, okay? Stop making it a big thing – I don’t want you to stress about everything. I just want to spend time with you before we can’t anymore. As long as I’m with you, I’m happy, alright?”

Lexa took in a deep breath, and Clarke could practically see the battle happening within her head. She knew that that was a thing with Lexa – the brunette wanted perfect for Clarke. That much had been clear ever since they started talking. Lexa was always quick to reassure the blonde, to encourage her to be positive and constructive. She was supportive and attentive and understanding. And now, in person, Clarke was seeing this aspect of her in different ways. Lexa wanted her to be physically, mentally and emotionally okay with everything at any given moment – she wanted there to be no negativity in the air at all.

And as lovely and amazing as that thought was, as well as the efforts Lexa put into it, Clarke knew that life was not a smooth sailing journey. The past few months had taught her that much at the very least. Deciding to voice this, she grabbed Lexa’s other hand and squeezed both of them. “I know you want this all to be perfect, but that’s not the point. The point is to feel what’s good in the middle of the sad or the bad, which means that we _have_ to feel the bad to really cherish everything else. So we don’t have to make it perfect – we just have to make it worth it.”

“That sounds like something out of those daily positive message books,” Lexa said softly.

“It’s all I’ve got when it comes to words of wisdom, so I probably shouldn’t attempt to write one of those books any time soon.”

“I don’t know, I think you’re on the path to brilliance.”

“I guess we’ll see.”

“C’mon, let’s find something to eat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably no Thursday update because I have things to do all day that day, namely graduate ;D
> 
> I'm going to try to get more active on Twitter starting this week, so make sure to hit me up on both places!! 
> 
> Love you all, have a great week!


	21. What've You Been Up To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spring break ends :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves! Happy Sunday!  
> I'm officially a high school graduate, and by Tuesday evening, I will be officially registered for classes at UT Dallas! What?! How?! I'm honestly so weirded out by how fast life feels like it's moving right now, but I'm not really mad at it...  
> Anyway, I'm hoping to finish this story before next Sunday, fingers crossed! I have a flight on Thursday (I'm going to Washington State!!) so I'll probably spend lots of it writing :)
> 
> Chapter Trigger Warning: Homophobic Slurs and Violence in the last (5th) section of the chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

Clarke had very few regrets so far in life, which she supposed was good, considering that she was not yet even seventeen years old. All of the decisions that could be viewed as bad or irresponsible had ended up benefiting her in some way or another, and so she found herself mostly grateful for the way that things had turned out. She didn’t think that anything over spring break would leave her with any regrets, but as it turned out, on Saturday night, she was left with a disappointed ache in her chest over something she _hadn’t_ said.

Saturday itself was a bit of a blur. The four of them spent the day at the beach – they built dumb sandcastles and wrote cheesy messages in the sand to take selfies and pictures with, and they did lots of happy, cute spring break photos by the ocean as well. They got lunch from one of the plentiful taco trucks, hung out some more, and then Raven and Lexa had to leave.

Clarke was pretty sure that she and her girlfriend kissed for at least thirty seconds before Raven gently broke them apart. The Latina had been a lot nicer about their sappy moments that day, no doubt realizing how hard it was going to be for them to split up later. Clarke reminded her that they had to make sure to see each other _soon_ , and Lexa promised that Clarke couldn’t keep her away if she tried.

The moment had only been a few minutes long in all, but the goodbye in its entirety felt like hours of tormenting. And when Raven’s car disappeared down the street, Clarke realized the one thing she hadn’t said – not the night before nor anytime that day.

The thing was, Clarke was scared of saying it. She wasn’t sure that it would’ve been a good idea to tell Lexa before she could even say it to herself, but the knowledge that it could be months before she got the chance to say it in person made her feel awful.

It didn’t help that her mood was below average anyway because of the end of her week of bliss and happiness.

Octavia tried desperately to cheer Clarke up for the rest of the night, but the blonde barely managed to muster any positive emotions until she got a text from Lexa a little over two hours after they’d left, saying that they’d successfully made it back to their respective homes.

Once Lexa was contactable again, Clarke let herself be cheered up a little, and she and Octavia spent their last night in Los Angeles going to an improv show that successfully got Clarke to laugh and smile and enjoy something that was unrelated to her girlfriend. It was almost like a reminder that she _could_ be happy without having Lexa around her every second, but that night, she still had a significantly harder time falling asleep in a bed all by herself, and she had to text Lexa continuously until sleep finally took over her body.

* * *

“Hey girls!” Abby exclaimed happily once Clarke and Octavia walked into the house, the blonde dragging her luggage behind her. “How was the drive back?”

“Not too bad or long,” Clarke replied with a smile. “Octavia decided to hang here for a while, if that’s okay, because her parents were out of town last night and won’t be back for a couple of hours anyway.”

“That’s fine,” Abby said, though her suddenly change in expression said otherwise, “just… maybe you can go upstairs for a moment, Octavia. I need to have a word with Clarke.”

“Yeah, sure,” Octavia said, flashing the blonde a nervous glance. “I’ll take your stuff upstairs, C.”

“Thanks.” Octavia grabbed the bags from her and hurried up the stairs with them, and Clarke slowly returned her gaze to her mom.

“What’s up?”

“I just want you to know,” Abby started, “that you need to start working on keeping contact with me and your father if you expect to be going out any more. You only texted or called us if we were the initiators, and that is unacceptable when you are over an hour away from us for longer than a day. Understand?”

“I understand, sorry.”

Her mother nodded. “Good. Go ahead and go upstairs.” Clarke quickly ducked out, and on her way upstairs, the depressing realization that she was back to her normal, mundane life weighed down on her. Her steps got heavier, and she suddenly missed Lexa’s positivity – the happy, reassuring vibe that Clarke could feel just from being near her, the intoxicating joy and adrenaline Clarke got from being close to her. When she walked into her bedroom, she closed her door, barely noticing Octavia sitting on the edge of the bed, and collapsed into her pillows in a heap.

“What did she want?”

“Just to make sure that I know that I should’ve been texting her and dad to keep them updated on my whereabouts more often.”

“Oh.”

Silence filled the air for a few beats, Octavia likely coming to the same realization that Clarke had. After a few beats, Clarke choked on air and murmured, “I miss Lexa.” And just like that, the first tears Clarke had ever cried for her girlfriend began spilling out of her eyes, along with uncontrollable sobs, and Octavia wrapped her arms around her best friend, stroking her hair but not saying anything to try and help. She knew that it wouldn’t have helped anyway, and even the physical contact from Octavia didn’t really do much to help.

Lexa wasn’t there, and nothing could change that.

* * *

Octavia had gone home once her parents had texted asking her to do so, and since then, Clarke had stopped crying. She hadn’t moved from her bed, though, and was texting Lexa. Although she’d considered it, she decided not to mention her momentary breakdown to the girl. She didn’t want Lexa to feel bad or worry about her at all.

Anyway, Clarke was sure that she would fall back into the old swing of things pretty soon and get used to being without Lexa physically.

It was getting a little late when there was a knock on her bedroom door. “Clarke? It’s me.” It was her dad. Sitting up in her bed and locking her phone, Clarke cleared her throat.

“Come in.”

The door creaked open, and Jake smiled softly at his daughter. “Hey, kiddo. Your mom said you hadn’t come downstairs since you got home, so I just wanted to make sure that you’re doing alright.”

“I’m fine.”

Jake raised an eyebrow, clearly reading right through the lie. “You don’t sound fine.”

“I just miss being in LA. It was an awesome week. I don’t want to deal with school and… people again,” Clarke muttered. “It’s whatever, though, I’m fine.”

“Are you hungry?”

Clarke shrugged.

“Helpful, Clarke. Come on, your mom made pasta. You don’t have to even say anything if you don’t want to, just eat, alright?”

Clarke gave in, leaving her phone behind so that she didn’t end up texting Lexa all throughout dinner and raise any suspicion from her parents. Still, exiting the room without said device was hard to do, because she knew that it was all she had to connect with her girlfriend.

* * *

Lexa was eating some of the leftovers from her fridge on Sunday night, the day having inched by slower than ever. It hadn’t entirely sunk in that upon waking up tomorrow, Clarke wouldn’t be within touching distance by any means. The previous night had been hard, but at least after only a day, it could’ve just been that she and her girlfriend had separate things to do. Once it started to get longer than that, it became real again.

The sound of the front door opening while Lexa was eating caused the brunette to jump in surprise, and she looked with confusion at her mother as she walked into the kitchen. “Oh, you’re back,” the woman said plainly. “How was LA?”

“It was good.”

“What kind of stuff did you do?”

“I met up with my girlfriend,” Lexa replied. “She lives in Santa Barbara.”

“That seems rough, dating someone that far away.” Despite the apparent concern, her mom sounded fairly indifferent as she began looking through the fridge.

“Some people have it worse.”

“You got that right.”

“Did you just work all week?”

“Yep. Daily grind. Let me tell you, Alexandra, life is a pain in the ass. If you fuck up one thing, the whole rest of it could fall to pieces. You better not let it happen to you like it did to me.” Lexa pursed her lips, unsure of how to respond. Luckily, her mom continued, while grabbing a beer from the fridge, “If your life falls apart like mine did, it means that I failed at literally everything possible, so don’t make me a failure.”

With that, Lexa’s mom slammed the fridge shut and sauntered out of the room.

Lexa finished her dinner quickly, unfortunately not getting any messages back from Clarke, and then escaped back to her bedroom. Once there, Clarke finally replied.

**Clarke – Sorry. Had to suffer through dinner with the parents.**

**Lexa – Don’t worry, I get it.**

**Lexa – What’s really weird is that my mom just came into the house while I’m here and SPOKE to me without any real malice or anything. Granted, she did tell me about how easy it is to fuck up my whole life by doing one thing wrong and that if I do that, it means that I would also represent the last failing piece of her life, so that’s no pressure or anything.**

**Clarke – Are you kidding? What could you do to fuck up your life? You’re the kind of person who would grab life by the horns and own it.**

**Lexa – It think most people these days would say grab it by the balls.**

**Clarke – I don’t want to picture you grabbing balls, Lexa.**

**Lexa – That’s fair I guess ;) But yeah, you’re probably right. I wouldn’t let one mistake fuck up everything.**

**Clarke – What was your mom’s mistake?**

**Lexa – Getting with my dad. She’s talked about how if she’d just had me and not married him (she married him after giving birth to me already), she could’ve started steering herself in the right direction with the motivation to take care of me. But the five years she spent with him kind of tore both of them apart, because he didn’t work or try to support us, he really just didn’t care. When he left, my mom was left in a worse off position so she didn’t have any wiggle room, and she’s kind of been stuck doing the same thing since. Thankfully, once I move out and she’s not supporting me anymore, she should be able to help herself for once. Sometimes I feel bad.**

**Clarke – For what, living? It’s not really your fault…**

**Lexa – I know that… I just feel bad that HE left. There are pictures of her and me together before he left, and she was always smiling in them. I never see her smile anymore.**

**Clarke – I’m sorry :(**

**Lexa – Yeah, it’s fine. I just hope she can get whatever life she used to want when I leave. I’ve only really got a year left to go anyway. Last year things were really not good with her and I actually thought about moving in with Raven, but I didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on her dad, so I just tried to make nice with my mom. Evidently, things are getting better between us.**

**Clarke – Well that’s good** **❤**

**Lexa – Yeah :)**

**Clarke – Hey, I’m sorry to be lame, but I just remembered that math homework I have to finish before tomorrow. Can I text you in the morning?**

**Lexa – Please do, and don’t fail your math homework, can’t have you flunking out of school lol.**

**Clarke – Of course XD Alright, I’ll text you tomorrow then!**

Lexa stared down at the message, wanting to type out some other response before the conversation was officially over, but the only thing she could think of to add was… not timely. She had to say it out loud before she typed it – but when to say it, that was the question.

When should she tell Clarke that she loved her?

* * *

Nathan Miller’s spring break started off pretty smoothly. He had plans to hang out with his dad some, but his plans with his friends had been a bit more tentative. Some of them wanted to go camping, others wanted to drive into the city and hit up some clubs. A few wanted to go to the beaches in Santa Barbara or maybe further.

Nathan decided to stay impartial in the decision, letting his friends know that he was cool with whatever.

One thing that Nathan didn’t count on during his spring break was running into Brian, whom he hadn’t spoken to in matter of weeks. It was a bit of an awkward run in, when he’d been jogging early in the morning and the other guy had been going to grab the mail from the mailbox down the street. Nathan _had_ been conscious of how close he was to the guy’s house, but in all honestly, he didn’t think that there would ever be a reason for Brian to be out so early.

The two of them talked for a matter of minutes, but it quickly became clear that Brian wasn’t interested in rekindling whatever it was that they’d had before Clarke accidentally walked into them at school, so Nathan left him alone. Truth be told, he was pretty much over it.

Another thing that was kind of a bummer about spring break was that he didn’t talk to Clarke much at all – seeing as how she was in Los Angeles. He never really felt that they talked a _ton_ , or that he was at all reliant on his conversations with her, but sometimes she was the only one who he _could_ talk to about things. However, during the break, he only got replies from her during mealtimes, probably because that was the only time she had to sit still and check her messages.

Finally, at the end of break, Nathan’s friends texted in a group chat that they were going drive into the city, hit up a club or two, and then roam Santa Barbara a bit. Nathan, still indifferent, texted that he would definitely be there.

That was Friday. When it got dark out, Nathan jogged over to his friend’s place and they all piled into two cars and started to the city.

“Dude, we haven’t been to any clubs in ages,” one of the guys said to another.

“At least we know the girls there will always be hot.”

“Thank goodness that never changes.”

“I’m really trying to get laid tonight. If I get back from spring break with nothing to boast about during practice, what’s the point?”

“I bet I get a better one than you.”

Nathan tried not to roll his eyes. Sometimes his “friends” were rather… well, misogynistic would probably be the politically correct term, but he almost preferred the term barbaric or just flat out _assholes_.

“How about you Miller?”

“How about me what?” he asked quickly.

“What have you been doing all week? Hooked up with any girls? Or do you at least plan to? Hasn’t it been awhile since you got laid?”

“No – he’s dating that weird quiet girl, right? I heard that her one positive quality is that she’s good in bed.”

“I’m not dating Clarke,” Nathan insisted, trying to roll her eyes, “and that’s not true – she’s really nice.”

“Anyone ever tell you that you’re a pansy, Miller?”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means that you act like a fucking _girl_.”

Miller’s face darkened. “Why? Because I don’t treat women like shit?”

“You don’t treat women like anything – you barely associate with them. Aside from that weird girl – what’s her name? Claire?”

“Clarke, and she’s _not_ weird.”

“Whatever you say man.”

“Hey Miller, when _is_ the last time you got laid?”

“Your balls getting blue yet?”

Nathan clenched and unclenched his fist. “Shut the fuck up, it’s none of your goddamn business.”

“ _Ooh_ , maybe Miller does have a set of working balls after all.”

“Hey, I’ve got an idea,” one guy – Eric – said. “Let’s check his phone – bet if he’s hooked up with any girls, he’d have their numbers.”

“Yeah right, man, I’m not giving you my phone.”

“What’s the harm, Miller? Hand over the phone.”

“Fuck no, back off.”

“Just hand it over, if you have nothing to hide, what does it matter? You saying you having something to hide?”

“Pull the car over, I’m going home,” Nathan demanded to Harrison, who was driving, and who didn’t even avert his gaze from the road to acknowledge Miller’s request. “ _Harrison_ , let me out of the fucking car.”

“You heard him, Harrison, he wants to get out. Let him.”

At that, Harrison began to pull over. They were already nearing the main downtown area of Santa Barbara, so Nathan knew that it wouldn’t be too difficult to get an Uber or something. He opened the car door, pushing out into the salty night air. He relaxed a bit as soon as he was away from the guys, until he heard Eric call out, “I guess we all know that pussies will be pussies. You can’t change ‘em. Once a fag, always a fag.”

Nathan spun on his heel so quickly that he almost lost his balance. “What the fuck did you just say to me?” Eric wasn’t in the car anymore.

“I called you a _faggot_.” Eric stepped around the car and closer to Nathan. “That’s what you are, isn’t it? Or is there some other reason that you don’t ever hook up with girls and you’re always acting like one?”

“Shut up, man, you don’t know anything about me.”

“You’re right – no one here seems to. I think it’s time we change that.” Suddenly, Eric’s fist landed on Nathan’s chin, knocking him to the side but not throwing him off of his feet. However, it quickly became apparent that Eric’s goal hadn’t been to get him down, but to render him defenseless for just enough time for Eric to grab his cell phone out of his pocket and bolt back to the car.

As soon as Nathan recovered from the blow, he found himself staring at the retreating car, dumbfounded. He wasn’t quite sure what exactly had just happened, or how or why, but he did know something for sure.

Within the next few days or the week at least, he was going to be outed to the whole school.

And so was Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh!!!  
> I'm about to road trip to Dallas for orientation tomorrow and Tuesday... I'm gonna do my best to answer all comments for this chapter!  
> If anyone has any suggestions for one shots I can post between this story and the next one, go ahead and send me suggestions!  
> Have a great week my loves!!


	22. Care To Explain Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit hits the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright lovelies, a few things to address...  
> It doesn't matter if Miller had a password or not on his phone, because a) it's possible to break into a phone, b) it's possible that any of Miller's "friends" might know his phone password, whether bc he told them or they found out when they were all drunk or for literally any reason, and c) you can text people, read received texts and notifications, etc without unlocking a phone depending on someone's settings. I get where lots of you were coming from with that being your first question, but I guess I didn't think I needed to explain it because Miller was convinced that they were going to be able to get into his phone, and so no matter what the case was, it wasn't a question of if lol. And much of the Miller situation won't really be addressed until upcoming chapters so don't freak out lol <3  
> I'm on vacation right now in Washington state, which is why my update is so late lol. That said, there might be a midweek update this week! I think we have 4 chapters left, though I might be wrong, but if we can get them all posted in two weeks, I think I'll be ready to post a new story. (Did I mention that, btw? I finished writing this story on the plane on Thursday!! :D)  
> Alright loves!!
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

Clarke barely woke up to her alarm on Monday morning, because her body’s instinct was to keep on sleeping until she was actually rested. She probably would’ve ended up falling back asleep despite the alarm, but upon grabbing her phone, she realized that she had a few texts from her girlfriend.

**Lexa – I don’t wanna go back to school**

**Lexa – We should run away together lol**

**Lexa – It would be much nicer than getting up this fucking early every day.**

Clarke chuckled.

**Clarke – Agreed, but not sure it would be the smartest thing to do lol.**

And with that, Clarke dragged herself out of bed and started to get ready. She found herself feeling heavy and slow, at least more so than usual, but tried to get herself energized enough to drive successfully to school.

By the time she left her house, she was feeling quite a bit better.

Everything that day started off fairly normally. Clarke parked in her parking spot on time, locked her car, and trekked up to the front of the school.

She got a few looks as she entered the school, and she wondered if there was some new rumor about her and Nathan. Knowing that she was about to meet up with Octavia, she decided to ask her best friend, but as soon as she walked into the schools, it became apparent that today was not going to be a normal day at school.

Every single eye in the main hallway looked at her when she entered, and Clarke nearly tripped over her own feet. It was about two seconds after she entered the school that Octavia was rushing over to her, grabbing her wrist. “Come on,” she hissed, dragging Clarke through the hallway despite their judging peers.

“What the fuck?” Clarke asked, her heart pounding.

Then, just as Octavia was pulling her into an empty classroom, Clarke heard someone say, “You didn’t hear? She’s a dyke – she and Miller have been each other’s beards this whole time.”

As soon as the classroom door was closed, Clarke dropped her bag and looked at Octavia with utter panic. “W-what….”

Her best friend looked heartbroken, and she glanced across the classroom. Clarke realized then that Nathan was standing there, by the window, and that he had a black eye. “He can explain,” Octavia told her softly.

“Clarke, I would’ve warned you, but they took my phone. Some guys on the team on Friday. One of them decked me and took my phone.”

“Holy shit,” Clarke said in disbelief, before her breathing began to increase in speed. “ _ Fuck _ ! What? They all know? About both of us?” It was hitting her now. “Oh my –  _ no _ . They  _ can’t _ know!”

“Clarke,” Octavia said, taking a step toward the blonde, who only stumbled backwards and ran into a desk.

“No! They can’t!  _ Fuck _ ! If they know, my  _ mom _ is going to find out! What am I going to do?”

Nathan looked distressed. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t warn you. I told my parents on Saturday when they saw my black eye, and they weren’t really pissed about it like I thought they would. Again, I would’ve given you time to prepare, but I don’t know your number or Octavia’s by memory. And I couldn’t ask anyone – no one will talk to me either. I’m so sorry.”

Clarke could barely hear her friend over the sound of her heart beating so hard in her chest. “How… how can I even go home today? There’s no way that my mom won’t hear about this at work.”

“You can come to my place or something,” Octavia promised. “Look, Clarke, there are more pressing issues. You have to deal with school today, so you need to get into a better headspace.”

“How the fuck do you expect me to do that?” Clarke exclaimed, tears burning in her eyes. “This is really fucking bad!”

“I know, Clarke, but you can’t do anything about it, okay?” Octavia let out a long breath. “Listen to me, C. You care a lot about what people think about you, but I’m going to tell you something and you need to  _ hear _ it. It doesn’t  _ fucking _ matter what anyone out there thinks about you. What matters is what your  _ friends _ think, because we actually  _ know _ you. It’s what  _ Lexa _ thinks – and really, it’s more about what you think about yourself. And you’re comfortable with your sexuality, and you’ve got an amazing girlfriend and multiple supportive friends. Those bitches out there can’t  _ touch _ you if you don’t let them.”

Tears were now streaking Clarke’s face. She knew that Octavia was right, but she had no idea how she could get through the day without breaking down. There  _ was _ the option of leaving, but she knew that the reason no one had yet mentioned that was because it would probably get Clarke in even more trouble – with both the school and her parents.

The bell to dismiss to first period rang out loudly, and Clarke began wiping her face fiercely. “You got this, Clarke,” Octavia promised, “and I swear that the second someone says anything bad to me about you  _ or  _ Nate, I will kick their mother fucking ass.”

The classroom door opened just as Clarke was wiping the last tear from her face, and a teacher stepped in. “What are you kids doing in here? Get to class.”

Clarke grabbed her backpack and ducked out of the room before either of her friends could say anything else to her. Her first thought upon leaving was that she should’ve been kinder to Nathan about it – make it understood that she wasn’t mad at him of course. But  _ he _ didn’t have to worry about his mom finding about his sexuality from a bunch of her coworkers who gossiped with their stupid preppy teenage kids.

Clarke felt multiple sets of eyes on her as she made her way through the hallways. They felt longer and narrower than ever before, and despite walking at a pace faster than her norm, it was an eternity before she reached first period, and thus began her day in hell.

It would have been better were Clarke not so aware of how  _ aware _ everyone else was. It was the fact that a glance in her direction was no longer random or unintentional – she  _ knew _ what they were thinking when they looked at her. It was the fact that anytime she sat down in a desk next to someone, she could feel the tension rise. It was the fact that she was no longer invisible, but she was being stood on a display stand high above the rest of them, and she did not want to be there.

Lunch was the first reprieve she got, because she found herself sitting at her normal table with Octavia, and people stared less when Octavia was there.

But Octavia herself was not the same old same old today, and it was possible that she was actually more infuriated than Clarke was. As soon as the brunette seated herself next to Clarke, she was letting out a puff of air angrily. “Oh my god, I just about had to sock Murphy in the face last period. Do you know how many people think that it’s okay to make snide comments about their friend’s best friend, as though it doesn’t make me mad? I actually shoved him up against a wall – and not in any sort of sexy way.”

Clarke tried to respond lightly, but the truth was that her heart sank a little at the admission. She didn’t want Octavia’s friendships to be strained because of this, but it did feel nice to know that the girl had her back.

“Truth be told, though, most people didn’t say much to me about you. They all shut up when I walked up to them, so I’m assuming that they were talking about you, but at least they had the sense to stop before I was a part of the conversation,” Octavia muttered. “What’s even more insane is that  _ no one _ is talking about Nathan. Not that I want them to, but it’s like he was the main story, but as soon as people found out that there was some other twist to it, it just blew up. And it  _ pisses _ me the hell off.”

“Octavia, it’s fine. I knew this was going to happen.”

The brunette looked at her with shock. “Are you kidding me? This morning you were freaking out, and now you’re just fine?”

“No,  _ I’m _ not fine,” Clarke corrected, “but this whole situation is exactly what I knew would happen. That’s why I didn’t want to tell anyone. But it’s out there now, so there’s no point in complaining about it. I just want to make it through today.”

Octavia nodded slowly. “Okay. So. Have you told Lexa?”

“No,” Clarke admitted. She’d been thinking about that too, but had decided that it would be better to tell Lexa about everything after school. If she did it now, her girlfriend would just stress over something that she couldn’t change from where she was, and Clarke didn’t want that. “I’m going to tell her after school.”

“Why? Won’t she be mad that you didn’t tell her while you were actually panicking all day?”

“I’m  _ not _ panicking anymore,” Clarke argued, “and she can deal with it. I don’t want her to worry about me all day when there’s nothing she can do. She’s going to feel bad that she isn’t here, and it’s not her fault.”

Octavia frowned. “I’m sorry, C.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Clarke replied with a shrug. “It’s whatever.”

“Is there something we can talk about to get both of our minds off of this?”

“I don’t know,” Clarke said with a quiet sigh.

* * *

 

After lunch, Clarke trekked to Mr. Smith’s class, and upon arrival there was met with a dozen or so stares from people she hadn’t had in any of her prior classes. She rolled her eyes, at this point reaching a level of more annoyance than anything else. She wanted to yell, “Yes, I’m bisexual and I’m dating a girl, get the fuck over it!” But she knew that she couldn’t.

Sitting down in her normal desk, she waited for Mr. Smith to enter the class and begin another hour of hell. The classroom was quieter than normal when he finally did walk in, and he looked suspiciously around the class. His gaze landed onto Clarke for a second, but she bounced her own away immediately. There was no doubt that he, along with most of her teachers, had already heard the gossip as well. Teenagers were not quiet about things.

“Alright class,” he began, resting his hands on his desk, “you’re all awfully quiet today. Anyone care to explain why?”

No one said anything.

“Nobody has an answer? I can’t think of anything that would shut you kids up. You seem to live off of talking to one another in the middle of class,” Mr. Smith said slowly, and everyone in the room began to get a bit antsy, Clarke included. “Let me guess – it has to do with some gossip. You guys don’t want the subject of said gossip to know you’ve been talking?”

Someone across the classroom coughed guiltily, and Clarke lowered her gaze into her lap.

“Well I’m here to give you all a news flash – she knows. She’s not an idiot, and neither am I. And if you think that news like what you’ve heard today is some big deal, then none of you guys are ready for the real world. I know none of you guys are seniors yet, but I’d expect better from all of you by next year. Real people are affected by what you say, whether you know them or not,” Mr. Smith said steadily. “So now, is there anything the rest of you would like to say to anyone in the classroom?”

The room stayed silent.

“In fact, I’m thinking we might skip class altogether and have a nice chat about what’s wrong versus what’s right. I get the feeling that a lot of you would have something to say about that.”

“It’s not like we  _ really _ care, it’s just weird,” some guy spoke up from the back of the classroom. Clarke looked up now, turning around in her seat to see who it was. She recognized him, but couldn’t recall his name. He made eye contact with the blonde and then looked away sheepishly.

“What’s weird?” Mr. Smith asked, leaning forward a little. “Care to explain, Mr. Jacobs?” There was no response. “I’ll tell you what. When I was your age, I would’ve reacted the same way you all have been today upon hearing what you heard about. However, that was about thirty years ago, and I’m happy to say that you all live in a different time. But none of you act like it, and if you plan on leaving this little town in two years, you better get your acts together.”

Silence.

“Alright, everyone get out your notes.”

When class ended, pretty much everyone ran out of the classroom before Mr. Smith could try to say anything else, but Clarke took the same amount of time as normal, and ended up being the last one in the room, aside from her teacher. He cleared his throat, and Clarke knew that he was going to speak before he even opened his mouth.

“Clarke, may I have a word with you?”

Sighing, Clarke slung her bag over her shoulder and went over to where he was standing. “Yes?”

“I’m sorry about what’s been going on today. It’s not fair to have your personal life blown up to so many people. And it’s unfortunate, but I know that you’re strong and that you can make it through this.” Clarke pursed her lips, unsure of what to say. “And I want you to know that despite the slight slip in your grades recently, I firmly believe that you will recover and accomplish whatever it is you intend to do in life.”

Clarke felt a small smile tug at her. “Thanks, Mr. Smith.”

“And don’t let those losers change you, okay?”

“Of course not.”

“Good, now head on to your next class.”

**Clarke – Heyyyyy, so today something happened**

**Clarke – I guess over the weekend some guys stole Nathan’s phone (and gave him a black eye :/)**

**Clarke – And they found out that he’s gay, and also that I’m bi.**

**Clarke – They kind of blasted it, everyone at school knows.**

**Clarke – At first I was panicking really badly, and tbh I’m not over it**

**Clarke – But I got over people being shitheads I guess, and my least favorite teacher actually said some positive things to me and made everyone in my class feel bad about talking about me**

**Clarke – So that was nice**

**Clarke – Now I’m waiting for Octavia’s practice to be over and she’s going to go home with me because my mom will probably have heard**

**Clarke – And I’m so scared of my mom’s reaction**

**Clarke – Anyway I know you’re still in class just message me when you get out, I’m gonna be hanging around here for a while**

Clarke lowered her phone into her lap, facing more toward the soccer field than she usually would. It was kind of entertaining to watch people kick a soccer ball around – definitely more entertaining than just waiting for Lexa to reply to her texts.

Suddenly, though, a throat was being cleared next to her, and she turned her head to see Wells, shifting his weight between both his legs as he waited awkwardly for her to see him. “Hey,” he said weakly.

“Hi,” she replied, kind of surprised that he was here to talk to her.

“So… you’re bi.”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah.”

“How… do you know?”

“I just do,” Clarke replied with a shrug. “I figured it out a while ago. I just… didn’t know how to talk about it, and I definitely didn’t want everyone to know.”

“So why do you seem so calm now?”

“I’m more just frustrated at everyone now, less torn up than I was this morning. I guess… it just doesn’t really matter what everyone at school thinks. As far as my mom finding out… well, we’ll see how that goes. But I have the people I need in my life already supporting me.”

“Like who? Octavia and Miller, right?”

“Yeah, of course. And my dad – he knows. And my friend Raven, who lives in San Diego, which is also where my girlfriend, Lexa, lives.”

“You have a girlfriend?”

“Yeah. I met her on… um, Twitter,” Clarke said softly. “Which…  _ yes _ , the Twitter account that you found  _ was _ mine. I just didn’t want you to know… I didn’t want  _ anyone _ to know that I’m bi. I couldn’t even tell Octavia – she ended up finding out on accident. And the only reason I told Nate was because… well, I found out about him first.”

Wells nodded slowly. “I get it.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, sure. It’s a big deal, especially around here. And… I want you to know, I know that we aren’t so close anymore, but I accept you as who you are. And I hate what people are saying about you.”

“What are they saying?” Clarke asked, even though she knew that she didn’t want to know.

“Just a lot of shit. Some are saying that you’re an attention whore, some are insisting that you turned Miller gay. Some think that you do a lot of dirty shit, which, I mean even if you did, it wouldn’t be because you’re  _ bi _ . That’s ridiculous. People are just pissing me off.”

Clarke laughed weakly. “Tell me about it.”

Wells nodded slowly. “Well… I’m glad you’re okay, I guess. I hope things go okay with your mom. If you need anything… well, I’m here for you.”

“Thanks, Wells.”

Clarke’s phone vibrated, and she tried not to glance down at it, but perhaps her body language somehow displayed her want to look down at it anyway, and Wells chuckled. “I’ll see you around, Clarke.”

“Yeah, see you.”

As soon as he was walking away, Clarke grabbed her phone and read her new message.

**Lexa – Oh my god are you okay??? Why didn’t you message me earlier :(**

**Clarke – I didn’t want you to worry, because I’m okay**

**Clarke – Although I wish you were closer, you’re not, so it would’ve been pointless to have you stressing all day**

**Lexa – Clarkeeeee :(**

**Clarke – Babe, I promise I’m okay, you would’ve literally been worrying over something you can’t help. Trust me.**

**Lexa – Will you at least call me nowwww?**

Clarke hit the call button by Lexa’s name without a second though, and brought the phone up to ear. The call was answered after only half of a ring. “I can’t believe you didn’t text me all day to tell me that you’d been  _ outed _ . That’s the  _ worst _ .”

“It was kind of awful,” Clarke said, “but I got over it, and just because I have a shit day doesn’t mean that you have to.”

“Clarke…”

“Lexa,” Clarke interrupted, “please can we not talk about it?”

Lexa sighed heavily. “Okay, fine.”

“How was  _ your _ day?”

“It was fine.”

“Lexa.”

“What?”

“You can talk about your good day even though mine was bad,” Clarke huffed out.

“It wasn’t that great, though. I spent a lot of it just missing you. It sucks being so far away,” Lexa said with a sigh. “Plus, some of my friends spent literally an hour of the day just asking me entirely too personal questions about my spring break. And Raven was no help.”

“I imagine they were about me?”

“Yeah, they all wanted to know if we had sex,” Lexa said with a chuckle.

“All Octavia wanted to know was how many times I orgasmed, because she heard that lesbian sex is  _ way _ more fulfilling than straight sex.”

“Well, she’s not wrong.”

“And she learned that when I answered her question very vaguely,” Clarke said with a blush.

“I didn’t even keep track,” Lexa admitted, her voice lowering a little as she spoke suggestively.

“Aren’t you still at school? Keep it in your pants, woman,” Clarke teased, flushing a little darker. “Plus,  _ I’m _ still at school, so stop making me blush.”

“But your blush is cute.”

“You aren’t even going to be able to see it.”

Clarke saw Octavia’s practice adjourn, and everyone began heading in different directions. A few people flashed glances over at her, but they were quick to avert their gaze when they realized she was looking. Octavia gestured to Clarke that she was going to go in the locker room and Clarke nodded, knowing she’d be waiting a few more minutes. “Clarke?”

“Sorry, O’s practice just got out, but I still have a few minutes until she’s ready to leave,” Clarke explained.

“That’s okay. All I said was that maybe if the rest of the people at your school saw it, they’d realize that you’re super cute and cool and not to be assholes.”

“I disagree,” Clarke said with a quiet chuckle, “but if it makes you feel better, I blush pretty much any time you give me any sort of compliment.”

“Good to know.” Silence settled over the phone call for a few moments, and then Clarke heard her girlfriend exhale softly. “I’m really sorry about everything that happened to you today. I know you’re moving past it already, but it could’ve have been easy and I wish I could’ve been there for you. I would’ve fucked all the bitches up, too.”

Clarke chuckled. “You’re way too violent.”

“I’ll be violent if it’s to protect you.”

“And apparently also if someone calls you –“

“Don’t do it, Griffin,” Lexa growled playfully, causing Clarke to giggle a little. “Anyway. I just want to also say like… no matter what happens with your mom, message me if you need to. Or call, or snapchat, or whatever you’re comfortable with. I’m here for you, always, okay?”

“You’re the best,” Clarke breathed out.

“That might be stretching it a little, but thanks. I just really want you to be okay.”

“I will. And hey, at least my dad already knows. He won’t let my mom do anything really bad or anything.”

“Good. That would be  _ especially _ tragic.”

“What? My mom doing something bad?”

“No, me having to drive up there to wreck your mom for being a bitch,” Lexa explained with a light laugh.

“Oh my gosh, you’re ridiculous.” Octavia came back out onto the field, looking slightly cleaned up, and was now heading toward the blonde. “I have to go though. Wish me luck, I’ll call you later.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to you then.” The call ended, and the feeling of a lack of finality in the phone call was more obvious than ever.

Clarke forgot about it a moment later, though, when she realized that she was about to have to go home and confront her mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?? x  
> So an interesting thing about my extended family - on my dad's side, my family is pretty much really Catholic, and on my mom's side, everyone's a Jehovah's Witness. And then of course there's me and my family and we're ahaha neither. But we're visiting the Catholic family right now, and like they know me and my sister are gay, and that's not really an issue I don't think because like, my cousin is also gay and everyone's friendly and chill. BUT to me it still feels like a tense subject??? so I feel like I can't mention TV shows, writing, or even like my friends because I don't know, everything just feels like a gay conversation to me?? And I'm wondering if I talk about gay shit too much?  
> Oh well, this is why I make gay friends.
> 
> Have a great week my loves, I will see you all on Thursday hopefully!  
> (Oh wait!!! Should I get two more lobe piercings higher on my ear lobes, or should I get a cartilage piercing on the ear that doesn't have one yet???)


	23. Nothing To Explain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke talks to her mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy midweek update my loves!!  
> So this story totals out to 26 chapters, and I will update Sunday, next Thursday and then next Sunday again, which will be the last chapter. :D I've already started my new story as well!  
> But anyway, this is another heavy chapter, soooo...
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“What if her mom went berserk and like, went on a murder spree or something?” Lexa groaned, looking over at Raven, who was doing some English assignment on her computer. “What if that was the last time I’ll ever talk to her?”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Raven deadpanned, “she’s going to be fine, and she’s going to call you when all of this drama is over. And honestly, worst case scenario, hit up Octavia to make sure that Clarke’s okay.”

“You’re not at all worried right now?”

“Lexa, you are worrying enough for every single person who could ever care about Clarke.”

“Well this could be really bad! She hasn’t texted me in hours!”

“You’re being clingy.”

“She had to come out to her mom. Actually, no, she got outed to her mom, and she  _ could die _ because of it.”

“Okay, now you’re really overreacting.”

Lexa groaned, throwing her head back against Raven’s pillow. “I know.”

“It’s because you’re clingy.”

“ _ I am not clingy _ !”

* * *

 

“You’re gonna be fine,” Octavia promised, nudging the blonde as they stood facing the front door. “No matter what happens – I’ve got your back, C.”

“I know,” Clarke breathed out slowly. “Alright, well… here goes nothing.”

Clarke already knew that both of her parents were home – there were no missing cars from the driveway. That said, she also knew that they both should, mostly likely, be at work, which meant that they were home for a specific reason. And Clarke was ninety-nine percent sure that she knew that reason.

Extending a shaky hand slowly, she gripped and pulled down on the door handle, before pushing it inward slowly. The house was silent for the few long moments that Clarke stood hesitantly like that, one hand still on the handle. “Go,” Octavia encouraged her in a slightly hushed voice. Swallowing thickly, Clarke obeyed.

When the both of them were fully inside and the door finally latched closed again, movement could be heard in the house. Then the sound of Abby and Jake’s bedroom door opening broke the stillness, and Abby was marching into the foyer.

“Clarke, we need to talk – oh. Octavia. Would you mind heading home? I need to discuss something with my daughter – in private.”

The bedroom door opened again and Jake was quickly following his wife, and Octavia was saying, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Abby looked rather impatient, but Clarke was pretty sure that she didn’t look as infuriated as she could’ve. “This is probably your doing anyway – I knew that you were too  _ out there _ from the minute you came into Clarke’s voice.”

Octavia’s jaw dropped, but it was Clarke who stepped forward a little, a crease in her forehead, and snapped, “What the fuck, mom?”

“ _ Do not _ use that kind of language with me, young lady, especially not when you’re already in trouble!” Abby hissed. “Octavia,  _ out _ , now.”

“I’m not leaving,” Octavia growled.

Jake heaved a sigh. “Octavia… it might be best if you leave for right now. Clarke will call you soon.”

“No, Clarke will not be calling you,” Abby interrupted, looking at Jake incredulously, “because Clarke is grounded and is losing phone and car privileges.”

“What?” Octavia and Clarke exclaimed at once. It was Clarke who continued, “What did I  _ do _ to deserve that?”

Abby focused her full attention on her daughter now. “You made me look like a fool! You made this family into a joke by behaving in the way you have!”

“How did I make you look like anything?”

“I was prepared to enjoy coming in late to work today, but when I got there, you know what the first thing I got to hear was? One of the  _ nurses _ came up to me and asked me if I  _ knew _ that my daughter was a  _ dyke _ .”

“Abby,” Jake snapped, “please don’t use that word.”

“Why not? She has embarrassed herself, this family and  _ me _ , Jake!”

“She hasn’t embarrassed anyone.”

Abby rolled her eyes, facing toward Clarke again. “You have five minutes to explain yourself.”

“There’s nothing to explain,” Clarke stated flatly, “I’m bisexual. And if you’re not okay with that, then it’s  _ your _ fucking problem.”

“ _ Stop _ using that word!” Abby shouted. “And no, you’re not  _ bisexual _ or anything other than  _ heterosexual _ , I forbid it. You will not embarrass me and this family like that. I’ll not condone it.”

“Too bad it’s not something that you can forbid,” Clarke growled.

“I can, and I  _ will _ ! You don’t know what it’s like to be a parent and have to be embarrassed because of everyone at your place of work talking about how your  _ daughter _ is  _ sick _ !” Abby was flat out yelling now, and Octavia grabbed Clarke’s wrist at the end of the exclamation. Clarke hadn’t even realized that her hands had balled into fists until then.

“Abby!” Jake intervened. “You need to calm down, you are being highly disrespectful of our daughter right now, and I won’t let you say things like this to her.”

“Have you been listening, Jake?”

“There is nothing embarrassing or wrong about our daughter. She is allowed to be herself, and no matter how much you disagree, I won’t let you make her feel unsafe in her own home.”

“Jake –“

“No, we will discuss this  _ together _ , somewhere else.”

“ _ No _ , this is  _ my _ home!”

“C’mon, Clarke,” Octavia said quickly, stepping backwards toward the door and tugging Clarke’s arm.

“Clarke Griffin you stay right there!” Even if she wanted to, though, Clarke was already being pulled out of the house by Octavia. “Clarke!”

Suddenly the door was slammed shut and Octavia was pulling Clarke toward her car. “Come on, C, we’re going to my house.”

Everything was kind of a blur from there. Clarke’s mom was shouting something – Clarke could hear it even from outside – but it didn’t matter, because by the time Abby had managed to get outside despite Jake’s protests, Clarke was already in the car with Octavia.

Clarke’s heart was pounding hard in her chest, and tears were streaking her face. Once her breathing had slowed, though, she wiped furiously at her face and then looked at her friend in despair. Octavia stared straight ahead at the road. “So um… that could’ve gone better.”

“You think?”

“It’s gonna be okay,” Octavia said quickly, “it’ll be fine. You know my parents won’t care. You can stay with us as long as you need to.”

Clarke wiped her face again and just nodded. The rest of the car ride was silent, but when they did finally get to Octavia’s house, Clarke knew that she needed to calm down. This was about what she expected would happen, and to be honest, it would’ve been worse if she’d stayed at home with her crazy mother. If Abby at least wanted to try to understand, it would’ve been different. But she didn’t want to… at least not yet. Hopefully at some point, she would.

When they got to Octavia’s house, Clarke grabbed her backpack – which apparently had been in her possession this whole time – and followed Octavia out of the car and toward the front door. Once inside, Clarke heard Octavia’s mom, Aurora, call, “Octavia, could you do the dishes sometime before dinner please?”

“Sure, mom, but hey,” Octavia called back, walking toward the kitchen. Clarke wiped her face again and followed her friend. “Clarke’s going to stay with us tonight, okay?”

Aurora looked up at Clarke, and immediately was concerned. “What’s wrong, sweetie? Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know if Clarke wants to talk about it right now,” Octavia said slowly, glancing at the blonde, who sighed deeply.

“I’m bisexual,” she stated quietly, shocking herself for actually saying the words out loud to an adult without breaking down. “My mom is pissed.”

“Oh, Clarke. Of course you can stay here tonight, dear, and as long as you need,” Aurora promised. “Are you going to be okay in Octavia’s room, or should I set up a bed on the couch.”

“She’s fine in my room,” Octavia insisted. “I’ll do the dishes now – Clarke, if you want, you can wait in my room?”

* * *

 

As soon as Clarke had walked out of the kitchen, Octavia and her mother made eye contact. “Are you about to tell me that you’re bisexual too?” Aurora wondered with amusement, as though realizing that Octavia was about to bring up something important.

“No,” Octavia replied with a slight chuckle, beginning to do the dishes.

“Not going to lie, though, I wouldn’t be surprised. Honestly, I would’ve been less surprised to find out that you’re bi than about Clarke,” Aurora admitted. “What’s up, sweetie?”

“Just… you or dad don’t care, right? Clarke had a really rough day, and I know that she needs people behind her right now. She has me, and like one other person at school, but the rest of her support group is basically online. I mean, her dad is chill, but her mom… yeah, no,” Octavia said quietly.

Aurora let out a quick breath. “Abby is definitely an interesting character. But of course I don’t care, Octavia. I love Clarke – and she’s your best friend. Something like that could never change the way I feel about her, or anyone. Yourself included if you ever… well, realize anything.”

“Why are you so convinced that I’m bi?” Octavia demanded.

“I’ve just… always had a hunch.”

“You’re so weird,” Octavia said with an eye roll. “Anyway, while we were in LA, I met this guy named Lincoln, and we’ve been sort of texting. He’s really great – you’d like him. He’s the kind of guy who is super polite to parents, but also to everyone else.”

“You’ve just been texting this boy, huh?”

“What does that mean?”

“You tell me. You’re the one who spent a week in Los Angeles alone.”

“I wasn’t alone,” Octavia insisted. “Clarke was there.”

“Mmhmm.”

Octavia rolled her eyes.

“I wouldn’t mention this mystery boy to your father. You don’t even know anything about him.”

“Sure I do,” Octavia insisted, “plus, there are much sketchier ways to meet people.”

Aurora chuckled. “You make a valid point. I guess I should just be glad you didn’t meet him somewhere on the internet.” Octavia froze, her mouth half open, but she clamped it shut quickly and resumed doing the dishes. “What?”

“What?” Octavia asked back.

“You got all quiet, and I’ve known you your whole life, sweetie. You’re  _ never _ quiet.”

“Um, it’s just. Well, Clarke is dating someone who she met online,” the brunette admitted quietly. “And she’s totally legit and real – we met her on the LA trip. So… maybe just don’t say stuff like that around her. She’s having a really tough day.”

“Ah.” Aurora was quiet for a few more seconds. “Um, do her parents know about that?”

“No, they only know about her being bisexual.”

Aurora hummed quietly. “I’d imagine that knowing anything else would probably cause Abby to actually throw a conniption then.”

Octavia looked down at the dishes as she scrubbed them, and then she sighed heavily. “Yeah.”

“It’s going to be okay, though, and you tell Clarke that, too. She’s safe here with us.”

“I’ll tell her, thanks, mom.”

* * *

 

**Clarke – I’m sorry I didn’t text you earlier. It’s been a crazy afternoon.**

**Lexa – Is everything okay??? I’m just worried about you :(**

**Clarke – Everything is not okay, but I am. I’m at Octavia’s house. My mom flipped out: I am a huge embarrassment because people were talking about me at her job because their children are all assholes.**

**Clarke – Paraphrased and in my words, not hers.**

**Lexa – Omg :( I’m so sorry babe.**

**Clarke – It’s whatever, I guess. O’s mom is fine with everything. Octavia is doing dishes right now, I’m all curled up in her bed lol.**

**Lexa – At least you have a place to stay…**

**Clarke – I wish you were here.**

**Lexa – Me too, babe.**

**Clarke – :(**

* * *

 

Clarke barely made it through the rest of the day, at least that’s how it felt. Octavia’s dad got home just when dinner was ready, and Clarke sat through the dinner silently. Octavia’s family talked about their days and behaved the way they normally did. Usually, Clarke would have fallen into the family dynamic easily, but she couldn’t muster the energy.

After dinner, Octavia did homework at her desk while Clarke laid on her friend’s bed and tried to do hers as well. She ended up getting distracted by Octavia’s kitten, and it was her adorable little face that began to really cheer Clarke up. By the time they were deciding to go to bed, Clarke at least cared enough to talk.

She and Octavia both got into bed before it was too late, and Octavia crashed in a matter of minutes. Clarke, though, wasn’t tired now that she wasn’t completely moping. Instead of trying to force her eyes closed, she carefully climbed out from under the blankets, grabbed her phone, and went into Octavia’s bathroom.

In a matter of seconds, Lexa’s contact was up on her phone, and the call was ringing as Clarke sat down against the wall, her legs on the rug in front of the sink. The call only rang once before the brunette picked up. “Hey,” Lexa said softly. “I didn’t think I was going to actually  _ hear _ from you today.”

“Octavia’s cat cheered me up a little,” Clarke admitted quietly. “Octavia’s asleep. I just… miss you.”

“Me, too,” Lexa replied softly. “You know, if I could like, teleport to you, I would totally do it.”

Clarke laughed lightly. “I guess it’s the sentiment that counts.” Lexa chuckled quietly as well, and a moment of quiet settled between them. “But anyway. How was your day? After school, I mean.”

“It was fine. I spent a lot of it whining to Raven. I’m surprised she hasn’t tweeted at you yet about it.”

“She probably did. I haven’t logged onto Twitter.”

“Oh, well then you probably have it to look forward to.” Lexa’s voice was soft and comforting, and Clarke leaned further into the wall behind her, stretching her legs out to press her feet against the wooden cabinet under the sink. “Oh, I guess there was also this weird thing that happened in my math class today. You probably don’t care to hear it, though.”

“No, tell me,” Clarke insisted. “I just like hearing you talk.”

Lexa’s laugh made Clarke smile, and her eyes flicker closed. “Okay. Well…”

And that’s how Clarke fell asleep curled up on Octavia’s bathroom floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts?  
> I'm still in Washington, and this update is a bit early because I'm going to be spending the rest of the day with my family, and I don't really wanna whip out my laptop while I'm with them to update lol... just if one of them asked what I was doing, I'm not a liar when it comes to this stuff so I would tell them and they'd probably be like ahaaaah lol okaaaay ._. and I'm just tryna avoid that :o)
> 
> Anyone have any one shot suggestions of any kind?  
> Have a great weekend loves, I'll see you guys on Sunday!!


	24. You Can Fix That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five days into Clarke's new reality, things might be taking a new turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I'm trying to write this note fast because it's 6 minutes until midnight in my timezone and I'm trying to be on time with my update XD  
> Tbh I had plenty of time to update this earlier today between work and celebrating father's day with my family, but I was playing Horizon Zero Dawn and I forgot lol, but I remembered!! ;D  
> Enjoy!!xx

“Lexa,” Raven said, nudging her friend, “are you okay today? You’ve been zoning out all day.”

Lexa blinked, glancing at her friend. She’d previously been staring into space – completely ignoring whatever her precalculus teacher was saying. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“No, you’re not.”

Lexa shrugged, looking down at her notes as though she was going to write something down. “I’m good, Raven.”

“Lexa Woods, you can’t lie –“

“Ladies? Am I interrupting your conversation with my teaching?”

“No, sir,” Lexa apologized quickly, “sorry.”

He went back to teaching, and Lexa tried to pay attention if not for any reason other than to keep Raven from talking to her. Still, after about two minutes of her trying very hard to not zone out, Raven whispered, “Lexa, you’re worrying me.”

“Raven, I’m okay,” Lexa insisted, turning to look at the Latina. “Can we talk later?”

“ _No_.”

“Miss Reyes, Miss Woods,” their teacher interrupted again, “I’ll see you both after class?”

“Yes, sir,” Lexa said quickly, flashing her best friend a slight glare. Raven rolled her eyes and looked down at her paper. Neither of them spoke through the rest of class.

It was Friday, and the week had possibly been the longest week of Lexa’s life.

Okay, that was maybe a stretch, but it felt too long for Lexa’s liking. Clarke had been having a bad week, which in turn had kind of made Lexa have a bad week. The blonde was still staying with Octavia, and had only spoken to her father a few times, just to check the status with Abby, who was evidently not feeling like coming around. Lexa thought it was stupid that Clarke’s dad wasn’t doing a bit more to soften the situation, but she didn’t know the family dynamic. In fact, she didn’t really even know what it was like to have two parents, let alone two parents that disagreed on something so major.

School was getting better for Clarke, although people had still been bothering her or staring at her, and every day there was at least something making her upset. Lexa wasn’t mad about that – it wasn’t Clarke’s fault, after all. She just wished that there was more she could do for her girlfriend.

That was really the worst part. No matter what was bothering Clarke, Lexa could do no more than type or say encouraging words and try to change the topic. It was driving her insane, and she kept trying to figure out better ways to help, but she couldn’t think of any.

At least not until Thursday night, while teaching her dance class. She’d mentioned Clarke to Olivia, who had then asked where the blonde lived. When Lexa answered, Olivia had casually said, “Well, I guess that’s not too far for a weekend trip, at least.”

So Lexa had decided that this weekend, she would be driving to Santa Barbara.

Late Thursday night, Lexa had made use of having Octavia’s phone number from spring break.

**Lexa – Hey, Octavia. Soooo this is probably weird but I want to come see Clarke this weekend, and I was wondering if you could give me her address?**

**Octavia – Oh, sure. I mean, she’s staying at mine, though. I’ll send you my address.**

**Lexa – Okay, but um, could you also send me hers?**

**Octavia – Why? It’s just her parents there.**

**Lexa – Exactly.**

**Octavia – Alright, but I’d be really wary, Lexa. Her mom is a piece of work.**

**Lexa – Don’t worry. I’ve dealt with plenty pieces of work.**

After that message, Octavia had sent two separate addresses, her own, and Clarke’s.

Lexa still wasn’t quite sure what she would do as soon as she got there – the right thing felt like to talk to Clarke, but she knew that Clarke wouldn’t want her to talk to her parents. And well, Lexa wanted to talk to Clarke’s mother.

On the other hand, Lexa knew that Abby didn’t know about _her_ or her relationship with Clarke. She didn’t really want to fuck things up more than things already were messed up, but it didn’t seem like Clarke’s mom was coming around. And Lexa could always… well, not fully admit who she was.

She would figure it out. All she knew was that she needed the day to end so that she could start her road trip.

Class ended, and the precal teacher looked pointedly at Lexa and Raven as they stood from their desks. Reluctantly, the two of them trudged over to his table.

“Care to explain what was so important that it had to interrupt my class, ladies?”

“Actually sure,” Lexa offered in annoyance, “my girlfriend is living at her friend’s house right now because her mother thinks she’s an embarrassment for being bisexual, and I’m trying to figure out how to drive three hours to go see her and also somehow convince her mom that she’s great even if she’s not straight, and yeah it’s kind of throwing me out of my game, and Raven was just trying to get me out of my head.”

The teacher blinked in surprise at the blatant honesty. “Well…” He looked to Raven uncomfortably. “I’m… sorry?”

“May we be excused now?”

“Uh, yes.”

Lexa turned on her heel and walked out of the classroom, Raven following right behind her. “Lexa, oh my god. Seriously, you are so not okay.”

“I’m fine, I just… want this stupid school day to be over so I can drive to fucking Santa Barbara.”

“You’re seriously driving three hours after school today? What are you even going to say to her mom? ‘Hey, I’m Clarke’s girlfriend, trust me you shouldn’t care that she’s bi?’”

“Maybe not exactly like that.”

“Lexa, have you even thought this through?” Raven demanded, grabbing Lexa’s wrist. “You could fuck things up even more for your girlfriend.”

“But I won’t.”

“Lexa…”

“Trust me, Raven, I know what I’m doing.”

* * *

Lexa wished that she knew what she was doing. Halfway through her drive to Santa Barbara, she realized that she had no idea what to say to Clarke’s parents. She’d been trying to think if she should lie about who she was, but had finally vetoed the idea after realizing that she couldn’t make up an excuse to talk about Clarke if her parents didn’t know who she was. And there was no way she could pretend to be someone at Clarke’s school – Lexa had no idea how to be a prep school kid. Although, if _Octavia_ was a prep school kid, she probably _could_ pull it off.

By the time she was an hour away from Clarke’s house, she had decided just to go to Octavia’s place.

And by the time she was half an hour away, she had gone back to the decision of going to Clarke’s place.

And when she was driving into Clarke’s town, she’d decided just to see where she ended up.

* * *

Clarke looked at herself in Octavia’s full length mirror. Her friend was at a late practice, but Clarke had decided to go back to Octavia’s house. Earlier in the week, Octavia had taken her to go get her car from home, which she knew was probably even more frustrating for her parents, but Clarke couldn’t rely on the brunette for a ride all of the time. Especially if she didn’t know how long she would be staying for.

Both of Octavia’s parents had been the nicest they could’ve been about all of this, but Clarke still felt like she was intruding. She’d taken up doing the dishes after dinner every night to somehow pay them back for letting her stay there for an extended period of time.

Since Clarke really only went to school during the week, clothing hadn’t been much of an issue. If she did need anything, Octavia had made it very clear that her closet was open.

When she said that, Clarke had made a dumb joke about her closet finally being open too, and it was too sad for either of them to laugh.

School was getting easier – people still stared and sometimes whispered, but people were dealing with it. Nathan was started to get a few more whispers now that people were focused less on the weird quiet girl, but he seemed to be doing okay. Clarke had met up with him on Wednesday to apologize for freaking out on Monday, and he had insisted that it was only fair that she freak out.

Clarke just wanted to make sure that Nathan didn’t think that she blamed him, because she didn’t. It wasn’t his fault that some assholes had taken his phone and found out there that Clarke was bi. And she knew that he was hurting too.

So they’d started hanging out again – stopping to say hey to each other in the hallway and stuff. He’d also joined her and Octavia for lunch starting on Wednesday, and the three of them were already becoming a lot closer.

It had been a long week, and Octavia’s house was feeling more and more like her _home_ at this point.

Her reflection was bland, the same way she felt after being drained this week. No matter whether it was getting easier, the week had squeezed her and twisted her and wrung her out completely. She hadn’t bothered with makeup that morning either, so her face was incredibly blank, staring back at her in the mirror. Her hair made her look even paler. Her uniform was itchy and tight and as horrible as always. She should’ve changed out of it by now – she’d been back at Octavia’s for a while anyway. But after taking a nap in her best friend’s bed, she’d gotten up and only moved far enough to stare at herself blankly in this mirror.

Suddenly, surprising herself, she spoke quietly, “One week down. The rest of my whole fucking life to go.”

* * *

Lexa drove up to the house slowly, eyeing the car parked in front of the garage. It was impossible for her to tell whose it was, so she didn’t try to figure it out. Instead, she pulled her car to a slow stop along the curb in front of the house. After powering off the vehicle, running her hands through her hair, and taking a deep breath, she grabbed her phone and keys, shoved them both in her pocket, and clambered out of the car. Her trip to the front door felt the length of a lifetime, and her fingers fiddled with her car keys in her pocket as she did.

Once in front of the door, her green eyes focused in on the doorbell, willing herself not to back down. She was here now, it was too late to get scared. She was already here.

And she _had_ to do this.

Her hand practically flung itself forward to hit the little button without getting a chance to hesitate any longer.

The ringing heard inside told Lexa that the button’s message had been delivered, and it was only a few moments later before the door swung open to reveal a woman with somewhat dark, sandy colored hair. Her face was stern, and she looked like a woman who scowled quite a bit. Lexa could already imagine her as a doctor, and guessed that when she wanted to, Abby Griffin could probably soften that face into a reassuring smile, or take a dying woman’s hand while waiting for a flatline.

But right now, Clarke’s mom looked beyond pissed off.

“What do you want?”

“Mrs. Griffin?” Lexa asked carefully, taking care to sound as respectful as she possibly could. It was hard to muster any sort of positive emotion toward someone who had hurt Clarke as much as she had, but Lexa had to do this right. Coming here just to get mad at Clarke’s mom would’ve defeated the point of being here in the first place. She was trying to _help_ her girlfriend, not worsen this fucked up situation.

“Yes? What can I do for you?” Abby asked, relaxing a little as if she’d only just realized how annoyed she sounded.

“You’re Clarke’s mom,” Lexa stated unnecessarily, breaking the ice as quickly as possible. “I want to talk to you about Clarke.”

Abby narrowed her eyes. “What about her? If this is about something at school, I don’t want to hear about. I’ve already dealt with enough of this shit from my job, I don’t need to hear from the kids of those doctors too.”

“No, I don’t have anything bad to say about your daughter,” Lexa said softly. “Can I just… can I come in?”

“I don’t have time –“

“Please, Mrs. Griffin, it’s important.”

Abby glanced over Lexa another time before nodding slightly and stepping back to let her in. Lexa let out a slightly relieved breath as she stepped into the house. Her gaze immediately went to look around the foyer. The house was definitely bigger than her own, but that wasn’t really a surprise.

She felt a little bad when her first thought was that she wanted to see Clarke’s room, but after a few seconds, she remembered what she was here for, and she looked back to Abby.

“So what do you want?” the woman was asking.

Lexa took in a quick breath as Abby closed the front door. “Um, okay so… I know that you’re mad at Clarke… although frankly, I don’t think that you really have any _reason_ to be.”

“Sorry – who are you again?”

“My name is Lexa,” Lexa said, scolding herself for forgetting to even say that much. “I know Clarke, but… not really from school. Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is that you’re mad at her, but she hasn’t done anything wrong.”

“She’s embarrassed me and this –“

“How many teenage kids have you met these days?” Lexa interrupted, hoping that she didn’t sound _too_ angry already. “She could be doing so many worse things than just _being who she is_. Do you know how many stoners I know at my school? Or people who get wasted more often than they open a textbook? You got really lucky with your daughter, at least by your standards. She’s a _good_ person. She doesn’t spend time gossiping about people, even though a shit ton of people think it’s okay to gossip about her as though she isn’t a freaking _human_.”

Abby was glaring at Lexa now. “I know who my daughter is, I don’t need to hear this.”

“So then what’s the issue? I only have one parent who even cares enough to support me, and even though she isn’t _awful_ , she doesn’t _care_ about me. I’m used to that. But Clarke is used to having two parents who are there for her, and it was so _freaking_ hard for her to accept that you’d found out. She would’ve told you ages ago, too, but she _knew_ that you weren’t going to be supportive. She couldn’t even trust you, her mom, who is supposed to be there for her. And you can’t even _try_ to be there for her?”

“I don’t think we should be having this conversation,” Abby said, steeled over. “You need to get out of my house. You don’t know my daughter, and you don’t know me.”

“I’m pretty sure I might actually know your daughter better than you do at this point,” Lexa argued, unmoving.

“And who are you that you are somehow and expert on Clarke Griffin?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Lexa said quickly, holding herself to her pledge not to tell Abby that she was Clarke’s girlfriend and realizing that she’d almost messed that up. “I just think…” She took a deep breath. “You need to think about what you’re going to lose by losing Clarke. She’s your only child, and you’re going to let her get distant from you just because you can’t accept that she is capable of loving girls and boys? You are so lucky to have a daughter like Clarke, and you are throwing that way by keeping her out.”

“I’m not doing anything! _She’s_ the one who left this house!”

“Because you made her feel unsafe!” Lexa exclaimed. “She felt unloved in her own house – what about that isn’t a big deal to you? She’s your daughter, and she hasn’t done anything wrong. And your husband knows that – everyone else know that – so why can’t you realize it? Her best friend’s parents are caring more about her right now than you are. Isn’t that a problem? You can _fix_ that.”

“Get out of my house,” Abby growled, her voice dangerously quiet.

“You’re doing this to yourself, Abby,” Lexa said, evening her own voice and taking a step toward the door. “If you don’t act quick, she’ll slip away completely.” Abby looked angry enough to retaliate one more time, but Lexa was out the door before she could. Somehow, before she even registered what was happening, Lexa was on her way to Octavia’s house.

* * *

 

At some point during Clarke’s stare off with herself, she’d heard Octavia’s parents call up to her to say that they were going out to dinner that night. She’d mustered some sort of reply, but since then had just been on Octavia's bed, bored. Lexa wasn’t texting her back, so she’d messaged Nathan. Turns out that he was at some sort of late practice too. Apparently that was a trend with their school’s sports teams.

Clarke didn’t really mind, the only issue was that her mind was doing a downward spiral. After such a long week, she needed some kind of catharsis to let out all the bad energy, and she had none. Instead, she trolled Twitter, replying to some of Raven’s tweets. Lexa’s best friend was also not answering, which was annoying. It almost felt like the whole world was turned away from Clarke in that moment, and she felt the most alone she had in ages.

She gave up on her phone after a while, tossing it aside and flopping onto her back on Octavia’s bed. She turned her head to glance at Octavia’s full length mirror, in which she could see part of herself. Her pleated skirt was still on, as well as her dark leggings and button down shirt. She still had yet to change out of it.

Suddenly, the sound of the doorbell broke through the silence in the house, and Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed. She got off the bed quickly, straightened out her uniform as best as she could in case it was someone actually looking for a member of the Blake family.

Hurrying downstairs, she found herself zoning out a little bit. The house was familiar enough at this point that it didn’t even feel weird to go and let someone in.

That is until she swung the door open and her girlfriend was standing in front of her. She was so surprised that her jaw just dropped and no words could escape her lips.

“Hey,” Lexa said with a soft smile.

The moment lasted a few long seconds, with Lexa smiling and Clarke unable to absorb what was happening, and then blue eyes started leaking tears as the blonde flung herself forward and grabbed Lexa in a hug. “Oh my god, what are you doing here?”

“I came to cheer you up,” Lexa said quietly, wrapping her arms firmly around Clarke’s lower back. “I may or may not have used Octavia to get here so I could surprise you.”

Clarke buried her face into Lexa’s neck and inhaled deeply. “Holy shit I missed you.”

“Me too.”

“So you just…” Clarke pulled away from her girlfriend a little. “Drove here? All the way from San Diego?”

“Yeah, why not? My mom won’t even notice I’m gone, and it was definitely worth it. You’ve had a really bad week, and I’m not about to let you suffer through your weekend, too.”

“Yeah it’s been… _hard_ to say the least,” Clarke muttered, pulling back from Lexa and stepping backwards into the house. “Come in, though, nobody’s home but me.” Clarke led Lexa upstairs and to Octavia’s bedroom.

Lexa walked into the room slowly, following Clarke. “Where is Octavia anyway?”

“She has practice tonight. And her parents just left to go out on a date night or something,” Clarke explained. “It was going to be just me for a while, which is pretty depressing just because… well, I haven’t been in the best headspace.”

“That’s perfectly understandable,” Lexa replied, closing the bedroom door behind her and leaning against it as she looked at Clarke, who had moved to sit on the bed. “Ah, and this is the infamous _school uniform_ , I see.”

Clarke flushed suddenly, having forgotten what she was wearing and also the fact that one of her first conversations with Lexa had been about school uniforms and how they could be _hot_. “Yeah, I should probably change... I don’t know why I haven’t already. I hate these clothes.”

“At least you look good in it,” Lexa said softly, causing Clarke to blush a little more. The blonde was about to object, but then her phone vibrated suddenly from the bed. Furrowing her eyebrows, she turned around and grabbed it, checking the notification.

**Mom – Why did some girl named Lexa come to my door today?**

Clarke’s eyes widened, and she looked up at her girlfriend.

“Um… care to explain why you were at _my_ house when you knew I was staying here?”

Lexa’s face reddened, and she shifted her gaze down to the floor. “Please don’t be mad… I didn’t know if I was actually going to go through with it, but I asked Octavia for your address as well as hers so that I could… I don’t know… I thought I could talk some sense into your mom.” Green eyes jumped back up to meet blue ones. “But I didn’t _say_ anything. I mean, I didn’t tell her that I’m your girlfriend or anything like that.”

The blonde let out a long sigh. “What happened?”

“Nothing, I mean… I basically told her that she has nothing to be _mad_ about, because it’s not like you did anything wrong. And I kind of tried to guilt her? I’m sorry, it probably wasn’t my place, but… I _hate_ seeing you in pain. And I know you’ve never been like, super close with your mom, but you’re used to having both of your parents, and because of her, you can’t even have the one that you’re closest to. I just want you to be okay.”

“Well… thank you, but… I doubt you changed anything. I think my mom is incapable of acceptance,” Clarke muttered, looking back down at her phone. She decided to respond to the message.

**Clarke – Because unlike my own mother, she wanted to stand up for me.**

“She does seem rather… harsh. Your dad must be a lot nicer, because somehow she made _you_ , and you’re pretty fucking great,” Lexa murmured.

Clarke smiled now at her girlfriend. “Thank you.”

“So… I know you were previously deadest on staying in and wallowing all night, but now that I’m here, do you wanna go do something fun? Maybe I can actually distract you from everything for once.”

“Good luck finding something to do in this place.”

“Come on, it’s not like you live in the middle of nowhere,” Lexa argued. “Santa Barbara might be small in comparison to other cities, but it’s still a city.”

“But it’s so boring,” Clarke whined as Lexa took a step forward and grabbed her hand, tugging her gently up into a standing position.

“I’ll make it fun, how about that?”

“Fine, but it _better_ actually be fun.”

Lexa flashed her girlfriend a wink. “It will be. But first, as hot as you look in that uniform, I think you need to change.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay it's now 4 minutes till midnight, I'm making good time!! Ahaha xD  
> I'm about to have a midnight snack and then I'm going to come finish writing a one shot I'm working on to post in between this story and my new story :) It's Octaven, because tbh I love them so much?  
> Anyway, I hope you all have a lovely week! Love you all! x


	25. You Met Her Online?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke try to escape their problems a little bit, and some interesting things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty lovelies, this is the second to last chapter!! It is longer than intended because on Tuesday, I decided to rewrite a good chunk of it to make sure some things were more clear. I think it got a lot better. The last chapter will not be as long as this one, because this one will wrap up most of what's going on. The last chapter will be more of an epilogue, although it will be still very important.
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

 

“You’ve been here all of what, an hour, and you’re suddenly an expert on Santa Barbara and how to get around?”

“Obviously,” Lexa replied from the driver’s seat, where she seemed to be having no issue driving through the streets of the city. Then again, she wouldn’t tell Clarke where they were going, so it was possible that they were just driving aimlessly until Lexa made up her mind. But Clarke wasn’t going to call her out that much. “Have you eaten?”

“Nope, are you going to change that?”

“Obviously.”

Clarke glanced out the windows at the city she was pretty used to, even though she didn’t drive into it much. It was pretty dark out by now, but the city was relatively well lit up, even if they weren’t really downtown. After a few moments, Lexa had driven into the parking lot in front of a store, and Clarke lifted her eyebrow. “This is a grocery store.”

“Yes, and?”

“I’m confused.”

“Come on,” Lexa insisted, shutting off her car and climbing out. Smiling involuntarily, Clarke got out the other side and followed Lexa toward the store.

“What are we shopping for?”

“Food?”

“Helpful, Lexa.”

“What sounds good?” Lexa asked. “It has to be something that like, doesn’t need to be cooked, though.”

“I feel like that seriously limits our options,” Clarke said, finally catching up with her girlfriend, who grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers in a second.

“Well, we can get creative.”

“Like a sandwich?”

“A sandwich isn’t creative, but if that’s what you want then we can buy bread and stuff.” Lexa flashed Clarke an amused look.

“I’m just confused why we’re at the grocery store. I feel like fast food would be cheaper.”

“This is more fun, Clarke,” Lexa insisted with a chuckle, grabbing a small basket and hooking her arm through the handle.. “Come on, let’s just buy a bunch of random shit.”

“And where will we be eating this?”

“You’ll see, don’t think about it. C’mon.”

Lexa started dragging Clarke through the aisles, but the first two were pretty much things that had to be cooked to actually be eaten. Then they got to the snack aisle, and Lexa got excited.

“Ooh, like everything here is prepackaged. Pick something.”

“Like what? Why can’t you pick something?”

“Because I’m trying to be a gentlewoman,” Lexa insisted, glancing at the filled shelves along the aisle. “Come on, just pick anything.”

Clarke looked at all of the snack foods around her, and finally stepped up to one of the shelves, grabbing a box of little cream filled snack cakes.

“That is not dinner food,” Lexa said with amusement, but she took the box and put it in her basket. “Alright, let’s keep going.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t even pretend to _actually_ be mad.

* * *

 

“I think this is too much food?” Clarke looked at her girlfriend skeptically as the brunette piled the bags into the back of her car. Lexa just shrugged and nodded back to the front of the car. “You’re crazy. What are we even doing?”

“You’ll _see_ , babe.”

Clarke chuckled, ducking into the passenger seat of the car. As Lexa started it up, the blonde took out her phone to see that during their shopping adventure, she’d missed a number of text messages.

**Mom – You’re being unfair to me. I have always been supportive of you, this is just… too far, Clarke.**

**Octavia – I’m guessing Lexa swooped in and stole you from my house already? And did my parents go out or did aliens come and abduct them or something? My house is never this quiet lol.**

**Raven – Did Lexa ever make it to your house because if not, someone needs to call the cops o.O And I TOLD her to text me when she got there but apparently she decided that she didn’t have to do that after all.**

Clarke quickly replied to Raven and then to Octavia, answering their questions, and then she stared into the words sent by her mother. “I can’t believe my mom,” she said aloud. “How is she _this_ bad?”

“She’ll come around,” Lexa said, but she didn’t sound particularly convinced.

“You talked to her, Lexa, you know that she’s a lost cause.”

“Maybe not forever.”

“Well in a year, I’ll be gone from this place, and if she’s not on board by then, she’ll never be.”

“It doesn’t hurt to hope…”

“Hope doesn’t help that much though.”

“Alright, let’s not think about your mom right now. We’re almost to where we’re going.”

“How far away does almost mean?”

“I don’t actually know,” Lexa admitted with an embarrassed laugh. “Come on, just enjoy the scenery?”

“The scenery of nighttime Santa Barbara?”

“Yeah, duh.”

Clarke chuckled, but she looked back down at her phone despite Lexa’s insistence.

**Clarke – How is it being unfair to you if I ask you to support who I am as a person?**

**Clarke – And for your information…**

**Clarke – Lexa, the girl who came to talk to you, she’s my girlfriend.**

**Clarke – And unlike you, she just wants me to be happy. And I’m happy to have someone who would go talk to such a closed minded person like you in the efforts to try to make me happier.**

**Clarke – I don’t need you, mom, I’ll move on if you never come around.**

**Clarke – Will you?**

“What’s with the serious face?”

“Nothing,” Clarke said quickly, locking her phone and pocketing it.

“Is everything okay?”

Clarke forced a smile and nodded. “Yes, everything’s good.” Lexa looked doubtful, but she stopped questioning the blonde and the car went silent. Clarke looked out the window and watched pieces of Santa Barbara pass by them, until she finally realized that there was only one place they could be driving to. “We’re going to the beach,” she said suddenly.

“How’d you guess?” Lexa asked in amusement as they approached one of the beaches in Santa Barbara. It wasn’t particularly empty, since it was a Friday night, but since it was getting late by now, it also wasn’t as packed as it could be.

“Please tell me that you brought something to sit on instead of the sand.”

“I actually did, but it wasn’t really intentional. I was just throwing some stuff I might need in the back seat of my car, and towels were one of those things. So we can each grab one of those.”

“You mean this entire date wasn’t _planned_?” Clarke asked mockingly, and Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Cut me some slack, I did at least buy you food.”

Clarke hummed. “Yes, you did do that.” The blonde went quiet as Lexa parked her car. Once it was stationary, the two of them undid their seatbelts and began to gather their nighttime picnic materials. Lexa grabbed the towels she was talking about and Clarke grabbed the food, and they started trekking down to an empty part of the beach. The two of them were both fairly quiet as they walked, and it wasn’t until Lexa was laying out the towels that Clarke sighed and said, “I still can’t believe you drove all the way up here.”

“I can’t see how it’s so hard to believe, since I’m standing right next to you.”

Clarke fought off a smile and rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, but still,” Lexa insisted. “Don’t worry about it. I wanted to be here for you, and it’s not that far. And it was completely worth it, okay?” The brunette sat herself down on the towels and patted the spot next to her, where Clarke lowered herself as well. She told herself not to think about the _why_ Lexa was here, but to focus on the fact that her girlfriend was sitting right next to her. “Alright, let’s see what we can do about this food.”

Somehow, out of the random foods they’d bought at the grocery store, they managed to eat a full meal, plus the snack cakes for dessert, and then they balled up and stuffed the garbage into one of the grocery bags so that it wouldn’t all blow away. After that, Clarke stretched out so that she was laying on her stomach, propped up on her elbows so that she could still look at her girlfriend.

She meant to say something, but got caught up in staring at the beautiful girl next to her, who laughed and tilted her head. “Why are you staring at me?”

“Sorry,” Clarke apologized without much sincerity. Instead, she just smiled and said, “Thanks for food. And for just… being here and cheering me up.”

“Anytime, babe.”

“I still wish you lived closer, though.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Clarke rolled over suddenly, resting her head on Lexa’s lap and looking up at the dark sky. Lexa’s hands moved to tangle her fingers into blonde hair softly, tugging through the strands and scratching gently across Clarke’s scalp. Blue eyes flickered closed.

They sat like that for a while, unspeaking. It was peaceful and just… nice to be so close to each other again.

But after a while, Lexa said softly, “Clarke…”

“Hmm?” Clarke opened her eyes and met Lexa’s gaze above her.

“You know like when we first started talking, I was like super skeptical about online friendships and all that.”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“And like I was pretty sure that meeting and dating someone online before in person was like, dumb or not the same… but obviously that’s been blown out of the water, because you are probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and even though we do live two hours apart, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. So I just wanted to make sure you knew that and also that I… I love you.”

Clarke’s heart skipped a beat, although it felt more like it stopped all together, and she was instantly lost for words. She wanted to say something, somehow, but no words could come to her mind as she stared up at glistening green eyes. It was, thankfully, only a few seconds later that she managed to uncover four words that described her feelings the best. “I love you, too.”

Lexa’s face lit up, and Clarke smiled happily up at the brunette. “I’m glad we’re on the same page,” Lexa said softly.

“Truthfully, Lexa,” Clarke murmured, “I don’t know what I would do without you. I don’t know if I ever would’ve been able to even say out loud that I’m bi or anything like that. And you’ve been like… I don’t know, like a lifeline for me. And I just… well… I guess just thank you, and I obviously love you too.”

“Obviously.” Lexa sounded amused, and Clarke chuckled, covering her face with her hands.

“I wanted to tell you that last week,” the blonde admitted, “but I didn’t know how, and I was kind of scared… I’ve never really loved anyone like I love you before, and I’m not… really used to feeling this connected to someone.”

“Well that’s okay, because now we both know how much we love each other and when our phone calls end, they can actually end with something other than ‘bye,’ because that’s honestly the lamest way to end a phone call with your girlfriend,” Lexa teased.

“You’re not wrong.”

“I love you, Clarke.”

“I love you, too, Lexa.”

* * *

 

“Well hey there, Lexa,” Octavia said with amusement as she opened the door for the couple. “I see you brought Clarke back in one piece.”

“How else would I have brought her back?” Lexa asked with a raised eyebrow.

Octavia hummed thoughtfully. “I was going to make some sort of joke, but I think none of them are actually funny, so…”

“Are you going to let us in, O?” Clarke asked, rolling her eyes at her friend.

“Ah yeah, by all means come on in. My parents are still out,” Octavia told them. “And I scraped some food together for me already, so I hope that you two fed yourselves – or each other…”

“We ate,” Lexa confirmed with a chuckle. “Um, but I probably need to, ah, figure out where I’m going to stay tonight.”

Octavia scoffed. “Oh please, Lexa, you’re staying here tonight. You’re crazy if you think I’m going to make you stay in some hotel in Santa Barbara while you’re here. I mean, you can’t share a bed with Clarke, though, because uh… yeah, obvious reasons. But you can have the couch.”

Lexa looked relieved, and Clarke could tell that her girlfriend was hoping that Octavia would say that. Of course, though, being the chivalrous girl she was, Lexa never would’ve asked Octavia directly to stay here. “Thank you so much.”

“Of course. I’ll get you some sheets and a blanket.”

Octavia headed toward the laundry room, so Clarke led Lexa into the living room where the couch was. “You and Octavia both have really big houses,” Lexa commented, glancing around the house.

“Yeah, probably bigger than necessary. Well, at least Octavia’s parents used to have two kids in this house, so they have an excuse. My parents have no excuse. We literally have an extra room in our house that’s set up like a study, but no one ever uses it. It’s pretty useless,” Clarke admitted, sitting down on the couch. Lexa followed suit, relaxing into the cushions happily.

“It’s kind of cool, though,” Lexa reasoned with a shrug.

Clarke’s phone started ringing suddenly, and with furrowed eyebrows she grabbed it out of her pocket. “It’s my mom,” she said in surprise, staring at it for a few long seconds before relenting and answering the call. “Mom?”

“Oh good,” Abby said, sounding strangely quiet. “I was afraid you wouldn’t pick up. Where are you?”

Clarke pressed her lips together for a moment, making eye contact with her concerned girlfriend. “I’m at Octavia’s house,” she gave in.

Suddenly, the front door of the house opened and Octavia’s parents entered into the house, talking and laughing about something. They walked into the living room after closing the door and setting their keys in the bowl by the door, and Lexa looked over at them as Clarke continued to speak to her mom.

“Oh, hello,” Octavia’s mother said, looking at Lexa with curiosity. “Who are you?”

“My name is Lexa,” the brunette said quickly, “ah, I’m a friend of Clarke’s and Octavia’s, visiting from… San Diego.” At first, Lexa considered coming up with a lie, but these were Octavia’s parents – good people – and she didn’t want to lie to them. “Octavia said I could stay here tonight, but I can leave if that’s a problem.”

“Not at all,” Octavia’s dad insisted. “I assume Octavia’s already getting you bedding.”

Lexa nodded, and Octavia’s mom looked to where Clarke was still talking on the phone. “Is everything okay?”

“She’s talking to her mom,” Lexa said quietly, glancing at her girlfriend.

“Tomorrow, okay?” Clarke was saying impatiently. “It’s late. Whatever. Okay. Bye.” The blonde hung up the phone and sighed, before looking up at Octavia’s parents. “Sorry… my mom wants me to come to the house tomorrow to talk to her.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Octavia’s mom asked, and Clarke shrugged. “Do you want me to go with you?”

“No, I’ll be okay,” Clarke insisted. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick, I’ll be back.”

Clarke quickly left the room, and Lexa had the urge to follow her and make sure she was alright, but Octavia’s dad was exiting the room, leaving just her and Octavia’s mom in the room. The woman looked at her tentatively, and then smiled. “A _friend_ from San Diego, huh?”

Lexa blushed, unsure of what exactly Octavia’s mom knew. “Ah…”

“You’re the girl that Clarke is dating right? The one she met online.”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Well it’s a pleasure to meet you, you can call me Aurora. You drove all the way up here from San Diego, huh?”

“Clarke’s had a rough week…”

Aurora nodded. “That she has. It’s probably good for her to have a real pick me up, though. And I can tell that you really care about her. I’m glad, too. That girl is such a beautiful soul, and so few look closely enough to see it.”

“I know,” Lexa said with a smile.

Octavia walked into the room suddenly with some sheets, blankets and a pillow overflowing in her arms. “Oh, hey mom. Here you go, Lexa.”

“Oh, thank you.” Lexa hopped up, allowing Octavia to set the things down on the couch. “I really appreciate it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Octavia said with a wave of her hand, “you’re dating my best friend, what am I supposed to do? Make you go sleep on the front porch?”

Aurora chuckled. “Have a good night, girls, we’re going to head to bed.”

“Goodnight, mom, and tell dad I said so too,” Octavia said with a bright smile. Aurora left the room, and Octavia looked at Lexa happily. “I’m glad you’re here. Clarke’s been missing you a lot. It’s… kind of unfortunate that you have to live so far away. Would be way easier if you were close by.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Lexa said with a quick exhale.

Clarke came back into the room, smiling at the two brunettes. “I texted my dad,” she said, “and he said that my mom is being legit.”

“Wait, what?” Octavia furrowed her eyebrows.

“My mom wants to talk to me tomorrow. I’m going to go home and talk to her at noon.”

Octavia frowned. “Are you comfortable with that?”

“I’ll be fine,” Clarke insisted. “Um… I don’t know if you’d mind, Lexa, but if you want to come with me… I’d really appreciate it.”

“Of course, parents don’t scare me.” The brunette smiled sweetly and Clarke let out a relieved sigh.

“Thank you. But yeah, according to my dad, my mom was pretty shaken after Lexa talked to her. When my dad got home, and when she got home from her short shift at work, she started freaking out about it, and that was I think also after I texted her, and they got into some sort of fight about it.”

Octavia raised her eyebrows. “Do you think they’ve been doing that all week?”

“I don’t know,” Clarke answered with a shrug, “but I do know that my dad wouldn’t have said nothing all week. That’s not like him. I think he used the fact that Lexa and I threw her off today to finally try to knock some sense into her. I guess we’ll never know what he said to her unless I ask, but… I don’t know if I want to know what he had to say to make her see some sort of reason after five days. Unless she just plans to start a screaming match with me tomorrow, too.”

Lexa reached out, grabbing Clarke’s hand and squeezing it carefully. “You’re strong, you’re gonna get through this no matter what.” Clarke met Lexa’s gaze and smiled softly.

“Thank you.”

* * *

 

“I think I’m going to sleep pretty soon,” Lexa said to Octavia and Clarke after about an hour of chilling and talking in the living room - Octavia had begun to talk about her soccer practice and the conversation had flourished from there. Lexa fit well into Octavia and Clarke’s dynamic, and visa versa with Octavia in Lexa and Clarke’s conversational dynamic.

“You probably need a long night of sleep after school and all that driving today.”

Clarke smiled at her girlfriend. “I’ll show you where the bathroom is so you can get ready.”

Lexa hopped up, grabbing her small bag that she’d brought in from her car, and then she followed Clarke upstairs to the spare bathroom up there. “You can just use this one, so that Octavia can use hers right now if she needs to. And the one downstairs doesn’t have a shower.”

“Mm, I can think of some fun we could have in the shower together…”

Clarke flushed. “Lexa, we _can’t_ do something like that in Octavia’s house.”

“I know,” the brunette sighed. “But it would be so fun.”

Blue eyes scanned over Lexa’s expression, which was one of barely genuine disappointment. It made Clarke laugh quietly at her girlfriend’s antics, and the blonde gently closed the bathroom door behind her, turning a little to lock it. When she looked back into green eyes, they were full of curiosity and a little confusion.

Clarke took a step forward and dropped her hands onto Lexa’s hips, pulling the taller girl toward her for a kiss. Lexa’s lips immediately reacted to hers, moving softly against Clarke’s. After a moment, Clarke reclaimed control of their kiss and slid her tongue through the barrier of Lexa’s lips. The kiss got faster then, more urgent and intense, and Clarke almost let herself get carried away.

At some point, though, she remembered where they were, and she pulled away from her girlfriend gently. “If we were anywhere else, we could keep going, but we’re at O’s house.”

Lexa frowned for a second, and then she smirked a little. “So if we were at your house…?”

“You think you’re so funny.”

* * *

 

“How was your date?” Octavia asked the blonde as they both flopped down onto her bed.

“It was good,” Clarke said with a shy smile. “She told me that she loves me.”

“Well it’s about damn time,” Octavia teased. Clarke playfully pushed her friend, who laughed and shook her head. “I’m happy for you, C.”

“Thanks.”

“Well, since you’re feeling happier right about now, can I tell you something that might make you happy for me?” Octavia asked.

Clarke blinked. “Of course. Is there something you haven’t been telling me because I’ve been upset?”

“I mean, not _really_. Like, it’s not a big thing, it’s just a little thing. I just figured I’d wait until you were in a bit better of a mental state before I said anything about it.”

“About what? Spit it out, O.”

“You know that guy from LA? Lincoln?” Clarke nodded. “He and I have been talking a lot lately, mostly via text but we added each other on snapchat, too. We may or may not be online dating… kind of. I mean, nothing like, official, but it’s definitely past the point of friendship.”

“Considering that you slept with him like eight days ago, I can’t say that it’s surprising that you’re past the point of being just friends.” Clarke smirked. “That’s awesome, though. He seemed really nice, and no offense, but you need to date nicer guys.”

“You’re not wrong there,” Octavia agreed. “I figured I’d tell you now that you’re happier, and that way you can know that there hasn’t been a complete shift in our friendship relationship balance.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

Octavia laughed. “Yeah, me neither. I think I’m getting kind of tired. Practice was long.”

“We should both probably sleep. I might as well get some form of relief between now and seeing my mom tomorrow.”

* * *

 

“What if she wants to talk to tell me that she’s officially decided to kick me out once and for all? What if she tells me that she’s pulling my payment for school and I have to go to public school all the sudden without Octavia and everyone there hates me?” Clarke whined to her girlfriend, who was continuously shaking her head at this point.

“Clarke Griffin, you need to chill out,” Lexa insisted. “Your mom isn’t going to do either of those things.”

“What if she does, though?”

“Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

“Ugh.”

“Seriously, babe, calm down. We’re almost there, and you’re going to be fine,”

The car became silent as they pulled into Clarke’s neighborhood, and then finally up to her house. Two cars sat in the driveway, which told them that both Abby and Jake were home. That was at least a good sign.

They parked on the street, silently clambered out of the vehicle, and started up to the front door. Clarke was in the middle of debating with herself whether or not to dig her key out of her bag or just to knock, but then the door swung open. Her mom had been waiting. “Clarke – oh, and Lexa.” Abby looked surprised. “Err, come on in, both of you.”

Clarke glanced at her girlfriend and then stepped into her own house.

“We’re in the dining room, I figured we could sit and talk. And I made tea… your favorite kind, Clarke. Would you like some too, Lexa?”

“Please,” Lexa said quietly, and she followed Clarke further into the house and to the dining room, which was connected to the kitchen. Jake was sitting at the table, and Clarke gave him a weak smile.

He stood though, upon their entering into the room. “You must be Lexa,” Jake said formally, extending his hand to the brunette. “Jake Griffin, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Lexa looked really caught off guard, but she threw on her naturally brilliant smile and shook his hand. “You too, sir.”

“Please, call me Jake,” Clarke’s dad insisted. “Please, sit down, both of you.”

Clarke and Lexa took the seats across from the two that already had mugs of tea at them, and then Abby brought them each some tea as well. Finally, Abby sat down next to her husband and took in a deep breath.

“Clarke… I want to start with an apology for a few things… some of them being using offensive terms to describe your sexuality, as well as making it seem like I only cared about the way your… _identity_ affected me. I didn’t take into account the struggle that you were going through.”

Clarke didn’t even know what to say in response to her mother’s apology, since she couldn’t tell whether it was genuine or just well-rehearsed, but she figured that a nod and a quiet, “Thank you,” would suffice, because there was clearly more to this talk.

“And… I want you to know that… I’m going to _try_ with this, Clarke. I’m not… the most used to this situation, obviously, but… well, I was at work last night when you texted me in the evening. And I didn’t get a chance to respond, but a few minutes after I read the messages, one of the other doctors made a rude comment to me about you and I… well… I reacted the same way I’ve been reacting - I was embarrassed. But then I got home and I discussed everything with your father… I thought about everything - I did my best to anyway, including what you said and what, ah, Lexa said. I came to the conclusion, albeit with a lot of help, that I’m your mother, and I should be protecting you from those people. That’s my job as your mom… it’s to raise you and protect you, and I’ve done a pretty messed up job of that lately. And I’m sorry. Again… this is hard for me to understand and to accept… but I’m going to try. And I would like it if you could come back home. I’m not ready to be an empty nester.”

Clarke looked at her mom carefully, and then at her dad, who was smiling at her encouragingly. She knew for sure by now that her dad had been talking her mom up about this all week as well, and that he’d had a big part in the fact that this meeting was even happening right now. That was the only way that Clarke’s mother ever came around to anything. In fact, Clarke kind of wondered if that was the only real factor - that her words and Lexa’s just happened to shake her enough for her to even listen to Jake. But despite all of that, Clarke knew that she needed to take this chance to prove to her mom that she hadn’t actually changed. “Thank you,” Clarke said again, followed by, “I’d love to come back home.”

Abby let out a relieved breath. “Thank goodness. It’s been… so weird without you home. I don’t know… how people can actually kick their children out of their home. I want you to know, Clarke, that no matter how hard it is for me to adjust to this, I won’t ever do something like that. You’re my daughter. And… well, I’m a doctor, so I’m not completely clueless when it comes to genetics and things… and of course I don’t mean to say that I completely understand _why_ you are bisexual… but I am saying that I understand that it may not be a choice, and I’m… again, trying. And…” Abby looked to Lexa suddenly. “Lexa came to talk to me yesterday, and when you texted me and told me that she’s your girlfriend… well, frankly, I was pretty happy to know that someone cares about you as much as she does. If she was a boy… well, yes that would be more conventional and… less confusing, but… I mean, she could be a lot worse is what I’m saying. And... really… all I should want for you is to be okay and happy.”

Lexa looked at Clarke curiously all of the sudden. “You told her?”

“Yeah, last night I texted her,” Clarke admitted with a slight blush. She’d forgotten that she hadn’t told Lexa that.

Lexa blushed. “Oh.”

Abby smiled carefully at the brunette. “I should apologize to you, as well,” Abby said to the brunette. “I wasn’t particularly kind to you, but you did crack into my shell a bit, and well… thank you for being there for my daughter, especially when I was too dumb to be.”

“Of course. Clarke is amazing, and I’m glad that you’re not going to let the gender of the person she loves get in the way of you being able to see that.”

Jake grinned. “I like this girl, Clarke, where’d you find her?”

Clarke swallowed thickly and then let out a nervous laugh. “Twitter?”

Abby’s jaw dropped suddenly. “Wait, you mean that you met this girl _online_? And you met up with her? Clarke! That’s incredibly dangerous and irresponsible!”

“ _Mom_ ,” Clarke groaned, “it was fine. I like, facetimed her and everything before I actually met her, so it wasn’t like I didn’t know for sure that she wasn’t some creepy old guy, okay? And I only met her in person during spring break because she happened to be in the same place. She lives in San Diego.”

Abby crossed her arms in frustration, but Clarke was honestly not particularly upset about her mom being mad. At least the older woman wasn’t mad about Lexa being a girl as much anymore.

Jake seemed fairly unfazed about the whole online situation, but he was surprised to hear that Lexa was from San Diego. “San Diego, huh?” he asked, and Abby gave him an incredulous look. “And you drove all the way up here?”

“Clarke’s had a rough week,” Lexa stated unnecessarily, “I wanted to come cheer her up… and well, uh, to talk to Mrs. Griffin as well.”

Jake nodded with approval. “She’s a keeper, Clarke.”

“I know,” Clarke said quietly, blushing as she looked to her girlfriend.

“Alright, I’ll let this slide for now, but you and I are going to have a serious discussion about meeting strangers online later, Clarke.”

The blonde rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say, mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this!!  
> The last chapter will be up on Sunday, and then a one shot will go up the following Sunday, at which point I will be in Italy. I am not sure whether my new story will be going up while I am out of the country, and the one shot will likely only go up because I will have it done ahead of time so that I can just hit a single button to post it. In the case that my new story is not ready to be posted the Sunday after the one shot goes up, that should be the only day I miss. After that, either the new story or another one shot will go up. I'll keep everyone updated as best as I can on Twitter!  
> Have a great weekend guys, I'll see you on Sunday!! xx


	26. My Lifeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue of sorts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my beautifuls!!  
> To begin: I know that this chapter, the final chapter, is shorter than all of the rest, but as the summary says, it's more of an epilogue, so I hope you all don't hate me for it. <3 Also, this would've been out earlier, but I was in Austin this morning for my nephew's birthday party and then we road tripped back and only got home about an hour ago.  
> I have some things to say about this story and the future, but I'll save that for the end of the chapter <3
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

Things had never been better for Clarke Griffin after that weekend.

School became the most of Clarke’s worries once again, but for the same reasons it had always been an issue. People were idiots, Clarke was quiet and unpopular, and thankfully, nobody talked about her anymore. In fact, gossip about gay people in general had calmed a lot. Miller was back to feeling safe on his football team, and was actually improving a lot now that he could spend more time practicing and less time hiding who he was. He and Clarke talked a lot at school, too, but people didn’t make a big deal of it.

The boy who had attacked Miller had also gotten in a ton of trouble once Miller finally gave in and told both his parents and his coach who it was. The kid got expelled from the school, and the football team was a much less toxic place for it.

So school was back to being normal school, and all that was really different was Clarke constantly trying to text in her classes. Most of her teachers didn’t care much as long as a test or a quiz wasn’t going on, but of course, Mr. Smith still had to take time every time he caught her to call her out. It was almost an inside joke between the two of them, though, because by now, Clarke was back to being a straight A student.

She only texted so much because she had to somehow compensate for the fact that she couldn’t see her girlfriend very often at all. They facetimed every day, sent each other dumb snapchats, texted constantly and even tweeted each other every now and then, but with finals and SATs going on, they didn’t get the chance to visit each other.

Of course Clarke definitely missed getting to see and talk to Lexa in person, as well as the cuddling and the general feeling of being close to the brunette, but there was of course a key part of their relationship that had to miss out while they were in different cities. And well, let’s just say that the two of them had gotten very creative and had maybe even mastered the art of phone sex by this point. Clarke never thought that would be something she would even want to do, but it was way better than masturbating, even though it wasn’t nearly as good as really having sex with her girlfriend.

But things weren’t just getting better for Clarke. Of course, Miller was doing a lot better, too, but Octavia was also reaching a nice high point in her life. She and Lincoln had made it official at the end of April, and Octavia had driven down to LA once or twice to see him. Her parents were pretty chill about it as long as it wasn’t a trip longer than a weekend at a time, and they also made her facetime them with Lincoln to prove that he was real and like, a good person. They’d approved of him fairly quickly. Beyond that, though, Octavia had been approached by multiple soccer recruiters from California schools up and down the coast, and as long as she continued doing as good as she was through her senior year, she was basically guaranteed some form of a scholarship to whichever one she chose. And well, for now it seemed like LA was her goal.

Raven was still single, which the Latina spent hours complaining about on Twitter, especially when Lexa and Clarke were having their facetiming dates as they called them. But the girl was of course, just as supportive as ever, and managed to score a near perfect score on her SAT and ACT. Clarke was pretty sure that Lexa’s best friend wasn’t even really upset about being single – she was in the perfect position to powerhouse through senior year and barrel into college – and everyone knew that there was plenty of dating material in college.

And then there was Lexa, and Lexa was also doing pretty freaking great. Her relationship with her mom was still pretty loose and rocky, but things were still better than ever. She’d actually decided to apologize to Sierra, even though she maybe didn’t need to, and clarified that no matter for what reason they broke up, there wasn’t an endgame for them because Lexa loved someone else. Sierra seemed to accept that, and she started coming to dance classes again. And Lexa kept teaching those dance classes. The studio was even thinking about giving Lexa her own class for the summer, twice a week, and Lexa was incredibly hopeful for that.

Things were good, and really, that’s all Clarke had ever wanted. To be herself and have things be  _ good _ . The only thing that could make it better would be to have Lexa at a closer distance to her than she was.

* * *

 

“You better be parked on the side of the road right now,” Octavia’s voice said through the Bluetooth in Clarke’s car as the blonde drove.

“You’re on Bluetooth, chill,” Clarke said, “plus I’m almost there, I’m not going stop now.”

“I can’t believe you convinced your mom to let you stay in San Diego for a  _ month _ ,” Octavia said incredulously. “Honestly, how did that woman go from the ‘oh my god having feelings for a girl is a sin and you’re so embarrassing’ to ‘sure you can go to San Diego for thirty days and chill with your girlfriend who’s mom is rarely ever home which means that you guys will obviously be fucking the whole time?’”

“Oh my god, O!” Clarke squeaked. “We are  _ not _ going to be doing that the whole time. And that’s not true, her mom is home  _ sometimes _ . Plus, Raven will be there so I’ll be hanging out with her too. And it’s not that crazy. You’re hanging out with Lincoln for the month.”

“Yeah, but he’s coming here because he’s graduated now. You’re barely even seventeen,” Octavia huffed. “Whatever. Anyway, I just can’t believe how different your mom is now. I’m glad that you get to have time with your girlfriend, though.”

“Me, too. Oh hey, I’m headed into downtown, so I’m going to let you go so that I can figure out how the heck to get through this city.”

Octavia laughed. “Alright, text me when you get there. And text you parents too, or your mom will kill you.”

“I will,” Clarke said with a chuckle, “bye, O!” Her best friend hung up the phone call, and Clarke smiled to herself.

It took about twenty minutes for Clarke to figure out how to get to Lexa’s house, and then when she finally got there, she was beyond ready to just have a night in with her girlfriend. She’d already spent a decent amount of time pleading with Raven via snapchat to let her have her first night in town with just Lexa, and the Latina had only agreed after Clarke agreed to buy her Chipotle the following day.

Clarke parked behind Lexa’s car in the brunette’s driveway, then climbing out of the car and grabbing her bags. Thirty days. That’s how long she had with her girlfriend, and that thought blew her mind.

She went to the front door and knocked somewhat timidly, and the door swung open after only a few seconds. “Hey, hey!” Lexa exclaimed excitedly.

Clarke immediately dropped her bags, practically jumping forward to envelope her girlfriend in a tight hug. “You are so lucky I love you, driving here was such a pain in the ass.”

“I am lucky that you love me,” Lexa agreed with a chuckle, “but you should remember that I have to drive through this city on a daily basis, and that I also had to drive through it to get to  _ your _ house.”

“I don’t care, I’m still going to complain,” Clarke said teasingly, pulling away from her girlfriend. “Oh my god, it’s so nice to have a reminder that you’re real.”

Lexa grinned. “You want a better reminder of how real I am?”

Five minutes later found them in Lexa’s bedroom, Clarke’s bags tossed hastily into the corner of the room and the two girls already tangled together atop Lexa’s bed. They spent nearly two hours trying to catch up on what they’d missed physically in the past month and a half, and the only reason that they didn’t go on even longer was that they found themselves physically exhausted and in desperate need of food.

So the two of them showered together, without any funny business, and then Lexa took Clarke out to dinner. Upon their return, they spend a couple more hours in between the sheets in Lexa’s bed, and Clarke couldn’t have asked for anything more on her first night back with her girlfriend.

By her second day in San Diego, while she and Raven and Lexa were hanging out at Chipotle, Clarke realized that for the first time, she didn’t really have to rush her time with Lexa. Sure, she only had thirty days, but at least she could savor each and every moment of it without feeling like it was going to be gone in an instant. Plus, it was possible that in August, when Lexa’s summer class that she was teaching ended and before school started, the brunette might be able to come up to Santa Barbara and visit again before the start of their senior year. And then it was only one year before they could figure out some better situation to be closer to each other.

It wasn’t that that time spent apart wouldn’t be hard just because the endgame would hopefully be fine, but Clarke was trying pretty hard to be an optimist, and Lexa was pretty good at that as well.

Either way, it was a nice feeling to have actual time to hang out with her girlfriend.

And it was pretty crazy how the year had progressed up to this point – how insanely Clarke had gone from being so alone in her own thoughts and feelings to having three amazing friends and the best girlfriend she ever could’ve asked for. It was pretty unbelievable, and Clarke knew that she so much to be thankful for. The journey had been rough, sure, with plenty of ups and downs. But overall, the ups had outbalanced those lows.

Plus, through it all, she’d always had Lexa there for her, and yeah, she was pretty damn grateful for the amazing girlfriend and, in a way, online lifeline that the brunette had been for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty loves, I really hope that the ending was satisfactory! Those of you who've been reading my stuff for a while might know that endings are always where I feel shakiest, so I tried really hard to wrap things up and leave it in a good spot... I hope I didn't disappoint!! You guys have been so supportive on this story, and I am so so appreciative of all of your reads and comments and kudos. Thank you all <3
> 
> A few important things...  
> 1\. For the next two weeks starting on Friday, I will be in Italy (and Greece for 3 days at the end)!! I'm super freaking hyped to go there!! However, I won't have internet access for much of the time, and I can't promise how much of anything will go up while I'm gone. I'm going to do my best to get a one shot out next Sunday, but after that, I make no promises for the next couple of weeks. I may be writing another one shot while I'm gone, but I make no promises.  
> 2\. To stay updated one what I'm writing and when, though, you can follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana and tweet or DM me anytime - I will always answer!!  
> Other than that, my loves, I wish you all a beautiful week and a great July (in case I don't see you guys for a while), and I can't wait to get back to writing for you all, you make it such a joy. Love you all!! xxxx

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana for tweets when I update, or if you just feel like talking to me, or like, you're curious what I'm up to on a day to day basis?! Thank you all so much for reading, and I hope you have a lovely day/night!! xx


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